Let’s do something funny!

1. "Happiness" is when cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Ultraman fights little monsters

2. "Generation gap" is when I asked my dad what he thought of "Chrysanthemum Terrace" Like this, he said he had never drank before

3. "Narcissism" means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in my next life, and then marry a man like me

4. "Speechless" means The judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money.

Blessings in advance: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival to everyone!

During the earthquake, four old ladies in a high-rise building in Chengdu were playing mahjong. One of them said, “Why do I feel like the building is shaking? "Another old lady got up and looked out the window: "It's okay, it's okay, come on, the other buildings are shaking too!

Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke?

Boy a: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

a naturally stretched out two fingers to take it...

Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents

[Scenario 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy B: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some French fries.

b Because he heard about a, he carefully took the fries with his palm.

Teacher: Why don’t you dip it in ketchup?

b I accidentally dipped too much, so I immediately flicked it with my fingers...

Teacher: You are very skilled in flicking the ash. Call parents...

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy C: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: If you don’t want to smoke, okay, let’s eat some French fries.

c Because of the previous two examples, I finished eating the French fries very carefully and sweating.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

c After taking the fries, he easily clamped it on his ears...

Teacher: Don’t want to suck it? Call parents...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

d finished the fries with fear.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

d carefully put the chips into his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

d hurriedly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stamping them hard with his feet...

Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents...

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy e: No,

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

e Just took the fries, and the teacher said: Won’t you treat me to some?

e quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter...

Teacher: Don’t smoke? ! Call parents...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy F: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

f Finished eating with fear.

Teacher: Suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

f His palms were sweating, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal!

Teacher: Principal, I will smell the taste in your mouth.

f took out the French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t even started yet...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: Do you smoke them? Don't smoke?

Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke.

Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

g He took the fries very naturally and ate them all.

Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

g(getting carried away): Greater China...

[Scene 8]

Teacher: Let’s eat French fries.

Boy n: Thank you, no!

Teacher: ...

Someone was riding a bicycle and heard a passerby yelling: go, go, go... I thought, damn, I can also sing: Oh Le Oh Le Oh... before he finished speaking, he fell into the ditch. A passerby cursed: Damn it! I told you Gou Gou Gou, but you still ride? ! You deserve to fall to death!

The son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said: When you grew up and married a daughter-in-law, did you sleep with Mom? The son replied: Yes. Mom said: What should you do with your wife? The son said: Let her sleep with her father. After hearing this, my father said excitedly: This child has been sensible since he was a child

A mother took a taxi to pick up her daughter from junior high school.

As the mother and daughter passed through a certain section of the road, they saw street blocking girls dressed in coquettish clothes starting to "do business" on the side of the road.

The adolescent daughter asked curiously: Mom, what are those women doing standing on the side of the road?

In order not to affect her daughter’s young and innocent heart, the mother replied: Those women are waiting for their husbands.

The talkative taxi driver said to me: This is so funny, everyone knows those women are prostitutes.

My mother gave the driver a very angry look.

The daughter then asked: Mom, will that girl have children?

Mom said coldly: Of course, otherwise who will drive the taxi!

A brother suffered from constipation and could not defecate in the toilet for a long time. While he was trying his best, he saw a brother rush into the toilet like wind and entered the seat next to him. As soon as he entered, there was a sound. It was really stormy, and the brother said to the brother with envy: Brother, I envy you so much.

The brother said: Why are you envious? I haven’t taken off my pants yet~~

One time Playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy a candle and continue playing. After half an hour, the heat became unbearable. One person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan, it's too hot." Another person responded: "I can't. Turn it on. Turning it on will blow out the candles

A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's restroom. After entering, he found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was no urinal in the women's restroom. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When he was opening the door, he met a girl who came in. She blushed, lowered her head, and turned around to go to the men's room.

One day There were too many people on the bus, it was very hot and stuffy, and I didn’t know who farted, which made the environment even worse. My friend couldn’t stand it, and he didn’t know who it was, so there was nothing he could do. Question: “Who didn’t buy a ticket? "My friend suddenly had an idea and said loudly: "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket! "Suddenly, a very fat woman held the ticket high in her hand and said loudly: "I have already bought the ticket! "

A sculpture was completed in a new building of a university: a girl holds a book in her left hand and holds a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The school publicly solicited names from students outside the school, and many people's slogans were not satisfactory. A coincidence - reading is useless!

