Funny friends, come and help me

1. I had a dream last night. I dreamed that Taibai Venus told me a lot of secrets! It turns out that we were both gods five hundred years ago. I cried, I remembered it all! Xiaotian, I am Erlang! Do you still remember me, Xiaotian! How have you been these past few hundred years?

2. Don’t be crazy with me, my eldest brother Qin Shihuang! Don't pretend to me, I'm behind the Party Central Committee. If you don't believe me, you won't admit defeat. Bin Laden is my uncle. He bombed first and then poisoned you. If you still refuse to accept it, the household registration policeman is my aunt and will change your household registration to a pig!

3. I fucking love you so much, but you fucking ignore me; I fucking discharge my electricity at you, and you fucking pretend not to see it; I’m fucking ready to jump off the building, and you You won’t be willing to turn back until you fucking change your mind; I’ll just fucking land when you change your mind!

4. When the shooting star falls in love with the earth, he does not hesitate to fall, just for that moment of closeness; when the cloud falls in love with the running water, he does not hesitate to fall, just to relieve his lovesickness; when I think of you, I do not hesitate to spend a dime, just to advance in advance. Let me tell you: Happy Children’s Day, little p!

5. You are dragging a pig shopping, looking very happy. I passed by and said with sympathy: "The quality of a person depends on who he is with." Before I finished speaking, I saw the pig abandoning you with disdain.

6. In Japanese, are you a pig? If you answer no, you will be flattened - dishonest! The next day, I asked you if you were a pig. Your answer was yes, and you were beaten - not modest! On the third day, I asked you if you were a pig, but you didn’t say anything, and you were flattened - even if you were a pig, you were dragged like this! ! !

7. If you still have money left at the end of the month, please read this tongue twister after me: Level 1 Difficulty: Talk nonsense to use money. Level 2 difficulty: The phone bill will evaporate. Level 3 Difficulty: Play nonsense and use up your phone bills!

8. College students = eat, sleep, and fall in love. Pigs = eat, sleep, and fall in love. Therefore, college students = pigs and fall in love. From the above, college students - fall in love = pigs, that is, college students who do not fall in love are pigs.

9. The heaven is affectionate, the earth is affectionate, I am the affectionate one waiting for you. I can't sleep alone and miss you: I love you, I miss you, I hope for you, I miss you, I wait for you = I can't live without you, the one I love is you---Xizhilang cici jelly!

10. God, bless me, bless those who forget me, don’t contact me, don’t call me, don’t send me text messages, don’t miss me, don’t miss me. Drop your cell phone into the toilet. Amen! By the way, rinse it with water!

11. It rains in every city, just like I miss you wherever I go. Missing is a kind of fruit, sweet and sour, abundant in the night, full of memories and uncertainty. I miss you so much that I want to crush you to death~~~

12. What happened when I called your cell phone just now? After the ringtone rang, the prompt sounded: The user is eating grass, please do not disturb! I couldn’t believe it, so I called again and said: The user you called has been sent to the slaughterhouse, please share it later! Nothing happened to you? !

13. The sky without you / is not blue / the days without you / upset / life without you / is really difficult / when can I really have you / my dearest. . . . . . Stop being beautiful, it’s not you, it’s the money!

14. If your ears are itchy, it means that someone misses you; if your eyes are itchy, it means that someone wants to see you; if your lips are itchy, it means that someone wants to kiss you; if your body It's itchy. . . . Stop thinking nonsense, it’s time to take a shower! ! !

15. I saw you that day. You were sitting in the sun, feeling so uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: "Keep your voice down, no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!"

16. Cupid's legend: An arrow piercing the heart means love at first sight. Two arrows piercing the heart represent mutual consent, and three arrows represent three lifetimes of good fortune. . . I will fire thousands of arrows at you. . . Baby, just wait until you become a hedgehog!

17. The reverse side is like Sijie’s mulberry mouth, and the material is connected to the nest ground silver. The nest is like the silk sister’s mulberry mouth and the west is exchanged for the reverse ground silver. In Nanguo, there is a short mulberry tree in the Mengmeng Island on the left side of the nest. It’s so shameless! The nest method defeats Yinle!

18. Do you know? I dreamed of you again last night. We were leaning against each other by the river. You looked at me and I looked at you.

Suddenly, you raised your head and said three words to me affectionately: "Woof, woof, woof!"

19. I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky was so blue and the sea was so blue. of clarity. You are so cute, you are swimming in the sea, and I am poking your back with the small branch on the shore: Oh, this little bastard is quite hard!

20. I am an onion, standing in the wind and rain. Who dares to use me for dipping? K His ancestors overcame difficulties and crossed the North. I drank water behind the toilet, ran over my legs on the train track, and even kissed a piglet. You name it, I kissed you anyway!

21. One day you win a prize and fly for free. Sad: Plane crash. Hi: There is a parachute. Sad: Can't open. Hi: There are haystacks on the ground. Sad: There is an iron fork on it. Hi: Didn't fall on the fork. Sadness: It didn’t even fall on the haystack. . .

