Internet short sentences funny

1. The most failed person in life is Tang Seng. People around him, whether they are enemies or friends, always want to send him to the West.

2. Those who have money and face are called male gods, those who have money but no face are called husbands, and those who have face but no money are called Lanyan. As for those who have no money and no face, I’m sorry you are a good person...ah, what a painful realization!

3. When I was in high school, because it was too hot in the summer, I would put a book under my butt. If the book under my butt felt hot, I would change it to another one. Speaking of: Got an eye in your butt? After reading one book, exchange it for another.

4. Rainy days are suitable for sleeping at home, sunny days are suitable for going out for a walk. For a long time, there is no day suitable for going to work.

5. I was drinking with friends at a food stall. I suddenly remembered that my wife was still hungry at home, so I slapped myself in the face. How can I be distracted by drinking? Come on, let’s do it!

6. From today on, as long as you are my friend, if you have no money, just let me know. I can tell you how I spent my days without money.

7. Who said "if you keep thinking about me, there will be repercussions"? The person I like has never talked to me, and I have never realized how to get rich overnight.

8. Girls should not quarrel casually. This will make them look very uneducated. You should slap him in the face and let him know what it means to be both civil and military.

9. If you don’t buy lottery tickets, you will never know how unlucky you are. If you don’t borrow money, you will never know how unpopular you are. If you don’t confess, you will never know how ugly you are.

10. There are many ways to destroy friendship, the most radical one is to borrow money.

11. Other people’s faces are 70% determined by nature and 30% by dressing up. Your face is 10% determined by nature and 90% by filters.

Twelve. The teacher wrote the first couplet: "Jiang is still old and spicy" and asked the students to write the second couplet. Xiao Ming immediately answered the second line: The breasts are still bigger than those of women. Teacher: Xiao Ming, get out of here.

13. Sometimes, if you don’t work hard, you won’t even know what despair is.

14. Making money is as slow as a tortoise crawls, and spending money is as fast as a hare.

15. Be sure to remember those people who chat with you until late at night. It is because of them that you stay up late and have dark circles under your eyes and bad skin.

16. People say that leg hair is good for growing kidneys. I touched my leg hair with satisfaction! Why would a girl like me need such a good kidney?

17. If you feel that you are as tired as a dog all day long, you are really misunderstanding. Even dogs are not as tired as you.

18. The most beautiful thing in the world is eating meat. Never betray, never cheat, eat a pound, grow a pound, and always treat each other sincerely.

19. What’s wrong with being ugly? As long as I don't look in the mirror, it's not me who's disgusting.

Twenty. Everyone is like this: I don’t know where my love started, and it goes deeper and deeper; but I am different. I am like: I don’t know where my money is going, and I am completely penniless.

21. I was walking on the road on a rainy day, and a big Mercedes flew past me, splashing mud all over me. Looking at the big Ben going away, I secretly swore in my heart, When I have money, I must buy a raincoat of my own.

22. Time is a butcher's knife. This saying only applies to good-looking people. It has nothing to do with ugly people.

23. People used to say that my eyes were small, but I still didn’t believe it. Finally one day, I was lying on the sofa watching TV. Suddenly my mother came back and turned off the TV, and then silently covered my eyes. Get on the quilt.

24. In fact, real rich people are very low-key and cannot be seen from their appearance. Take me as an example. Although I often ride a broken bicycle on the street, who would know? In fact, I still have an electric car at home.