Lost bicycles are a serious problem in school. New cars disappear in the blink of an eye, but sometimes if you are lucky, the lost bicycle will appear again every few days. One day, my dorm roommate Xiao Jing bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone she met and said, "I have the latest lock on this car!" "The next day, Xiaojing returned from her evening self-study with a depressed look. She also held a piece of paper in her hand, which said: Don't think there are no experts here. I borrowed the car and will return it to you in a few days. !

A few days later, the thief actually returned the car. Xiaojing was very happy, but she was worried that the car would be "borrowed" again.

So I bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and put a note on the thief: Let's see how you can "borrow" it! When Xiaojing went downstairs the next morning, she found that there were five more locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: Let's see how you keep riding!

There were three little tadpoles. They went to a restaurant to eat... After waiting for a while, the first dish was served... It was fried frogs..

The three little tadpoles all came together at the same time. Singing: I don’t want to, I don’t want to, don’t want to grow up...

One day, Cao Cao captured Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them, each of you go to the orchard and choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei brought out an apple. Cao Cao said that if they could put the fruit into their butts, he would let them go. Zhang Fei tried for a while, but failed and was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes. Cao Cao also said the same thing to him, and Guan Yu began to stuff them... When he stuffed the third grape, Guan Yu suddenly burst into laughter, and the grapes were smashed. was killed. After going down to the underworld, the King of Hell asked Guan Yu: "You are so stupid, why are you laughing? If you don't laugh, you won't die." Guan Yu sighed and said, "I don't want to either! God is jealous of the beauty! When I stuffed the third one, suddenly I saw Brother Liu walking out with a durian in his arms..."

I went to eat at KFC yesterday, and the people in line behind me looked like a couple. They ordered a lot of food, and then sat down. next to me. After sitting down, the girl began to eat voraciously, as if she had been hungry for several days, while the boy nibbled on the French fries one by one, as if he had something on his mind.

Suddenly, the boy put down the fries, moved forward, and asked seriously: "Qingqing, can I chase you?"

Girl Without raising his head, he said directly: "No!"

The boy asked again: "Isn't it possible at all?"

The girl simply said: "It's not possible at all!"

The boy was stunned, looking straight at her, staying there...

At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other, and felt that the boy was looking at her. , so he stopped eating, then looked at the boy with pitiful eyes, and whispered: "Then...can I still eat?"

Everyone next to me, including me, laughed out loud, The boy was helpless and hurriedly said: "Eat, eat..."

This girl is so cute...If I don't let her chase her, I will definitely chase her... ..Desperate pursuit! ! ! !

I have always been restless in school. When I was a freshman, I went to self-study for the first time. I would sit in the classroom and feel depressed, and then I would go to the corridor to smoke.

Not long after I lit my cigarette, a PL girl came and asked, "We are studying in self-study now! Why did you run out?"

I said, I came out to smoke out of boredom. ,MM which class are you in? He ran out anyway.

PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that class!

I was very excited and said, are we in the same class? What, are you depressed too?

She said: Well, a new student in our class ran out during self-study, and I came out to look for him.

I smiled, but it seems that he still can’t sit still. Why are you looking for him? You are not his mother!

MM: There is no way, I am his class teacher!

I was confused at the time...

A minute later, I held back a sentence: Teacher, you look so young...

Phelps won the championship. After 8 gold medals:

How do countries compare breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly, and freestyle in swimming competitions? 100, 200, 400, 1500 resulted in too many gold medals. They were very dissatisfied and asked to increase the number of gold medals in their dominant events.

Brazil proposed:

Football should be divided into 3 people, 5 people, 7 people, 11 people, beach, indoor and grass.

China proposes:

Table tennis should be divided into straight, horizontal, straight doubles, straight singles, and straight and horizontal mixed doubles.

The United Kingdom proposed:

Equestrian should be divided into black horse equestrian, white horse equestrian, red horse equestrian, brown horse equestrian, royal horse equestrian, and zebra equestrian.

Kenya proposed:

Long-distance running should be divided into 10,000 meters, 11,000 meters, 12,000 meters and 13,000 meters. . .

Japan proposed:

All mixed sports for men and women should increase 3p, 4p, 5p, 6p, 7p. . . Group p. . . 500p.

Thailand proposed:

In addition to men’s and women’s projects, all the shemale categories should be added

South Korea proposed:

Add one in the future One gold medal should be given to South Korea, because the athletes who won the gold medals are all of Korean descent, or their ancestors are of Korean descent.