The village is named after the temple and is referred to as "Shifo Village". It was later destroyed by fire and has not been rebuilt to this day. Shifo Primary School is located to the west of Shifo

The village is named after the temple and is referred to as "Shifo Village". It was later destroyed by fire and has not been rebuilt to this day. Shifo Primary School is located to the west of Shifo Brigade Headquarters. There are more than 20 bungalows in a row. On the first day of school, I didn’t understand that I meant going to school every day. Therefore, I lost interest in school the next day and stopped going. Therefore, I lost the opportunity to go to Shifo Primary School. Later, my father told me that it was better to go to the village-run Zhaotun Primary School to the east, which was very close to my home. In this way, I started going to school when I was eight years old. The classrooms here are very simple and not enough. Three grades share one classroom. I brought a packed lunch at noon and cooked it at a farmer's house near the school. I ate there during my lunch break and didn't pay for it. When I think about how much trouble I caused to others at that time, I really should be grateful for their selfless dedication.

When I was in Zhaotun Primary School, my first teacher was my neighbor. His name was Geng Zhengfu (later changed to Geng Lixin at the beginning of the Cultural Revolution). He was tall, with black hair, a high nose bridge, and a big face. His eyes and fair face give him the feeling of a scholar. He also lived in the west wing of the Tangjiagou courtyard. Therefore, I didn't feel nervous and reserved in school, and I seemed to have fun being with my classmates.

The textbooks in the first grade are very formal, covering human limbs, mouth, ears and eyes, kittens fishing, etc. Starting from the second grade, our textbooks have changed. The Chinese class is all about Chairman Mao’s quotations, and the music class is all about Popular songs of the time. Things like "The East Is Red", "Sailing the Sea Depends on the Helmsman", "Don't Forget the Hardship of Class", etc. Since I was in school, I have carefully memorized all the knowledge I have learned. I have never thought about what it means to be incompetent. Every time I take an exam, I They were all double hundred points, so I was rated as a "Five Good" red soldier many times.

One day, the warm sunshine rose from the east, and the sun was shining brightly. As usual, I went to school along the winding path. When I walked to the pasture assigned to our family, I saw a man mowing our grass. I yelled at him and told him to get out of here quickly. The classmate told the teacher about it. So, I came to the classroom and was punished by the teacher to stand there until the bell rang. Later, I admitted my mistake to the teacher and promised not to make the same mistake again, so I put the matter to rest. When I got home in the evening, the teacher still told my parents about this incident. I was trembling with fear and was extremely afraid that I would be punished again. I trembled and ran to my mother. My mother glanced at my father, helpless. Finally, I was punished by a sharp whip from my father's belt. I couldn't bear the pain, so I knelt down and begged for mercy again and again, and promised not to curse anyone again. , my father spared me. This punishment was imprinted deep in my heart. From then on, I have never been punished or scolded by my parents again.

During my three years at Zhaotun Primary School, I was excellent both in character and academic performance. I served as a sports committee member every year. I was often praised by my teachers and respected by my classmates. I completed class assignments quickly; I often answered questions in class first; my compositions also became model essays many times and were read by teachers in class. At that time, my parents basically didn't care about their children's studies, but I always studied consciously and conscientiously without adults having to worry about it. What worries my parents is paying tuition fees when school starts every fall. Because my family has a large population, life is already tight, and there are so many students, we sometimes have to default on tuition payments. I remember that my father once went to the teacher to plead with me about my tuition fees and asked for a deferral of payment. The teacher agreed. Every time I think of this matter, I feel unbearable sadness.

The teacher was very strict with us. I was often called out and criticized by the teacher for doing little tricks in class. At that time, men and women usually sat at the same table. The usual trick was to draw a line with chalk on the desk. Whoever crossed the line would be bumped back with their elbows. I was the one who crossed the line. I did not abide by the 38th line. According to the rules, at this time, the girls would raise their hands to complain. I was criticized and felt deeply painful. However, I was wrong first, so I had to tolerate it.

