Zhang Haidi. Dreaming in a wheelchair.

Chapter 1 You have seen me, you may have seen me, on the train. If you walk through the door of memory, you may remember a girl sitting in a seat near the car door. At that time, she was fifteen years old with two long braids hanging down on her chest. She is wearing a red lapel sweater, which is hand-knitted. If you pay a little attention, you may find that her face is a little pale. You don't know what happened before, what happened then, and what happened later. But anyway, you've met me. If you think about it carefully, you may find that the girl hardly spoke all the way, so you may think that she is a very melancholy child. She said goodbye to the city that day. When you look at her, she will turn her face out of the window. She never wants others to see her tears. Later, she took out an old algebra textbook from her printed schoolbag and read a difficult problem, which was a set of equations. That book is difficult for her. She has never been to school. She learned to read by herself. She taught herself to read since she was a child, which made her different from other girls. She silently solved the multivariate equations, as if forgetting everything around her. She just wants to work out the equation so that Li Jiang won't laugh at her. She was afraid that he would look down on himself. You don't know who Li Jiang is or how important he is to this girl. She read a book for a long time, but she didn't solve the problem. Later, she put the book back in the flower bag. She wrote to Lijiang when she thought of a new place, but she can't write now. She doesn't know where she is going. When I think of him, I think of his eyes, deep and bright, shining like starlight in the night ... You met me on the train. The train hit slowly, stopping for a while at each station. You have met me, and you may remember that the girl looked out of the window for a long time, but you didn't know what she was thinking. It's over, it's started again, and the end may be another beginning. She is looking forward to ending all this and starting over, just like a pupa turning into a beautiful butterfly ... The train is shaking, the fields outside the window are spinning backwards, the trees are flashing backwards, and memories are like a river ... At that time, I liked painting houses very much, and I had to take my twelve-color crayons everywhere. When adults saw the house I painted, they all said that I painted it well. Some of them say that they will be an architect when they grow up. I really want to meet the architect and see the house he painted. All the houses I painted were my own imagination. Actually, I don't know if there is a house of that shape. I just draw according to my own wishes, and I can draw whatever I want. Most of my paintings are buildings, and there are clouds floating on some roofs. I paint them all very high. I couldn't walk when I started painting tall buildings. I later thought that if I hadn't been sick, I might not like painting tall buildings. That day, I sat up from the hospital bed, thinking that I could go home soon, but the doctor said I had to stay! I'm afraid of the ward. It's too quiet, the walls are dazzling white, and there is an unpleasant smell. Later, as soon as I smelled that smell, I knew I needed an injection and medicine to enter the operating room. Always want to escape, but also want to escape in the dark. I often ran away from home before I got sick. My mother won't let me go shopping alone. She said I was young. But I really want to go. Once, when my mother wasn't looking, I sneaked away. I wandered around the street and ran into the store to see toys. I didn't think of going home until it was dark. I'm too tired to walk. I sat on the ground and fell asleep against the telephone pole ... at that time, I didn't like painting, I just wanted to run around. I have been lying or sitting in the hospital all day. I am so bored that I often scream loudly. At first the nurse ran away as soon as she heard me. What happened? They always look flustered. Later, they were not nervous. Every time I scream like crazy, they say, don't worry, you will be discharged from the hospital in a few days. But I still won't listen. No one can keep me quiet. I don't remember how long it took, and finally I went home. Dad bought me a box of crayons and a picture book. I calmed down and began to draw houses, one after another. The building I drew is very lively, and there are many people on each floor. But usually there is no one around, only a white cat. I really want to talk to people, but I can only talk to myself. In my memory, many children talked to me, and I used to run around with them. Leaving them, the children I saw in the ward were almost unconscious. They occasionally talk, talk nonsense and make vague sounds. I feel depressed, so I think back to those talking children. At that time, I always quarreled with girls. We rolled our eyes and gave each other a bite. I remember once seeing a boy who could play the violin on the train. He always smiled at me all the way. To be honest, I really want to see him again. Chapter 2 7 TanJing poured his emotions into his fingers and expressed his imagination. Sometimes she looked up and saw Fontaine sitting beside her. How fascinated she is! This semi-old piano at home is TanJing's favorite partner. Usually it leans