Essays on trivial matters in the old city

Yearning for a city, just because it is the distant place where you go to great pains; Look up to a city just because the dreams and people in your heart have lived there. Miss a city, but only because those unfinished things linger, just like an unfinished black and white chess piece, black is the weight you don't want to mention, and white is your pure emotion. If you win the black-and-white game, you lose the ups and downs of that field; If you win the sunspot, you lose the sincere flame. That's what happened. No matter win or lose, no matter the past, life can go on.

The weather there is often very bad, and the gloomy sky seems to rain, but fortunately, in winter, the weather is not too cold, no cold wind blows from my ears, and no cold snow slides over my shoulders. Early in the morning, I came out from the railway station, and a small group of people greeted me, but none of them expected me, and no one knew where I came from and where I was going, including myself. With an address he sent me, I took a long vacation, got on the train to go there, and then found the direction of the taxi myself, so I naturally appeared in front of him. In his view, everything is taken for granted. I should go to his direction, support him without reservation, understand him and dedicate the best time to him. Therefore, I followed him with a faint smile, followed him into the door, and stayed outside.

When I was still on campus, that teenager was not only dazzling, but also so gentle. The wind blew across the playground that night, and I said I would dance for you. I turned around and around, always seeing your smile and happiness. From that night of dancing, it was doomed that one of us was a dancer and the other was just an audience. No matter how hard the dancer tries to please the audience, the audience will disperse after the performance. Many times, he is a belief that I can't compare with. I can't reach it and I can't let it go. On the way to chase him, I will always be humble as dust.

Before coming to this city, he didn't give me any promises, and even admitted that I was his girlfriend in public. After all, he never told me well. It's just that on the night of graduation, that sudden kiss made me wrong about one thing, which made me feel that it was everlasting, the deepest confession, and made me desperate to come to him and defend my self-righteous position beside him. Sometimes, I just feel that he is as lonely as a tree. I think I am the wind, at least I can comfort him. But I never thought that in the end, I was the wind, destined to stay forever, and he could never leave that land.

In fact, when we are together, we seldom spend time alone. Most of the time, he is in the workplace, and even when visiting this small town, he is with many friends. We sat on a sightseeing bus. Although he is on the left, I still think it is a long distance, just like the scenery wandering outside. If you fall in love again, it will walk away from your eyes without hesitation and run over your heart mercilessly.

Gradually, I got to know something about his work. In fact, the partner who lives with them is nothing more than a whimsical pyramid scheme with a dream of making money. But they're not that fierce. Although they have regulations, they still pose no threat to my personal safety. They never think there is anything wrong with their ideas. They admire and admire the upper organizations, take care of their lower partners, and naturally take care of my new friends who come from afar. But he never invited me to join the club and never forced me to stay. However, at that time, I was so sure that he must have done nothing illegal. I even once dispelled my doubts and trusted their so-called career and future without any bad feelings. He didn't ask me if I believed it, only if I believed it. Of course I don't doubt it. I always would rather doubt myself than deny him a penny. So when someone asked me if I wanted to stay in front of him, I replied categorically, of course I want to stay, but unlike others who have infinite expectations for the future, I just have infinite expectations for him. I naively thought that no matter what, at least we would always be together. Always back to the original time, he taught me to drive a go-kart, took me boating around the lake and accompanied me to get up early and run in the morning. I secretly alluded to his name in the poem, sat at the back of the classroom early and waited for him to come in, deliberately detouring to create an unexpected encounter. Those little contentment and joy are enough for me to be sweet all my life. But that's just my wishful thinking, his reluctance. I didn't realize this until we broke up. It's ridiculous to think about it. In that city, I walked with him, ran with him, cried with him, laughed with him, and even lost my little savings, accompanying my best youth. He didn't even say "I love you" or hold my hand in public, but I didn't care about all this and stood by him as always.

When he was on a business trip, I found that I had a baby. I sent him a message telling him that maybe I knew him too well, so when he told me I couldn't have it, I wasn't surprised or opposed to him. I am proud of my statement, and I think he should cherish me more. However, when I was lying alone in the hospital bed, I realized that I should be a lonely gust of wind, drifting cold and gently, and I had no strength to hug and comfort anyone. At this time, I suddenly want to go home. I told him that I hadn't been home for too long, and I just needed to recuperate, so I left here before he came back. No, it's not, it's completely different.

Like most lovers, apart from each other, our contact is getting less and less, and he can only answer a few words when I ask. He didn't ask me when I would go, and I also felt that this city made me feel very cold and I didn't want to fall into it again. We have been deadlocked like this. One day about two months later, I drank a little too much. In front of a group of friends, I called him and asked him if he really loved me and when to marry me. Instead of answering my question, he told his friend to take me home. The next day, I saw the text message on my mobile phone, and he said, forget it. I grabbed my cell phone to call him and questioned him. I said I wanted to see him, and I wanted to end it clearly. He refused, saying it was unnecessary, and I hoped I would have a good life in the future. I am so angry and disappointed, this bubble-like dream can't get rid of the broken fate in the end. I have no strength to clean up the debris in this place, only to blame myself for weaving too perfectly and not seeing the truth clearly.

Later, I saw the news on TV that a pyramid scheme den was destroyed somewhere. The national flags and numerical formulas I heard were almost exactly the same as what he said there, but I didn't want to believe this fact before. Now, I only think how anyone can believe the dream of such an illusory billionaire. I don't know how he is now, but I'm really like what he said. My life is better than before. I'm the real me now. I have my own hobbies and ideals and beliefs. Even if I don't know how to take care of myself, there will always be someone who is far away from home who cares about me and always wants to be warm. Actually, I don't know how to take care of people. Only when you really love someone and want to pay for him, will you know how to take care of him. When I am moved by another person who will take good care of me, I know I can't help but cherish it. After all, this person is the only one who has loved me from beginning to end for so many years, including all my willfulness and shortcomings, and intends to accompany me to the ends of the earth. It doesn't matter who I love, what matters is who I will be. When the night is getting deeper and the crowd is gradually dispersed, the figure running by the river will still be the persistent me, with the initial simplicity and beauty, bravely rushing forward.