What funny jokes are there in the mental hospital?

Please read the following funny jokes about mental hospitals:

1 A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm, it's normal.

The doctor asked again, "what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?" “

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor was puzzled: how could he not see it?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

2

In a mental hospital, a psychopath rescued another drowning patient from the bathtub.

After learning about this, the dean looked through the medical records of the rescuer and called him into the office.

"Mr James, your heroic behavior proves that you can go home. However, I regret to inform you that the patient you rescued later hanged himself. "

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," James explained. "I saw him soaking wet, so I hung him outside to dry. “

three

The nurse in the mental hospital received a phone call. The man asked: miss, go and see if the patient in bed 4 in room 13 is still there? The nurse said, please wait a moment. After a while, nurse .............. oh, he left. The person on the phone said, it seems that I really ran out. ...

four

The nurse in the mental hospital received a phone call. The man asked: miss, go and see if the patient in bed 4 in room 13 is still there? The nurse said, please wait a moment. After a while, nurse .............. oh, he left. The person on the phone said, it seems that I really ran out. ...

five

In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that this is an empty fish tank? "

six

Mental patients in hospitals usually have a worship complex for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor. ...

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid getting worse).

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you. ...

In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. )

Female patient: Dr. Lan, are you saying that you don't love me?

Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm ... hmm ... hmm ...

Patient: Never mind ... I love Dr. Chen. ...

Is this glass bulletproof? A psychopath went to the bank, knocked on the glass of the counter and asked the cashier if the glass was bulletproof. The cashier said it was bulletproof glass. The psychopath asked again, can you prevent bombs? The cashier turned pale with fear and said he shouldn't! The psychopath took a pair of kings out of his pocket and stuck them on the glass and said "Fried"! Twenty seconds later, the teller timidly said three words: XXX! The psychopath left with satisfaction ... Who knows what the cashier said? ..... I can't afford it! ! !

1. A man always suspected that his wife was mentally ill, so he asked the psychiatrist, "She is always very worried that her clothes will be stolen."

Doctor: "What evidence is there?"

This humanitarian: "once I came home from work early and found that she hired someone to look at her clothes in the closet."

Doctor: "I suspect ... that you are mentally ill."

2. A man walked into a psychological clinic and said to the doctor, "My family said I was mentally ill."

The doctor asked, "Why?"

"Because I like silk shirts."

"What's the matter? I also like silk shirts. "

"Great, do you like steamed vegetables or cooked food?"

In a mental hospital, one day, the dean wanted to see the recovery of three mental patients, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the white rabbit, grabbed its ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its ass and said, "Chase it for me". The dean sighed. The third squatted there and touched the white rabbit assiduously. The dean nodded with satisfaction after reading it, only to hear him say, "demo, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " "Dean fell down and fainted. ...

Late one night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead. Desperate, the woman knelt on the ground and cried and begged, "Whatever you do, as long as you don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? So now you're chasing me. "

There is a madhouse. One day, the dean wanted to see how many people had recovered. Ask the nurse to draw a door on the wall. I saw all the patients frantically crashing into the wall. The dean was disappointed. Suddenly he saw that only one patient was indifferent. The dean was very happy and ran to ask him, "don't you want to go out with them?" The patient replied, "these idiots, I have the key here!" "

In a mental hospital, two people are chatting: "What about my novel?" "Yes, but there are too many people present. "At this moment, the nurse shouted to them," Hey, you two put the phone book back quickly. "

There is an old lady in a mental hospital. Every day, she wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella. She squatted at the gate of the mental hospital. The doctor thinks: to treat her, we must start with understanding her. So doctors also wear black clothes and carry black umbrellas. They squatted there with her. They spent a month in prison without saying a word. The old lady finally said to the doctor, I'm sorry. ...

Funny jokes in mental hospitals:

One day, the director of the mental hospital found that the patients in the mental hospital came back from the mountains every day, with dark eyes and black and blue bodies, and wanted to investigate clearly. He put on his mental clothes and followed them, only to see all the mental patients climb the tree, so he climbed the tree and suddenly shouted: We are all mature apples! As a result, all the mental patients jumped, and the doctor was timid and still lying in the tree. A psychopath shouted, boss, there is still an apple that hasn't fallen. Let's smash it together Under the command of the leader, countless stones flew to the doctor. Scared the doctor to climb down the tree.

One day, a nurse in a mental hospital received a phone call.

