My mother was dying and wanted to see me, but I began to hesitate. Because she kicked me out 20 years ago, what should I do?

Deng Juan received the news that his mother was dying. It was his brother Dench. Said mom wanted to see her one last time.

Deng Juan, who got the news, was at a loss, and a sense of resistance and even fear came from her heart. What did she do?

1

Today, Deng Juan still clearly remembers the afternoon near primary school graduation.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and after a day's work, I was called by my mother Deng to send something to my uncle's house a few miles away. When I came back, I hurried into the door and heard my mother's cold voice in the room.

"Teacher Zhang, as you can see, our family economy is such a situation, and there is really no way to support her to continue to go to school." Just want to push the door and go in, Deng Juan's hand stopped in the air, and gently put down, stopped at the door.

"This money is not a problem. With Deng Juan's academic performance, he will definitely get it. These three years of junior high school tuition fees don't have to be paid at home. " The voice of the class teacher Lao Zhang came from the classroom.

"This tuition is reported. Isn't it just dozens of books a year? It doesn't cost money, does it? Our family really can't afford this money. Anyway, Deng Juan will go home after graduating from elementary school. " Mother Deng's voice is very cold. It seems that dozens of dollars are more important than the future of Deng Juan.

"Deng Juan is a clever boy. If we let her go to junior high school, she can take the college entrance examination in the future, and a college student will be born in our village. This is also the glorious door of Deng Guangjia, isn't it? " Lao Zhang's voice was forbearing, but it was hard to hide his excitement.

"Don't we have Deng Kai Deng Jun? It's none of her business in Deng Juan! " Deng's mother's voice was obviously unhappy, and her voice increased several degrees.

Deng Juan had a chest pain outside, and he couldn't breathe well. When the breeze blew, a chill crept into his heart from his face.

Deng Juan stretched out his hand and rubbed his cheek. She didn't dare to continue listening, for fear of hearing the answer she had been afraid to hear. Although she doesn't have any evidence, if it's not because of this, why is she the only one who doesn't like it?

Deng Juan was born in a small town. He has a brother, an elder sister, a younger brother and a younger sister. My sister died young, neither the eldest son nor the son. For a long time, her father didn't love her mother.

As long as I can remember, Deng Juan felt that she was not born to her parents. Anything delicious at home is given to my brother, because "when my brother grows up, eat more". Later, if you have a younger brother and sister, you have to give it to your younger brother, because "if your younger brother is small, you have to give it to your younger brother."

Deng Juan is not tall enough to reach the stove. She follows Qin Mu and learns the same things from washing dishes to cleaning, cooking and housework. Brother doesn't need to work, because "brother has to do homework".

Later, eldest brother Deng Qi went to the countryside, and his parents were busy supporting several children all the year round. Deng Juan is "to take care of his younger brothers and sisters". Since school, Deng Juan has been late and left early every day, and spent most of his time at home. Even so, her mother never gave Deng Juan a good look, and Deng Juan's eyes were always cold.

Fortunately, the town is small and everyone knows it well. Even though Deng Juan never had a complete class, the head teacher Lao Zhang never took a look at Deng Juan. On the contrary, Lao Zhang likes Deng Juan, a little girl who looks a little shy. Although due to malnutrition, Deng Juan is slightly thinner than her peers.

Maybe God gave Deng Juan better learning ability than other peers. Obviously, the class time is the least in the class, but the grade has always been the first in the class, and there have been no mistakes.

The short school time every day is the best time in Deng Juan. Campus life can make her forget her family affairs, her cold eyes, and her slightly confused and hidden expectations.

In the second grade, Deng Juan almost dropped out of school.

At that time, I caught up with the tide of going to the countryside, and my brother was among them. Although the burden of housework has been on Deng Juan's shoulders, my sister is just born, my mother is still in the middle of the month, and my father is busy from morning till night, but his salary is only a little. My mother suggested that Deng Juan drop out of school to do odd jobs to help the family, and my father agreed.

Lao Zhang, who got the news, was reluctant to part with this clever student and caught up with the town's propaganda of the student aid policy. Lao Zhang went around and finally decided that as long as Deng Juan can continue to be the first in the year, he can grant scholarships to reduce tuition fees.

