Do single women feel anxious because of their age?

Starting point: As a mature single man, I have no opinion about mature single women. In the unit, we are good colleagues; In life, don't disturb the privacy of mature single ladies, don't ask about other people's private lives, and don't gossip about others. In love, I believe in fate, eyes, heart and love at first sight. In learning, learn from everyone, including mature single ladies. As for anxiety, I don't think mature single men and women are anxious. While living a good life, everyone is trying to find the other half with similar views, similar interests and feelings for each other.

Before going to bed, I saw something that made my eyes shine: Chinese "flat house" consciousness: the purpose of my life is happiness, not getting married and having children. There are so many people who get married and have children, and I'm not bad. I have no advantages, no strength, no potential, just lying flat, mainly to live an optimistic, happy, positive life without regrets.

Pursuing worldly things, comparing with others, and whether children live up to expectations, I will lose in a big mess. If I were alive, I might have abandoned the pit long ago, but life is not a game, and I can't abandon the pit. I won't take the main plot, take the subplots, scrimp and save, be simple and happy, pursue freedom and be lucky, but at the same time I will try my best to make money and accumulate protection for myself. Failure is normal, and success is success.

Eight months, more than 2000 replies. Here I want to clarify the definitions of several words:

1. pessimistic. What is pessimism? Not having children is pessimism? This society is really sick. So, unmarried girls aged 35 and 40 are both sick? So, our company is married, unmarried and childless, so everyone is sick? Getting married and having children is a phenomenon in your circle. Don't think it is a common phenomenon. A person, or a Dink family, can live an optimistic life as long as he is peaceful and happy, goes to work, keeps fit, keeps pets and does what a warm family can do.

2. Life. What is life? Two o'clock is not life? Single men and women in their 35 s and 40 s who stick to themselves are not living? Living in a school dormitory in the north, even if you live in a low-rent house, isn't it life to try to get all kinds of certificates with high gold content or study abroad? Do you have to get married and have children to be a life? There are different ways to live in life, and everyone has different ideas. Do not be blind.

3. Social viewpoint. Society doesn't like that you don't get married and have children, but society will give you a penny if you get married and have children? Does it affect you that someone is fooling around with you? Do they care if you get married or not? So ignore society and you will be mature.

4. Struggle must have results? I know a professor from Peking University, starting from the Teachers' College, then going to undergraduate, graduate school, going to Britain and then returning to Peking University. He fought all the way, even in his sixties, and he was still in the lab every day. A professor is like this. Ordinary people have no reason not to work hard or struggle.

5. Ordinary people. Ordinary people have to get married and have children? Who told you that? I looked through the dictionary, and the definition of ordinary people is not necessarily what. Put aside your personal experience. This doesn't apply to everyone.

Latest: This year, I feel that I can't get on the subway, and I am beginning to get tired of this kind of life. I plan to work for another five years and go to the countryside after retirement.

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Personally, I think people over 30 should seriously consider getting married and having children, and don't settle for it. Making do will not improve your situation. Parents' urging can't replace your own judgment, because parents can't accompany you all your life. Once there are physical problems, they will take care of themselves first, and no one can be the master for the rest of your life. Birth is based on who can look after the children, who can have time for education, who can guarantee the support of continuing education and medical expenses, which are not determined by your age. These depend on your financial ability. If 18 years old can meet the above conditions, you can still have a bunch of children. In this epidemic, many kindergartens and nurseries have stopped serving, but the parents of children still have to go to work, and colleagues in the listening unit have lamented a lot. Children's health care in our country is very poor in legislation and reducing the burden on young parents. Mortgage, career and high cost of child care are not worth your life for more than 30 years, unless you and your future partner meet the above conditions.

As a 35-year-old leftover man. The fourth year in Beijing. Is it difficult to get an account? I see; Where is the car? I bought it. As for the house, although it is not big, it despises the bottom of the chain home outside the South Fifth Ring Road and the South Sixth Ring Road. Two small two-bedroom apartments are on the bus, but there are many mortgages.

Trying to save the RV wife's book. Found that the house is not a school district. It takes me more than an hour to go to work in the city by subway. I go out early and come back late. When I got home, I was exhausted. I sleep for an hour, get up for dinner, or fry two dishes, drink some porridge and watch the news. It's almost time for bed. 80 flat two-bedroom, no three-bedroom, no independent space after giving birth. I also want to give myself the whole study gym, so I have to give up having children.

Morning, how early? I get up at 5: 30 every day and have to go out at 5: 50; Late, how late? I get off work at half past five and get home at half past seven every day. My parents are in poor health and have made it clear that they will not take care of my children. I often go to work overtime on Saturday and Sunday. Raising children like this is no different from staying behind. So I definitely won't have a baby.

