What are the jokes or stories that make people in a bad mood happy?

1, "Happiness" means that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman beats monsters. "Generation gap" means that I asked my dad what he thought of "Chrysanthemum Watch", and he said that he had never drunk it. "Narcissism" means that he must be reborn as a woman in his next life and then marry a man like me. "Silent" means that the judge asked: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money. "Despair" means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world? ! "Eat the second" shit! Yes! Blessing in advance: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! During the earthquake, four old ladies were playing mahjong in a tall building in Chengdu. One of them said, "Why do I feel the building shaking? "Another old lady got up and looked out of the window:" Nothing, nothing, play cards quickly, the other buildings are shaking! "Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke? Boy a: no teacher: no? Well, French fries, please. A naturally held out two fingers and took them ... Teacher: No? ! Call your parents [Scene 2] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy b: no teacher: no? Well, have a potato chip. B: Because she heard of A, she carefully held potato chips in her palm. Teacher: Aren't you going to dip in ketchup? B accidentally dipped too much, and immediately played it with his fingers ... Teacher: The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Call your parents ... [Scene 3] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy C: Don't smoke Teacher: No, all right, French fries. C because of the first two examples, I ate French fries carefully and sweated. Teacher: won't you bring a root back to my classmate? C took the French fries and put them in his ear … Teacher: No smoking? Call your parents ... [Scene 4] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy D: Don't smoke Teacher: Yes, I'll have French fries. Eating French fries in fear. Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates? D carefully put the chips back in his pocket. The teacher suddenly shouted: The headmaster is coming! D hurriedly took out his French fries from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stepping on them with his feet ... Teacher: No smoking? ! Call your parents ... [Scene 5] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy E: No, Teacher: Fine. Have a potato chip. E just took potato chips, and the teacher said, won't you invite me to dinner? E quickly pass the French fries with both hands, and then take out the lighter ... Teacher: No smoking? ! Call your parents ... [Scene 6] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy F: No smoking Teacher: Yes, I'll have French fries. I ate it in fear. Teacher: Suddenly he shouted: The headmaster is coming! F sweaty palms, but still calmly bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster! Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth. F takes out the French fries: No, they are still there. The fire hasn't been lit yet ... [Scene 7] Teacher: Do you smoke or not? Boy G: I swear to God, absolutely not. Teacher: Really not? Ok, let's have a French fries. G naturally brought the French fries and ate them clean. Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like? G (smug): Big … [Scene 8] Teacher: French fries, please. Boy n: no thanks! Someone was riding a bicycle and heard a passerby shout: Go, Go, Go … I thought, Damn it, I can sing: Oh, music, music, music … I plunged into the ditch without saying anything. Passers-by scolded: Shit! Let me tell you something, Gou Gou, do you still ride horses? ! You deserve to fall to death! My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said: when you grow up, you marry a daughter-in-law and sleep with your mother? A: Yes. Mom said, what about your wife? The son said, let her sleep with her father. After hearing this, Dad said excitedly, The child has been sensible since childhood. A mother took a taxi to pick up her daughter from junior high school. When they passed a road, they saw a group of coquettish girls standing on the side of the road "doing business". The teenage daughter asked curiously, Mom, what are those women doing standing on the side of the road? In order not to affect her daughter's innocent mind, her mother replied: Those women are waiting for the taxi driver whose husband is talkative, but they are whispering: It's so funny. Everyone knows that those women are prostitutes. Mom gave the driver a bad look and then asked her, Mom, will J-girl have a baby? Mom said coldly, of course, otherwise who will drive a taxi! A brother is constipated and can't walk in the toilet for a long time. Just as he was going all out, he watched a buddy rush into the toilet like the wind and enter the next position. No sooner had I entered than there was a real storm. The brother said enviously to his buddy: I envy you, and the buddy said: I don't envy you, my pants haven't been taken off yet ~ ~ Once I played mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After a long time, another man said, "I can't open it." A brother who blew out the candles went to the toilet. He ended up in the ladies' room by mistake. After entering, he found that there was no urinal. It doesn't feel right Fortunately, there is no one in the ladies' room. He walked out casually. When I opened the door, I met a mm who came in. Had a face-to-face encounter with him. He blushed and hung his head. He turned and went to the men's room all day. There are too many people on the bus, which is extremely hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted This is a worse environment. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it It happened that the conductor was asking, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket!" " A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. Publicly soliciting names from off-campus students, many people's slogans coincide-reading is a bird's best! Bicycles in school are lost seriously, and the new ones disappear in the blink of an eye, but sometimes with luck, the lost bicycles will reappear every few days. One day, my roommate Xiao Jing bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone and said, "I locked this car with the latest lock!" " The next day, Xiao Jing came back from self-study at night and looked depressed. He still holds a piece of paper in his hand, which reads: Don't be the owner here, I borrowed the car, and I'll pay you back in a few days! A few days later, the thief really returned the car. Xiao Jing is very happy, but she is worried that the car will be "borrowed" again. He bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and put a note on the thief: See how you "borrow"! When Xiao Jing went downstairs the next morning, she found five more locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: See how you ride! There are three little tadpoles. They went to a restaurant for dinner ... After a while, the first course was fried frogs ... Three tadpoles sang in unison: I don't want to grow up ... One day, Cao Cao arrested Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them: each of you should go to the orchard and choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei took out an apple. Cao Cao said, if they can put the fruit in their ass, let them go. Zhang Fei tried for a while without success and was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes and Cao Cao said the same thing to him. Guan Yu started stuffing things ... when he stuffed the third one, Guan Yu suddenly smiled, and as a result, he smashed the grapes and was killed. After going to the underworld, the prince asked Guan Yu, "You are so stupid, why are you laughing?" "If you don't laugh, you won't die," Guan Yu said with a sigh. I don't want to! Jealous beauty! When I stuffed the third one, I suddenly saw Brother Liu coming out with a durian ... "Yesterday I went to eat KFC. The people behind me looked like a couple. They ordered a lot of dishes and then sat next to me. After sitting down, the girls began to eat hard, as if they were hungry for several days, while the boys chewed French fries one by one, as if suddenly something was on their mind. The boy put down the chips, leaned down and asked seriously, "Qingqing, can I chase you?" "The girl didn't look up, just said," No! " The boy asked again, "Is it completely impossible?" The girl simply said, "Not at all!" The boy froze, looked at her and stayed there ... At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other, thinking that the boy was watching her, so she stopped eating, and then looked at the boy with a bad eye and whispered, "Hmm ... can I still eat?" Everyone around me, including me, laughed out loud. The boy said helplessly, "Eat, eat ..." This MM is so cute ... If I don't let go, I must chase it! ! ! ! School has always been restless. I taught myself for the first time when I was a freshman. I was depressed when I was sitting in the classroom. I immediately ran to the aisle to smoke and just lit a cigarette. After a while, a girl from PL came over and asked me, "Now I am studying by myself! How did you get out? " I said, stuffy smoke, um where are you from? How did you get out? PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that! At that time, I was so excited to say, just the two of us? What, are you depressed? She said: well, we ran out of the self-study class as a freshman. I came out to see him and smiled occasionally. Looks like someone still can't sit still. What do you want from him? You're not his mother! MM: I can't help it I am his director! I was cheated at that time … A minute later, I choked out a sentence: Teacher, you look so young … After Phelps won the gold medal, how did countries compete in breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly and freestyle? 100, 00, 00 and 100 lead to too many gold medals, all of which require to increase the number of gold medals in their own advantageous events. Football can be divided into three categories: human, human and 1 1. Table tennis should be divided into straight, horizontal, straight doubles, straight singles and mixed doubles on the beach, indoors and on the grass. It should be divided into black horse equestrian, white horse equestrian, red horse equestrian, brown horse equestrian, real horse equestrian and zebra equestrian. Kenya proposed that the long-distance running should be divided into10000m,11000m and 65438m. P, p, p, p should be added to all mixed sports. . Group p. 00p In addition to men's and women's events, all athletes who should add a shemale group and a gold medal should also give a gold medal to South Korea, because these athletes who won the gold medal are all Korean, or their ancestors are Korean.