I served as a sports committee member in the class and was considered a class cadre. I had a lot to do when others were not busy. I remember that the moral class had a lot of content at that time, which left a deep impression on me. The teacher taught us to learn from Lei Feng and do good deeds. My classmates and I often swept the streets and used pot ash to paint the blackboard. In winter, we set up a stove in the middle of the classroom and got up early every day to burn the stove.

The father of the fat girl in our village has asthma and cannot work. A few friends and I helped her clear stubble in the cornfield. Recommended by teachers, he gave speeches throughout the township. This collectivist mentality undoubtedly plays an important role in my life path.

At that time, I was so happy. Later, a movement disrupted the normal teaching order, and the whole society was agitated. Almost everyone was involved in this movement, including us primary school students. The teacher asked us to write big-character posters for him. The students We all felt baffled. None of us knew how to write, so the teacher taught us to write with a brush dipped in pen water. The content was roughly "the teacher spoke rudely, made us stand, and refused to listen to the class, etc." Later printed textbooks included more slogans and quotations. There are also more social activities, including participating in parades and criticism meetings.

When I was in the third grade, I went to Guoyuan Primary School in Dahuogou Village, north of my home. There was no fourth grade in Xiaohuogou, so in the fourth grade I transferred to the school where I went to school on the first day. He attended Shifo Primary School, a regular public elementary school. Shifo Primary School is also public. It is a small courtyard with a row of bungalows. Each grade has its own classroom. Some grades have two classes. The classrooms have wooden tables and stools, and glass doors and windows. It's a huge difference from our classes taking turns in the same dilapidated house regardless of grade. I joined the class directly and am in the first semester of fourth grade. When I first arrived at school, everything felt new. Shifo Primary School was founded in March 1948, close to mountains and rivers. The school is located in Guotun, Shifo Village, Changling Town. It covers an area of ??7,200 square meters, a building area of ??nearly 800 square meters, and a sports field area of ??5 One thousand two hundred square meters, the circumference of the circular runway is 150 meters. There are no walls around the school and it extends in all directions. There are more students here, and there are more than 40 people in a class. I have changed from the former sports committee member to the group leader. I feel that the class is underrepresented, and I feel uncomfortable. However, the school conditions were much better. I secretly made up my mind in my young mind that in such an environment, I must study hard and never fall behind others. So, I studied hard and my academic performance has always been among the best. I have received many awards in my memory. praise. I studied very easily and never felt any pressure.

Because I was in the class for a short time, I didn’t have a deep impression. I only remember that there was a pair of girls named Jiang Hua and Jiang Yan, but I have no other impressions.

When I went to school here, I remember that once, the school organized a story gathering to remember the bitterness and sweetness. The students carried benches to the east brigade headquarters in twos and threes. On the simple podium, the old lady burst into tears. To denounce the darkness of the old society, sometimes there will be landlords and landlords with their hands tied behind their backs and their heads bowed, or thieves who have stolen collective belongings. The audience often burst into tears, and when they got emotional, someone would shout: "Down with the landlords and reactionaries!" We raised our little fists and stared with red eyes at the shameless landlords and other "bad elements" on the stage. After the meeting, those unforgettable stories will make us forget about our hungry stomachs and thin clothes, and will make us cherish today's happy life.

At that time, what impressed me most about education was remembering the bitter and thinking of the sweet. We sang: "The sky is full of stars, the crescent moon is shining, the production team is holding a meeting, complaining and grievances, the evil old society, the blood and tears of the poor." Remembering bitterness and remembering sweetness was the most effective education method at that time. It was much better to eat the food of remembering bitterness than during the three years of natural disasters. Although it is relatively bitter, even though it is whole grains, you can still eat. Yiku rice is basically porridge made from bran and vegetable leaves.