Lao Zhang, who got the news, went to talk to Deng Juan's parents several times. Finally, Deng Cai reluctantly let her continue to go to school on the condition that she promised to help her mother do some small jobs to subsidize her family.

Even if she can only attend those short courses every day, it is Deng Juan's greatest happiness. She also knows that this happiness will not last long, so she works hard to do more things at home and abroad, only hoping that her parents can let her go to school for one more day.

But after all, it's just an extravagant hope. I woke up the moment I graduated from primary school.

Being young, she still doesn't know what it means to drop out of school. All she knows is that her only expectation every day is about to leave her. She may never have a chance to sit in class and listen to the teacher on the podium and look at the neat and powerful blackboard writing on the teacher's blackboard. Her life may only be housework and farm work day after day. At the thought of this, Deng Juan couldn't help crying, which was the worst crying since Deng Juan could remember.

As a child, she cried because she felt wronged, but all she got was her mother's indifference and her father's indifference. Slowly, she got used to it and became numb. Today's lacrimal gland seems to be particularly developed. Deng Juan couldn't stop, and he didn't want to stop. For the first time in the past few years, the grievances have been freely vented in this way. She finally lost her only hope.

Under the tree behind the mountain, Deng Juan was sitting alone, Xia Feng was blowing, and Deng Juan was shivering. She doesn't know whether it is cold or really cold.

May be crying tired, Deng Juan fell asleep under the tree. When he opened his eyes, the afterglow of the sunset fell on the hillside, and the rice fields below were golden and beautiful. Deng Juan took a few deep breaths and adjusted the rhythm of occasional convulsions.

"awake?" A warm male voice was surprised to think of Deng Juan and quickly stepped back.

I saw that the back of the tree was half missing, and the clean school uniform was faintly visible by the branches. Deng Juan think this figure deja vu.

The heart is still beating at a different frequency. Is that him? How long has he been here? Has he seen all his gaffes?

Deng Juan was very upset and walked slowly around the tree. In front of her, the boy's clear eyes followed her, like a light, shining into her eyes and her heart. It's him! Wei zhixing

Accurately speaking, Deng Juan didn't know Wei Zhihang. He only met him several times on the road to help Lao Zhang with his homework. When Deng Juan greeted Lao Zhang, as long as Wei Zhihang was there, he would smile and nod at Deng Juan, friendly and enthusiastic.

"I came to the back of the mountain to sketch. If you are tired, draw directly here. I didn't bother you. " Seeing Deng Juan's embarrassment, Wei Zhixing specially picked up the sunset glow he had just painted and handed it to Deng Juan, saying, "The sun is going down soon, and it will get cold soon. Let's go back. "

Deng Juan took the painting: "It's beautiful."

Although the tears have dried up, the discomfort in his eyes reminds Deng Juan of what happened in the afternoon. I don't know how my mother will scold her when I go back, or whether my mother will just ignore her. She just needs to continue to work quietly. Deng Juan took another cigarette in her heart, but her nose was not sour. Maybe she cried enough. Maybe she will never cry again in this life. Thought of here, Deng Juan returned the painting to Wei Zhihang and looked into the distance. Then follow Wei Zhihang, tandem walked down the hill.

"Deng Juan, can I ask you something?" At the foot of the mountain, Wei Zhihang broke the silence all the way.

"What is it?"

"It's a little late to sketch today, so it's time for my mother to talk about me when I get home," Wei Zhihang said, looking back at Deng Juan. "My mother likes you very much. Can you come home with me? When I see you there, she won't talk about me. Our house is not far away, you come back with me, and then I'll take you home at once. "

Looking at the sincerity in Wei Zhihang's eyes and his inner rejection of going home, Deng Juan nodded his head. Two people continue to tandem. I arrived at Lao Zhang's house soon.

"Teacher Zhang."

