What are the jokes? It’s best to have more of them. I’m in a bad mood lately.

I still remember when I was in middle school, there was an epidemic of cold viruses in the school. Because it was a boarding school, the infection spread very quickly. Within a few days, more than 50 people had fevers that would not go away. The school hurriedly Free up the gymnasium and move all the patients inside. There is a guy in my class who is very envious because he doesn't have to go to class because he has a fever. So one morning he ran to the infirmary to take his temperature, secretly took a sip of warm water in his mouth, took out the thermometer and saw 39.5 degrees, and he was admitted to the isolation area of ??the gymnasium as he wished. Unexpectedly, on the afternoon of the day he entered, the school was worried that the disease could not be controlled, so it announced a five-day holiday for the whole school. So when I was passing the stadium with my suitcase, I saw the guy standing at the iron window looking at us with a sad look on his face. . . . . .

7 There was a fight between two groups in the restaurant today. All the other unrelated people ran away. I was the only one who didn’t leave my seat and looked at them with a smile. I feel very cool.

Suddenly a person pointed at me and said: Beat their boss! I was about to say that I wasn't, when a wine bottle opened my head. Then several people came over to try and pick me up. The other group saw that they were beating someone they didn't know, but they didn't help.

The police came when I was almost beaten to death and took me back for interrogation as the main culprit. I was just taken home by my parents. I have now realized a very profound truth, which is: if you don’t have the strength, don’t do it!

8 My daughter is almost three years old, and she always clamors for me to tell stories before going to bed at night.

I told her the story of Xi Yangyang and Big Big Wolf, because my daughter has also seen this cartoon.

So my daughter said to me: "Dad, you can be the gray wolf, and I can be the red wolf, okay?"

I said: "Okay!" Before I could finish my words, my daughter gave me a Big slap!

My daughter yelled at me: "Why don't you catch the sheep!"

9 One morning, my colleague and I were smoking while waiting for the bus, and there was a beautiful girl next to us. While drinking soy milk and waiting for the car, my colleague jokingly said: Brother, where is your car? I said, "Send it to me for repair." The beautiful girl next to me looked at me seriously, and my colleague continued, "What's going on?" I continued to write: Isn’t this the day when I invited a client to come out after dinner and I got into a car with a big car? The girl continued to listen carefully; the colleague continued to pretend: Oh, how much does that cost? How about I find it for you? I know a few friends who are looking for people from 4S shops; I said: Oh no, how much is a pedal worth? ! MM's soy milk sprayed all over the floor...

On October 10, the dormitory management department suddenly came to the dormitory to check whether there were any illegal electrical appliances. My two buddies were so frightened that they hurriedly put away the electric stove and hid under the mosquito net, while the other one also got in with the hot milk boiled on the stove...

The examiner pushed the door open and came in. When I turned on the light and saw that no one was there, I was about to leave. Suddenly, a brother in the mosquito net was burned by a milk cup. He knocked over the cup and let out a horrifying scream...

The hostel The management teacher was startled. He opened the mosquito net and took a closer look: two boys were hugging each other in disheveled clothes, and there was a large area of ??white on the sheets.............

11 When I was in junior high school, I was listening to rock music on headphones in my room. I was wearing only a pair of underwear and sat with my back to the door. I accidentally got hard on, so I took my dick out of my underwear and played with the rhythm. It got harder and harder, and when I was feeling proud, I found that my dad was standing behind me T_T

Teacher 12: "Nobita, the teacher will give you 90 yuan. You can borrow another 10 yuan from Fat Tiger. How much money do you have in total?”

Nobita: “0 yuan”

Teacher: “You don’t understand mathematics at all!”

Nobita. : "You don't understand Fat Tiger at all!!!"

13 at a snack bar

In summer, it's very hot

It's almost 40 degrees Celsius

p>

A woman said: "Boss, give me a bottle of drink"

The boss said: "Do you want something cold?"

The woman said very angrily : "Don't you know that women feel uncomfortable for a few days?!"

The boss said impatiently: "Who knows, you didn't put a sanitary napkin on your face."

