Tell me an ancient joke!

One night, I was walking on the platform when I saw a woman floating over with long hair, and I couldn't help but look at her sideways. After approaching for a moment, the woman suddenly stopped and looked at me. Yu An said: ‘Aren’t I very handsome? ’ Dan Jianyi’s eyes widened and the corners of his mouth twitched. I sighed: ‘Am I too ugly? ’ But I saw Yi’s eyes opening wider and wider, and her mouth opening wider and wider. I'm terrified. I secretly thought that I am usually a gentleman and have never offended her, let alone not knowing her. I almost wanted to turn around and run away, but suddenly I heard Yi shouting: '...ah...sneeze! ’ Yi rubbed her nose and drifted away. I was already sweating profusely.

I am a commoner. I studied literature for the first time and failed in three years. I then studied martial arts and was given an arrow on the school field. , achieved success, wrote a good prescription, took it, and died. Then he went to the underworld and waited for the king of hell for a long time. He was impatient and asked. The ghost soldier said: The king read the files under his feet, laughed wildly, went into shock in the back hall, and did not wake up...

Famous Reading

Che Yinnang was studying, and Sun Kang was studying in Yingxue. One day, Kang went to pay homage to Yin, but he didn't meet him. When he asked where he was going, the doorman said, "I went out to catch fireflies." After that, Yin paid homage to Kang. When he saw Kang Xian standing in the court, he asked, "Why not?" Studying? "Kang said: "I

It doesn't look like it's snowing today." ——(Ming Dynasty) "Laughing Forest" compiled by Master Fubai

Selling Cake<. /p>

There was a man selling cakes. His voice was very hoarse. When someone asked him why, he said, "I'm hungry." He also asked, "Since I'm hungry, why don't I eat cakes?"

He said: " "It's rotten" (said in a low voice on both occasions) - (Ming Dynasty) "Laughing Forest" compiled by Master Fubai

Mi Neng Speaks

The wife of Li Ji, a native of Yan State. She is coquettish and debauched, and often has an affair with a young boy from her neighbor's house. After Li Ji heard about this, he came up with a way to catch the traitor.

One morning, Li Ji pretended to go far away, but he hid in the yard and took a closer look. He saw that the neighbor's boy quickly entered the inner room of Li Ji's house and then locked the door. Li Ji immediately jumped out and knocked on the door. The wife was very frightened and asked the boy indoors: "My husband is here, what should I do?" The boy was anxious and asked: "Is there a window?" The wife said: "There is no window." The boy asked again: "Is there a cave? The wife said: "There is no cave." The young man said helplessly: "How can I get out?" At this time, the wife saw a cloth bag next to the wall and secretly said, "It's better now." The young man hurriedly got out. He put the bag into the bag, asked her to tie the mouth of the bag and put it on the ground in front of the bed, and told her: "If your husband asks, just say it is rice."

After packing up, the wife quickly turned around and opened the door to let in. Ji comes in. Li Ji checked around the room but didn't find the adulterer, so he slowly came to the bed and saw that the bag was full and felt very heavy when he lifted it up. He asked his wife, "What is this?" The wife was flustered for a moment. He actually forgot the young man's instructions and hesitated for a long time without giving any explanation.

When Li Ji saw that his wife looked suspicious, he kept questioning her even more fiercely. The young man in the bag was afraid that the matter would be exposed, so he couldn't help but replied inside: "I am Miai." When Li Ji heard this, he caught the adulterer and the adulterous woman and beat them to death on the spot. Friendly reminder: Beware of cheating! ] ——Ming Dynasty Lu Zhuo's "Afterwords of Ai Zi"

The mouth is old

Once, Duke Xie was drunk. When he passed by the door of Lu Shenzheng's house, he vomited. land. The gatekeeper of the Lu family came over and cursed: "What kind of drunkard dared to spit in front of my house!" Duke Xie raised his drunken eyes, squinted at the gatekeeper with contempt and said, "Is this the gate of your house?" It's in the right place, but it's facing my mouth!" The gatekeeper thought the drunkard's words were interesting, so he retorted with a smile: "My door has been built for a long time, how could it be built to face your mouth today?" < /p>

Deng Gong pointed to his mouth and said: "My mouth is also old!" - "Ya Ban" by the owner of Fubaizhai in the Ming Dynasty

A fool eats wine

There was a man whose family was very poor, could not afford to drink, and was not good at drinking. However, he also loves to put on a false face. Every time he goes out, he eats two lees cakes, which makes him smell like he has just drank.

