My girlfriend ran away from home because she wanted to change jobs! Urgent!

Self-confidence (1) Change the way of thinking

Maybe something happened to you: you were busy with your own business, and your friends came to invite you to the dance, but you didn't have a good time because of your face; It's very late. Neighbors say that mahjong is short of three things, and they urge them to join us, knowing that they will stay up all night, or sit down at the mahjong table, for fear of stifling neighborhood relations. I have lent money to others but I am always embarrassed to ask for it back, fearing that others will say that I am stingy

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It is indeed embarrassing to encounter these things, but after careful scrutiny, we can find that there is such a way of thinking: I am worried that my behavior will make the other party unhappy, but if I go against my will, I will feel uncomfortable in my heart; Rather than making others unhappy, I would rather be uncomfortable in my heart.

this is a typical way of thinking. Facing a problem, the first consideration is not the problem itself, but what will happen if you don't do what others want. It's like fighting a war, thinking about what to do if you lose the battle before you see what the enemy looks like. How can you win this battle? This is often the case when people who are not confident think about problems.

psychologists find that people who are not confident can't get out of the cycle of thinking, mainly because they don't realize their basic rights.

These basic rights are:

Say "no" without guilt;

express your opinions, feelings and emotions;

make your own decisions and handle something;

make a choice regardless of whether there are problems involving other people;

refuse to know or understand something;

make a mistake;

success;

change your mind;

protect your privacy;

remain independent.

and the key to getting out of the thinking cycle of compromise is to be familiar with your basic rights. To be familiar with your basic rights, you can follow the following steps:

First, keep calm. The most commonly used method is to give yourself psychological hints to "keep calm", and you can also control your emotions by taking deep breaths.

second, decide what you need: it reflects your rights. For example, if you have an exam tomorrow, your need is to review your lessons.

Third, judge whether your needs are fair: this reflects respect for the rights of others. For example, you need to have a rest at night, which does not hinder the interests of others.

fourth, express your needs clearly. When you know what your needs are and that it is fair, you should express them boldly and resolutely.

People's behavior is dominated by their own way of thinking. If you start with changing your own way of thinking, it will be much easier to change your behavior.

confidence (2) how to face criticism?

Everyone is inevitably criticized in life, especially when your behavior changes, people around you will give you more "attention" and "comments". Therefore, if you have already begun to stop refusing others' demands, and would rather embarrass yourself than disappoint others, or occasionally say "no", then criticisms such as "unreasonable", "arrogant" and "petty" will come to you.

Of course, some people who really care about you will criticize you in good faith. Not many people can face criticism correctly, and even fewer people like to be criticized by others. In particular, people who lack self-confidence have extraordinary sensitivity to criticism and always try their best to avoid it. Over time, they will feel fear. This fear devours confidence like cancer cells. Therefore, the less confident you are, the more afraid you are of criticism.

The only way to overcome the fear caused by criticism is to be able to face it. This seems a bit vague, and the specific measures introduced below may be more targeted.

1. Listen to your critics and don't interrupt in the middle. Don't use facial expressions or body movements to show that you don't want the other person to continue.

2. Think carefully about other people's accusations in your mind so as to change your behavior. For example, people say that your pronunciation is not standard, and then you know what to do.

3. Help the other person clearly state his objection, instead of confusing his criticism of you, so that you can know what your shortcomings are.

4. Ask the critics politely how to improve their behavior or how to do it better. In this way, we can not only get to know each other, but also learn different behaviors.

5. If you feel that you are not to blame, let the other person finish before explaining.

6. If others criticize rightfully and it is really their own fault, then apologize to the other party and express their willingness to correct it. But it is enough to apologize once, at most twice, and there is no need to apologize again and again and ask others for forgiveness. Excessive humility does not help to cultivate self-confidence.

Self-confidence (3) Learn to express your love

Not only criticism will make people who are not confident enough afraid, but expressing their love will also make them afraid. These fears are:

1. Fear of being fooled. I dare not express my love. I think those words are so ridiculous that the other party will laugh at myself.