< p>14 I saw a slogan in the public toilet: "If you can't urinate, it means you are short; if you can't pee, it means you are soft."... I suddenly felt like a huge pear

15 One time my dad used a bicycle to carry I. I was bored in the back seat, thinking that now I have grown so big, I still don’t know if my father is ticklish. . .

I put my hands into his armpits and scratched him a few times. . Then. . . . It was a tragedy. The bicycle hit a big tree nearby, and my dad and I fell backwards...

16 Two farm children were chatting, and one suddenly asked: "Do your cows smoke?" "Are you crazy? Why do cows smoke?" "Well, maybe your cowshed is on fire." 17 Voice with a netizen in Chengdu the day after the earthquake. Chatting, chatting very high. When I was excited, I used QQ's window shaking function to express my emotions. I just heard a "bang" from the other side, and then there was no movement. I said "hey hey" for a long time, and the other party said breathlessly: Brother, please stop shaking. I thought there was another earthquake, so I ran away in vain. I live on the ninth floor...

18 Taxi Go on the radio and say: "Hello everyone, I am Fan Fan, Fan Weiqi!". Driver: "MD, now you can even go on the radio even if you stutter!'"

19MM was riding a bus, wearing very tight denim shorts, and the thief slowly approached her behind her. Finally I saw the wretched man on the bus. No, the thief put his hand close to the baby's phone and pulled out the phone from his pocket. The girl suddenly turned around and shouted: "Put it back in, I'm so tight, do you think you can pull it out?" I won’t know if I come out! "Everyone is holding it in so hard...

20 was beaten by my five-year-old child today:

She clenched her hands and said to me :Brother, guess how many pistachios I have in my hand. If you guess right, I’ll give you both. I smiled contemptuously at her and said: Two. After hearing this, she opened her hands and shouted loudly: Wrong, it's one! I'm full of pussy!

21The boys will move to an apartment outside in the next semester. We need to put our things in the dormitory first and pick them up when school starts. I put some valuable things with my girlfriend and packed two bags. My girlfriend lives on the 4th floor. When she was getting the first bag, I walked around down there in boredom. The dormitory aunt said kindly, "You can go up." , let others take the weird ones." I said, "Isn't this good?" The aunt said, "Just don't stay up there too long." So I went up obediently. When I got to the fourth floor, I saw my girlfriend coming out of the dormitory. I nervously pulled me into the dormitory and said, "Why did you get in? There are many people washing themselves in the water room without clothes." I said, "No way... Look to see if there is anyone in the corridor. If there is no one, I will rush out... "As soon as the door opened, two fruity girls came in. When they saw me, they screamed and protected their key points. My girlfriend said, "Turn around and let them get dressed...". Just after saying that, a bunch of fruity girls started making a noise. I came in and asked, "What's your name? What's there?", and there was another sharp scream... Then I covered my eyes and ran out. When I passed the dormitory room, my aunt smiled kindly, "I don't wear clothes every day, teach them a lesson." "Hey!"

22 A man was adventuring alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I'm dead, God, save me!"

I saw a light appear in the sky and a voice came: "Not sure yet, you pick up a big one on the ground again." Stone, smash the leader to death." So he picked up the largest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, killing the chief.

The tribesmen were all stunned for a moment, and then looked at each other angrily. At this time, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead."

23 The new version of Di Renjie is the most powerful A fierce paragraph: Li Yuanfang: Sir, a headless male body was found in the backyard. Di Renjie: From what I can tell, this man is dead! Li Yuanfang: Your Excellency knew that this man was dead before he arrived at the scene.

I didn’t know what I did when I was in kindergarten when I was 24, which annoyed a little Loli. She pointed at my nose angrily and said: I’m done with you!

Ten! It was eight years later that I realized that she meant what she said.

You know, she will get married next month.

When I was in my senior year, I went downstairs after studying. I thought the person walking in front of me was my roommate, so I sneakily ran up to him and kicked him hard in the butt, shouting: Are you practicing self-training? The man rubbed his butt and looked back at me pitifully, trembling. He said: Yes. After our eyes met for a few seconds, I was hesitating how to apologize. The man replied: Brother, I am a freshman and I won’t dare anymore...

