Daily humorous joke greetings to friends

In daily life, what humorous jokes can be used to greet friends around you? I have arranged the daily humorous jokes and greetings for your friends, hoping to help you!

Daily humorous joke greetings to friends (latest edition of 217)

1. Two friends who specialize in freeloading meet.

a:? Dude! I always see your pockets full of old envelopes, toilet paper and cigarette cases. Excuse me, what is the function?

b:? I was eating with my friends, and when I was about to finish my accounts, I said on the one hand: I'll do it! I'll/on the one hand, take these old envelopes and scraps of paper from my clothes? Take it out one by one, and when it is finished, my friend has already paid the bill. ?

a:? My method is different from yours. I always chew things up when I eat, so when I eat with others. Always the last to finish. This not only means paying attention to hygiene, eating carefully, but also not being a host. ?

2. A pig said: Hello everyone, I am a pig, and I am honored that I was born by a pig mother.

The dog feels something is wrong.: Gee, I'm still a son of a bitch.

The rabbit changed the subject in one sentence: Mother called me rabbit pup paper.

3. A young officer wanted to make a phone call, but he had no change. So he stopped a veteran crossing the road: Do you have any change on hand? Staff sergeant. ?

　? Let me look for it for you. ? The veteran reached for his wallet.

　? Is that how you answer the second lieutenant? Do it again. Do you have any change on hand? Staff sergeant! ?

　? Report, sir, no! ? The veteran replied decisively.

4. This short message is made of metal. hit the floor, I wish you: success in nail fixing, a new high in aluminum, healthy zinc and zinc, a golden life and a beautiful mood forever! Note: non-radiation, you can rest assured to forward!

5. The classmate violated discipline seriously in class, and the teacher dragged him to the corridor to beat him. The classmate shouted: Do you dare to hit someone? Teacher: Does anyone know if I hit you? Does anyone know? When the classmates ponder, their hearts are horizontal? Then the teacher was sent to the hospital!

6. There are many frogs on the Internet, but maybe you can find a frog prince. There are many dinosaurs on the Internet, but maybe you can find a dinosaur princess. Summary? Online dating is similar to buying lottery tickets. If you meet the right one, you will win the prize. If you meet the wrong one, you will be considered as donating to charity.

　7、? Do you like confused women? No. ?

　? Neither do women who like to smoke all day. ?

　? Women who can't even cook don't like it even more. ?

　? Then, you must like a woman who talks endlessly all day. Nonsense, I hate it. ?

　? That's strange. Then why do you always please my wife so assiduously?

8. Mr. Votini lives in a hotel.

　? Waiter, at night, when I woke up, guess what I saw? I saw two mice fighting in the middle of the house, which is outrageous. ?

　? Sir, do you think that if you spend 36 kronor to stay in our hotel, I will hold a bullfight in Spain for you?

9. Young Avanti met a beautiful girl in the street, so he set his eyes on her. When the girl went there, he followed. When the girl found out, she stopped and asked, Who are you? Why are you always following me?

　? Your beautiful appearance attracted me. ? Avanti confessed.

　? What can attract you to me? The girl asked.

　? You are like a blooming flower! ? Avanti said.

　? Look at you, ugly as a spider. Who wants you? The girl said.

　? No, you are wrong, I am like a bee! ? Avanti replied.

1, 1, coax a woman to hang up QQ for at least two hours every day, and it will be sunny after a certain number of days?

2. The wife is a TV, and the lover is a mobile phone. She watches TV at home and takes her mobile phone when she goes out. Sell TV in bankruptcy and get rich for mobile phones; Watch TV occasionally and play mobile phone all day; Fixed TV, mobile phone; The channel is free and the mobile phone charges. Men want to watch TV with their mobile phones.

3. People have plenty of backgrounds, but I only have my back.

4. Flowers often belong to cow dung instead of people who appreciate them.

5. The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

6. Gold that doesn't want to deform is not good steel!

7. If a woman's company sends a thousand dollars, she will tell her man that she sent a thousand dollars and her friend that she sent five hundred dollars. When a man sends a thousand dollars, he will tell the woman that he sent five hundred dollars and his friend that he sent one thousand five hundred dollars.

Daily Humorous Joke Greetings for Friends (Classic Edition)

1. The pilot of a certain flight landed the plane heavily on the runway during a landing. Airlines have regulations that when passengers get off the plane, the captain must stand at the door and send the passengers with a smile. Thank you for taking this flight. ? Because of this bad landing, when he stood in the hatch and said this, he simply didn't dare to look at the passengers, for fear that someone would laugh at him.

