Don't make a hullabaloo about, don't take three steps.

When we tell our children about unconditional love, we must first stop yelling, but some parents say that I just can't help yelling. I couldn't help touching my chest and putting it on from the back of my head. What should I do?

There are too many parents who like to shout. You are just one of millions of parents, and a large number of parents will yell. Shouting is also effective in some ways, such as children crossing the street without looking at the car.

At this time, yelling at you will probably save his life, make him smart and remember this very dangerous thing.

Why do we make a hullabaloo about when we are angry?

First, the pressure is too great. When I came home from work on the last day, I saw that my family was messed up by the children and I had to clean up. You don't have much energy after a hard day. Cooking, cleaning the room, and helping children with their homework all consume a lot of energy, and it is easy to get angry when energy is insufficient.

The solution is to be kind to yourself, reduce stress and take time to make some relaxing arrangements.

The second person will easily associate it with a series of things through a small matter. For example, if a child doesn't do his homework well, you say that he doesn't do his homework well, he can't get high marks, he can't go to a good university, he can't find a good job, and he can't live a good life without a good job. Think of a child's life from an incident of not doing his homework well. The more you think about it, the more angry you get, which goes against your original intention.

The solution is to give yourself more positive responses. Worry is a curse. A good thought can determine a child's life. It's not that serious. Let him correct it. Children keep making mistakes and growing up.

The third trigger effect is that when you were a child, you were scolded or beaten by your parents for this matter. Although you said I don't remember, I don't hate my parents. These are all in your subconscious, and your subconscious will put them up inexplicably, and then make you feel particularly painful and uncomfortable.

Solution: If you are extremely sensitive to something, it may be a good opportunity for us to discuss the relationship between ourselves and our parents and recall the grievances we suffered as children. If you can find it, you can understand and accept it and tell yourself it's over. I don't need to feel too bad about it now. My parents did their best to give me the best life at that time. I love my parents.

What problems will yelling bring to children,

The first problem is that children who are often yelled at will have inattention and anxiety.

When a parent yelled at the child, the child was completely scared. You think you have made it clear to him, but he has no idea what you are talking about. You asked him if he remembered, and he said yes. Even if you turn your face, you still can't do it well. A father shouted at his child how much 2+2 equals, and the child kept saying that it equals five. The father beat himself angrily, but he was still a little rational and didn't want to hit the child. The child has been in a state of tension and can't figure out how much 2+2 equals. His sense of security was threatened and he could not resist.

In some families, if mom and dad quarrel, children's studies will decline. Although you don't quarrel with your children, they will feel insecure. There is a word called self-attribution He'll think it has nothing to do with me. Children need a sense of security. In this family, they must want their parents to love each other and be warm.

When parents divorce, their children's studies will also decline, and children will think that this has something to do with me. The child's first reaction is that I will be fine in the future. If I get better, you won't have to get divorced. In fact, it has nothing to do with him, but the child will make such an arrangement for himself in his heart.

It is because of your abuse and reprimand that your child's academic performance drops and your child can't concentrate. Because he is not worried about studying all day, and he is worried that someone will suddenly scold him behind his back. He will be afraid and feel threatened, which is a person's instinctive reaction.

Second, if a child is often subjected to domestic violence or long-term shouting and language threats, his hormones will be much higher.

For example, when two children fight, the child will also secrete hormones, and he will also secrete adrenaline. After a fight, the hormone consumption was over and his hormone level returned to normal. When he let it out, he'll be fine. However, when an adult beats or scolds a child, he will also secrete adrenaline in his body, but he can't vent, can't fight back with his parents, and dare not yell at his parents. As a result, this hormone keeps accumulating in children. During his growth, especially in adolescence, his hormone level was higher than that of normal people. In life, it is especially difficult to manage when disagreement suddenly breaks out. I often do some behaviors that hurt myself or others. The hormone level is high, and he can't control himself.

The third problem is that yelling will escalate and hurt the parent-child relationship.