26 There is a brother who chases girls. My friend, I finally got a pack of heart-shaped biscuits and a bottle of milk every morning.

One morning he brought heart-shaped biscuits to see his girlfriend, and her girlfriend asked: "Where did you buy these biscuits? I went to many supermarkets, but I couldn't buy them in this shape."< /p>

He said proudly: "Of course I can't find it, I chewed it out..."

Today, Valentine's Day, a girl I've had a crush on for a long time called me. : "Come to my house, there is no one!" I ran away excitedly! ! ! ! ! ! ! 敲了一个多小时的门，发现真的没人……

28黑白黑白黑白白白白白白白白白

问： sb doing sth

答 : Penguin Rolling Down the Snowy Mountain

29 When I was in college, the toilet was an old-fashioned row of pits with no door. One night, the light in the toilet was broken, so I found a pit. When I squatted down, I held my buttocks with a strong hand, and a deep voice sounded: Someone is there!

30 When I was in the first grade of elementary school, once in a quiet class, I saw the classmate sitting in front of me quietly touching his buttocks with his hand, and then quietly extending his clenched hand out of the window, in the wind The middle quietly opened and trembled... More than ten years have passed, and I have never seen such a public-minded person.

When I was in middle school, I once called home - "Mom" -

"Who is it?" (Who else calls you mom besides me?!)

"I, ** (my name)"--

"Oh, ** has gone to school, please call me again in the evening"

After that, hang up Dropped the phone...

I sweat...

32 When I was bored, I played Dota on VS. Once I met a man named "his dad" in Chinese, so every time he The system will appear when being killed: XXX killed his father. Then he rarely died after that.

33 University, a boy in the dormitory has the habit of brushing his teeth before going to bed. Before someone went to bed, he walked to the bathroom with a toothbrush and a cup and said, "Pee, rinse your mouth, and go to sleep." Another person said, has the water been cut off?

When I was in college at 34, I just entered the school. The school asked us to fill in a self-introduction, which included our sports strengths. My deskmate told me not to write about items that would be used in sports meets, otherwise they would force you to participate in future sports meets. So we wrote about golf, tennis, skiing, etc. I wanted to turn around and remind the boys behind me who were playing well, but when I saw that his sports strengths were stepping on light bulbs with both feet and crushing boulders on the chest

< p>35 A senior sister climbed Huangshan Mountain this summer. It was raining. All her valuables were wrapped in plastic bags and carried in her backpack. She only carried a bag of snacks in her hand.

Unexpectedly, a monkey suddenly appeared halfway, looked at the senior sister for two seconds, and decisively snatched away the snacks. The senior sister's beauty suddenly turned pale. . .

Everyone reassured him that it was okay, it was just snacks.

The senior sister shook her head wildly and shouted: The student ID card I used to buy the ticket just now is still in the bag! ! ! ! !

It is said that... the academic administrator saw that in the "reason for replacement" column on the application form, he filled in "robbed by a monkey" and suffered internal injuries

Going to elementary school at 36, first A lie.

One time when the school asked me to pay, my mother gave me 100 yuan, but the class confiscated it that day. After school, I saw a snack vendor on the roadside and couldn't help but buy something for three yuan.

After returning home, my mother asked: "Have you paid the money?"

"It was confiscated today."

Mom: "Oh, where is the money?"

Took out the money: "Here it is!"

Mom: "Why are there 97 left?"

Looked down: "Oh, I won't be there when I come back." Be careful about losing three dollars."

Mom smiled: ...........the sound of her palm touching her face...< /p>

37 originally went with the idea of ??crying to watch love go to the end, but ended up laughing from beginning to end. In the scene in Bordeaux, Xu Jinglei said to Li Yapeng: "Take me away." Li Yapeng replied: "What should I do with the elephant?" (The elephant is Xu Jinglei's son). And guess what? An audience member sitting next to me said seriously: Install the refrigerator!

