Fear of darkness, water and monsters … Where do children's fears come from? Teach you five skills to deal with it.

Fear of darkness, water and monsters … Where do children's fears come from? Teach you five skills to deal with it.

As soon as the lights are turned off before going to bed, the child cries; A talking baby may cry and shout, "Blake, there is a monster!" " "

The sound of thunder, sirens, vacuum cleaners and even hair dryers will make your baby afraid and even make him cry!

It's time to get vaccinated. As soon as the mother pulled up her sleeve, the baby began to cry and struggled with fear. ...

By the swimming pool, the child cried in the swimming ring, but he was afraid to get into the water.

Take the children downstairs to play, and when the neighbors say hello, the children will hide behind the adults in fear.

When playing with building blocks happily, when the child saw a building block of a certain shape/color, he suddenly retracted his hand and dared not touch them.

Afraid of darkness, noise, injections, water, strangers, and even don't know what to be afraid of ... you should have seen the above scene, right?

The object that children are afraid of is often a very common thing. Many times, adults can't ask why children are afraid, and it seems useless to appease them. Some parents feel that their children's "fears" are inexplicable and even reprimand their children for being "too timid". Therefore, the baby's fear may be more serious.

In fact, children will be afraid, and fear is normal! Looking back, who didn't have the experience of being particularly afraid of something when we were young? Afraid of the dark, afraid of dogs, afraid of monsters ... I have a best friend who said that she was particularly afraid of Qin Shihuang when she was four or five years old. As long as there is a program about Qin Shihuang on TV, she will immediately get under the bed and hide. Why? This is still a mystery.

Moreover, children's fears are by no means "unprovoked", but they are young and have limited expression ability and life experience. Without good guidance, they can't tell the reason, and they don't know how to overcome their fears.

What mom and dad need to do is to be the baby's close friend and gas station, and help the baby overcome his fear with their own strength. It is not advisable to avoid, reprimand and overprotect them blindly.

Be a good bosom friend-where does the baby's fear come from?

In the process of accompanying the baby to grow up, we need to always believe that the baby will never be unreasonable! However, this "reason" may not come out, you haven't got it yet.

So is fear. Children are not miniature adults. They have pure eyes, sensitive minds and rich imagination, but their logical analysis and thinking ability are not perfect. The world in their eyes is refracted and filtered, so they will have all kinds of fears.

The reasons are roughly as follows:

1. Children lack knowledge and life experience.

"Fear" is instinctive reaction and self-protection.

Because of the characteristics of infant's thinking development law, infant's knowledge mainly comes from direct experience, especially infants before 18 months have not developed their psychological representation ability. They must know things through sensory perception and hand operation, so their understanding of things is inevitably superficial, and it is difficult to find the laws and logic behind things.

This "half-knowledge" of things often arouses their vigilance. If they are threatened by some unpleasant experiences, they will have fears, and they have not learned to control their fears with reason.

This fear is an instinctive reaction and a protection for them. Weak infants rely on this instinctive fear reaction to avoid many possible dangers, and at the same time, they can ask the outside world for help in time.

For example, babies are naturally afraid of harsh sounds; Some children are particularly afraid of going to the hospital for injections because they still can't understand the causal relationship behind "injection-treatment"; Or even if they can understand, they will still think of the pain when facing the needle, which will lead to fear.

Many babies are "square" before the clinic.

Children are emotional and imaginative.

These will amplify children's fears.

Children grow up to 2 or 3 years old, and the language is gradually enriched. We are often surprised to find that children's imagination is really kneeling!

Seeing the stems of raisins scattered on the dining table will remind you of the footprints of birds;

When you see a round melon, you say it is like a small sun;

A few building blocks can fight a star war;

A piece of plasticine can make a man-han banquet. ...

When I went to kindergarten, my imagination developed to a very high age. Laura E. Berk's "Burke's Psychology of Lifelong Development" mentioned that children's imagination is rich and vivid, and they can't completely distinguish the appearance from the real situation, so they are often afraid in their early childhood.

Rich association ability will bring them distress, and some ordinary little things will evolve into terrible shapes in their minds, so they are often troubled by fear.

Ah! Why does this dark thing keep following me!

Some parents will also find out how some babies become more and more timid with age.

Behind this may be the baby's own "interpretation".

For example, my friend's baby used to wash his face and brush his teeth every morning, but for a while, he suddenly resisted washing his face. When his mother asked about it, he said timidly, "I'm afraid of cockroaches."

I realized that when I moved during that time, my parents mentioned that all the cockroaches at home had run away, and the baby was worried. I was particularly afraid that the washbasin would be crawled by cockroaches, so I didn't want to wash my face.

