Let’s make some jokes! ! ! !

Success requires three factors: hard work, wisdom and luck, all of which are indispensable. Of course, a genius like Zhuge Liang can save on hard work, but luck is indispensable. Take borrowing arrows from a straw boat as an example, if you are not lucky...

1. The straw man on the straw boat got hit a lot There are about one hundred thousand arrows, but when counted carefully, there are only ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine arrows. As a result, Zhou Yu executed Zhuge Liang according to military law.

2. When the boat sailed near Cao's camp, Cao's army shot random arrows. There were so many arrows that they were stuck all over the side of the boat. So Zhuge Liang dropped the boat and the boat lost its balance and turned over. , the boat, the helmsman, the drummer, Kong Ming, and Lu Su all entered the river to feed the fish.

3. Cao Jun asked Zhang Yimou to guide the archers. They fired random arrows and the straw boats had no armor. The result (you can think of the Qin army in "Heroes" when they attacked the city, the powerful crossbows fired arrows randomly) The arrows were borrowed, but the helmsman, drummer, Kong Ming, Zijing and others all became hedgehogs. The boat was also shot through, and they all entered the river to feed the fish (the conditions of the fish improved and they began to eat oden).

4. When the boat sailed near Cao's camp, Cao's army fired random arrows. There were so many arrows that they were stuck on one side of the boat. Zhuge Liang turned the bow of the boat in time, and the arrows were stuck on the other side of the boat. Zhuge Liang ordered the sergeant to shout: "Thank you, Prime Minister Cao, for the arrow!" The fog cleared, and Cao Jun found out and pursued them. Kongming's fleet was too heavily loaded and had no time to escape, so they were all captured by Cao Jun.

5. When the boat sailed near Cao’s camp, Cao’s army fired rockets at it. When the rocket hit the grass, it immediately caused a fire. At the same time, it made the grass boat stand out in the heavy fog (just like a car turning on its fog lights on a foggy day). Same), Cao Jun continued to shoot arrows at the fire ship.

6. The boat sailed near Cao’s camp, and suddenly saw Cao Jun pushing dozens of trebuchets...

7. It is said that Zhuge Liang and Lu Su led the fleet to take advantage of the heavy fog. When they arrived near Cao Ying, they ordered the drums to be beaten and shouted. Unexpectedly, Cao Ying also beat the drums and shouted louder than Zhuge Liang and the others. Zhuge Liang felt guilty and ordered the fleet to release arrows. As a result, when Zhuge Liang returned home after dawn, he did not borrow an arrow. , but lost tens of thousands of them, and Cao Cao's soldiers shouted in unison from behind: "Thank you, Mr. Kong Ming for the arrow!" Returning to the military camp, Zhou Yu was furious and beheaded Zhuge Liang.

8. Zhuge Liangliang and Lu Su led their fleet to the vicinity of Cao Ying. They beat drums and shouted, but there was no reply from Cao Ying for a long time. Zhuge Liang was angry and ordered to shout with all his strength, but there was still no reply. Zhuge Liang was furious. Anyone who did not shout with all his strength was ordered to be killed. The soldiers were frightened and shouted at the top of their lungs. But Cao Ying still remained silent. It was only after dawn that I discovered that because of the darkness and fog, the fleet had taken the wrong direction and sailed into the wilderness. Zhuge Liang fainted.

9. When Cao Cao heard the shouts of killing outside the water stronghold, he sneered in his heart: "How dare you challenge the tens of thousands of people from Soochow?" He immediately ordered the entire army to attack. Seeing that the situation was not good, Zhuge Liang and Lu Su turned around and ran away. They managed to escape the pursuit of Cao Cao's army due to the darkness and fog. Unexpectedly, Cao Cao's army refused to give up and came to Zhou Yu's water stronghold to yell at him. Zhou Yu didn't know what was going on but was frightened. He ordered all the archers to be mobilized to the riverside, and finally drove Cao Jun back, but shot all the Dongwu arrows. Zhuge Liang heard that he knew something was wrong, so he did not return to the Soochow military camp and fled directly back to Xiakou.