38 Patients in the intensive care unit of a certain hospital always died around 11 o'clock on Sundays, which puzzled the doctors and even thought it was a supernatural event, so they set up an expert team to investigate the cause.

On Sunday, the clock had just struck eleven o'clock. It was discovered through the monitor that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the life support system cord of the seriously ill patient, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning. . .

39 A few days ago, I went to the supermarket and bought something worth 6 yuan. I gave the salesperson 10 yuan. She looked at me and asked: Do you have one yuan? I said yes, so I took out a coin and gave it to her, and then something very embarrassing happened: she found five one-yuan coins and gave them to me. I was stunned for a while. .

40 Today, when the whole family was watching a costume film played on Hunan Satellite TV, I suddenly asked my dad in a stupid way: Dad, why do you think I should call you dad? ——My dad replied weakly: You can also call me Amma.

41 The emperor said to the little plum beside him: Use one word to describe me.

Little Lizi replied: Cha!

Then Xiao Lizi was chopped. . .

42 Tom fell in love with a beautiful woman in the company. Every time he saw the beautiful woman from a distance, he would have a strong erection, so he never dared to ask the beautiful woman out. After some time, Tom couldn't bear it anymore, so he called the beautiful woman and asked her out, and the beautiful woman agreed. Tom was afraid of losing his temper when they met, so he tied his penis to his right leg. Tom came to the door of the beauty's house and rang the doorbell. The beauty opened the door wearing a very sexy summer dress. Suddenly Tom flew up with his right leg and kicked the beauty to the ground. .

43 Carrot was very boring and bad-tempered when he was a child. It is said that one time when my balls hurt, I pooped it on a newspaper at home. Then I wrapped it in N+1 layers of newspapers. The huge ball was placed at the door of my neighbor's house. Then he lit the newspaper with a lighter and knocked on the neighbor's door. The neighbor asked who it was but no one answered, so he opened the door to take a look.

The moment the door opened, fuck me! Yes, you guessed it.

What is your first reaction when faced with a pile of burning newspapers at your doorstep?

Step on it with your feet! Put out the fire! ! That's right! ! That's it! ! !

So the neighbors’ various greetings to their ancestors echoed throughout the afternoon in the corridors.

44Meet two French people. One may be a teacher teaching Chinese, and the other may be his student. The teacher happily pointed to the Chinese calendar and said to the students: Look, these two characters read "Lei Feng". This is Lei Feng Memorial Day. He is very famous in China because he helped many people during his lifetime) The student said with admiration: Ah, you are so well-informed! After saying that, the two left happily. I went over to take a look and saw that it was written on the calendar: "Frost Descent"

When I was in high school at 45, the school was under closed management. Usually we could only climb over the wall when we went out to play, but only one classmate directly Walked out from the gate. He is not tall, a little chubby, likes to wear suits, and he doesn't shave his beard. Every time he goes out, the security guard asks him: "How was the talk with the teacher?" : "I'm a very worried kid, fighting all day long! Come on, let's smoke a cigarette to calm down~

46 One day, a friend who had been stuck in a traffic jam in Beijing for several hours finally finally Unable to bear it, he opened the car door angrily, opened the trunk, and took out a long wooden stick. All the people in the traffic jam looked at him in surprise, and saw him smashing a snail on the ground with a curse. , knocking and cursing: "Look how dare you follow me!

47 When I was in junior high school, the school was close to home, and I would walk home every time during the holidays.

One winter vacation, I was walking home alone and accidentally saw an eagle flying in the sky.

The coat I was wearing that day had a large white collar made of imitation rabbit fur. The moment I caught a glimpse of the eagle, I thought it would not mistake my collar for a big rabbit and fly down to catch me, right?

So I decisively found a hidden corner to hide, and stood in the biting cold wind for nearly half an hour...During this half hour, I poked out an eye from time to time to secretly See if the eagle is still there, it's... it's... it's... it's still there...

It's been there all the time. After a long time, I finally discovered the strangeness of the matter, so I braved the courage to observe the eagle carefully for a while.

Then...he cursed in a low voice:

"Crazy, fly a big-headed ghost's kite in the cold weather."