against the wall, like a mysterious treasure chest flashing purple light. A group of white pigeons lay quietly under the cover of the piano, and some black swallows were mixed in the pigeons. Whenever TanJing's slender and flexible fingers gently touch them, they will give a cheerful chorus, and different fingering will have different changes. The mountain spring with high audio and video is crisp and undulating on the mountain steps, and the bass is like a rich river, roaring and setting off a huge wave. TanJing likes to gently pop up a string of arpeggios, listening to the trembling piano music from strong to weak, and slowly disappear. She seemed to see a wild goose chasing the procession to the distant sunset, pursuing the colorful dream like the sunset. TanJing is the age of dreaming. She often has sweet dreams. She dreamed that the purple curtain on the stage was slowly pulled open. She sat in front of the piano, her hands dancing on the keys as bright as water. As a result, cheerful music was flying all over the sky in the theater, which attracted people's heartfelt admiration and warm applause. After knowing Fontaine, her dream was truly pinned. Before, she never thought that she would know a sick girl who was locked in the house all day. Fontaine's intermittent singing always lingers in her ears. From then on, she came to Fontaine's bed involuntarily as soon as school was over. She can't forget Fontaine's surprised and yearning expression when she heard that she could play the piano. Knowing that her piano music can bring happiness to Fontaine, she felt a great pleasure that she had never felt before. She often carried Fontaine to her room and let her sit quietly by the bed and listen to her play the piano. Whenever she opens the piano cover and touches the keys to play the first chord, Fontaine's pale face will immediately blush with excitement. With her expressive performance, Fontaine was slowly immersed in the beautiful sound of the piano. This is a piano piece written by TanJing for Fontaine. The bright and smooth melody seems to present a moving picture: the autumn Woods, the wind rustling, the golden leaves shining, falling slowly, dancing like a golden butterfly. A happy girl is running along a road covered with leaves. The wind blew her long hair back and the girl laughed as she ran. She ran into a small river with a smile. Chapter 3 10 On a spring night, she sneaked into every window with a warm dream. A pale and soft moonlight shone into the room through the thin curtains, casting a hazy silence on the ground in front of the window. In the distance, I don't know whose wall clock clanged at midnight, and the bell rippled slightly, like ripples in the water, spreading in circles and slowly disappearing. In this haze, Li Jiang stared at his glowing eyes, not sleepy at all. Today, he ranks first in the comprehensive examination results. This year is the most important year for Jiang Li, who is about to face the college entrance examination. He hopes that in the near future, he can wear the long-admired university emblem on his chest like his brother. There are only a few months before the senior high school entrance examination, so I must study harder. Jiang Li thought, feeling both nervous and happy. At this moment, Li Jiang heard the Weaver Girl lying beside him let out a deep sigh. Li Jiang was amused. What happened to this guy today? In Russian class, Li Jiang found Vega's mood a little abnormal. He didn't know why he looked absent-minded. Russian is the best course in Vega. His accurate pronunciation and intonation and beautiful translation always win the appreciation of teachers and the envy of female students. Today, however, Lang read a poem by Pushkin in class, but he stammered, which made people disappointed. Back to his seat, Jiang Li whispered earnestly, hey, what's the matter? Who knows? Vega seems to be talking to himself, as if she can't get rid of a fixed thought. Jiang Li couldn't help laughing silently. What trapped Vega, who has always been in high spirits? Jiang Li knows Vega too well. Since the first day of primary school, their seats have been lined up together. Being with Vega always makes people feel simple happiness. He is full of energy, blinking dreamy eyes all day and looking carefree. Sometimes, he will recite a poem with passion and make your blood boil. Sometimes, he will have a whim and do something that makes people laugh and cry. Once the school organized them to watch the movie Heroes and Children. Vega was very emotional for a few days, and her brown eyes were burning with excitement. A few days later, Li Jiang found that Vega always wrote something secretly. When he asked him, Vega said that she didn't write anything but smiled like a junior high school student. In fact, in Li Jiang's eyes, Vega is like a teenager who doesn't grow up. Looking at the mysterious appearance of Weaver Girl that day, he didn't ask much. He knows Vega is a person who can never hide secrets, and he will tell him everything in a few days. Li Jiang waited quietly. Thought of here, he couldn't help laughing. In those days, he saw Vega always sitting uneasily in class, like ants on hot bricks, running to the school reception room after class. A few days passed, more than ten days passed, and the Weaver Girl still ran enthusiastically to the reception room. Li Jiangdu was moved by