10. The straw boat borrowing arrows was a perfect success. Zhuge Liang borrowed more than 100,000 arrows. Although Zhou Yu regretted not getting rid of Zhuge Liang, he had to admire him. The next day was still a foggy day. Zhuge Liang, Zhou Yu and Lu Su were drinking and having fun in the camp when they heard Cao Jun beating drums and shouting outside the water stronghold. Zhuge Liang laughed and said, "The thief Cao suffered the loss of borrowing arrows from my straw boat. I want to do the same thing, but I am so smart, how can I be fooled by him? "I ignored the order... It was only after dawn that I discovered that Cao Jun was serious and the Soochow military camp had been occupied. I saw Cao Cao confidently coming to Zhuge Liang and extending his right hand: "Mr. Kong Ming, will you return the arrow you borrowed from me yesterday?"

A thief's letter to the owner was hilarious

Bro (I’m used to it, you don’t agree to pull me down), hello:

It’s better to see the words as they are (it’s better not to see them)

First of all, I want to apologize to you, I opened the door of your house without your consent. However, compared with my colleagues, I am quite particular. When opening the lock, I did not use destructive tools such as electric drills and axes. If you don’t mind, I will do it from now on. From an economic point of view, you can still use the original lock. I promise with my personality that I will not steal repeat customers. Firstly, it is not easy for you to live in a small household. Secondly, judging from my trophies, Your home is not worth my second visit.

Brother, let me tell you how I felt when you entered the house. You don’t have to hide it from me. You have just gotten married. I can’t figure it out. It was the furnishings in the room that told me. I am also about to get married. , for this reason, although I was in a hurry and nervous at work, I always had love in my heart and did not carry out large-scale sabotage activities.

I really like the layout design of your new house, the elegant chandelier, the beautiful and warm window screens, and the charming artistic photo of your wife on the bedside. It can be seen that you are very lucky, buddy. In short, everything seems to be so enviable. Whenever a buddy can be like this, he will stop doing this business.

Brother, please tell me about my work procedures. This will help you sort out the battlefield.

There was a small safe in the living room. I spent a lot of effort and opened it. I was quite disappointed. There were only ten letters there. After I opened one and looked at it a few times, I found that It's a love letter you wrote to a little girl many years ago. If it weren't for time constraints and heavy tasks, I would have to read it carefully. Apart from this line of work, I only like literature and other things. For the sake of your privacy, I don't have to read it carefully. Your wife found out, and secondly, to prevent dollars and other valuables from being included in the envelope, I took them all away. When I opened the envelope later, I saw that there were no dollars, but I found that you, my friend, are really talented. The literary style of the love letter is really good, it's sour, and the lines are filled with alluring words. No wonder your wife is so beautiful. In addition, I drank a bottle of the juice in the refrigerator. It was very delicious. I really forgot what brand it was.

The south room, which is your bedroom, is the place where I pay the most attention. Because of the rush of work, the bedspread and sheets were thrown on the floor. However, don’t worry, I came back and forth wearing your new socks. I walked, so I didn’t get those things dirty. The TV and stereo were pretty good, but they were too heavy. I didn’t take them away, and I didn’t destroy them (for this alone, you should thank me. Some people in our industry can’t take them away. All of them will be smashed), but I took away the 36,700 yuan you put in the mattress. Thinking about it, you are not too short of money. Otherwise, why would you keep so much money at home?

I went through all the drawers in the north room and only found a diamond ring. It might be a wedding token you gave to your wife. I didn’t want to take it away, but brother, I really need it for my wedding, so I didn’t. I took them away, but I didn’t touch the rest of the things, such as the toothbrush and the key chain.

The east room is your bookcase. I thought you were a book lover, but when I looked through it, it was all prop books. They only had covers and boxes, but no real books. I was quite disappointed. But the ones under the bookcase I took the DVD "A World Without Thieves". I had heard that it was a good movie. I hadn't had time to watch it yet, so I just took it home to watch it. Secondly, I also wanted to learn new techniques from my peers. What era are you in? Knowledge is exploding and updating too fast. If you don’t learn, nothing will happen. I advise you to replace the prop book with the real thing as soon as possible. As the ancients said, there is a golden house in the book.

Originally, my work could be more detailed, but because there were people walking around outside, I was not interested in fighting, so I ended it hastily. The gains (and of course your losses) are as follows:

Cash: 36,700 yuan

A diamond ring

A DVD

A bottle of juice

Ten love letters

The total price cannot be estimated because the love letter is included.

Although I want to write more to you to comfort your helpless soul, because I have a new task, it is inconvenient to talk more, and the love paper is shorter. Siyi has trouble sleeping at night. I will see you later (no) Sorry, let me copy a sentence from your love letter as the ending)! !

Without leaving your name

I went to bed under the lamp on X day, X month, X year