48 There is a classroom in the university. There is something wrong with the wall clock inside. As long as it is knocked by something, it will go faster and faster. If it is knocked once, it will go faster by 5 minutes.

One day, the professor was in class and found that his classmates were throwing erasers at the clock while he was writing on the blackboard. However, the professor kept silent and continued to ring the bell to start and finish class. Not long after, the final exam came and everyone was immersed in the exam. They saw the professor holding a blackboard eraser and practicing clock throwing.

The handsome guy opposite 49 is really wasting his noodles. After two bites of noodles, he left. So I righteously poured the bowl of noodles to the hungry wild cat on the roadside. After a while, the handsome boy came back with a bottle of water in his hand. Looking at the empty bowl with suspicion... At that moment, I just wanted to be a passerby eating noodles...

50 A village held a meeting to discuss reforming funerals and saving land resources, and the villagers expressed their opinions. A said: I suggest it! There is no need for a coffin, which saves money and space. B said: I think burying it vertically can save space. Bing smoked his pipe and said slowly: Look, only half of it is buried vertically, and even the tombstone is omitted. You can tell who is dead at a glance!

51 The phone rang, Xiao The girl picked up the phone receiver...

Man: "Hey, baby, I'm dad, where is mom?"

Little girl: "Mom and Uncle Chen are in the room upstairs. "

The man said angrily: "Which Uncle Chen? We don't know anyone named Uncle Chen!"

The little girl: "Yes, every time you go to work. Uncle Chen will come later."

After a long time, the man said calmly: "Baby, daddy, can you come and play a game with you?"

Little girl. He said excitedly: "Okay!"

Man: "Go to the room upstairs first, and then shout loudly, "Dad is back!" Then come back and answer the phone."

Little The girl did so, and soon heard a scream, and the little girl followed the call...

Man: "What's wrong, mom?"

Little girl: "Mom, I heard you After coming back, he rushed out of the room and accidentally fell down the stairs. Now he is motionless. "

The man continued to ask with some satisfaction: "What about Uncle Chen?"

Little girl: "I saw him jumping into the swimming pool from the window of his room, but he seemed to have forgotten that his father had drained the water to clean the swimming pool the day before yesterday. Now he is lying at the bottom of the swimming pool, motionless."

< p>The man was silent for a while...

Man: "Swim...in the swimming pool? We don't have...a swimming pool at home! Is the number here xxxxxxxx?"

Little girl: "No."

Man: "Oh, sorry, I called the wrong number."

52 A true story I heard from a friend: A woman learned to take the driving test for her driver's license. The one in front got off the car and it was her turn. She was very nervous! She got off the car on the right side, walked around to the left side, opened the door... and then shouted: Coach! Where is the steering wheel? The examiner looked back at her and said calmly: What you opened is the back door...

A MM from 53 company, her QQ signature a while ago was 5.05 6.10 7.12 8.18 9.23 () I have studied it again and again, but I can’t figure it out. . I sent it to the math genius in the company, but he didn’t make it either. Finally, I had to ask her: "What's the number in the brackets?" MM replied: "I didn't know, I haven't come yet."...

54 I saw it in the market, like a god Uncle!

The uncle was buying tomatoes. He picked three and put them on the scale. The stall owner weighed them and said: "One and a half pounds, three yuan and seven."

The uncle He said, "I'm just going to make soup. I don't need so much." After that, I removed the biggest tomato.

The stall owner quickly took another look at the scale and said, "One pound, two taels, three yuan."

Just when I couldn't see it and wanted to remind the uncle to pay attention to the stall owner's scale, the uncle He calmly took out 70 cents, picked up the big tomato he had just removed, turned around and left...

The stall owner was in a mess on the spot...

55 A few days ago My cell phone was stolen in the classroom (who probably knew it, but had no evidence), so she posted a status on QQ saying, "Just because I don't tell you, doesn't mean I don't know." As a result, my girlfriend sent a message saying: I'm sorry. . . . .

