What are the words and humorous jokes that are suitable for flirting with your girlfriend?

Wake up in the middle of the night and feel my husband holding me, secretly happy! I thought to myself: this guy is usually cool, but he accidentally exposed himself while sleeping. So I was very moved and was about to enjoy his hug when I heard him say in a daze, "Wife! It's so cold! " I want to kick him out of bed.

One day, my husband and I watched TV together. The actress on TV is dancing ballet. My husband said to me, "Wife, you are also very suitable for ballet." Secretly happy! Thought: My husband must think I have a good figure. But I wanted him to praise me directly, so I held my horses and continued to ask him, "Why do you say I am suitable for ballet?" My husband said in a serious and professional tone, "No ballet dancer's breasts can be too big." I didn't roll off the chair at once.

After getting up at the weekend, I chatted with my husband about the recent problem of spending money. I felt that we often spend money indiscriminately, which is not good, so I decided to get rid of the problem of spending money indiscriminately. In the evening, my husband accompanied me to the supermarket. When I saw my favorite Shaqima, I didn't know which brand to buy, so I just took one at the price of 4.8 yuan. I was about to reach for it when I heard my husband calling, "4.6 yuan, 4.6 yuan." Hearing this, I couldn't help laughing. It seems that he is serious about our plan to save money.

One morning, I had a rest, my husband went to work, and I sent him to the elevator door. The elevator door opened and I turned to go home. Hearing my husband calling me from behind, I turned around and saw my husband standing in front of the elevator door, with one foot tilted to block the elevator door. He leaned over and said to me mischievously, "There is no one in my wife, kiss!" " I am angry and funny!

Once, while combing my hair in the mirror, I said to my husband, "You said it would be nice if my husband came back from work to cook and wash clothes every day, and then I didn't have to do anything but go to work." My husband came up to me and kept shaking me and said, "Wife, wake up, wake up, it's getting late." I was completely defeated by my husband.

My husband and I like watching movies together, but every time we have to change movies, it is very painful, especially in winter, and we don't want to get out of bed. So, every time the picture stops, I immediately pretend to sleep on my side and snore; When my husband saw it, he had to get out of bed and change it himself. As soon as the disc was put into storage, I woke up immediately, pretending to be sleepy and saying, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong? Do you want to change the disc? I know, I know, I know. My husband said I was too bad.

Every few days, I forget about it. I just wanted to call him when I was changing the disc, but he had fallen asleep on his side. Naturally, he did the same, laughing me to death.

After washing the vegetables, I brushed stainless steel pot by the way, and it was very hard. Finally brighter than when I just bought it. So I'm proud! My husband stood on a stool on the balcony to dry clothes, and I excitedly showed him the pot. He tilted his head and looked at the pot carefully, but he didn't praise me. When asked, he casually licked his hair with his hand. "Well, this young man is very handsome ..."

He came to pick me up after work and I clamored for bananas. I found that two girls in the company are also buying. I know them well, but he knows nothing about them. I shouted to them, "Great! I don't have to buy it? " The girl generously handed me a bag of bananas: "Help yourself!" I only broke one, and the girl said, "Take more! You're welcome! " He also said, "Take two roots!" Colleague Kevin·Z also quickly echoed: "Take more!" He said no, no, two is enough. I broke another one, wondering how he could embarrass me like this, but he handed me the net bag, then handed two bananas to my colleagues and said seriously, "Thank you!" " "

I went to work at noon the next day, and everyone laughed when they thought about it. ...

My husband likes to hide at home and let me find him, but the house is too small, and I can easily find him every time. Once before going to bed, he turned off the light (the switch of the light was at a certain distance from the bed). After turning it off, he quickly squatted on the ground. Although I can see clearly (night vision is very good), I am silent. I saw him squat for a while, and then climbed into bed. I held back my smile. When he climbed into bed carefully and leaned out, I jumped on him and scared him! Haha, laugh wildly!

In my husband's eyes, I am notoriously nearsighted; Low IQ. But sometimes, he will be fooled by me. The day before yesterday, we got separated in front of a busy shopping mall, but I found him looking back nervously. I walked behind him and called his name. He suddenly turned around. I pretended not to see him, but shouted. I also showed fear and anxiety. He smiled happily, hugged me and said, "Oh, stupid!" " Oh, how sweet!

I remembered another one: I was walking in the yard with my husband after dinner last night and suddenly saw a cockroach on the road. I shouted: "Husband, step, step, step to death!" " "Then I put my foot out to step on it, and my husband said," Oh, it's Xiao Qiang, let go. "It makes me feel cruel and heartless.

My husband took the shuttle bus home, and the road was blocked. He texted me to make a detour home.

I texted him back and said that you could sleep in the car because of the traffic jam.

He replied: No! Dreaming how horrible you are!

One day, I saw on TV that the China team lost in the sports competition, and I vowed, "In the future, I will let my children practice sports and win glory for our country!"! ! "My husband looked up at my book and said," Let him practice weightlifting. See if his mother can do it! " "

Ho ho. ...

One day, my husband and I discussed a silly topic that everyone would discuss, "Be a man or a woman in the next life." I thought for a long time and said, "I want to be a man in my next life and let you be a woman to serve me!" " My husband gave me a twisted look and said, "You've said that all your life." ...

My husband and I shot a mouse at home yesterday. My husband was very brave and trampled the mouse to death. I praised him for his bravery, but he said sadly, "Hey, I feel so sad when I think of Shuke and Beita when I was a child!"

It's the first time to cook for my husband, but the craft is really not good, and the dishes are irrelevant. My husband is so cute, he bowed his head and comforted me, saying that it has nothing to do with his wife. Just feed me and wear warm clothes. I don't ask for a well-off life.