The man asked: miss, go and see if the patient in bed 4 in room 13 is still there?

The nurse said, please wait a moment.

After a while, ..............

Nurse: Oh, my God, he's gone.

The person on the phone said: It seems that I really ran out. ...

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2. The assistant ran into the dean's office and said excitedly, "Dean! This is a miracle in the madhouse! Paul actually saved Jimmy's life in the same ward! " "oh? What's wrong? " The dean asked.

"Jimmy just wanted to drown in the bathtub, but Paul pulled him out. "The assistant explained.

The dean was very happy: "It seems that Paul has returned to normal. Bring him to me quickly! " "After a while, Paul came to the dean's office.

"Paul, judging from your performance, you have completely returned to normal. You have done a very heroic thing, and you can leave the hospital tomorrow. " The dean said earnestly.

At this time, the assistant ran into the office in a panic: "No, Jimmy hanged himself in the bathroom again!" " ""This suicidal maniac! "Dean whispered. "He didn't hang himself, I just wanted to dry him." Paul interjected.

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3. Brother: "Doctor, my brother has always fantasized that he is a hen! What should I do? 」

Doctor: "Let me see. He looks serious! Why did you bring him here now? 」

Brother: "Everyone in our family is waiting for him to lay eggs."

4. A man came to the psychiatric department of the hospital.

Man: "Doctor, my wife always thinks she is a piano. What should I do? " ? 」

Doctor: "then why don't you bring her?" 」

Man: "Are you mentally ill? How can I lift the piano by myself?

Hello, everyone, I am protecting Maruko, and I am very happy to share my favorite funny jokes in a mental hospital. From the classic movie Who says I don't care, starring Feng Gong.

There are two beautiful women standing by the upstairs window opposite the ward.

Doctor: "Hey, look what's outside."

Patient: "Beautiful, so beautiful."

Doctor: "To tell you the truth, what do you want to do now?"

Patient: "I want to take off her coat."

Doctor: "This already has a normal person's thinking. What happened later? "

Patient: "I ... took off her shoes and socks."

Doctor: "And after that?"

Patient: "I took off her pants."

Doctor: "What happened later?"

Patient: "I took off her underwear."

Doctor: "What happened later?"

Patient: "I'll take out the monkey rubber band in her underpants and make a slingshot to hit your glass."

Thank you very much for your invitation! I can answer your question here. Let me take you into this question. Now let's discuss it together.

One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned back and said, "Are you sick?"

The man was puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can you cure it?"

The whole car is funny!

The bus driver stopped and laughed on the steering wheel!

It has been raining. The patients in the mental hospital rushed into the rain and shouted, Come and take a bath. The doctor smiled helplessly. The doctor turned around and suddenly found a patient as steady as Mount Tai. "Why don't you go down and take a bath?" I saw the patient smile: "I'm not like them. They are all insane." The doctor suddenly got excited: "Finally cured you?" Then he said, "I'll wait until the water is hot."

Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office back to the ward. Q B: "What do you think of the novel I recently finished?" ?

B looked at it and replied, "Not bad, not bad. However, there are only a few more roles. "

At this time, the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" "

4. A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird.

The answers to this question shared above are all personal opinions and suggestions. I hope the answer to this question I shared can help everyone.

Meanwhile, I hope you like my sharing. If you have a better answer to this question, please share your comments and discuss this topic with me.

Finally, here I am. I wish you all a happy life, good health, prosperous family, all the best, great wealth every year and prosperous business. Thank you!

1. There are two mental patients who escaped from the hospital. They ran and climbed a tree. One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the man above, Hey … Why don't you come down …? The man above answered him: no … well … ah … I'm not familiar with it yet …

2. A classmate, when passing by a mental hospital on his way to school every day, was waved to him by the railing in a hospital gown, calling him affectionately and mysteriously: "Come, come here! Come here! " Every day. Finally one day, my classmate couldn't hold back and wanted to see what he asked him to do. So we got together. "Bah!" An unforgettable mouthful of saliva spit on the classmate's face ...

3. The United States selected a group of normal people to do experiments and sent them to a mental hospital for examination, and found that they were all admitted! The attending doctor confirmed that they were more or less mentally ill, and then they were seen by real patients in the hospital. In fact, they are normal people!

4. A patient walked and said, since I got mental illness, my spirit is much better! I laughed my head off.