Three people sketch short

Characters:

Jin Yiyi—male, 70 years old, Hua Yiduo’s husband. (Jin)

Hua Yiduo—female, 68 years old, Jin Yiduo’s wife. (Flower)

Xiao Le——male, about 30 years old, a staff member of the Marriage Registration Office. ?(乐)

Scene:

There is a marriage registration office with tables, chairs and other office supplies. There is a triangle sign with the note "Marriage Registration" on the table.

(The curtain opens, flowers in front, gold in the back, from the right side of the stage to the curtain -)

Flowers: Men are afraid of entering the wrong profession, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man; She is most afraid of giving birth to the wrong cub and cheating her father without any discussion. Don’t be afraid if you make a mistake, just go and transfer to another position immediately; the two of you, a man and a woman, will become more open-minded as you move around.

(Shouting loudly to Makuuchi——) Oh, can you hurry up? This divorce is not the execution ground. What conspiracy and conspiracy are you holding on to? .

Jin: (reluctantly appears——) What are you anxious about? Why don't you just get a divorce? Do you think you can work so hard?

Hua: Broken marriage? I... tell you, old man, don't bother me deliberately. Have you seen anything like Libya?

Kim: What’s going on in Libya?

Hua: Gaddafi was so stubborn that he was allowed to leave without moving. What happened to him? It wasn't just one shot that knocked him down.

Jin: (sneering——) Hehe, Gaddafi’s grandson is too classy. There are so many beauties in the world. He doesn’t catch a cold. He is just thinking about Rice’s veteran gangster who won’t let go. How can he have a good wife? ? Listen to this name, Rice, you will die if you rely on it. Whoever depends on you will die.

Hua: Bullshit. In all the things under the sun, what does good fortune have to do with the name? The people in Foshan are kind-hearted, but if they do such immoral things and refuse to save themselves, how can you blame the Bodhisattva for losing his conscience?

Jin: Hi, why are you getting involved with China again?

Hua: We can’t control foreign affairs, but we can’t control China’s affairs. Today, I will divorce you under the auspices of the government.

Jin: From what? I, I haven't thought about this yet.

Hua: What? Why do you want to change your mind?

Jin: No matter what hexagram or not, am I just afraid that you will be wronged in the future?

Hua: Afraid of me? I think you are afraid.

Jin: Am I afraid? What am I afraid of? Isn't it just a matter of a bunch of old guys? It's easy to talk about.

Hua: (angry——) My old Cai Gang... Okay, then... do you dare to leave?

Jin: Li! Who are you trying to scare by making such a big noise? (Goes to the table angrily, bangs the table and shouts——) Where is the one who’s breathing?

Le: (Current from the left side of the stage, he is wearing huge glasses on his face, looking a bit funny——) Come on, come on. Uncle, aunt, would you like to register?

Flower: Register and report to the leader.

Le: Don’t be a leader. Personal worship is not very good. Just call me Xiao Le. Uncle and aunt, please take a seat.

Hua: If you don’t want to sit down, just hurry up and register. Otherwise, you won’t be able to catch the No. 2 bus home in a while.

Le: Okay, I will register you two right now. (Sit down and sigh——) Oh, seeing that my uncle and aunt are getting married at this age, I start to believe in love again.

Hua: Hey, you made a mistake about the leader. We are not, not that.

Le: Not that one, which one is it?

Kim: Which one? This, divorce, we register the divorce.

Le: (Surprised——) Divorce? You two? Why, why?

Jin: Why, the birthday boy hanged himself.

Le: What do you say?

Jin: Some people are impatient with life.

Hua: Who are you talking about? Who lives impatiently?

Jin: No, my head is squeezed by the door frame. It’s okay to get divorced.

Hua: Say things clearly and fart loudly. Why don't you just tell the boss why we are getting divorced?

Jin: Why? Because there is something wrong in your heart.

Hua: Do I have it or do you have it? This leader...

Le: I don’t dare to lead, Xiao Le.

Hua: Leader Xiaole, no, Comrade Xiaole, you have to give us a review today. I have been with this damn guy for more than 50 years, and I have never experienced any pain or sin. That's all. I have never dared to think of divorce. It's so shameful.