In the evening of 56, my daughter and I were watching TV in the living room, and my husband was surfing the Internet in the study. I was a little thirsty, but didn’t want to move, so I said: Husband,

give me a bottle of Coke. My husband came out of the study and got me a bottle, then ran back to the study. At this time, the five-year-old daughter also shouted: Dad, I want to drink too.

My husband said impatiently: Get it yourself! The daughter was stunned for a moment, and then shouted: Husband, I want to drink too

.

It was snowing in the early winter of 1957. It happened that a group of us were returning to the dormitory after playing games in the Internet cafe. It was around 12 o'clock in the evening (our dormitory door was not locked at that time). Seeing that it was snowing, a group of people were very excited and started having a snowball fight. But the snow didn't fall very much, so the snow was very thin. It took a long time to collect it before it could be made into a snowball and thrown out. I was excited to find that there was a thin layer of snow on the car next to me, so I worked very hard with both hands to scrape off the layer of snow on the rear window of the car bit by bit...and then I discovered There was a man and a woman inside. The woman was lying on the back seat and the man was riding on her. They looked at me quietly.

58 I went shopping with a friend of my brother’s at noon today. Her partner is also a good friend of mine, a very solid person.

She took a fancy to ONLY’s new 1,799 leather jacket, and called her husband and said - Husband, I’ve spotted a 1,700-yuan piece of clothing, can I try it on? Her husband said very gently, "My dear, if you like it, just try it. You don't need to ask me. Just make it happy for you." Then she asked me very gently who she was with. I heard it was me, and she wanted to say hello, so the woman gave me her phone number. As soon as I said hello, I heard my brother's trembling voice saying - Sister~~~ help me find a way to stop that woman. . .

59 Bush and Ballmer were sitting in the bar, and someone asked: Hi! What have you been busy with lately? Bush said: We are planning for World War III. The man asked: Really? Bush said: We will kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman. The man exclaimed: Why do you want to kill a bicycle repairman? Bush turned to Ballmer and said: Look! I said no one would worry about those 10 million Afghans!

60 The price of instant noodles has increased, the price of eggs has increased, the price of flour has increased, the price of gasoline has increased, and the price of down jackets has increased. . . In addition to wages, almost everything around us has increased in price, but we still have to live strong because the price of cemeteries has also increased!

A woman in 61 cried on her blog, saying that she only found out after meeting her husband’s teacher on the street that her husband named her daughter after his first love. He also said that he always knew that his husband once loved his first love very much, but later his first love went abroad and the relationship ended. It has been a good time getting to know my husband. I thought I was the happiest person, but now I know that my husband has never forgotten his first love. A netizen replied: Actually, your husband wants to tell his first love: I am ***. . .

62 True:

One day I had a stomachache, so I hurriedly went to the toilet, took off my pants and spent a long time, and farted loudly. .

Then I heard the buddy in the next pit: "I wipe..."

When I was about to leave, the buddy said again: Brother, do you still have any paper? I was frightened by you just now, and the paper fell into the pit!

One day in 63, a girl went to the castle museum to play, but she heard others saying that the castle was often haunted, so she asked the castle manager, "Have any ghosts appeared here?"

< p>The administrator replied, "I have worked here for more than five hundred years and I have never seen any ghosts."

"..."

The girl fainted on the spot...

p>

64 When I was crossing the road, I encountered a red light. My friend wanted to go forward, so I stopped him: "Light, wait for the light, wait for the light!" My friend turned around and said to me disdainfully: "You are the only one who has the intel. Ah! ”

65 Taking the subway to work in the morning was so crowded! There was a very cute girl next to me who was texting. I accidentally glanced at it and saw that she wrote, "There are a lot of people on the bus today and it's very crowded." After a while, I remembered something and laughed a few times. After a while, I accidentally looked back and saw that the girl continued to write, "There is an SB standing next to me."

66 Once in class, a classmate was very hungry, so he soaked instant noodles. In order not to let the teacher find out, I put the book up and buried my head, but the heat still came out. The teacher said calmly: "Which classmate is this, who is obsessed with reading?"