2. Fear of rejection. If you are rejected by the other party, you can't save face, and you can't see anyone again.

3. I am afraid of the impermanence of love. If you fall in love with someone and lose him (her), you will be very painful, so the thought that he (she) may leave you can't stand it, so you don't want to pay too much, lest you suffer more in the future.

4. I am afraid of losing my independent personality. I am worried that after expressing my love, the whole person will collapse, lose their freedom, lose their personality, and even lose their hands and feet, and the whole person will become different from the original one.

These fears come from your past-something in the past has left a scar on your mind. For example, someone betrayed you before, so you are worried that someone will betray you in the future. But the past may not happen again, so as long as you grasp the present and try your best to express your love, all your fears will naturally disappear.

Introduce several ways to help you express your love.

first, make some special occasions so that you two can do some activities together. For example, have dinner together, talk about the trivia of the day, and try to extend the time as much as possible. This is good for eliminating your fear.

second, occasionally give something to your loved ones that won't last long. Of course, the other party should like what you send. For example, send a bunch of flowers to your loved one or order a song for him or her.

Third, the most important thing is to try to do what you like to do with each other, such as picnics, outings and movies-whatever, and try to remember what you are happy to enjoy with him or her. Do it when you have the chance, don't hesitate.

Self-confidence (4) Overcoming shyness

After the previous efforts, the seeds of self-confidence have finally sprouted, but there is still one difficulty to break through-shyness. Shyness and self-confidence are closely related.

Because if a person has never failed, he is basically confident and not shy. However, people will encounter setbacks more or less, and there will be times of failure, and failures and setbacks make people unable to meet the requirements, and people will be shy. This shows that there is a trade-off between self-confidence and shyness. More self-confidence means less shyness, and conversely, less self-confidence means more shyness.

In real life, we can also find an interesting phenomenon: confident people are hardly shy, and shy people are often not confident. Therefore, overcoming shyness is very important to cultivate self-confidence.

so how to overcome shyness? You can try the following methods:

1. Never make yourself useless for no reason. Maybe you have done something wrong, such as saying the wrong thing, but that doesn't mean you are clumsy. Maybe you have shortcomings, such as small eyes, but there is no need to feel short-sighted and ugly.

2. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Find some small cards and divide them into two colors: one represents advantages and the other represents disadvantages. Write an advantage or disadvantage on each card. Then check which advantage has not been played, and how to play this advantage; What shortcomings can you ignore and ignore? Throw away these neglected and unconcerned shortcomings. In this way, you won't protect yourself too much; Then you will find that your advantages outweigh your disadvantages. Doing so will enable you to concentrate on your strengths and overcome your shortcomings.

3. Try to sit in the center of the crowd. Shy people often like to steer in the corner so as not to attract attention. Because no one pays attention to themselves, thus confirming the idea that "no one cares about themselves". Get rid of this habit and give others a chance to pay attention to and care about you.

4. Speak up. Shy people talk in a low voice. You might as well raise your tone, and you will be more convinced of your right to speak.

5. Keep your eyes on others when they are talking to you. Shy people often forget this. Of course, you don't have to stare at each other, but at least let them know that you are listening.

6. When others don't answer you, please repeat it. Don't make excuses for yourself that others are not interested in what you say.

7. When someone interrupts you, you should continue to finish. We are often interrupted when talking, and shy people sometimes use actions to cause others to interrupt him, as if that is what they expected. Sometimes the other person interrupts to show that he is interested in what you say, so don't use interrupting the conversation as an excuse to escape from the crowd next time.

In fact, it's as simple as that-look at yourself correctly, speak loudly, look at each other, and let others pay attention to yourself ... Just like changing other behaviors, I always feel embarrassed at first, and I feel more comfortable to go back to my old habits.

At this time, you might as well think of all your worries on the bright side. The most important thing is not to care about those fears, and you will gradually find yourself a different person. Generally speaking, people always think that it takes courage to act. On the contrary, it takes action for shy people to have courage.