At the sight of Deng Juan's red and swollen eyes, Lao Zhang paused slightly, and then warmly greeted him: "Xiao Juan, come in! I know this child. Why didn't you ask her to come in when Xiao Juan came? Why are you standing at the door! Come into the house! "

"No, Miss Zhang, I'm going home." When Deng Juan saw that Teacher Zhang didn't mean to blame Wei Zhihang, she thought about saying hello and went home.

"That won't do, it's easy to come," Lao Zhang said as he stretched out his hand and took Deng Juan's hand and walked to the room. "This morning, you know that his father's hen laid a nest of good eggs. I was afraid of spoiling them, so I made a few more, and I was worried that I could not finish eating them. It happened that Xiao Juan was here, so I helped the teacher eat some. "

Lao Zhang refused to let Deng Juan, took Deng Juan to the kitchen to wash his hands, then led him to the table, gently pressed her shoulder and asked Deng Juan to sit down.

Lao Zhang hurriedly brought a big bowl of eggs to the table. Quickly stripped one and handed it to Deng Juan.

Wei Zhihang put two cups of warm water in front of Deng Juan and Lao Zhang, picked up the second egg peeled by Lao Zhang, stuffed it in his mouth and went straight back to his room.

Lao Zhang watched Deng Juan finish eating, and then peeled another one. Deng Juan immediately said that he couldn't eat any more. Lao Zhang didn't stop to peel the eggs.

"Close your eyes." Hear Lao Zhang, Deng Juan closed his eyes, and then felt a warm right eye, subconsciously reached out and touched the soft and smooth protein.

"Roll around the eyes to reduce swelling, and then peel the left side for a while." Lao Zhang's voice was gentle and considerate. Deng Juan's heart began to sting, and then a warm feeling slowly wrapped her uneasy heart. She has never felt so warm when her parents are around. As soon as her nose was sour, she thought she would cry completely in the afternoon and would not cry again.

Deng Juan finally held back his tears, and Lao Zhang became more and more sad. She is still worried about how to persuade Deng Juan's parents to let Deng Juan stay in school.

When I got home from Lao Zhang's house, it was already dark, and Deng Juan trotted all the way for fear of being blamed for coming home too late. Wei Zhihang walked behind and followed quickly until he saw Deng Juan enter the house safely.

Parents, brothers and sisters have already eaten almost. There are some vegetables and a little soup left on the table. Deng Juan also knows from the color of the empty plate that my brother likes to eat braised pork.

"Where is this evening? It only takes 1 hour to go back to my uncle's house. I didn't know you had been away all afternoon, and there was still a lot of work at home. I'll clear the table later, and your brother and sister have homework to do! " Mother Deng doesn't care whether she eats or not.

Hearing his brother's homework, Deng Juan's heart was pounding again. My brother Deng Jun doesn't like reading. Every time he does his homework, he is urged by his mother. Several times, his brother cried and said that he would stop studying and go to work in the fields, but his mother sternly refused. Maybe she is an enemy and relative of the Deng family, so Deng's mother always does this to her.

2

Six years later, Deng Juan was elegant. This year, my brother came back and brought a sister-in-law and a little nephew under 5 years old to Deng Juan.

Deng Juan still remembers that when his brother Deng Jigang left home, he was youthful, and the educated youth life made him more vicissitudes and more stable. Sister-in-law is gentle and virtuous, and looks quite easy to get along with. Although mother has never given her sister-in-law a good look, she can be polite. My family is also very kind.

For Deng Juan, the days after Deng Qi came back made him breathe a sigh of relief. Sister-in-law helps take care of the family affairs, and the little nephew is brought up by his brother. My brothers and sisters are all at school. When Deng Juan is free, he wants to find a job.

The town has arranged a position for Deng Qi 'an to be a cashier in an enterprise. He felt a little upset about Deng Juan when he ascended the throne, so when he heard that the unit was recruiting civil servants, he immediately helped Deng Juan run around.

When Wei Zhihang gave Deng Juan his junior high school textbooks and notes, he said that he was studying high school and junior high school books, and Lao Zhang asked him to send them. Since then, Wei Zhixing has mailed a lot of study materials to Deng Juan every year, and often wrote letters to tell the world outside Deng Juan's village, the world outside the town and even the world beyond. Wei Zhixing constantly encouraged Deng Juan to continue his studies, telling Deng Juan that he must have the opportunity to get his degree by other means.