When I was a senior in 67, I went downstairs after self-study one day, thinking that the person walking in front of me was someone else. Friend, secretly ran up to him and kicked his butt hard, and shouted: You actually practiced on your own? ! The man rubbed his butt and looked back at me pitifully, and said tremblingly: Yes.

After our eyes met for a few seconds, and I was hesitating how to apologize, the man replied: Brother, I’m a freshman, I won’t dare anymore...

68 A girl broke up with her boyfriend, and next to her The classmate comforted her: "What's so good about that man? He's in civil engineering. You can tell he's both earthy and wooden!" Hearing this, I couldn't help but think of my software engineering classmates...

< p>In 1969, I participated in a pigeon releasing competition. On the day of the competition, I went alone

On the day of 70, I asked a school girl to borrow a CD on QQ...

Me: Do you have it? C...(D is not typed)?

School girl: I hate it! Guess again!

Me: D?

School girl: That’s pretty much it.

Me:...

Yesterday, my brother charged the wrong phone number to the wrong phone number. I felt a little distressed after charging 100 yuan, so I called that brother and asked if he could recharge it for me. When I came back~ the guy said very depressedly: Brother, it’s the end of the year and I have to pay all the bills. I finally shut down my phone, and you charged me up again...

72 I went to the school supermarket to buy things today. .

Don’t you have to swipe the barcode when you check out? There will be a "beep" sound~

The braised egg I bought cannot be swiped out...

I don’t know what I was thinking in my head at that time...

Just like this, a sentence came out slowly:

"Beep!~~~"

The whole audience was petrified~~~

73 returned to Guizhou last night. On the plane, I originally wanted to tease the stewardess, but she was teased by the stewardess. When the meal was served, I said, do you have tissues? MM took out a tissue from her pocket and gave it to me. She asked again if you have a toothpick, and she took out a toothpick from another pocket. I was very depressed and asked again if you have disposable chopsticks. MM handed me the chopsticks. At the same time, he said something that petrified me: Do I look like Doraemon?

74 On Valentine’s Day last year, four bachelors had hot pot together. I vowed that I would break away from them next year, but I did it. Now I am the only bachelor left, oh yeah~

The total area of ??75’s intestinal tract is 200 square meters. Our house is not as big as the place where shit lives. It’s better to be shit. It’s really worse than shit~

76 I heard that someone went to the Northeast When I was on a business trip and asked for beer at a restaurant, the waiter asked, do you want room temperature or refrigerated?

Someone said angrily, in this cold weather, you still let me drink refrigerated food? !

The waiter said calmly, the normal temperature is minus 15°, the refrigerated temperature is minus 1°

One day in 77, the teacher yelled at the students in the class: You are too stupid, your IQ is negative. , my IQ is a hundred times that of yours!

Student:...

78 The Chinese leader and the American leader were comparing whose bodyguards were more loyal. The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump off the 10th floor. The bodyguard knelt down and said: " Don’t be like this, I still have a family.” So the President of the United States relented. The Chinese leader ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the Chinese bodyguard jumped without saying a word. The President of the United States was so frightened that he quickly grabbed him. The escort said: "Don't be like this, I still have family."

79 My mother received a call saying that the credit card of XX Bank was in arrears, as you all know.

My mother said, "You must be a liar. Banks all use voice systems."

The other party hung up the phone.

A few days later, I received another call. As soon as the call was connected, he said, "This is a voice message. Your xx bank account is in arrears... Please press 9 for details."

My mother said, "There is no 9 on my phone."

The other side said, "How is that possible?"

My mother said, "Aren't you a voice caller?"

Hang up the phone over there.

80 I had nothing to do in the office today, so I played with a magnet. The leader looked at me, and he reached out to take it, but with a "swish", the magnet was attracted to the leader's ring. It was so embarrassing...

81 Qingming Festival is here, and my family and I went downstairs. Burning paper money to pay homage to the ancestors, leaving my sister to look after the house. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me: "Brother, a few people just talked to you online, and I replied to them all for you!" I looked at the message record, and my sister replied: I'm sorry, my brother is no longer here, unless I Go help him burn paper, otherwise he won't be able to come up and talk to you...