Super incisive cold copy of friends circle

1. The secret of staying beautiful used to be sleeping, but now it's retouching.

Since I bought insurance, I feel very confident. I don't have to look at the traffic lights when crossing the road.

Don't ask me why I haven't been single for so long. Because the woman has a boyfriend, I dare not look for it for fear that her boyfriend will hit me. If you don't have a boyfriend, prove that no one wants it. Well, I don't want it either

If life deceives you, don't worry, take out your beauty camera and cheat life.

It turns out that I didn't know my criteria for choosing a spouse until I met you.

6. A boy secretly loves a girl, so he got up the courage to ask her what kind of boy she likes. "congenial." The girl replied. Asked several times, the answer is the same. The boy was very discouraged and said, "Is a flat head ok?"

7.w: Now the technology is really developed, and everyone has the blink payment function. M: That function doesn't work for you. W: Why is it useless? M: Have you ever paid for blinking?

8. I especially hate the slogan that says: It is shameful to waste food in the canteen. You have the nerve to say that others are shameless by making the food that farmers' uncles have worked so hard to grow so rotten!

9. An old man keeps a parrot and teaches it to say "good morning" every morning, but the parrot never speaks. He gave up today and didn't teach parrots. At noon, the parrot finally spoke: grandpa, gone with the wind? You didn't even say hello to me today?

10. I have a dream since I was a child, and that is to drive a Lamborghini sports car with sunglasses. After years of hard work, I have realized half my dream and have sunglasses.

1 1. A few months ago, I found the place where my wife put her money. After that, I always reach out and touch one or two pieces of change every month. Until yesterday, I reached out and caught a cactus inside, and I knew it was time to stop.

12. A man is waiting anxiously outside the obstetric door. The door suddenly opened and the nurse came out with three children in her arms. The man calmed down his excitement, looked at the child carefully and said, I want the middle one!

13. Some people review like Confucius, some review like a goddess mending the sky, and I review like Columbus discovering the new continent.

14. In my lifetime, I hope others will humiliate me with these three sentences: "Why are you so thin?" "Don't you have some stinking money?" "It's good to have a good date?"

15. When getting ready for bed, WeChat merchants are still advertising hard. Before you get up, the WeChat business has started to screen, which is why the WeChat business had no money at first, and then it was blocked by everyone.

16. The collapse of young people begins with employment, the collapse of middle-aged people begins with borrowing money, and the collapse of old people begins with learning not to dance square dance.

17. After my wife disappeared, I immediately went to the police station to report the case. The policeman said to me, calm down first. If you keep smiling like that, we can't make a statement.

18. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, "I thought there was something in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole." Who knows that a fucking bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two. "

19. I'm good at biology, so I'll tell you a cold knowledge here. There is a creature with strong arms, sharp nails and sharp teeth, which can tear up all solids. That's the woman who unpacked the courier.

20. When I was a child, I looked down on those scum who fell in love. Now that I think about it, I think those students are really great. They met someone at a young age.

2 1. The prince becomes a frog and needs three kisses from the princess to become a human being. The frog prince found the princess and asked her for help. The princess kissed her twice and thought it was delicious, so she made a fried frog.

22. TV is all about: I'll give you tens of thousands and keep my daughter. The reality is: give us tens of thousands, or leave my daughter.

Yesterday, a couple came to ask me how to get to the hotel. I did not hesitate to show them the direction to Xinhua Bookstore, hoping that they could find themselves lost in the sea of knowledge!

24. After an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl, his friend said, "Poor girl. You can be her grandfather. " The old man was very dissatisfied: "I am more wronged. Her grandfather is two years younger than me, but I have to pretend to be a grandson! " "