3. Improper intimidation by adults

Aggravated the child's fear

Scaring children is really a bad parenting habit! Some children get scared when they see their uncles and aunts in police uniforms. The reason is that when they are naughty, they are often scared by adults: "If you don't obey, there will be a police uncle to arrest you!" "

Simple and rude threats may "cure" children in a short time, and the result is often that children really have unnecessary fears. Even if they are really in trouble, they dare not ask the police for help.

4. Separation anxiety

It will also make children afraid of separation and new environment.

Many children will show fear during the transition from home to kindergarten, nursery or other unfamiliar environment. At this time, we should clarify the reasons. Does this fear come from separation anxiety or from specific people and things?

For example, children are afraid to go to kindergarten. If children show reluctance before going to kindergarten, but they do go to kindergarten, but they are happy, then this "fear" of kindergarten may come from separation anxiety. At this time, we should guide children to be independent by providing them with gentle encouragement and support.

If children are afraid of "staying" in kindergarten, they should find out what they are afraid of, fear of teachers, fear of bullying by classmates, and fear of noisy environment in kindergarten. Then help the child solve it in a targeted manner.

There are many reasons for fear.

Do a good job at the gas station-help the baby overcome his fear.

Pay attention to "gas station" instead of "umbrella"! What we should do is not to help children escape from fear and clear all the terrible obstacles in their lives, but to be a wise guide and solid backing, to encourage children to overcome their fears with their own strength and to lead them to explore bravely.

1. Love children fully.

"Mom, I'm so afraid of XX!"

"Hey, XX is not terrible, it's okay!"

"Mom, I'm still scared!"

"Hey, don't be afraid!"

"mom. . 。”

……

When children tell you their inner fears, and you use the method of "denying fears" to appease them, you will find that your conversation has fallen into an invalid cycle.

Just like when we talk to our friends about life troubles, what children seek is not necessarily a solution, but an understanding. This kind of "understanding" itself is already a kind of comfort and cure.

Please try to squat down and close your eyes. Do you remember when you were a child, imagining the shadows in the dark as monsters and shaking with fear? Imagine yourself as that little helpless child again. How normal it is to feel "afraid" in the face of those powerful unknowns!

Please try to hug the child, gently touch his back and say, "Well, the baby thinks XX is terrible, right?" Yes, it looks like XX. It's really scary. "

Good boy, the breeder will protect you!

Divert attention

Many parents want their baby to summon up courage to face his fear when he is particularly afraid, which often has the opposite effect.

Because the baby is very afraid of something, the moment of fear "attack" is actually an emotional alarm state in his brain. At this time, the rational "highland" of analysis and judgment that he just developed was actually occupied by emotions and could not function normally.

We'd better not play hardball. We should calmly take him away from the "horror scene" and then gradually guide him after he calms down and the times change.

"concretize" fear

Because children's expressive ability is limited, many times, they can't clearly express what they are afraid of and which part of a thing.

At the same time, their thinking characteristics are mainly concrete thinking, that is, when they think about a problem, they must rely on something concrete and tangible, and it is difficult to judge and reason about abstract concepts.

This requires us to help him express and overcome his fears, compare what he is familiar with in daily life concretely and realistically, and guide him to get rid of his fears through personal experience.

For example ↓

My baby has been having his hair cut at home since he was more than 0/00 days old. When he was a child, he didn't resist cutting his hair, but since he was about two and a half years old, he has become particularly resistant to cutting his hair. From the moment he put on his work clothes, he began to cry and refused to cut off his work clothes.

First, I put a haircut on hold, and then I took a step-by-step and multi-pronged approach to guide him to express and overcome his fears.

1) memory

Looking at my childhood photos with my child, I showed him photos of him cutting his hair at various stages. I watched it and said, "My baby had to cut his hair every month when he was a child. He is a very handsome baby. Everyone praises you for your short hair! "

The baby watched it with relish.

I went on to say, "When we went back to our hometown last year, the baby only had an inch cut. This year, when we go back, we will meet many uncles and aunts. Everyone will be surprised. Why does the baby's hair stay so long? "

Second, experience

After asking the above questions, I observed that the baby didn't have a very resistant reaction, and then asked him, "Why doesn't the baby want to cut his hair?"

The baby said, "Fear!"

I thought about it and then asked, "Are you afraid of the earthquake in hair clipper?"

The baby nodded.

I took out his favorite electric toothbrush, opened it and touched it for him, and then told him, "hair clipper is actually the same as an electric toothbrush, and there is a small motor that vibrates in them." After playing for a while, he was less afraid.

