What funny answers from God have you seen?

First of all, I am very honored to have the opportunity to answer your question. Let me talk about the amazing reply from a friend of mine to a scam message on his mobile phone

Once, a friend received a message from a scammer.

Hello, my name is Huo Jianhua. I was filming in the mountains. During a martial arts scene, I was knocked away and I lost contact with the crew. I'm broke, so I randomly entered a phone number and found you. It's really fate. Can you give me 1,000 quick cash? I'll pay you back when I get back to the set

10,000, and mine Autographed photos and handwritten thank you notes. You can also ask the director to arrange roles. Can you help me?

The account number is 6112XXXXX Zhang Xiaoming. This is the card of another celebrity friend of mine. Call me and tell me

My friend thought about it and replied

Can you tell me first whether you like Ruby Lin or Hu Ge?

I burst out laughing instantly.

There was another text message sent from a number shown as 95598

Hello, I am a credit card representative of ICBC. Our bank shows that your credit card overseas (Australia) consumption is 1.88 million. Is it you who spent the money yourself?

My friend replied: Yes, what's wrong?

Hello, since you spent a huge amount, our bank needs to know where your funds are going. What did you buy?

My friend replied: I bought a kangaroo, do you have any questions?

What did you buy the kangaroo for?

My friend said: I stewed it and ate the stewed potato vermicelli

What I ate last night was not as delicious as yesterday.

Then I collapsed on the ground laughing after reading it

Story: A parent-teacher meeting was held, and migrant workers barged in. Everyone had a look of disgust and contempt on their faces, and the teacher began to take roll call based on performance. , it turned out that the last parent was the boss of the company, and the last student who was ranked first in the class was the son of the migrant worker who had just come in. At this time, those people were already blushing

God’s reply: However, The son of a big boss will still be a big boss, while the son of a poor man will still struggle for a living.

God’s reply: Then the boss’s child failed to go to college and went to study abroad. After completing his studies, he came back to use his father’s money to start a business or inherit his father’s company. The children of migrant workers went to college, found jobs after graduation, and became employees of the boss's children.

I had a phone call with my grandma in the evening and asked how my mother was doing. I said she was doing well and had gained weight. She always said she had a lot of belly fat. Grandma was exaggerating when she said your mother was not that fat. At this time, my mother happened to come back and I heard my grandma’s voice. My mobile phone was on speakerphone.

Just a quick sentence: Mom, I won’t talk to you anymore, I’m going to take a shower.

Grandma: Did your daughter say that you have gained weight now and have a big belly?

Mom: It’s true! I've grown very fat! Mom, I'm 92 pounds now. Do you think I'm fat or not?

Grandma: Cut it! 92 pounds! ! Are you showing off? Who doesn’t weigh more than 100 pounds? 92 pounds is nothing!

At that time, my mother and I burst out in tacit agreement, hahahahahahahahahahaha!

You can feel the old man’s anger through the screen.

Who is not a fairy weighing over 100 kilograms? Please explode on the spot weighing less than 100 kilograms.

The year before last, a courier driver went to his home cargo station to load goods. When he arrived there, he saw: There are so many goods today... When I filled the car, I discovered that it was someone else’s goods! ! ! Just then the boss called and asked: Today there are only 300 pieces of express delivery. It has been more than 2 hours. Why haven't you come back yet? The driver said: It has just been filled, and it is pretending to be the goods from next door... The boss was silent and said: Bring the goods back to me! I will ask his driver to load our goods back later, and then load his goods away! ! !

The driving school had a super cute beauty student come to the driving school a few days ago, and she was super obedient. One day the coach said: "The exam is coming soon. You can drive by yourself today. I'm watching you from below. If you have any questions, just call me on the intercom."

Remember, pay attention to safety. If you feel your skills are good, you can just drive home." As a result, the female student felt that it was not interesting after the meeting, so she drove directly to a small restaurant outside the driving school to have breakfast.

After nearly half an hour, the coach asked on the intercom when the car was not back: Where is the car? Who is driving the car now? After asking three times in a row, the female student’s voice finally appeared on the intercom: Coach. , I'm having breakfast at the door, do you want some...!

I remember when I was playing dungeons in those years, a classmate left a message on my QQ space for several days in a row, saying: I am going to kill you today. So and so and so and so, so and so, the account of so and so has been changed, haha! Then a divination master I met in the game commented below: This little brother, it seems that your handwriting is not easy to go out on the street recently, there may be a bloody disaster. ! !

1. What’s the deepest routine you’ve ever seen?

God’s reply: There are no tricks

2. Why are there so many anti-Japanese dramas now? Many

God replied: Nonsense, I have some anti-Japanese words in my hard drive

3. Describe your local temperature in one sentence

God replied: Hello? What? The signal in the refrigerator is not very good

4. What to do if you are criticized for having small breasts

God’s reply: Excellent women even have A breasts

5 .How to become famous in school so everyone knows

God’s reply: Focus on it, become famous in one fell swoop

6. Do you have any obsessive-compulsive disorder

God Reply: Of course I don’t have obsessive-compulsive disorder anymore, because

7. How should I explain when the teacher caught me watching an action movie in self-study class?

God’s reply: I masturbated while talking, I This is a "self-attack", right

8. At which moment did you have the strongest desire to survive?

God replied: There is only one card left

9 . You can’t drink tap water directly, and you can’t eat apples directly. Why can you eat apples washed with tap water?

God’s reply: You can’t eat poop. Don’t you also eat organic vegetables grown in poop that have a strong taste?