Le: Auntie, I understand this.

But why now?

Hua: Why? Ask him.

Le: Uncle, are you leaving?

Jin: Me? How dare I?

Le: That, that’s...

Hua: That’s right, Comrade Xiao Le, life has been good these years, I have money in my pocket and my children are filial, so we got it I only have a mobile phone, which is convenient for greeting people on both big and small matters. But since I got this mobile phone, I have suffered the same sins.

Le: Suffer? What crime?

Hua: (Pointing to Jin——) He, he is peeping, staring all morning and night. As soon as the phone rings, he will jump up with a single step. That speed is faster than that of our "Shenzhou VI" It's fast.

Le: Uncle, this is your fault. Freedom of communication is protected by law. It is illegal for you to always check Auntie’s cell phone.

Kim: Illegal? Why am I breaking the law? You ask her.

Hua: Don’t ask, you are too small-minded.

Jin: I’m young? This Xiaole, there are some things I didn’t intend to say, but since she slapped me in the face in front of you, I have to say it. Ever since she got this crappy phone, she's been in a state of panic. No matter whether she's familiar with someone, or someone near or far away, she always says: Haha, if you need anything, call my cell phone, the 24-hour hotline is open.

Le: Auntie is a passionate person.

Jin: Passionate, so hot that I almost fainted from the heat. Just say that time, someone sent her a text message, saying that the bank card number had been changed, and the money should be transferred to the current number, which was 12345677654321. Without saying anything, she immediately transferred 50,000 yuan, 50,000 yuan, A total of 50,000. You said, given her IQ, if I don’t help her keep an eye on it, okay?

Le: That’s not possible, aunt, it’s really not possible.

Hua: I admit that he squeezed the door frame a bit, but later, you asked him if what he did was excessive?

Le: Later, uncle, what happened to you later?

Jin: I discovered someone’s dirty secret.

Le: Secret?

Hua: You straighten your tongue and speak to me, no one can see me.

Le: That’s right, uncle, in broad daylight, without evidence, you don’t want to talk nonsense.

Kim: Evidence? have. Last time, another text message came from the phone, starting with one word: Dear. My mother-in-law, my fourth uncle, and my third uncle, for such an old and dazzling person, even kissed me, which almost made me die of pain.

Hua: You deserve to be sour. The wanted notice of the Ministry of Public Security can read: Dear, if you can't run away, you should surrender yourself as soon as possible. Remember, I will wait for you. Why can't I, a charming little old lady, "kiss" her?

Le: Auntie is right. Uncle, you are still going too far.

Jin: What’s the point? There’s more below.

Le: More? What else?

Jin: Dear, tomorrow night at 8 o'clock, the same place, brackets, omit three words. My mother-in-law, my fourth uncle and my third uncle, omit the three words, they are something that even a Martian can think of.

Le: What comes to mind?

Jin: Me, me, me...that's it.

Flower: fart. It was one of my old sisters who asked me to dance samba together. When I was texting, my brain was short of oxygen and I couldn't remember how to write "samba", so I omitted it in parentheses. At this point, he decided that I was cheating on him, so he hurriedly ran to investigate, and found out that it was a woman, two years older than me.

Le: Uncle, you should feel relieved now that you have found out everything.

Hua: Why are you so worried? I am exempted from "cheating", and you suspect that I have "come out". It is said that all the "ancestors" in Hong Kong have come out, why don't you come out? Bah, you immortal thing, I think you are the one who is "haunted".

Jin: What kind of "ghost" did I have? I have survived under your leadership for the past 50 years. You look at me like the Lord of Hell, I have a "ghost" and I can't escape.

Le: Can you please stop arguing. I can finally see the conflict in your marriage. In one word: love too deeply.

Jin: Four words.

Le: The last key word is deep. So I'm always afraid of something going wrong. When it comes to marriage, I have concluded that it is that itchy piece of meat on your back that you can't reach no matter what. Don't always worry about it. If you think about it too much, it will no longer itch. What should I do if I feel itchy? It feels uncomfortable not to scratch, and the hands for scratching are too short.