At that time, being born in a rural family had a great influence on people. In fact, after many years of social practice, I feel that social influence is still greater than family influence. Family influence is subordinate to social influence. Everyone enters the school gate as soon as they are sensible. Teachers’ words are more authoritative than parents’ words. Group education is better than individual education. Education is more popular. The leadership's teachings, books, texts, art propaganda, the influence of customs, the edification of work, etc. will all have an indelible impact on a person, which is something that family influence cannot compete with.

My best elementary school classmates are Ge Guangyan and Xu Jun. The three of us have similar personalities and are all active.

They were sent to Tangjiagou with their father. Because their fathers were rightists and were sent to our village from Dalian. The three of us wrestled and arm-wrestled, and we always had to compete. They often tell me some things about Dalian city. They studied very hard and always had the best grades. After school, we often do homework together, read short stories, and play chess. The activities were basically held at their homes (Ge Guangyan was temporarily living in the quadrangle, the main house in the backyard was Changxian's house, and Xu Jun lived in the small courtyard). Ge Guangyan's mother was too tidy, had too many rules, and did not welcome others. children. Not long after I left the village, I heard that all the rightists had taken off their hats, and the two families moved back to Dalian. We have had no contact until now.

When I was a child, I once had a vague emotion. I liked a girl, her name was Chen Xiang.

She is very handsome, with an oval face, black and shiny bangs, and a pair of big black eyes with good eyesight. When she looks at me, sometimes she blinks, sometimes she stares intently, purely. It must be like a pool of autumn water. Her two braids hang down her shoulders, swaying as she walks. She wears a grass green top, blue pants, and a pair of white shoes. Her figure can be recognized from a distance.

Chen Xiang’s family does not live in our courtyard. Her family passes by the fat girl’s house on the west side of our courtyard. Because I like her, I often go to her house to play with her. She has four sisters and one brother. When I go to her house, I sometimes pretend to be casual and glance over her body. Of course, she must have been paying attention to my every move unconsciously. Otherwise, how could she feel my gaze?

Whenever Chen Xiang feels my gaze, her face heats up, her heart beats, and she feels uncomfortable all over, but there is a faint sweetness in her heart. Occasionally, when we looked at each other, Chen Xiang even felt a small flame jumping in my eyes. The flame would become brighter and more scorching the longer we looked at each other. At this time, Chen Xiang couldn't stand the passionate gaze, and would shyly lower her head or look away, as if she was afraid that she would melt in my eyes.

Later, when I was picking up peanuts in the peanut field in our back mountain, I saw that there was a piece of peanuts that had not come out because the plow pole had wandered. They were all in the soil. I said arrogantly, no one can do this here. Move, this is mine. When Chen Xiang came, she started digging without thinking. When I saw that I was anxious, I didn’t know where the strong force came from. Without thinking, I picked up the spatula and hit her arm. She groaned, and I quickly looked over to see that the arm she had lifted was bleeding. When my mother heard this, she quickly ran over to bandage her and apologized for me. I was so frightened that I didn’t know what to do for a moment. I just stood there blankly, blaming myself for why I had struck so harshly. Guilt and apology came all at once, but I was so stupid that I didn’t know what to do. My rude behavior broke her heart. From then on, my love for her came to an abrupt end and I restrained that special emotion.

We children always play together and love to join in the fun. We never miss an opportunity to watch the fun. However, later on, while watching the fun, I had a lot of expectations.

Until later, I was no longer embarrassed to go to her house to play with her. I felt like some of my hopes were suddenly shattered like a soap bubble. Since then, she no longer likes to join in the fun, and she no longer plays with our friends. Even, she no longer waited for me on the way to school. When I walked to her door, I always felt that something was missing. From then on, when I walked on the path to school, I felt that something was missing and it was very boring.

When we meet again occasionally, I feel that Chen Xiang doesn’t see me as he used to, and I no longer have too many feelings for her. The image of this girl with black hair, fair skin, holding a shovel for picking up peanuts, smiling and casting loving eyes at me was left in my mind. Her name will always be embedded in my memory, and this secret love came and went quietly.