At that time, the requirements of civil servants for academic qualifications were not very high. Besides, dropping out of school has not stopped Deng Juan's thirst for knowledge in the past six years. Although he has only received primary education, he has accumulated enough knowledge to reach the middle school level. This also makes Deng Juan lucky to be a temporary employee in the enterprise. It is said that if Deng Juan can pass the exam and get a middle school degree, he can become a full member.

In this way, Deng Juan began a new chapter in her life. Although her father still doesn't love her mother, she has a job, a brother and sister who take good care of her, and friends and teachers who constantly encourage her. Her younger brothers and sisters began to know how to be grateful because of their schooling and the teaching of their eldest brother, and they respected Deng Juan more and more. At that time, they will persuade stubborn mothers and irrelevant fathers to care more about Deng Juan.

Another year passed, and Deng Juan got the diploma of technical secondary school, and her job turned positive smoothly. Her mother's eyes are still cold to her, but it seems a little different. Deng Juan feels more and more that her life is full of hope.

Unfortunately, God's concern for Deng Juan is limited to wisdom. Deng Juan's father died of a heart attack on his way to work.

As soon as the two brothers and sisters who received the bad news came home from work, they heard their mother crying: "I asked you to give away the broom, but you just refused." Now, you just left me. How can I live in the future? "

Looking up at Deng Juan, Deng Mu was even more excited: "You just came to our house to collect debts, get out!"

Deng Juan was all confused, and her mother's mouth was unlucky, but she was talking about herself. But what did you do wrong?

"mom! What are you talking about! " Dench wouldn't listen. The sudden death of his father made the whole family extremely sad. When his mother said this, how could Deng Juan bear it?

"Deng Ge, you shut up! You still speak for her! Go away, just pretend that we don't have you in the Deng family, and never enter our Deng family's door again! Get out! " Deng's mother continued to cry, but the neighbors couldn't stop her, saying that she wouldn't let her stay at home and wouldn't be allowed to attend the funeral.

Deng Juan doesn't know how he escaped from the house. When she woke up, she was already in the back hill, or on the hillside, or under the big tree. Deng Juan vaguely saw that she had cried under the tree in which year. Like her six years ago, Deng Juan sat under a tree with her knees in her hands.

Deng Juan was deeply saddened by her father's sudden death, and Deng Juan was deeply saddened by her mother's words. She wanted to cry, but found no tears. Deng Juan, who once thought his life was full of hope, was suddenly shrouded in despair. She doesn't know what she did wrong. It turned out that her mother's indifference and disgust for herself for so many years was due to the so-called fortune telling of a liar who didn't know where he came from.

"Haha ..." Deng Juan sneered and let his tears run wild: "That's why!"

Not far away, footsteps rustled and Deng Juan heard them.

A figure approached slowly. Eyes full of love and worry.

Wei Zhihang heard the talk in the village and went straight to the back. Intuition told him that Deng Juan must be here.

At this moment, seeing Deng Juan's desperate eyes, Wei Zhihang felt his heart was stung by a knife.

If Deng Juan, who fell asleep six years ago because he was tired of crying, looked like a crystal doll, then Deng Juan died like a puppet pulled from his soul. Those eyes are as clear as spring water and bottomless darkness. It's like being swallowed up by darkness all the time.

The afterglow of the sunset once again covered the hillside, and Deng Juan found himself sitting here motionless for more than three hours. Wei Zhihang also sat quietly beside her for more than three hours.

Deng Juan looked at Wei Zhihang. The once modest boy Lang's childishness faded, and the clean white shirt set off a bit of bookishness. Like a ray of sunshine in the dark, Deng Juan felt that the boundless darkwave was slowly dissipating.

Wei Zhixing watched Deng Juan's desperate eyes slowly return to Qingming. He secretly breathed a sigh of relief: "You go back with me first."

Two people together back to the first expert, Lao Zhang didn't ask anything, cooked some noodles for two people, called the elder brother, and then cleaned up Wei Zhihang's room. Let Deng Juan rest here tonight.