Therefore, action is better than heart. Just do it, and you will become more and more confident.

self-confidence (5) light up the light of self-confidence in your heart

The road of life can't be smooth sailing, and there are often nine times out of ten unhappy things. Difficulties, setbacks, failure to achieve the expected goals for a while, and even some physical defects may make people feel inferior, feel sorry for themselves, seriously affect their work and study, and even give up on themselves.

According to psychology, inferiority complex is an emotional experience of feeling ashamed of oneself caused by too much self-denial. It is mainly manifested in the low evaluation of its own factors such as its own ability, knowledge and quality; Psychological endurance is fragile and can't stand strong stimulation; Cautious, sentimental and often suspicious; Behave timidly, hesitate, etc. Inferiority may occur in people of any age and all kinds. For example, if they are average in moral and political integrity, life has not yet flashed "brilliance" and "brightness", and they are often prone to sigh of "seeing through the world of mortals" and helplessness of "running water has gone out of spring", so that pessimism and disappointment are regarded as the main theme of life; After hard work, I have made achievements in my work and created "brilliance" in my career, but I am always worried that the "scenery" will no longer be there, and it is easy to lament that the future is bleak and "everything is empty"; With the growth of age, when youth is gone, it is often easy to lament the ruthlessness of the years and the helplessness of the red sun ... This kind of inferiority complex is a heavy mental shackle to suppress self, and it is a negative and unhealthy state of mind. It kills people's will, softens people's beliefs, dilutes people's pursuit, makes people's spirit blunt and cringe, starts with self-doubt and self-denial, and ends with self-burying and self-depression, which makes people trapped in the abyss of pessimism and sadness. It is really harmful!

The opposite of inferiority is self-confidence, which means that you trust yourself and respect yourself. It is better for others to respect themselves than for themselves. American writer Emerson said, "Self-confidence is the first secret of success." He added, "Self-confidence is the essence of heroism." People often compare self-confidence to the gate of exerting subjective initiative and starting the motor of intelligence, which is very reasonable. To establish self-confidence, we must correctly evaluate ourselves, discover our strengths and affirm our abilities. People often say that people are expensive and have self-knowledge. This "knowledge" is not only manifested in truthfully seeing their own shortcomings, but also in truthfully analyzing their own strengths. If you only see your own shortcomings, it seems to be modesty, but in fact it is inferiority complex. "The feet are shorter, the inches are longer". Everyone has his own advantages and strong points. If we can objectively evaluate ourselves, find out our strengths and advantages on the basis of understanding our shortcomings and shortcomings, and compare our strengths with those of others, we can stimulate self-confidence. Learn to appreciate yourself, praise yourself, find out all your strengths, strengths, achievements and things you are satisfied with, "show off" in your mind, and repeatedly stimulate and hint at yourself "I can", "I can" and "I am really good", so that you can gradually get rid of the shadow of "everything is inferior to others, and it is difficult for yourself everywhere", and you will feel that life is full of vitality, hope and hope. I was born to be useful. Applause yourself, cheer for yourself, wear a flower and send a banner to yourself, and you will be able to strike the spark of life and cultivate the heroic self-confidence like Archimedes' "Give me a fulcrum and I will move the earth"!

Self-confidence is not narcissism, arrogance, complacency, unfounded self-righteousness and blind optimism; It is a kind of psychological quality to motivate yourself to make progress, an optimism to meet the challenges of life with high fighting spirit and abundant energy, and a panacea to overcome yourself, bid farewell to inferiority and get rid of troubles. Self-confidence doesn't mean that you can succeed as easily as blowing off dust, but that you should despise difficulties strategically, pay attention to them tactically, focus on the big picture and start from the small, work hard in a down-to-earth and persistent manner, do everything well, overcome every difficulty, affirm yourself from the joy of victory and success again and again, and constantly break through the shackles of inferiority, thus creating the bright spot of life and achieving the glory of your career.