Every time the school held an event, a decent military band appeared at the front of the team.

There was a large drum, ten small drums, two pairs of large cymbals, ten cornets, ten trombones, and two large shining trumpets coiled around the body and opening to the sky. Countryside people are used to seeing gongs and drums, one drum, one gong, one cymbal, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang. It's monotonous and boring. When I first saw the band appear on the playground, I felt that the style, style, fun, and extremely high-spirited rhythm and melody greatly broadened my horizons and ears. At that time, the band members did not have uniforms, only their faces were They were all painted red, their eyebrows were traced with charcoal, the girls all had red silk tied in their hair, the boys all had red bows tied around their necks, and they all wore thin white gloves. They felt really beautiful and majestic. But it was all in the senior year. I was very envious and wanted to be the one who played the big drum. Unfortunately, I left here before I could realize my ideal.

Anyone who has experienced rural life in the countryside will forget the scene of "running in the rain"? "Thunderstorm passed three hours later." There was a mountain between Tangjiagou where I lived and Xiaoyuan. One time when I came back from my grandfather's house in Xiaoyuan, the sky turned gloomy, dark clouds rolled in, thunder and lightning struck, and I was so scared that I started to run away from the rain. The thunderstorm has "legs", and black clouds roll up from the west. The clouds between the mountains and the clouds are light in color, like an open window in a dark house, and some black cloud strips stretch out from the window, which looks very like Rain's "feet". Even though I kept running and "Yujiao" stalked behind me, I was still drowned.

The thing that bothers me the most is people pushing stones to grind corn crumbs. At that time, the village had neither electricity nor any agricultural machinery or agricultural product processing machinery. Although it is not a knife that breeds fire, it is still a farming scene where two cows are arguing. An ox-drawn plow and a human-assisted plow are used for plowing, and a horse-drawn carriage is used for autumn harvest. A sickle is used for harvesting, a stone roll is used for threshing, and a stone mill is used for grinding grain.

We have a stone mill in Tangjiagou, and the production team has two donkeys. Each household in the team uses them in shifts. Our family has a large population, and we often have nothing to eat before our turn, so we can only eat by ourselves. It’s been pushed around by people. At home, my father and mother had to participate in agricultural production at work and could not miss work, so we had to wait for the Sunday holiday, and my brother, sister and I took care of the work.

Our stone mill in Tangjiagou is nearly one meter in diameter, and the upper and lower plates are each more than 20 centimeters thick, so it is very heavy to push. More than 20 kilograms of grain must be pushed three times. After each push, sift one side with a sieve. In the first two passes of grinding, the gap between the upper and lower discs of the stone grinder is adjusted to be very large. In this way, the corn crumbs ground are larger and the quantity is large, but it is very labor-saving to push. The gap between the upper and lower discs of the stone mill was adjusted smaller for the third time, which made the weight heavier and the speed slower, making it difficult to push. The corn crumbs ground these three times were smaller and should be stored separately to make small ballast porridge. eat. Sometimes my mother helps, and she mainly uses a sieve to sift the noodles. At that time, I was not tall, thin, and not very strong. My brother, sister and I pushed the grinding bar and turned it around a few times along the round grinding disc in the grinding room and took a break. In this way, I kept spinning for most of the day, which made my head dizzy, my brain swollen, and my eyes were glowing with gold. At that time, I just hoped that the little donkey in the team would come to our home as soon as possible and let it do the grinding, which would free up my brother, sister and me.

For as long as I can remember, our family life has been filled with smoke and endless quarrels. Both parents have a fiery temper that "makes noise at the slightest touch, explodes at the slightest touch". If they are not suitable, they will say bad words to each other and quarrel at the top of their lungs. Their "wars" didn't just stop at "quarrels", sometimes they also became violent. At that time, I was so scared that I could only cry loudly.