Hua: Comrade Xiaole, what you said is so insightful.

He has this problem, he is always itchy, and his hands are always short. When the time comes, he will resort to "Zhu Bajie" - "beat him up with a rake".

Jin: You are just "Zhu Bajie".

Le: Okay, uncle, you should have cleared up the affair about auntie's "cheating". Are you still going to divorce after this marriage?

Hua: Leave, must leave.

Gold: Li, resolutely divorce.

Le: That’s okay. Since the two elders are going to divorce, let's follow the procedure. Please sit down. Below, on behalf of the National Marriage Registry, I accept your divorce application. Please tell me your names. (Seeing that the two of them were nervous and did not answer, I reminded them again——) What are your names? Sir, please answer first.

Gold: A piece of gold.

Le: (Record--) A piece of gold. Okay, aunt, how about you?

Flower: One flower. English name: a flower.

Jin: I also speak English, one word - gold.

Hua: Come on, it’s a stubborn donkey. You don’t even understand this, how dare you say English.

Le: Since both of you have decided to divorce, according to regulations, I must first cancel your marriage registration and ask you to return your marriage certificates.

Jin: What?

Le: Marriage certificate.

Jin: No.

Le: Don’t have this? You've been together for 50 years and you haven't had this?

Hua: This really doesn’t exist. Comrade Xiao Le, it's like this. I was young at that time and didn't understand anything. I was fooled by the matchmaker and my mother. In addition, this old boy was unreasonable. The bully took advantage of me and gave me the "fact" in a confused way. Well, just write according to the "facts" or something like that.

Kim: What “facts”? Who “realized” whom? Today you must make it clear to me in front of the government; also, who is the "overlord"? How could I be the "overlord" without you, Daji, winking at me?

Le: Wrong, uncle, it was Yu Ji who brought up the Overlord.

Jin: That’s right, fish and chicken, both fish and chicken hanging there, how can you not offend the old cat? The old cat is in a hurry. Can it stop being the overlord?

Hua: If you want to die, you will behave when you get an advantage. This is a bad habit that you will never change in your life. Forget it, today this old lady "fired a rocket in the prime minister's belly", will you achieve great things? (To music——) Comrade, you write, this old guy and I agreed on “facts” in the past, but now, we no longer agree on “facts”.

Le: That’s okay. According to the spirit of the new Marriage Law, your “facts” were established relatively early, and the law also recognizes them. Let’s move on to the next procedure, property division. That is, who owns housing, furniture, deposits, etc.?

Kim: It belongs to her.

Flowers: belong to him.

Le: You guys...

Jin: (Pushing the pen into Le's hand——) You heard me right. Write, everything belongs to her.

Le: Then don’t you leave anything?

Jin: If you don’t keep it, the most important thing is not keeping it, so why keep those useless extraneous things?

Le: (touched——) Uncle, you are too pure.

Jin: Are you mocking me? I am an old man who has been in business for more than 70 years. Now that I have become a bachelor, am I still a man?

Le: I didn’t mean that, uncle.

Jin: What do you mean?

Le: I say you are "letting go of love as a way to survive", which is noble.

Jin: I said you were walking on a small road with big strides. Instead of spraining your feet, you were dragging your balls. (Seeing the joy, he wanted to explain, but he stopped him——) Write it down, this is a matter of "if others don't play anymore, we can't play anymore", and it has nothing to do with Gao Gao.

Le: That’s good, that’s good, I’ll write, I’ll write.

Hua: Wait. Why should I want what you don’t want?

Jin: I didn’t say no?

Hua: What do you want?

Jin: I, what I want, you, won’t you give it to me?

Hua: I will give it, you say.

Le: Come on, uncle, aunt is willing to give it.

Jin: Then...I'll just say it.

Hua: Tell me.

Jin: Really?

Hua: Really.

Jin: I, I want a flower from 50 years ago, are you willing to give it to me?

Flowers: Not given. A flower grows old and becomes "a - flower". Do you dare to ask for it?

Jin: Dare.