All the passengers got off the plane, except an old lady with a cane. She said:? Son, may I ask a question code? Certainly, madam. What question do you want to ask? Did we land or were we shot down?

2. Children talk without restraint: The teacher said that the egg was laid by mother hen, and the duck egg was laid by the mother duck. This preserved egg must have been laid by Songhua. But I don't know what Songhua looks like.

3. Call for a handsome pot: Gu, I am as beautiful as a fairy, and my hands are dripping with water. In my dream, I found you kicking over the bed, spilling a table when I was shy, and throwing a smile at Brother Sharp. I can't smash a pot in a hurry, so I can send a message to the handsome pot.

4. Teacher:? Baker, why does the rocket run so fast?

baker: Whose ass is on fire, don't run like hell! ?

5. Husband and wife are eating seafood stalls. Husband:? I need to eat more oysters, which is an aphrodisiac! ? Wife:? Well, it's quite useful. It used to be 1 minute, but now it's 3 minutes! ?

6. The teacher assigns homework for the students to use? Extraordinary? Make sentences with one word.

mistress won't just ask dad. Dad thought for a moment and said, Let's put it this way: If you write on a square paper, you won't write anything extra.

7. I saw you the other day, holding a telephone pole and wearing an explosive head, dancing with excitement and blushing. I asked you what you were so happy about, and your lips trembled for a long time before you squeezed out a sentence: I was shocked!

8. The leader of a company made a summary. He read: Monks who have obtained diplomas, cadres who have not obtained diplomas! Just read this, the audience laughed. The leader said angrily, What's so funny? Monks can get diplomas, and cadres should work harder!

9. A group of young people surrounded Avanti and said: Uncle Avanti, I heard that you cheated Satan. We don't believe that you can fool others, but you can't fool us. Please show your deception! ?

　? Later. I don't have time now. ? Avanti said.

　? What's your hurry? The young man asked.

　? Come on, leave me alone. Otherwise, I won't see her until I get back. ? Avanti looked very anxious.

　? Where the hell are you going? Tell us: The young man pleaded.

　? It is said that there is a beautiful and graceful woman in the neighboring village who is getting married today. It is a lifelong regret not to see her. I must see her before she is picked up by the groom. Let me go quickly! ? Avanti said.

......

1. Henry was driving a new car to the suburbs at high speed. Suddenly, he saw a sign standing at the intersection leading to the mountain road: Don't bet your life? This is your last trump card.

it is dangerous to drive in dense fog, especially when the fog is in your head.

please remember that nature is not perfect. It prepares spare parts for cars, but people? No.

11. The coach comforted his lost boxer and said: It doesn't matter, you scared

him badly in the third game. ?

　? He's afraid of me, too?

　? Yeah, he thought he killed you. ?

12. Lao Zhang in the office is known for his wit.

One day, Xiao Wang found a special topic to spite him.

Xiao Wang said: Lao Zhang! Do you know what is the worst thing in the world?

Lao Zhang said he didn't know.

Xiao Wang said: A person is dead, and his money has not been spent. ?

Everyone looked at Lao Zhang and thought he had nothing to say this time!

but Lao Zhang was stunned and immediately said:? Xiao Wang! Do you know the worst thing in the world?

Xiao Wang said he didn't know.

Lao Zhang said? It is a person who has spent all his money and is not dead yet. ?

13. A quack doctor is sitting in the clinic, taking the pulse with two fingers, writing a prescription in a few words, four eyes shining green, five fingers reaching out to you, and six digits are not enough. You are so angry!

14. There are two men and a beautiful woman who swim to a desert island after sinking. What will happen between them? If those two men are Italian, they will fight, and then the one who wins will have the beauty; If those two men are French, they will get along well and share the beauty; If those two men are English, they will try to murder that beautiful woman, and then they will get together by themselves; If those two men are Singaporeans, they will do nothing but wait for Mr. Li's instructions.

15. Guan Guan's dove is in the river continent; My fair lady is poor. The power of banknotes is loved by the world; My fair lady, who wants it. Welcome, who will marry me, leisurely, single. I want a wife. Who loves me?

16, 1. A male deer, it walked faster and faster, and finally it became a highway (deer)! !

2. Two tomatoes crossed the road, a car sped by, one of them couldn't avoid being squashed, and the other tomato pointed to the squashed tomato and laughed. Hahaha! Ketchup

3. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, when it was hit by a car, it shouted:? Gung! ? From then on, it became a cucumber! !

4. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad said: Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?

5. Why did Xiao Ming fall? Please think twice? Because the floor is slippery!

6. Glass and coffee cup cross the road together. Suddenly someone shouted:? Car? Fabo? As a result, the glass was hit by a car, but the coffee cup was fine. Why? Because coffee cups have ears! < p p> ......

17. I was a shutter general in the Heavenly Palace. To put it bluntly, when people came in, I gave them a curtain. I was so excited that I didn't sleep all night when I was appointed as a shutter general. The next day, I realized that shutter generals did this, and I was angry with stars.

Speaking of this heavenly palace, it's really small in appearance and has many rules. You said that those who pick curtains are called curtain pickers, and they are also called generals, which is hypocritical. But then again, it gives people face. For example, if you burn boilers in the heavenly palace and people ask you what you do, they will look down on you. If you say you are Vulcan, they are sure to be right.

that day, I went to work for the first time, and I felt uncomfortable, so don't mention it. At this time, an old man came over, wearing a board on his head and followed by an umbrella-bearer. Later, I learned that the umbrella-bearer was called Marshal Tianpeng, one level higher than me. < p p> ......

18. Recently, the weather is like the face of a girl in love, and it changes when you say it; Like the face of a lovelorn girl, cold; Like a girl's face when she broke up, gloomy. Therefore, love depends on the face, go out to see the sky, friendship depends on the color, I wish you a colorful life!

19. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as romantic as the moon, as warm as the sun, as strong as an ox, and as tolerant as the sea. In a word, you are nothing like a human being!

2. There are indeed many similarities between marriage and stock trading:

Just talking about friends, called? Exploring the market?

engagement name? Enter the market? ;

what is the name of marriage? Deal? ;

first marriage? Primitive shares? ;

After getting married and getting divorced, you get a lot of money from the other party. Cutting meat? ;

after marriage, the two sides are not in harmony. Step on the air? ;

marriage is dull, and I have to make do with it helplessly. Locked up? ;

this kind of marriage is finally divorced after much thought. Uncover? ;

after three to five years of marriage, feelings are sometimes good and sometimes bad. Box finishing? ;

The marriage broke down completely and irretrievably. Crash? ;

It's interesting and vivid to compare the situation of marriage and love in stock market terms:

When you are in love, you are often picky, such as who you choose? Stock picking? ;

Daily Humorous Joke Greetings for Friends (Popular Edition)

1. A brother went to the toilet and got into the ladies' room by mistake. When he got in, he found that there was no urinal, which made him feel wrong. Fortunately, there was no one in the ladies' room. He walked out casually. When I was opening the door, I met a mm who came in, and met him face to face, with a red face and a low head, and turned to drill into the men's room

2. Jiang Wen: Let the bullets fly. Development and Reform Commission: Let prices fly. PetroChina: Let the oil price fly. Ministry of Housing and Urban-Rural Development: Let house prices fly. Tax official: Let the tax fly. Grain Bureau: Let grain and oil fly. Foxconn: Let employees fly. People: Let the tears fly.

3. A woman took a lot of money to the market to buy things, but she lost a

cloth bag on the way. Back home, her? Active? To the husband? Report? ：? There are so many people

in the market today, so crowded and crowded that many people have lost their bags

The husband asked her: Then your bag is lost, too. ?

the woman said: If you are a hero, you have to lose it! ?

the husband was frightened. Has the silver been lost?

the woman replied? Don't worry about this. I'm tying the silver tightly in the corner of the bag. ?

4, 1. If your rival fell into the water, how would you pee?

2. Do men who smoke smell, or do men who drink smell without taking a bath?

3. Your ex is married. Would you like to attend his wedding? I just want to attend his funeral!

4. someone throws oil all over you and says, don't worry, it's all automatic. What do you do to hit him with kidney deficiency and tell him? Don't worry, there are Liuwei Dihuang pills, which treat kidney deficiency and contain no sugar. ?

5. Seriously, have you had a plastic surgery? Is my stomach swollen?

6. freckles, high myopia, pie face, elephant legs, thick waist, let you choose a wife, would you choose me or a man?

7. Liu Xiang: China's speed! Yao Ming, the height of China! You! The weight of China?

......

5. The drunkard went to the ATM to withdraw money, but I didn't expect the card to be taken by the ATM? Eat? Yes, the drunkard is in a hurry. Just as an acquaintance passed by, give him advice and pour wine into it quickly. The drunkard asked: Why? An acquaintance laughs: Drink.