10. What should I do if I don’t know how to sing but want to show off in front of everyone when I go to a KTV?

God’s reply: What better way to express yourself than to rush to pay for the bill

11. Summer is coming, how do you cool yourself down

God’s reply: Look at the bank card balance, my heart is half cold

I have collected some before, and now I just want to share them. Smile for Bojun.

1. What is bigger than the universe?

God’s reply: Examination scope

2. What did I do wrong? , went to a bad university!

God’s reply: I got the question wrong...

3. Was this poem written by Xin Qiji?

God’s reply: Me How do you know what day of the week it is written? It should be Tuesday!

4. Why do you like to take off your shirt when fighting?

God’s reply: If you take off your pants, wouldn’t the atmosphere be a bit weird?

5. According to surveys, young people nowadays like to play with their mobile phones when going to the toilet!

God’s reply: If you don’t play with your mobile phone, you are just playing shit, really.

6. Use a few words to describe your cup size!

God's reply: Follow dad...

7. One day, you will become the person you hate the most.

God’s reply: Thank you for reminding me, I hate rich people!

8. When I was in school, the teacher often told me to think clearly about the intention of the person who asked the question before doing it.

God replied: He wants me to die!

9. How to seduce a girl studying medicine without appearing rude?

God replied: Just say you are sick.

10. If someone is chasing me, how can I say no so that the other person will give up willingly?

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God’s reply: Remove makeup on the spot!

Since I often appear on major social networking sites, I think the replies I saw are classics. I will share a few paragraphs with you today. Since it was a long time ago, I don’t remember clearly. If so, The indecent parts should be ignored!

Question: Why do I feel more handsome than usual after taking a shower and washing my hair?

Answer: Because my brain is filled with water.

Question: The girl ate the duck head, but the girl thought the duck head was salty. Please post a link!

Answer: If you apply engine oil, you will be worried if the oil is thick!

Question; What is it like to fall in love with a lawyer?

Answer: Don’t get divorced, otherwise you won’t even be able to get underwear.

Question: What kind of trick is it to pretend to be a grandson when you have a good hand of cards?

Answer; This is called Sun Tzu’s Art of War.

Question: How did you become a great player in League of Legends?

Answer: I remember when I first joined the alliance, I couldn’t find anyone in the group, couldn’t recruit troops, couldn’t hit my skills, and my teammates kept scolding me, so I worked hard day and night to become stronger. After practicing my league skills, my hard work finally paid off. After a month, no teammates dared to scold me anymore, because they couldn't scold me anymore.

Question: Xiao Ming did something great in school and was praised by the class teacher. Why is Xiao Ming still unhappy?

Answer; The head teacher said; Oops! Young man, you can’t judge a person by his appearance!

Question: In ancient times, why were locust trees and willows able to become spirits, but fruits and vegetables could not?

Answer: I was determined to practice in the morning, but I was stewed in the afternoon.

Question: A girl said something about love, warmth, and hope that you are April in the world. How should I reply to her?

Answer; It’s him, it’s him, it’s him, our friend Xiao Nezha.

God’s reply is an unexpected answer or analysis based on a certain question or phenomenon. Let’s take a look at other people’s amazing replies!

Dialogue 1.

One day, I was sitting on the bus. As soon as I got on the bus, a beautiful girl saw that the bus was full of people. She muttered: "Why are you like this?" There were so many people, there wasn’t even a seat!”

Unfortunately, I happened to hear it, so I patted my thigh and said to the girl, “Sister, I have a soft seat here!”

Who knew that the girl said with a look of disgust: "Forget it! I'm afraid that the soft seat will turn into a hard seat, and then the hard seat will turn into a socket, and I won't even be able to walk!"

Dialogue 2.

A netizen asked in the post forum what is more disgusting than eating a piece of shit?

Reply: "Eat two lumps"

Netizens were unwilling to ask again: "What is more disgusting than this?"

Reply: " My teeth are stuck!”

Dialogue 3.

Me: “What’s wrong, buddy? Why are you not in good condition today?”

He: “Hey, don’t mention it. I ate mutton boiled last night. I bought too much mutton and didn’t want to waste it, so I vomited all the mutton. My dog ??didn’t even finish the vomit.”

Me: “Can’t eat it?” You asked me to eat it, what a waste it is."

He said, "If you had told me earlier, if I had known you were eating that, I would have stopped my dog..."

Moments: Teacher Tony has designed a new look for me. Do you think my new look is awesome?

Reply: Like.

Moments: Thank you to the host committee for awarding me the "Best Performance Award" in this grassroots Spring Festival Gala.

Reply: The host committee means you from top to bottom They all exude the aura of "drama queen".

Moments: Xiaofei got a bouquet at the wedding today. She is only 7 years old, and I am not ready to accept a son-in-law.

Reply: Hello, mother-in-law.

Moments: I just dyed my hair blonde, and some friends said my hair is as cute as corn.

Reply: Corn, the dialect of "stick" means you look like a stick.

I don’t know if you have seen the videos of Yam Yao and Huanong Brothers. They especially like to cook food in the wild or roast bamboo rats, so they have derived a bunch of funny fire prevention slogans and comments, which can be used for reference. There are also self-made comments, which are funny and catchy. The imagination of netizens is really endless.

I will list a few below:

There was a fire on the mountain and the police station was in the afternoon.

A spark can enter the place.

There is fire on the mountain, and I am there.

There is a fire on the mountain during the New Year, and I am in the Qingming place.

There is a fire on the mountain, and the door is locked at the foot of the mountain.

There is a wisp of smoke on the mountain in the morning, and in the afternoon the group competes with gods.

The fire was burning brightly in the mountain, and I burst into tears.

I have to say that the power of netizens is really too powerful, but I still want to remind everyone here to play less with fire. Even if you must light a fire, you must make sure that the fire is extinguished before leaving.