As a master's student from a rural general-level discipline, I feel that at the age of 35, when I graduated from Black Africa, I have reached the limit of what I can do, making money, buying a house and being filial. Born in a poor family in an ordinary five-line mountain village, he was replaced by a good class with excellent grades in middle school; High school to the city focus on being bullied by rich children; The university talks about the object, others dislike poverty and don't talk to you; When I was in graduate school, the GRE score was not enough at public expense, and I dared not report to the United States at my own expense; No money to buy a house, working hard in Africa for five years, only to pay down for buying a house in Beijing; It's already 35.

I missed the best age to fall in love, but I was also very open-minded because I didn't want to have children. Otherwise, children in this society will continue to be bullied by rich people and squeezed by powerful people, just like themselves. Although it is from Wuxianshan Village in Henan to the outer suburbs of Beijing, it still has not entered the core education area in the Second Ring Road, and it still cannot afford hundreds of thousands of childcare fees a year. My parents are old and weak.

Anxiety? Not anxious. I've already figured it out. The level is average, the road to struggle is long, and it is simple to support yourself. A family of three is really troublesome. Double income without children is a bright road.

The answers to several questions:

1。 Why not go to other cities?

I still have a mortgage of 14 in Beijing, which recognizes the development of Daxing after the completion of Daxing Airport. After paying off the mortgage and selling the house, it is more appropriate to go to other cities.

I don't think I can't stay in Beijing if I'm not good enough. There are too many people in this city, who are not well educated and ugly, and do not have the potential that everyone is optimistic about.

You and I come from small towns and villages in Hubei, Sichuan, Guangxi, Ningxia, Henan, Shandong, Guizhou and Yunnan. We once vowed to be great people, but suddenly woke up in the middle of the night in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen, standing on the lonely balcony, just trying to escape from this boundless loneliness. % A song says.

2. Views on having children

Raising children is like investing in a big project for more than 20 years. If you have enough money to invest, you can invest one or two or even more, regardless of the rate of return. But if you don't have this ability, such as at least 22 years, maybe 28 years of continuous investment, you have to spend a lot of energy to maintain the project, care about the project growth, and carefully cultivate the project time. Do you have money, do you? If the project investment fails and goes astray, whether it can be accepted or not is something you should consider, which requires the integration of investors and managers.

I always think that if I don't have money, good social relations, three bedrooms, one living room, a stable job with a better income and I'm not too busy, I still don't want children. Because I was a left-behind child since I was a child, the old man looked up to me. The school is in a railway mine, and the public security is extremely poor. When I was a child, I was bullied, but I couldn't find friends and parents to talk to. The feeling that a person has no money makes me feel gloomy when I think of being a child. I don't want my children to have their own love in the future. I get up at 5: 30 in the morning and go home after 7: 00 in the evening. I spend one third of the year on business trips. If I can't take care of my family, I choose not to have children.

After watching my colleague's parenting contest in Beijing, I felt unable to participate, but I gave up. Think about the competition process, training path, learning and thinking, and all kinds of make up lessons by the hour. Feel deeply powerless.

Get up at 5: 30 every day, take a bus to the subway station at 6: 00, go to the company canteen at 7: 00 at 2 1 station, start work at 8: 00, get off work at 6: 00, get home at 7: 30 on the road at 2 1 station, sleep for half an hour, rest at 8: 00, get up and cook at 9: 00. Read 1 1 and go to sleep. Five years have passed since this day, and Africa gets up before 6 o'clock every day. When the child came, it collapsed.

3。 About women who have a certain number of years and experience and are suitable for marriage

I never thought that girls had leftover women. There is nothing wrong with saying that girls can't make do when they are older. Understandably, she doesn't want to see her next generation suffer, but wants to find a better condition. But they don't want to find anyone casually, or they don't feel it, or the conditions are not good, so they choose one person. This is not a mistake in itself. At work, I negotiated with some government departments in Australia, New Zealand and the United States. More than 30, 40 and 50 of their civil servants are unmarried, and some have no children. So I don't think it's a problem to get used to it, but many places in China are still underdeveloped, and I still think life should go on. This idea can't represent everyone. This is an open and inclusive society, which will change with the development of humanities and economy sooner or later. I always think that men and women should not settle down, find the right person, find the right soul, and then get married for a long time, which is much better than the backward feudal conservative thought of getting married at an age.

Besides. . Even if the standard of marriage is lowered, the cost of raising children is high, the time and energy of raising children, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the woman's unworthy brother or sister, or the man's parents are seriously ill. If they are all from the village, it is difficult to reimburse them in different places. These problems don't even consider the men and women who are about to achieve. If there is no stable income in my hometown, if I work hard in Beishangguang, have a good house, no room to rent, and the cost of raising children is high, I am afraid many couples will regret it at this time. Because without love, it is unbearable to just make do with life. The smoky daily necessities, the wife who finally got married, looking at the circle of friends, the girlfriend is getting better and better, flying around the big house, even unable to balance herself. Then the family took the "incompetent honest man" with the children, busy in the kitchen, washing clothes in the toilet, getting up in the middle of the night to milk the children several times, and soon entered a hectic life.

