Humor between lovers, teasing jokes, text messages

1, Xiaoming asked his grandmother to sing to put him to sleep. Grandma sang that two tigers ran very fast. . . Shi Xiaoming said: I want to listen to two butterflies! Grandma sang discontentedly: two butterflies and two butterflies run fast. . .

2. A girl chased a boy and stopped him one day and asked, "Do you like me or not?" The boy said, "Guess?" The girl boldly replied, "I guess you like me!" " "The boy said," Guess again! "

3. Humorous quotations: A woman said goodbye and never saw it again; My girlfriend said I was too young for her, and MD never understood that I was obviously older than her. It is this useless man who gives me the energy to be a bitch.

4. Gender Quotations: If a woman marries the wrong husband, her life will be ruined. If a man marries the wrong wife, three generations will be over. People's looks are divided into two categories: one is natural beauty, and the other is natural inspiration. Dishonesty is a trivial matter, but unemployment is a major matter.

The three white rabbits agreed to wash the dishes when eating. So everyone ate slowly. For a long time, both rabbits had almost eaten. When they found that the other one was still full, they asked. I saw its leisurely reply: I vomited while eating.

6. A person took a photo and asked people everywhere if they knew the person in the photo. Others said no. Only I can recognize the person in the photo. Do you know why? Because of me. . . Have an eye for "pearls"

7. I have known you for a long time. I have something to tell you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you can think about it. First, you are kind and kind-hearted. Second, you are talented and self-motivated; Third, what I just said is antonym.

8. Once upon a time, there was a mountain called Zhenni Mountain. There is a temple in the mountains called Jenny Tseng Temple. There is a monk in the temple. His name is Monk Jenny Tseng. The monk has a sword called. . . Neon sword, read it three times in a row, the world is invincible!

9. I am a great person, so all the information I send is great information. I want to send you a great message, and I hope you can have great happiness. Do you feel really great?

10, someone digressed, and the talk lasted for two hours. At last he realized: Sorry, I forgot to wear my watch. A voice from the back seat said, there is a calendar behind you.

1 1, like a hunting dog without a girlfriend-a keen sense of smell; Be like a pug when you are in love-be thick-skinned enough; Like a married German shepherd-finally shed that hypocritical skin. When you don't have a girlfriend … be a good citizen; When you have a girlfriend ... get a bail pending trial; When engaged … temporarily live; After marriage ... life imprisonment.

12. Promotion of paid toilets: Go to the toilet five times a day and get a pack of napkins for free.

13, a zoo worker died, and the tombstone reads: "The bear came out and didn't pay attention."

14, the flatter the chest, the closer to the heart.

15, the so-called "pointing to the belly for marriage" means ... pointing to the girlfriend's belly and saying to her parents, "Dad, Mom, we are getting married ..."

16, it turns out that the protagonist in the animation sits in the last row by the window because the protagonist in the last row by the window has the least workload when painting close-ups ... the production company saves money ... the so-called "seat of God" of the protagonist.

17, I saw on the internet yesterday that your model of mobile phone radiated a lot, which scared me! I was just about to inform you that I was relieved to see that people with IQ below 20 were useless. Don't worry, keep using it!

18, Dear Customer: As you send and receive yellow messages at will, your mobile phone will start the self-destruction program ten seconds after receiving this message. Please throw your mobile phone ten meters away, so as not to hurt innocent people!

19, the drunk went into a shop to buy a vase and saw an inverted cup on the counter. He picked it up, looked at it and said, why doesn't this vase have a mouth? Turn the cup upside down and say, how come there is no bottom!

The criminal was hanged and asked to put the noose around his waist, not around his neck. He said: My neck is ticklish. If I put a lasso around my neck, I will laugh to death.

2 1, the last completely correct weather forecast, maybe God told Noah that the probability of rainstorm was 100%. Four reasons for being in a bad mood recently: the stock is falling every day, the football lottery has not won several issues, the position is not high for several years, and the beautiful girlfriend has run away!

22. Grandpa chatted with his five-year-old grandson and said that when I was your age, there was no TV at all. Grandson asked: What does your mother forbid you to watch when you are naughty? The football player's wife said, I hate it when my husband asks me to eat leftovers and play overtime.

23. Football fans: "For football, you have to struggle like a lover. It would be great if a pair of feet could stick to a football like candy. "

The presidential candidate told his opponent in the debate that there are thousands of ways to make money, but only one is honest. "What kind?" "The kind you don't know."

25. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? Nobody answered ... Teacher: Nobody knows? At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said: That's because it's calm and naturally cold ...

26. Zi: What is honesty? Father: Honesty means giving goods to customers today, knowing that they will go bankrupt tomorrow. Zi: What is wisdom? Father: Don't do such a stupid thing!

27. Son: Mom! There are often men and women opposite each other in movies. What is this? Mother: Maybe the man is dying, so I want to let the woman catch her breath. Or the woman is dying, and the man takes the gas for her.

28. Chasing thieves means that you have recovered your losses; Catching up with your girlfriend means that your loss has just begun! On a whim, Zhuangzi wanted to close a book with others, and Sun Wu readily cooperated. Thus, there is another knowledge in the world: Zhuang (pretending to be a grandson)!

29. Brick factory director: Is this a pastry factory? Pastry Director: Yes, what is it? Director of brick and tile factory: We should learn from the experience. How did you make the cake so hard?

30, I wish you a high position and light responsibility, more money and less work, stay close to home, sleep until you wake up naturally every day, and your salary will cramp. If others work overtime, you will get a raise! I hope: I have no small peas on my face and no streaky pork on my body. 20 this year, next year 18, will always be "safflower".

3 1. The attending doctor said to the intern: You are not allowed to bring fruit in the future. The intern asked doubtfully: Why? The attending doctor said: I just accidentally implanted a litchi into the patient's eye.

Examiner: If Shakespeare were still alive, would he be a great man? Student: Yes, he will. In any case, no one in the world lives over 400 years old.

33. Examiner: What should I do when I meet the green light? Candidate: Drive there. Examiner: What should I do if I meet a red light? Candidate: Stop. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Candidate: Fight him!

34. The housewife asked the maid to cook the duck. The maid didn't drain the water, so the pot burst and the duck burned. The housewife asked her why she didn't put the water away. She replied that ducks would swim away when they got the water.

35. The rooster chased the hen and sang by her neck. The hen was moved when she saw one of the cocks bow his head and say nothing. Wedding night, hen: You are so cool. Why didn't you scream? Rooster: I drank too much that day ... I was afraid of vomiting.

Finishing: zhl20 16 10