Psychology of Love: How to learn to do what you want, and where is the bottom line?

Whether it is a new friend or a secret crush, we can't completely control whether the other party will like us, but we can actively influence the other party's decision and increase the chances of liking us.

We can cultivate attractive characteristics, learn to love ourselves, be ourselves, and love ourselves, so as to gain each other's love and favor.

Of these three points, being yourself and loving yourself are the bottom line. If we don't like ourselves, why does the other person like us?

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Four attractive qualities

The first attractive trait is good personal hygiene habits.

This is the most basic, but it is also particularly easy to be ignored, but a little carelessness can be quite fatal.

A few days without bathing or changing clothes, greasy hair and body odor will make people stay away from it and look down on it.

Before going out every day, make sure that you have bathed within 24 hours, your hair is not oily, your toothbrush is worn, and your clothes are clean and tasteless. If necessary, you can chew gum and spray perfume.

If we look and smell the best, we will feel more confident, comfortable and feel good about ourselves.

Take a bath and wash your hair frequently.

The second attractive trait is the improvement of manners and body movements.

As the saying goes, "sit in a sitting position, stand in a standing position" and "sit like a clock, stand like a pine, and walk like the wind" is the truth.

Manners and body movements show the inner spirit of our whole person. We don't have to say or do anything. As long as the other person glances at our standing or sitting posture, he can immediately judge whether we are obscene, aboveboard, educated or other.

If you don't pay attention before, you have developed ugly behaviors such as hunchback, shrugging your shoulders and holding your chest. From now on, always remind yourself: keep your back straight, open your shoulders and lift your chin slightly …

In addition, it is also important to make eye contact with each other generously and not to dodge when communicating and talking. When I was young, I was not very confident. When communicating with a new friend, I dare not look into each other's eyes. It was not until later that the other party told the truth. "In the beginning, I didn't take you seriously. I thought you were not confident enough and too introverted. Your eyes have been dodging when you talk to me. "

Always remind yourself to keep elegant manners.

The third attractive trait is to remember each other's names and some details.

When greeting, the weight of "Hello" and "Hello XX" is completely different. Remembering each other's names and calling them out in appropriate occasions will make them feel warm and cared for, which in turn will be more cordial and friendly to us.

For another example, the last time we met, the other party said that he was preparing for the exam and was very busy. Then the next time we meet, we can say, "Last time you prepared for the exam so carefully, you must have done well." . When this sentence comes out, it can definitely bring the distance between two people closer in an instant.

If we have each other's social accounts such as Weibo and friends circle, we can also dynamically find the point of contact according to each other's posts. For example, during this time, the other person is raising a cat. We can say "Your cat is really cute" and then ask the other person to tell some interesting stories about raising a cat.

Your name

The fourth attractive trait is to respect each other's boundaries and private space.

If the relationship between two people has not progressed to a certain extent, blindly approaching or even trying to make physical contact will make the other person feel uncomfortable.

Besides keeping a certain spatial distance, we should also pay attention to psychological distance. For example, don't ask vulgar jokes and too personal questions, which will cause discomfort and resistance to each other and think that we are people who don't know how to measure.

There are also words like "I don't know when it's inappropriate" and "I'm just like this. I'm outspoken, so don't take it amiss", because these words just make excuses for our future mistakes in advance, and the other party hates it.

Private space

Learn to do what you want.

To do what you like is to let the other person tell more about his stories, experiences and hobbies. We can throw some open-ended questions, such as "what kind of music do you like" and "what did you think at that time" …

Put yourself in the other person's shoes and guess what the other person needs most at the moment, then we can make some intimate moves appropriately to win the other person's good opinion. For example, if the other party misses a class on leave, we can take the initiative to lend our class notes; If the other person has a cold, we can take out a porridge and a bowl of chicken soup. The icing on the cake is really gratifying, but it is more valuable to send charcoal in the snow.

Take out a bowl of chicken soup and send it there.

Being a listener can also cater to his preferences. When listening, please face each other, keep eye contact, lean forward, nod your head from time to time to show your approval, and remember not to interrupt at will. If the other person stops talking, we should respond in time to show that we are listening carefully and haven't missed any details.

Giving what we like doesn't mean we have to pay unilaterally. Many times, asking for help from the other party is also a disguised compliment. For example, we can say, "I remember you were proficient in computers. Can you help me look at my computer? I have been running very slowly recently, and I don't know what to do? " The other party feels that they are needed, and only the strong have the capital and ability to help. In addition, once the other party has helped us, there will be a bond between the two, and then the other party will pay more attention to us consciously or unconsciously.

Seek each other's help

Being yourself and loving yourself is the bottom line.

We can properly expose some small defects and quirks. For example, if you don't eat chickens and ducks, you will vomit when you smell coriander, and you like to eat peanut butter bibimbap ... It is not advisable to suppress yourself in order to please each other. Proper exposure seems to be more accessible. In particular, I quietly told each other about my embarrassing childhood, and added, "I didn't tell anyone about this, only you know." Once you have a little secret, it will be more tacit.

When the other person asks you, "This is my favorite movie. Do you like it?" If you really don't like it, you still have to answer honestly. Otherwise, we will put ourselves in a dilemma by saying "What a coincidence, this is also my favorite movie" in order to force us to have the same language with each other. From now on, we will be invited to see movies with similar themes, but obviously we don't want to see them and pretend to like them. If we finally find out the truth, the other party will blame us for cheating all the time.

Be invited to watch movies you don't like.

To be yourself and love yourself is to make your words and deeds conform to your values. The reason for breaking up is that Dachuan's values are irrelevant. If you hide your values from the beginning and cater to each other's values, then even if you are together, the process of getting along will be more difficult.

So be true to yourself. Although we will miss many people, those who share our values will also be attracted to us.

Love yourself

To make others like us, we can start from three aspects: cultivating attractive characteristics, learning to do what we like, being ourselves and loving ourselves.

Each of us is unique. While attracting others' attention, remember not to lose your true self and suppress your own nature. Because that kind of love and happiness is too shallow to last long.