Funny and humorous copywriting

1. I am engaged to my boyfriend, and his family has received tens of thousands in gifts. When I got home, my mother and I counted the money. My brother saw it and said: "You silly girl, you were sold and you helped count the money."

2. On Sunday, my colleagues came home to play and were chatting animatedly, and my daughter was in my ear. Jiligulu didn’t know what to say, so I said: Speak loudly, and there are no outsiders. The daughter shouted loudly: Mom said, I won’t ask you to have guests at home for dinner today!

3. I went shopping with my wife. She took a fancy to a shawl. She tried it on and found that the size was too small. I asked the boss: "The size my wife tried was too small. Is there any larger one?" The boss said: "Young man, go look elsewhere. This is already the largest curtain in my house."

4. Every time I see the names of lovers carved under the tree, I fall into deep thought. I even bring a knife with me for a date with you.

5. Someone posted a question: Do girls think playing basketball is more handsome than playing badminton? Someone replied: It mainly depends on the face. The handsome ones are handsome when they play shuttlecock, and the ugly ones are like shoveling shit when playing golf.

6. The husband was about to go out, and his wife asked him to buy some green vegetables. He walked to the vegetable market and said to a vegetable farmer: These vegetables are bought for my wife. Are there any pesticides sprayed on them? The vegetable farmer was very surprised and said: I'm sorry, no, you can spray it yourself after buying it!

7. In fact, there is a great chance of making true friends in the workplace, as long as you truly tell them that the boss is your dad!

8. I traveled with a group on the weekend. Everyone who has been with the group knows how unpalatable the group meal is. The 64-year-old aunt next to me said: "This green vegetable is even older than me."

9. I saw a child hitting his mother on the face on the road. The best friend next to me: "Oh! Look how happy the children are now! They don't have to worry about food and drink, they are pampered by the family, and they are so overbearing! It's not like when I was a child, my mother didn't even know I had eaten Cixiang."

10. There is no one named Xiao Ming in the high school textbooks anymore. I knew that fool would not pass the exam.

11. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince. It may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, it may also be a birdman!

12. I was shopping with my husband today. I saw a beautiful necklace! Just act coquettishly with my husband. My husband said, "Let's go and have a look." He continued to act coquettishly: "But the Lun family wants to see it every day!" The husband looked doting on his face: "I really can't do anything about you!" Looking at the envy of the shop assistants His eyes were filled with self-satisfaction... My husband picked up his phone and took three consecutive photos! "Okay, let's go! I'll make a mobile wallpaper for you when I go home!"

13. I met a beggar at the subway entrance. After he saw my face, he thought for a while and took it out of his arms. Give me a bowl and ask me: Will you be my branch manager?

14. Me: Do you know why those good-looking girls and their boyfriends are so ugly? Answer: That’s because you haven’t seen the talent of their boyfriends. Me: What about? Answer: They can drive a Ferrari with one hand...

15. The teacher taught us: If you don’t study for a day, no one will notice; if you don’t study for a week, you will start to get angry; if you don’t study for a month, you will start to get angry. IQ is lost to pigs. At this time, Xiao Ming stood up and said: Teacher, no matter how smart the pig is, it still has to be eaten by others.

16. My wife was watching a TV show last night. I asked her to go to bed at 10:30, but she reluctantly turned off the TV... Then we quarreled. In the end, we figured out that the reason was that she turned off the TV. I didn't praise her for being so obedient.

Seventeen. Yesterday, my friend and I went to eat braised pork. When she walked in, she shouted: "Boss, please give me three bowls of braised pork!" I asked, "Why do we just want three bowls?" "Oh. , I forgot about you. The boss came with four bowls of braised pork!”

18. The woman asked her husband: Do you like boys or girls? Her man whispered: It’s all good. When I give birth to a girl, you and I will bully me, and when we give birth to a boy, you will bully our father and son...

Nineteen. Female: "Actually, there are many times when I feel sad inside, but I always feel sad. Don't let yourself cry. Do you know why? "Male: "You're afraid that you'll wear makeup if you cry and scare people." 20. Once on the bus, I met a child and asked. Mom: "Mom, what does "weak" mean for the old, weak, sick and disabled?" Mom replied: "It means mentally retarded.

"As a result, the child looked around and said to me: "Uncle, sit down..."

Twenty-one. "The subway was so crowded when I went to work in the morning, and the bread I bought was squashed. "What's this? I was in a much more serious situation than you once." "What, how is your bread squeezed?" "It's not bread. I wanted to fart, but it forced me to burp!" ”

Twenty-two. I was shopping with my mother today to buy some food. At this time, a friend of my mother came to a supermarket. You said that when friends meet, they should say a few words, but when the friend comes over, he will touch her. He looked at my little face and said to my mother: Sister, look at your daughter, she is changing so fast! I felt happy after hearing this. Who would have thought that he would say: She is still beautiful as a child.

Twenty-three. “Which moment makes you heartbroken? "When I was paying, I found that the balance in Alipay was insufficient. I had been hungry for three days and found that I still gained two pounds. I carefully posted a selfie of myself that I was satisfied with on Weibo. The comments below were all "hahahahaha". My clothes last year were a bit tight." I can no longer wear my jeans this year..." "That's enough, stop talking and cry. ”

Twenty-four. Don’t let life exhaust your patience and longing. You still have poetry and distance, ribs and soup, barbecue and naan, shrimp and crab roe, hot pot and spicy hotpot, roast duck and Steamed fat sheep, coffee and caramel, biscuits and milk sticks, fried chicken and miso soup, durian cakes and shrimp dumplings, almond tofu and lollipops, pepper chicken and spicy duck intestines.