If you don't make do, it really saves the "leftover men", at least it won't have such unforgivable consequences for children because you don't like making do. At that time, a chicken feather and divorce will hurt not only two adults, but also the poor "flower of the motherland" (boys are likely to be the future leeks, and girls are likely to be the short-term partners of the future high class). At this time, when two people look back on the past, maybe the "leftover men" will hope that the so-called older women have no demotion standards and have no fancy for themselves.

4。 About personal experience

When I was a child, I was exposed to the lowest level of society. My uncle drank too much and hit me when he was drunk. Gambling. I have been a left-behind child since I was a child. My parents work outside to earn some income. My uncle, grandpa and grandma raised me. I'm tired of being a left-behind child. The old people at home also think that life must be married and have children, and they care very much. Others are jealous when they have money. Most people who come into contact with ordinary construction sites in Africa after work are like this. However, after returning to Beijing, I gradually began to get in touch with entrepreneurs, government officials and teachers of public institutions, and felt different qualities and ideas. Most of them are tolerant, and sure enough, the bottom can't stay. If the small city lacks tolerance, I won't go back. That kind of depression, only oneself know since childhood.

5. About the goal and meaning of life

Many comments made me sell my house to get married and have children in the second tier, and said that having children was not so tiring. I just want to say that I am currently engaged in a job I like in Beijing, and the cost of job-hopping is too high. I can give up having children for this. You still have to get married. I don't want to give up my life in Beijing in order to raise a so-called offspring. I recommend you to read the posts about two or three universities in Beijing, and really understand the cruel division and competition of education in this city. The fertility rate in Beijing is only 0.6_0.7. Not counting the fact that people from outside Beijing have increased the fertility rate, the local people are even lower. Needless to say, the reason. Finally, I think Beijing has a job I want, but children are not what I want.

6. What is the real gap between the rich and the poor?

When you are trying to create good living conditions for your unwarranted next generation. Children with older colleagues have already started their studies in C9 or foreign schools. Among them, some children did well in the exam, but he was ashamed that no classmate (the same high school) did well in the exam. For another example, an ordinary leader of the unit has three houses, one is 200 square meters around the South Second Ring Road, the other is the North Fifth Ring Road 170 square meters, and the other is the South Third Ring Road, which is 90 square meters. Their combined annual income is nearly 2 million, and they still feel that it is not enough for their children. Of course, their children work in Australia and have already bought a house in Sydney, which is what "ordinary" leaders want to provide for their children. -I've seen these things too much. After a long time, I really feel that my struggle is very pale and powerless.

7. Pay attention to several universities and see what excellent people are like. Vlog Programmer: How did I switch from liberal arts to CS major?

8. Advise those students who want to have children to make a list for themselves and be clear-headed. There are many conditional lives, and you have no conditions. The difficulty gap is not a little:

Do you have a house? If you don't have a house, do you have the stable ability to rent a three-bedroom apartment?

8.2 Do you or your partner's parents have the ability, time, energy, physical condition, will and even better financial resources to look after the children? Or can you two young couples allow one of them not to go to work, or have the will not to go to work, or can you afford a childcare sister-in-law and a nanny?

8.3 What is your commuting time? Do you leave at 6 am and get home at 7 pm? In this case, do you have the energy to help your child with his homework and correct mistakes at night, and can parents sign it?

8.4 Do you have the financial resources, time and energy to take your children to the playground or training institution on weekends?

8.5 If your wife doesn't have breast milk, can you get up in the middle of the night to give the baby milk three or four times and work hard?

8.6 Do you have the ability to deal with your daughter-in-law's postpartum depression caused by childbirth, or have a bad temper, or can you not get angry when swearing breaks out, and can you mediate smoothly to make the anger disappear invisibly?

8.7 Do you have the money to pay for English training, musical instrument training and physical training?

8.8 Do you have the ability to go home from work quickly when your child is in an emergency?

8.9 Even if a person works and takes care of his family, if his income is insufficient and his mind is not strong enough, the difficulties will not split in two, but may be doubled.

If you think about these nine points clearly, you can understand why many girls are looking for indigenous people with good conditions. Why do rich people always fall in love with beautiful girls but marry the right ones?

Those dinks who only fall in love or get married don't involve the most difficult part of the relationship, that is, the children. Therefore, a 30-year-old single adult has nothing to worry about at all, because you enjoy the peace and tranquility that other people who have no conditions to live a hard life do not have.