One day he met an old friend on the road. Seeing that he was a little drunk, the friend asked: "Have you just drank wine this morning?" Cake."

He returned home and told his wife about it.

His wife gave him an idea and said: "If anyone asks again in the future, you can just say that you had a drink, and you can also put on a pretense." He nodded in agreement.

When I met the friend the next day, he said he had eaten wine. The friend suspected that he was lying and asked, "Is it hot or cold?" He replied: "It's baked." When his friend heard this, he smiled and said, "You still eat bad cakes." After he returned home, he told his wife what he said again. She blamed him and said: "How can you say that you can bake wine and eat it?" "I'll say it's for hot drinks in the future," he said.

When he met the friend for the third time, he boasted to himself before the friend could say anything: "My wine today is hot." The friend asked: "How much did you eat?" He stretched out his hand. He pointed out two fingers and said: "Two." - "Laughing Forest" by the owner of Fubaizhai in the Ming Dynasty

There is a way to cheat rice

A man was very hungry on the road. I came to a house and wanted to cheat on a meal. He said to his master: "I can mend broken needle noses, but I have to eat some food first before I can work." The master was very happy, so he gave him food and found all the broken needle noses. After a person has finished eating, the host asks him to fill it up. The man said: "Bring the broken half of the needle nose as well." ——Ming Dynasty Pan Youlong's "Laughing Zen Record"

There is a way to stay overnight

A man is on his way out. , it was getting late, and he wanted to stay in a nearby temple for a night, but he was worried that the monk would not agree, so he stepped forward and said to the gatekeeper: "I have an item that will never be used in the world, and I want to give it to the temple." Upon hearing this, the monk not only readily agreed to let him in, but also treated him with great respect.

Early the next morning, the monk came to say hello and asked: "What is it that the donor said is inexhaustible in the world?" The man pointed to a bundle he placed in front of the Buddha statue. The man broke the bamboo curtain and said, "If we use it to make light sticks, we won't be able to use them up for generations to come." ——Pan Youlong of the Ming Dynasty, "Laughing Zen Record"

Using a net as a quilt

There is a pair The fisherman couple came from an extremely poor family and did not even have a quilt in the cold winter weather, so they had to use a fishing net as a quilt to keep out the cold. In the middle of the night, they put their fingers out of the net and felt extremely cold. The couple secretly rejoiced and said: "How could those without quilts survive such a cold winter night?" ——Ming Feng Menglong's "Laughter Mansion"

Three People in a Trance

< p>There are three people sleeping in the same bed. In the middle of the night, one person felt extremely itchy on his leg. In a daze, he scratched the second person's leg vigorously. However, he still felt that the pain and itching did not diminish at all, so he scratched harder until blood came from the scratch. The second person touched his leg with his hand and felt it was wet. He thought the third person had wet the bed, so he quickly pushed him up and urged him to get up and go outside to pee. The third man got up sleepily and stood outside to urinate. Next door was a wine shop, and the sound of wine being pressed was constant. He thought he had not finished urinating, so he stood there until dawn. ——Ming Dynasty Feng Menglong's "Laughing Mansion"

Fierce father and son

There are two fathers and sons, both of whom have strong temperaments and refuse to let anyone in at all. One day, his father had guests at home for a banquet and asked his son to go to the market in the city to buy some meat. When the son was about to leave the city gate with the meat he bought, a man happened to come across from him. Due to the narrow passage, the two refused to give way and neither wanted to lose face, so they stood there facing each other with their eyes open.

The father saw that his son had not come back for a long time, so he went out to look for him and saw his son standing in a stalemate with the man. The father suddenly became angry and said to his son: "You take the meat home first and eat with the guests, and I will stay here to fight against him." - "Guangxiao Mansion" by Feng Menglong of the Ming Dynasty

When Confucius traveled east, he met a young woman. He wanted to have sex with her, but she refused. He took her captive in the forest, took off her clothes and trousers, took out the contents of her bag, and raped her into a place where her soul was lost.

After the matter was finished, the woman said: "Beast behavior!"

Confucius said: A woman’s view.

Thank you!