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Urgent for funny jokes and brain teasers.

1. Gastrointestinal diseases

An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach.

The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular?"

"It's very regular. I defecate at eight o'clock every morning on time."

"What's your problem?"

"The problem is that I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning."

Doctor: "..."

2. You need a beating.

After sitting down, the master asked him if he wanted to wash his hair. He hesitated, agreed, and chose shampoo. The master carefully washed his head twice. When he returned to his seat, the master wiped his head and asked, "What are you going to do?" This guy looked at the mirror for a long time and said, "I want to shave my head ..."

3. Before marriage:

He: Long live, finally! I can't wait!

she: may I leave?

he: no! Don't even think about it!

she: do you love me?

he: of course!

she: will you betray me?

he: no, why do you think that?

she: will you kiss me?

he: yes!

she: will you hit me?

he: no matter what!

she: can I trust you?

read from bottom to top after marriage!

4. That's the smell

Once upon a time, there was an old man who liked to drink the soup cooked for him by his wife. As long as he didn't drink it for a day, he would feel sick all over. Later, his wife died, so he couldn't drink that soup, so he was very sad, so he began to ask his wife to cook it.

But no matter how well his wife cooks it, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the taste. You can cook such a terrible soup! "At first, my daughter-in-law always submitted to humiliation, but as the days passed, she still couldn't cook it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she didn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly she found a rusty pesticide in the corner.

She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! "

5. Psychiatric test

A reporter interviewed the director of a mental hospital: "What methods do you use to determine whether the patient has fully recovered?" The dean said, "Let's give him a test. Fill a bathtub with water, and put a spoon and a big bowl next to it to let them drain the water out of the bathtub." The reporter disagreed: "Of course, it is a big bowl!" The dean looked at him and said slowly, "Normal people pull out the plug ..."

6. Devil's wish

Devil: God, I want to have wings as white as angels in my next life!

god: yes!

devil: but I also want to continue to suck blood!

God (smiles): Yes! ! !

So God granted the devil's request and turned him into a sanitary towel.