At first, maybe when I was two or three years old, I would yell, and then when I was three or four years old,

At first, you yell at him, and the child will listen. You will gradually find that your shouting will not work. When you are four or five years old, you will start pushing him with your hands, then beat him, punish him, prevent him from eating, close the dark room and so on. You will find that it will slowly fail, causing you to constantly upgrade and change weapons. Rifles can't change machine guns, machine guns can't change cannons, and cannons can't change nuclear bombs. In the end, both sides lost. Finally, the parent-child relationship was destroyed.

If you let yourself roar, it will bring many negative problems.

Some people say that other children are not like this. Other people's children are better than mine everywhere. If he is okay, can I yell at him? Have you ever thought about how others raise children? What are you doing when others begin to pay attention to prenatal education and learn parenting knowledge before the baby is born? Others can control their emotions and raise their children scientifically, will you? You have to study, this kind of knowledge is not born.

Every child is different. Every child comes into this world with his own mission. You can't let every child go to Tsinghua Peking University, and that child will become a machine. Some children are naturally lively and active, and they like to bury themselves in reading and don't want to go out. You have to accept that everyone is different, and then your mood will be easier to relax, and people are different.

With self-awareness, the next step is self-sympathy. Self-sympathy is not self-criticism, but acceptance rather than rejection. For example, Dr. banner the Hulk has a monster inside him. Dr. banner especially doesn't want monsters to appear. He always rejects monsters, and as a result, monsters are particularly angry every time they come out. By the time we met for the fourth time, Dr. Banner had merged with the Hulk. The Hulk wears human clothes and takes photos with his fans. It is because Dr. Banner experienced a very important psychological change called acceptance.

Accepting means that I know I am angry, not that I am really bad, but that I am angry again. These are two kinds of feelings, and the psychological hints brought by these two kinds of feelings are completely different. Only when a person truly sympathizes with himself will he be willing to do something good for himself. A person can only truly accept that he is an imperfect person. Although I am an imperfect person with all kinds of shortcomings, I still love myself and my children. It will be much easier for you to change at this time.

The first step, ask yourself, what is my state at the moment? What is wrong with me? Why am I angry? How can you make yourself quiet?

Step two, take a deep breath. You can calm your emotions. Breathing can be controlled by both sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves. So it is a bridge between these two nervous systems. Focusing on breathing can bring you a sense of relaxation and bring you back to mindfulness. When we are angry, take a deep breath, bring the breath to the abdomen, and then spit it out evenly, then you will feel relaxed.

The third step is sympathy. Put yourself in the child's shoes. What would you do if it were you? Communicating with children is to provide them with more choices, rather than asking them to listen to their parents. Our parents always say that children are disobedient. Why should children listen to you? You'll say I did it for his own good. You are angry with the child, does the child think so?

Many parents want their children to be obedient, give him a look and let him know what to do. If he is obedient at home, he will only do things according to your gestures, eyes and language. What about his thoughts? You expect him to go to the society in the future, have his own opinions, make independent judgments and lead a team. Is it possible? The child is 20 years old. Before buying clothes, be sure to ask his mother how you can let him live independently. You must pay the price. Children may become a unique person in Nuo Nuo, and you should ask for your advice before doing anything. We train children to prepare for separation and cultivate their ability to live independently. You can't be with them all your life.

Some families have made many rules, and they should eat at any time. When the child was studying there, he finally got into the habit of concentration. He was immersed in books, or the child was playing games and doing puzzles seriously there. At this time, the parents said that he had eaten and had to come at once, and then he had to pull over no matter what he did, and the child's concentration was destroyed. Conversely, when the child has no concentration, parents will say that you have no concentration and both parents are right. Children suffer indignities at both ends.

The correct way is to tell your child it's time to eat, ask your child how long you need, or tell him in advance before eating. The child said it would take 10 minutes. You said yes. Do you need your mother to remind you? Let him have fun, this is the correct way to communicate.

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