Among the three relatives in my mother’s family, most people also thought that this marriage was a regrettable marriage. Even among our brothers and sisters, there are some who deeply feel sorry for and feel aggrieved for their mother. They think that it is their father's bad temper that causes disharmony in the family. And I feel that although my father bears relatively much responsibility for all the problems, conflicts, and disharmony that occurred in my parents' marriage, my mother is not entirely justified in blaming the other party entirely.

In my opinion, my mother’s temperament, personality and ideology also have many flaws: for example, she lacks calculation in life, lacks foresight in thinking about problems, loves to nag, etc.

In particular, she believes that as the head of the family, the man or the production team leader should take care of the family instead of going to the public house all day long. The father's characteristic is that he does not take advantage of the public family. The two sides have great differences in their background experiences, personalities, temperaments, and living habits. and other factors, their married life is naturally doomed to be full of problems and constant conflicts.

In June 1969, my father went to Changling Commune for a meeting as a team leader. When he came back, it was almost dusk. He bumped into a cyclist going downhill. His nose was suddenly collapsed and he was hit by a nearby rider. The villagers sent the villagers to the commune health center. The doctor said it was no longer possible. Their uncle, mother and brother all rushed to the hospital. The uncle insisted on sending them to Zhuanghe County Hospital for treatment no matter what. He stayed in Zhuanghe County Hospital for more than two months. The effect was better than expected, but it shattered my father's dream. My uncle's persistence saved my father's life. There are only my sister, me and three younger brothers left at home. The burden of cooking falls on my older sister. I am responsible for taking care of my three younger brothers, and neighbors also come to help. When I was a child, my family could not be said to be unhappy, it could only be said to be very poor.

At that time, I lived a primitive and natural life, working from sunrise to sunset. When I was a child, I lit kerosene lamps at night, and I could only light candles during the New Year. Under a kerosene lamp that flickered on and off, my childish face was reflected. I climbed onto the windowsill to do my homework, and when I breathed, there were two black lines in front of my nostrils. Most of the night, I would sit around the fire pit and chat quietly in the dark, until I felt sleepy, then I went to sleep on the kang. Until I left this village in 1970, there was no electricity.

As an innocent person, I spent four years studying and living in Shifo Primary School with the red years.

Life in this world is inseparable from eating, drinking, defecating, urinating, and sleeping. But eating comes first. When it comes to food, our family is quite poor. Everyone is in a state of not being full at every meal, and the desire of the stomach becomes even stronger. Yes, I am really hungry. Everyone has experienced the feeling of hunger, but how many people have experienced real hunger?

In 1966, as the number of children in our family continued to increase and grow, life at home became obviously embarrassing. Compared with living with grandpa, the standard of living was getting lower and lower. My father One of my brothers felt lonely, so he must have more children. Later, Yi Yi gave birth to six children, making the family of eight people including his parents. Even so, he never felt like he had more children. In my young mind, I felt that two children would be enough. If I had more children, I would suffer, and my children would suffer as well. My father himself had no complaints about this. He was very involved in the team's work and I rarely saw him idle at home. For more than 40 years, my father worked hard for the sake of the family, working in the production team all day long, earning a few work points to support a family of eight. You can imagine the straitened circumstances. At that time, I felt that life was hard. I couldn’t eat enough steamed buns with sweet potato noodles and pancakes with thick noodles mixed with vegetables. I drank a few bowls of small rice porridge and I felt hungry after peeing for a while. There was even less oil. There may be a bit of oily smell on the table during pig season. The six children in our family all have big heads on their thin necks, and their hungry eyes reveal the desire for a full meal. The clothes and trousers that our brothers wear cannot be worn by my brother. My mother sews them and mends them. My brother and I continue to wear them. We want to replace them with new ones, unless we dream.