I took hair clipper out again, let him touch it, pointed to the switch and told him, "There is a small motor in it. If I press this button, the small motor will start, just like dad's car! Now let's play the game of' Woo' together, shall we? " The game "Woo" is his favorite game with his father when he is in the car. )

The baby happily plays with hair clipper and pushes him around in grandma's hand. But at this point, he still doesn't want to cut his hair.

I don't want a haircut!

3) look for role models

I'll find out the photos and videos of dad and the baby having a haircut together last month. At that time, he "observed" the whole process of his father's haircut in the barber shop (it is really useful to keep photos at any time).

I pointed to hair clipper in the video and asked, "Look, this is hair clipper that Dad used to cut his hair. Like your hair clipper? "

The baby stared at the video for a while, then nodded and said, "No comb."

I finally understand that he is afraid of the comb on hair clipper!

I took off my comb and asked, "Shall we get a haircut?"

The baby finally nodded and said, "Cut gently!"

Step 4 Use picture books and games

Picture books and games are good tools to guide children to overcome their fears. Their role is to help the baby turn the unfamiliar "unknown" into the familiar "known", and the process of the protagonist overcoming fear in the picture book also plays a good role as an example for the baby.

Clever use of picture books

For example, babies who are afraid of brushing their teeth can watch crocodiles and fear dentists with their mothers:

Crocodiles are afraid of dentists.

A baby who is afraid of the dark can watch a very dark story and walk away, green monster! 》:

A dark story

Go away, green monster! 》

Babies who are afraid to ride bicycles can watch ducks ride;

Ducks ride bicycles.

Older babies can also watch Courage:

courage

Design games with children

Not to mention games, almost all kinds of problems encountered in the process of upbringing can be solved through games, and fear is no exception.

For example, in the previous haircut example, I associated hair clipper and the engine with the game that the baby is familiar with, which further eliminated the baby's fear.

For example, in the early summer of this year, when the weather was just hot, the baby was particularly afraid of wearing short sleeves. After many inquiries, he realized that he was afraid of being bitten by mosquitoes in kindergarten.

Since then, every time I give him some mosquito-repellent incense and liquid at home, I will play a game of "mosquito killer superman" with him. I told him that there is also a "mosquito killer" guarding him in the kindergarten. Even if he was bitten by a mosquito, there was an "itch-free superman" to protect him, which successfully helped him resolve his fears.

For example, when we find that children are afraid of monsters in the dark, we can play the game of "dressing monsters" with our children:

Imagine what monsters look like with children. Can you put an ice cream hat on him, plus Superman's cloak and Snowflake's body? Simulating fearful things with children is also a good way to relieve children's fears.

Why did you move?

5. Give children time and gradually "desensitize"

Solving children's fears is not done overnight. There are often cases where "induction" is unsuccessful, or if you are not afraid this time, you will be afraid next time.

Mom and dad must be fully prepared and wait patiently. As long as the baby makes a little progress, it must be fully affirmed and encouraged. And you will find that as long as you give your baby enough time, he will also cheer himself up through imaginary games and retelling.

For example, my baby is afraid to swim in the water. We have tried various methods, but he still refuses to go swimming, but you can see that he can make a little progress every time. Last time, I didn't want to take off my clothes. This time, I would like to take off my pants and sit by the pool in my underwear. This is a great progress. We didn't put pressure on him to overcome his fear of swimming at his own pace.

Usually he will say to himself, "The baby didn't swim in the swimming pool last time." I especially like to read the stories about swimming and playing by the sea in Piggy Peggy. When playing with building blocks, I will also set up a "swimming pool" and imagine myself swimming in it.

These behaviors are actually his healing and encouragement to himself. I believe that children have enough strength in their hearts, but their pace is very slow. What we need is to cultivate this power and make it strong enough.

So every time he mentioned swimming, I wouldn't put pressure on him, and I wouldn't emphasize every time, "Why don't you dare to go into the water?" And will encourage in time: "The baby has dared to put his foot into the water and made great progress!"

Mom! What is this place?

Finally, I'd like to remind you that there are many ways to dispel fears, but the key is to reverse our own thoughts-

Moderate "fear" can protect children.

As we mentioned earlier, "fear" sometimes becomes a protective umbrella for children, and children rely on this sensitivity to avoid those real dangers. There is absolutely no need for us to force children to overcome "fear" in order to make them brave, not to mention that many "fears" will be alleviated as children grow up and understand.

Overcoming "fear" can exercise children.

The American drama Game of Thrones says: "People can only be brave if they are afraid!" In the process of overcoming fear again and again, children have experienced the victory of will and gradually become more confident and brave.

If children still can't overcome their fear of something or something, don't worry too much. Because:

Tolerance of "fear" can also shape children.