his persistence. What is this guy waiting for? For the first time, Jiang Li couldn't help wanting to know Vega's secret. Vega finally could not help it. After class that day, he came back from the reception room a little depressed. Sitting on the stone bench under the tree, Weaver Girl sighed deeply. He told Li Jiang that he had written a letter to Wang Fang, an actor in Heroes and Children, and sent it to Bayi Film Studio. He has been waiting for her reply. Li Jiang asked him with a smile, what did you say in the letter? Vega blushed, saying only that he said he would learn from "Hero Sister". When the motherland needs it, he will also bravely rush into the enemy group with explosive barrels in his hands. Well, the hero's sister will be moved by you. Li Jiang said. He asked Vega again, what else did you write? Nothing else ... nothing. Vega smiled a little unnaturally. Needless to say, Li Jiang's heart also understood. Vega continued to wait and ran to the school reception room ... and then Li Jiang was disappointed in him. Hey, don't wait, you should have replied long ago. No. Vega said, maybe she is not at home, and my letter is lying on her desk sleeping. Li Jiang was very angry and gave him a few punches. The weaver girl always finds some absurd reasons to comfort herself when she encounters disappointing things. In the end, Sister Hero didn't reply. On that day, Vega's patience could not be maintained. He told Li Jiang that he was in love with "the hero's sister" and he wrote her a letter 1 1! Li Jiang wanted to laugh, but he just smiled. He never smiles, which makes him feel a little depressed. Vega, lovely Vega! He thought so in his heart, patted Vega on the shoulder and left the campus with him ... alas. Vega sighed again. The fourth chapter 12 was not as happy that night as before. In the past, we always talked noisily together, but now Na Wei TanJing and them are sitting quietly by my bed, listening to Yan Ning talk about the form and requirements of the book conference. The depressing atmosphere is made in Yan Ning, because Yanning is going to hold a special reading meeting for everyone-reciting the martyr's suicide note, and the "martyr" is ourselves. Na Wei told me that Yan Ning is always active in thinking and can organize unexpected things. This kind of reading is absolutely unique. How attractive Yan Ning's idea is! Is it attractive? Those who disappeared in the gunfire, the words they secretly wrote in the bar when they were alive, the tinkling echo left by the chain on the bluestone street. I shed tears for those words, for those feelings, for those beliefs, for those ideals, for those who used to be like us … but I never thought that one day I would become a martyr. Yan Ning wants us to write a suicide note like martyrs. Perhaps it is to test whether we are loyal or not, and whether we are really moved by the martyrs' letters. In other words, she wants us not to forget that we are a member of this Young Pioneers Team. No matter what Yan Ning thinks, I am still moved by these words written in blood and tears. Although I have never seen a prison bar or execution ground, I can't even imagine what it is like, but I know that they have lost their most precious freedom. I can't imagine that healthy people, such as Yan Ning, Na Wei, TanJing, Heping and Vega, can't leave their houses and go where they want. So, when Yan Ning asked me how I felt after reading Letters from Revolutionary Martyrs, I said that knowing the victims in the book made me feel that my illness was nothing. Yan Ning said that she was moved to tears by this book, and she just wanted to be a member of the Communist Youth League as soon as possible. Later, Yan Ning gave one of her books to Na Wei TanJing and asked him to read it in turn. Everyone has been discussing this book for several nights in a row. Na Wei said that she cried in several letters. I read the collection of martyrs' letters that night, and my eyes were still red and swollen when I went to school the next morning. TanJing said that she couldn't continue her study after reading half of it. She was infected by the lofty aspirations of those martyrs and just wanted to play the piano and write a radical piano piece. Peace said that she read the book and felt that everything was so beautiful. Yan Ning said that everyone was moved, which shows that this book is very meaningful. I think we should read this book,' she said. She asked everyone, what would happen to us if we were in a period of white terror? Na Wei said, fight the enemy, like those martyrs. TanJing said, we also printed leaflets, posted slogans, took to the streets to speak loudly, waved banners in our hands and shouted to our compatriots ... Yan Ning interrupted her, I didn't mean that, I mean, if we were arrested by the enemy, our husband would go to the execution ground tomorrow, what should we do? TanJing smiled happily and said, Go to the execution ground? Why are we going to the execution ground? We have won. Yan Ning said, TanJing, be serious. I mean, if we go to the execution ground ... TanJing shouted again, no way. Aren't we fine? Na Wei quickly dissuaded TanJing. She said, TanJing, be quiet. I know what Yan Ning means. What Yan Ning means is ... when I look at Yan Ning and Tan Jing seriously, I can't help laughing. I also said, really, what would we think if we were locked in an iron prison?