Girlfriend jokes

1. In spring, rain and wind often wake up the leeks and onions in the vegetable garden. It makes me cry, and I am so frightened that I can only dream. I lazily drank two bottles of wine from Shatou and enjoyed the spring scenery with green onions. I hate that I am poor because of inflation.

2. The mouse said to the cat: I love you! The cat said: Go away! The mouse ran away in tears. No one saw the cat shed a tear after the mouse left. In fact, there is a kind of love called giving up!

3. The little girl is eighteen years old. She is not selling melons, but boasting about herself. She is indeed as beautiful as a flower and has a great figure. She is like a fish sinking and a wild goose falling, and Xi Shi picks flowers. She is always worried and just wants to have a good family!

4. The mind should be emancipated, the dress should be fashionable; the life should be harmonious, and the work should be comfortable; the husband should be powerful, and the children should be beautiful; when going out, be reserved, and when coming home, be high-spirited.

5. The sound of snoring, thunder and insects is as loud as ears; be happy and care about everything big and small; be calm and peaceful, and be happy every day; be happy every day, sunny or rainy!

6. An ant marries a centipede as his wife, but others ask how the wedding night was? Ant: So exhausted! Last night, I spread my legs, but there was nothing there; I spread my legs again, and there was nothing there! I moved my legs all night!

7. A woman urinated outside the car window and peed on someone’s head. Pedestrians shouted "Scarface, you can't run away"! Women are busy putting on pants. The passerby shouted again, "I'll recognize you even if you put on a mask."

8. The ant is lying lazily in the soil with one leg stretched out. Your friend asks you what you are doing? Ant: The elephant will come later, trip him up.

9. Confucius said: Fight with bricks, shine in the face, don’t mess with it; don’t worry about it anymore, just go to death; if you die, just pull it down, don’t worry about it anymore; the immortal is a hero also!

10. Different time, different place, different people, only you and me are the same; time is changing, space is changing, but the only thing that remains unchanged is my infinite longing for you!

11. The businessman complained to the lawyer: My son made the maid pregnant. Lawyer: Isn’t your young master only five years old? Businessman: This little bastard has nothing to play with and poked several holes in my condom with a needle.

12. A cynical student wrote a famous quote on the blackboard of the philosophy department: God is dead - Nietzsche. Not long after, someone followed: Nietzsche is dead - God.

13. Love at first sight, infatuation again. Work hard all day long to win your heart. It's painstaking and exciting. Don't you understand my heart?

14. A leader’s speech: Children are the flowers of the motherland and the saplings that grow. But what will be the consequences in the future if people continue to be reincarnated? Someone in the audience answered: greening the motherland.

15. Dad: Son, you are four years old, and I want to send you to kindergarten for full day care. Son: No. Dad: Why? Son: I'm shy, and if I take off all my clothes, I'll catch a cold easily.

16. Let me tell you a secret. Please look behind you first, then to the left, then to the right. Okay, okay, please don’t look around with your phone!

17. Study hard and make progress every day. Within three years, the key to not getting married is because of how bad you look. But apart from being ugly, you have no other strong points!

18. A: I didn’t sleep well last night! B: Why? A: I killed a mosquito! But who knew that a large group of mosquitoes would come to hold a memorial service for it, and then they would even have a dinner together!

19. Dear husband, remember: if your husband doesn’t send flowers to his wife on Valentine’s Day after marriage, she will put a handful of green vegetables in the vase at home.

20. Today’s society is too complicated. I have asked Ping An to be your bodyguard, health to be your shield, good luck to be your assistant, happiness to be your partner, success to be your backup, and success to be your vanguard. You can go ahead with peace of mind. Bar!