Let go of anxiety, your ordinary child can also shine

Bangbang Bear Column

Let go of your anxiety, your ordinary children can also shine

Recently, Ding Yanqing, an associate professor at Peking University, complained in a short video that his husband and wife Everyone is an "academic master" who graduated from Peking University, but his daughter's grades are not satisfactory.

The words are full of helplessness towards the daughter who is a "scumbag".

Underneath this short video, there is a highly praised comment like this: "No matter whether they are excellent or not, Chinese parents cannot accept that their children are not excellent."

Via On the screen, we can all feel the depression in this netizen's heart, and this emotion comes from the anxiety of his parents. This kind of anxiety makes parents demand that their children strive for excellence in everything, as if their children are hopeless if they are just ordinary people.

But parents don’t know that anxiety is useless. A child's current performance does not represent his future life. Even if he cannot become an outstanding person, he can still shine in an ordinary life.

01

Allow children to be ordinary people

In the hit drama "Little Joy", Fang Yifan, who is in the third year of high school, has poor test scores OK, it is very likely that you will be forced to stay in class and repeat the grade.

The mother played by Hai Qing was furious after learning the news. She and her husband were both top students, but they gave birth to a scumbag who did not seek to improve. So while driving, I lectured my son:

"Don't call me mom, I'm not your mother.

Why should I give birth to you? When I'm full, I won't It’s your fault.

She was not good at studying and was very good at fighting.

In her senior year of high school, my mother scored 93 in Physics, 92 in Mathematics, and 91 in Chemistry. Except for her poor English, she was excellent at everything else. .

Why don’t you follow your mother at all?”

The way she scolded her son was exactly like the anxious mothers in life.

Indeed, as a parent, who doesn’t hope that his son will become a dragon and his daughter will be a phoenix?

However, there are not so many geniuses in this world, and genius children may also be ordinary people. Only by understanding this can we treat our children with a normal heart.

In the book "I'm Glad My Son Holds Me and Cries", the famous writer Wu Nianzhen wrote a short story about his son.

One day when I came home, my wife was scolding the child, because the child, who usually had good grades, only scored 70 or 80 points on the math test.

Wu Nianzhen pulled his wife to the kitchen and asked in a low voice: Were you good at math when you were in school?

The wife replied: It sucks!

Wu Nianzhen said to his wife seriously: Mine was also very bad, and I only got 10 points in the college entrance examination. If we can't do something ourselves, we shouldn't make things difficult for our children. "

Yes, why should you confidently ask your children to do something you can't do?

In fact, the so-called "student tyrants" and "scumbags" cannot Defining a child's entire life can only explain the child's learning level under the current education system.

In addition to good grades, there are many good things to look forward to in life.

In these years, as long as the child is healthy, happy, and upright, then it doesn't matter if he is a kind-hearted ordinary person.

Only when you accept the fact that your child is an ordinary person and reconcile with yourself and your child can your life become happy and calm.

02

No matter how ordinary a child is, there are still bright spots

The picture book "Ella the Elephant: First Time on Stage" tells such a story.

Elephant Island Primary School is going to hold a personal talent show. Some of the friends can do magic, some can dance ballet... but Ella, the little elephant, seems to know nothing.

She could never find the rhythm when playing the drums, she was hit by a coconut while practicing acrobatics, and she even scared the customers in the store when she sang...

However, Ella was not discouraged, she still worked hard Involved in it, she helped draw the signboard for the talent show, strung the medals with beautiful ribbons, and kept statistics on the students' talent shows. At the same time, she did not forget to encourage every performing student and act as their audience seriously. On the night of the show, she brought chocolate cupcakes and lemonade that she made to all her friends.

After the talent show, Ella became everyone's favorite child.

Although she has no talent, she is not jealous or disappointed. She is willing to applaud everyone and solve problems for everyone. What an excellent quality this is.

Although she has no talent, her high emotional intelligence and gained experience will become her valuable life assets.

After this experience, we all believe that Ella’s future life will shine because of this process.

There is a Turkish proverb: God prepares a low branch for every stupid bird.

Each bird flies at a different height, but each bird has its own sky.

Our children may not be able to reach the height expected by their parents, but they can work hard to find the branch of their own.

Let children continue to progress, grow, and transcend in their own time and space. Although they are ordinary, they are not mediocre. Isn't this kind of life also a kind of happiness?

03

With correct guidance, ordinary children can also shine

There is a sentence in "Warring States Policy: Touching the Dragon on the Empress Dowager Zhao": "The love of parents Son, the plan is far-reaching."

This means that if parents love and care for their children, they should make long-term considerations for their children instead of focusing only on immediate gains and losses.

Parents who worry about their children falling behind, driven by anxiety, always expect their children to be better than others. But they forget that with the right guidance, ordinary children can shine.

Parenting expert Li Meijin once shared the story of her daughter.

Because her daughter’s math scores were so poor, the teacher told Li Meijin bluntly: Your child will definitely not be able to get into a good university.

But after hearing this, Li Meijin was not as anxious about her child's future as other parents were. She believes that not all children are suitable for going to good universities and doing research, and children who study music and art will still have a good future.

So Li Meijin encouraged and guided her daughter to work hard in the direction of music, singing and dancing that she liked. In the end, the child became a college music teacher, fulfilling her dream.

Although her daughter’s career is ordinary, she loves her career from the bottom of her heart. Although music teachers do not have the high income of professional elites, they have happy winter and summer vacations. More and more children are growing up healthily and happily under her influence, and her daughter is particularly satisfied with her life.

Such a life is another kind of perfection.

Parents who only value their grades will unknowingly damage their children's fragile self-esteem and make them feel that their parents only care about their scores and nothing else matters. If they do not do well in the exam, they will Feeling like shit, stupid, not good enough.

In addition to grades, there are many paths to choose from.

Guo Qilin, who has become famous recently, suddenly wanted to drop out of school after the second grade of junior high school to learn cross talk. His father Guo Degang did not want his son to take this path because he knew very well the hardships of learning cross talk.

But after careful consideration, Guo Degang still agreed to his son dropping out of school. He only insisted on one point: he could choose his own path, but he must continue to study after dropping out.

Talking about why he agreed, Lao Guo said: "I am me, he is him, he has his own path to walk, and he walks on his own."

We Understand that every child is an individual and they have the ability to choose their own path. Even if this road is not the Avenue of Stars, but a country road, there will still be different scenery along the road.

We must believe that even if the child cannot "become famous and start a family", he is just an ordinary person like thousands of people, and he is still the most beautiful star in his world.

04

Written at the end

Our children may be ordinary people throughout their lives. However, being ordinary does not mean being mediocre. Among many ordinary things, ordinary people can also do extraordinary things.

We need to guide and discover the shining points of children, so that each child can become a unique and distinctive being.

I really like the line in "Hello, Li Huanying": My daughter, I just want her to be healthy and happy.

On the road to growth, parents only need to be co-pilots and point out the direction for their children. They have their own rules for how to walk. Acknowledge the children's ordinaryness and give them more love, and the children will grow into their own unique selves.

Every child has his own flowering period. The most important thing for children is not to surpass others, but to find their true self. If our children are healthy, happy, kind, and can do what they like, then why not be ordinary?

About the author: Meimei, loves reading and sharing. The meaning of hard work is that looking to the future, your life will be filled with people and things you like.