At that time, the family was so poor that they not only lacked food and clothing, but also lacked firewood. The biting cold wind blew through my mountain hut. Thatch and crop straws from the mountains are used for heating the house and cooking. I have been collecting sticks and leaves since I was eight or nine years old. When I was in school, I would go home from school or gather grass with my brothers and sisters to collect firewood for the pot during holidays. In autumn, you cling to branches and pull out soybean roots; in winter, you pick up dry branches and dig them out. I use a bamboo rake to rake the grass during the winter vacation and plow the trees during the summer vacation. The hard work can be imagined.

Time flies so fast. However, our difficult days have come again. The hungry spring famine in March is the season of drought. For the first time, I really felt the full meaning of hunger with my body. Only after I passed the age of twelve did I have my first wish in life, and this wish was: to have a full meal.

The comrades of the commune working group helped our family collect donated grain from every house in the brigade. In those days, which family had extra grain? The sponsored food received was not enough to feed our family for three days. Relatives and neighbors are not just watching indifferently, but they do not have the ability to help. At that time, the population could not move at will. Random movement was called blind flow, and those caught would be repatriated. Comrades from the helpless working group agreed to our family's move and gave us a letter of introduction. That is to say, escape. Our family did something unimaginable by ordinary people. We had no choice but to flee and go to "bianwai" (more on this in the next article). Therefore, my second wish to go to school became a luxury, and I dropped out of school for the first time. At that time, I was a little confused and didn't know where the future would go. Perhaps a person has to go a long way and experience numerous sudden changes and confusions in life before he becomes mature.

During the twelve years in Tangjiagou, I first tasted both material and mental torture. The life spent there was sometimes joyful and sometimes sad, and the fun always felt wistful and bitter. Some things are stored outside my mind and cannot be remembered by my brain. Only the smell and taste exist in my body for a long time, which vaguely entrusts my memories, expectations and hopes.

At that time, I didn’t know how city children lived. However, I know that some families in rural areas are better off if they have fewer children. They have new clothes to wear and enough to eat. I didn’t even think about what toys to play with. For me, a boy is bitter, so bitter that he can only deal with mud with his hands; a boy is sad, so sad that when he comes home from school, instead of carefully reviewing what he learned that day, he hurriedly devours a bowl of hot rice from the farm. Rushing up the mountain to collect grass and firewood; the boy goes through the cycle again, poverty determines everything. Maybe a piece of clothing will be worn by several people, and the brothers take turns wearing it. When it is dirty, it is washed, and when it is torn, it is mended; the boy is looking forward to it. Yes, they are looking forward to setting off firecrackers during the New Year, wearing new clothes, and collecting New Year's money; teenagers are waiting, waiting for themselves to grow up quickly, climb over the mountain in front of them, and feel the prosperous world outside; teenagers are hardworking, studying hard and becoming successful the only way out.

School was my youth’s paradise. The hard years were like whips that mercilessly struck the young man’s heart. I have gone through the experience of a hard life and suffered the bitterness of poverty. To this day, I recall it over and over again, and it feels a little painful...

In such a living environment, I still miss the study and life of a teenager. A teenager is like a cloud in the sky, white and flawless, a paper airplane, recording all the colorful dreams of a child, and a teenager is like a cup of light fragrance. Tea is endlessly memorable.

This was more than forty years ago. Except for some plots and circumstances related to my play, other past events in Tangjiagou have long since disappeared for me.

Thinking of our childhood, we have huge doubts about ourselves: We were born in the countryside but why did we become farmers for so short a time? I left the countryside where I grew up and somehow moved around to the city and became an economic worker. Is my growth inevitable as a teenager or an accident? How many babbling expressions, traces of toddlerhood, and urges to hide and seek, have snowball fights, and smoke ice balls are still left in my body? Do unremembered experiences hide the original mystery of my life?

The living environment during my childhood determined my character. The ravines, mountains, and streams cultivated my broad mind. It was also the hard life of the mountain people that honed my ability to endure hardships and stand hard work. character. So when my hair grows gray on my temples, I often still dream about that mountain, that grass, that person...