22. Hey! Last night I dreamed of you swimming in the water. When I saw that I was so anxious, I shouted to you to come up quickly. I didn't expect that you ignored me and actually raised your head and glared at me: "Why are you shouting? Have you never heard that dead pigs are not afraid of being scalded by boiling water?"

23. Could it be that you are the little novice adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple who was unparalleled in swordsmanship and martial arts at Mount Huashan back then? The cockroach Xiaoqiang once rolled over was crushed by Wangcai, his imbecile pet dog. A turd ball?

24. Melatonin said that if you want to skip classes today, you can skip professional classes. Hui Renbao said that if he ran away, I would run away. Dabao said, did you escape today? Hao Di said that if everyone ran away, they would really run away. Colgate says our goal is that no one comes to class!

25. Tianjin version: "Ni Jie Si rushes to the machi?" "Sang Fa Yuan Da Guan Si Qi!" "Four yuan high is four preparations high?" "Yuan Gao!" "Yuan Gao , So awesome!” “It’s awesome! I’ve been blocked!”

26. The three most popular words during the Iraq War: peace, war, found. Read three words together and read them aloud three times, and you will solve a historical mystery.

27. If autumn goes away, I will wait for you on the snow. If the world goes away, I will love you in heaven. If you go away, I will miss you in tears. . . If I leave. . . . . . The feed is in the trough, don’t starve yourself!

28. Not every flower can represent love, but roses can. Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplars can. Not every pig can receive text messages. But you did it!

29. I 10 can't stand it anymore. I miss you so much. I want to see you every day. Leave it to me. I will never let you down and let you stay by my side forever. 5 I love you to the point that I will never be half-hearted. I swear I will only raise one little piglet for you!

30. Being ignored? Being bullied? No one loves you? It doesn't matter! Even if no one in this world loves you, cares about you, or values ??you! My door is still open for you! Chengdu Mental Hospital gives you a five-star home!

31. When I miss you, I can’t sleep alone. When I love you, I have a lot of thoughts. I am lonely in the days without you. I would like to turn into a lovesick bird and fly through thousands of mountains and rivers. Shit a bunch of shit on your head, yeah!

32. Missing is like chocolate, bitter! Sweet! I dare not miss you! I'm afraid I'll miss you! I dare not say that I miss you, for fear of missing you even more! Actually, I really, really miss you so much that I turned into a pig!

33. These may be the last few days I send you text messages. I am hesitating whether to tell you that I am going to Japan and the procedures have been completed. I won't forget you, really. I have bird flu, so I am being infected by the party. . .

34. When the devil is banging on the glass in front of your window, the toad is getting into your bed, the poisonous snake is swinging above your head, the earthworm is shuttled between your toes, and the centipede has crawled into your nostril, don't be afraid! I'm riding a snail to save you! drive! drive!

35. Tang Monk and his disciples met a beautiful woman on their way to seek scriptures. Bajie saw her and decided to marry her. Wukong suspected that she was a goblin. Tang Seng said it didn’t matter. He sent a text message to test it. If she didn’t reply, she was a goblin. , let her marry Bajie!

36. Our fate began thousands of years ago. In the autumn of that year, we played in the maple forest with fallen leaves like fire. You chased me. When you finally caught up with me, you bit me affectionately. At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.

37. I have always been an unknown knight in the world, until one day I met you, the most mysterious person in the legend, and I actually called you by your name. From then on, I also became famous in the world. No.: Zhizhuman!

38. For the calculation question, choose a number from 1 to 8 as A, add 3 and subtract 2 from A to get B, multiply B by 9 to get C; add the ones digit and tens digit of C to get D, multiply D 50 is E, and E minus 200 is F. F implies your life, which is very effective!

39. I dreamed that you were singing last night! Your singing voice is very sweet, and your sentimental expression moved me. I almost vowed to love you for ten thousand years, but I didn't dare, because you sang to a donkey: I will become you when I grow up!

40. It is said that wishing on a shooting star is very effective. I wait for it every day. That day I finally saw the shooting star. Before it fell, I closed my eyes and made a wish, hoping that you would become smarter from an idiot. I opened my eyes and was surprised. I found that the meteor flew back along the original path!

41. On a full-moon night, on the top of Mount Huashan, an isolated person looks like a god? The long hair is flowing, the gaze is far-reaching, and he is holding an object, pointing directly at the sky! Slowly retract and slowly stretch. After three rounds, raise your head and shout: "China Unicom, no signal!"

42. If I had a candy, I would give it to you, because I miss you. Be happy; if I have two candies, we will each have one, and I want us to be happy together; if I have three candies, I will give you two, because I hope you have more cavities than me!

43. The intermittent rain arouses my endless thoughts~~ To put it bluntly, I just miss you! When the weather is nice and sunny, I will take you to the green grassland. But I made an agreement with you in advance: you are only allowed to eat grass and not dig the ground!

44. It’s New Year’s Day, and I don’t have anything to give you. I’ll give you all the change in my pocket in exchange for steel bangs. If someone bullies you, hit them with steel bangs to let them know that we have money. People are awesome, don’t forget to pick them up after smashing them, we still have to live!