Deng Juan knows that her mother won't let her go home. She is homeless now. Plus Lao Zhang has been taking care of himself over the years, and Deng Juan won't shirk it again. Just because of her arrival, Wei Zhihang had to sleep on the sofa, which made Deng Juan feel a little guilty.

After repeated persuasion by Deng Qi, Deng Xuan and neighbors, Deng's mother gave in and let Deng's father see him off at home. With the help of the neighborhood, Deng's white work was successfully completed.

Mother Deng finally refused to let her go home to live. Accompanied by Wei Zhihang and Deng Ji, Deng Juan went to work and applied for a dormitory, which was a firm foothold. It's just that Deng Juan can't understand what he did wrong. After being treated like this, Deng Juan will never smile again except politely for the next year.

In order to make himself forget the pain, Deng Juan buried himself in a book. Wei Zhihang found a self-study series of mathematical physics from nowhere, saying that he should study hard. At that time, the college entrance examination had just resumed, and many young people's desire to study was awakened, and college entrance examination slogans could be seen everywhere. Finally, at the age of 22, Deng Juan got his admission notice.

Deng Juan came back with the notice, the same scenery, different state of mind. Deng Juan's heart is a bit complicated at the moment. The dream that has always been regarded as out of reach is finally in sight, but it also brings another trouble-tuition.

Every month, Deng Juan scrimps and saves the salary that Deng Qi took home and is returned by Deng Mu. Deng Juan saved the money and could only pay Deng Juan's tuition for one year. Going to school means resigning, unemployment means no income, and there is no source of tuition for the second year. Deng Juan hesitated for a moment, but soon his desire for learning overcame everything. There was a summer vacation at school. Even if you go to the factory to earn money in the summer vacation, as long as you can go to school, there is hope for everything.

Determined his own ideas, Deng Juan got up and planned to go back to the unit to prepare for the college entrance examination. The familiar figure appeared in front of me again.

Wei Zhihang, who stayed at the university to teach, will come back to the village as long as it is winter and summer vacation in these years. Besides accompanying his parents, Wei Zhihang spent most of his remaining time cooking for Deng Juan. When I got off work, two people were at Lao Zhang's house. Wei Zhihang is Deng Juan's tutor. Thanks to his encouragement and guidance, Deng Juan was able to enter the university so smoothly. Deng Juan has always been grateful to Wei Zhihang, and there is still a trace of feelings he has never noticed.

"When are you leaving?"

"Report for work next week." Deng Juan nature is know what WeiZhiHang asked.

"I'll take you there a few days before school starts."

"No, no, I can go by myself. It's too much trouble for you to do so. " Deng Juan quickly refused. Although the school where she taught with Wei Zhihang was close to the city, the traffic was not developed at that time, so it was inconvenient to walk around.

"I can send you back to school directly. That's settled! " Wei Zhihang is so strong with Deng Juan for the first time.

Deng Juan could not refuse again, so he agreed. Seeing that it was getting late, they walked down the hill in tandem, but this time the distance was a little closer than before.

"ah!" Deng Juan thought about what to prepare for school all the way, without looking at the road too carefully. The mountain road under her feet was a little dry because it hadn't rained in recent months, and she didn't step on it. The dry soil under her feet peeled off, which made Deng Juan slip and scream.

I thought I would fall to my knees, but my arm was caught by a big hand. Deng Juan was relieved. Unfortunately, the soil under his feet is not so intimate, and the soil under Wei Zhihang's feet is peeling off because of its greater bearing capacity. Deng Juan was almost sitting on Wei Zhihang. Although he lost weight, Wei Zhihang took a painful breath.

"Sorry, sorry!" Deng Juan a surprised quickly got up.

"Are you hurt?" Wei Zhihang doesn't care about herself at all, only her skinny eyes.

"You didn't fall, did you?" Deng Juan was worried about falling on him.

Each of them confirmed that they were not injured and went down the mountain in tandem, but their steps were more careful for fear of slipping again. In the sunset, two people blushed and were silent all the way.