"One piece of gold", who have I been afraid of? (Cuddled the flower and kissed her.)

Le: (confused——) Uncle, aunt, what are you...

Jin: It’s okay, three pieces, not suitable for children, You just think you have a "cataract" and don't see anything.

Le, sir, this is "two taels of mutton and one pot of soup", are you going to make a fool of me?

Jin: If you spank your children on a rainy day, you will be idle. If you don’t beat them, who will you beat them? (To the flowers——) No, dear.

Le: Uncle, you, you are so unmanly.

Hua: Comrade Xiaole, don’t blame your uncle, we didn’t mean to cause trouble for you.

Le: Huh? Is there really something wrong with you two?

Hua: Yes, register.

Le: What, are you divorced?

Hua: No, register your marriage.

Le: Getting married?

Jin: That is, get a new marriage certificate for us so that we don’t have to explain who gave the “fact” to whom.

Le: Okay, I’ll do it, I’ll do it right away.

Jin: (Pulls the flower——) Dear, where are our wedding candies?

Hua: Yes, here. (Take out the wedding candy and put it in Le's hand, and at the same time throw the wedding candy to the audience——) Here, eat the candy, everyone is happy, thank you.

Le: (Incredibly moved——) Wow, it’s so great, so great. Uncle, aunt, now I solemnly declare: I have the final say in your love.

Audience: Haha—haha—

(The curtain closes, the play ends.) Extended information

Sketches are small works of art. In the broad sense, sketches include a wide range of subjects. In the ancient Indian Buddhist scriptures, they refer to the seven-volume "Sketches of Prajnaparamita Sutra". In prose, they refer to shorter literary styles; in the narrow sense, sketches generally refer to shorter art of speaking and acting.

Its basic requirements are clear language, natural form, and the ability to fully understand and express the character and language characteristics of each character. The most representative one is comedy sketches.

The name of the sketch roughly originated from art schools and performing arts groups. In the art world, a simple and simple piece of work is called a sketch. It itself has no complex connotation, it only reflects one aspect or phenomenon of things, and its form of expression is relatively simple.

Such as Chinese painting sketches, printmaking sketches, and oil painting sketches. In the entertainment industry, a single performance or group performance that expresses a relatively simple scene or artistic image through body and language is also called a sketch.

Sketch was originally an interview project in the entertainment industry to test the artistic quality and basic skills of students. Generally, the teachers from the admission units will give the questions on the spot, and the candidates will perform them on the spot. In 1983, "Ah Q's Monologue" performed by Yan Shunkai at the first CCTV Spring Festival Gala was the first time that the performance form of "sketch" was used.

At the 1984 Spring Festival Gala, "Eating Noodles" performed by Chen Peisi and Zhu Shimao made the sketch officially become an independent art performance form. In 1985, an observational life exercise "The Girl Buying Peanuts" by Class 80 of the Acting Department of the Central Academy of Drama was staged as a drama sketch at the Spring Festival Gala. Stars Yue Hong, Gao Qian, Cong Shan, and Cao Li were simple and honest. The performance and humorous style won unanimous praise from the audience, experts and scholars. From then on, the CCTV Spring Festival Gala had a new art form "sketch".

Due to the medium of the Spring Festival Gala, sketches participate in the performance as an indispensable independent program. His lively and humorous performance is very popular among the audience. For example, the sketch "Eating Noodles" by Chen Peisi and Zhu Shimao was highly praised and recognized by the masses for its funny and humorous image movements, and directly triggered the trend of sketch performances on the Spring Festival Gala stage, which has far-reaching historical significance.

Affected by it, a large number of sketch stars such as Zhao Lirong, Song Dandan, Gong Hanlin, Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Gao Xiumin, Huang Hong, Guo Da, Guo Donglin, etc. came to the fore. The new form of sketch was unprecedentedly popular. The subject matter is also unprecedentedly rich, and the depth and breadth of social phenomena reflected in the sketches and their performance forms are becoming more and more diverse.

Since then, sketches have become an indispensable and unique cultural program on the literary and artistic stage.

Reference material: Sketch-Baidu Encyclopedia