Long and funny text messages.

1. When you left the card room yesterday, the lady told me that you didn't give enough money, and she was going to sue you at your wife's!

2. The head is like a radish, the figure is like a watermelon, the face is like a banana, and it is as sour as a hawthorn. As it grows, it is all sediment. Guess who it is. -So it's you, you idiot

You look very distinctive. It is a kind of courage for you to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but your parents played a game. Only you can set off the beauty of the world.

In the dark, a tiger threw you down, but why didn't it eat you? Because this tiger is a Muslim and doesn't eat pork! !

You drunkards are jumping up and down around the leaders and yelling at the subordinates. You still don't sleep at night, holding the young lady and swearing sadly.

There is a cow flying in the sky, because someone is blowing on the ground. From now on, you can keep silent, but everything you say will become nonsense.

I really want to say three words to you, but I don't have the courage to say it. Whenever I dream that you walk in front of me in the middle of the night, my heart is afraid to tell you, so I say to you, lend me money.

8. The stock was locked up, the secret was soaked, the wife was fooling around, Viagra really failed, the dirty money was stolen, the police knocked hard, and the backers fell down one by one, so they had to beg for food.

9. Doctor, what are the chances of a successful operation? Oh, I've had 97 operations this time. Then I'm relieved. Hmm (expressing hesitation, etc.) ................................................................................................................................................................................

10. I like your kindness, but you are an idiot. I like your delusion, but you are an idiot!

1 1. I have something to say to you. Whether you say it or not, it's not just a question of how to say it. Willing to talk: don't talk, I feel bad if I don't talk, then talk! You are so stupid

12. Extremely urgent: It is expected that eggs, goose eggs and dinosaur eggs will fall tomorrow ... Please protect your head.

13. Note: This is a fire. Attention is a fire. Please evacuate to a safe place as soon as possible ... Please note that this is not a drill. ...

14. Love you for 10,000 years and keep your eyes on money; If you want to see me, remit 10 thousand yuan quickly

15. Please press ... and then press ... to continue ... OK, You don't have to press ................................................................................................................................... No, Please .................................................................................................................................................... ........................, you are a pig. ........................................................................................................................... ......................................................, I'm Kao!

16. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boil you, fry you, steam you; Roast you, stew you and braise you in soy sauce; Deep-fried you, deep-fried you, cold-mixed you.

17. Did I hit you? ! Sorry, I forgot about .......................................................................................................................................................................!

18. Do you know? I dreamed that you were happy last night. . . We walked by the river and snuggled up together. You looked up at my eyes and said three words of joy affectionately: ". . Woof, woof, woof ! "

19. turtle son, an old man, wants to shit, has toilet paper, don't pull my rotten mat.

20. Pigs chase sheep and sheep climb trees. Do you know why? ..... Tell you the truth, the pig is thinking.

2 1. Teacher Wang's marking is divided into three grades: one is nonsense, the other is to treat you as a person; Second, dogs fart, you are already a dog; Say fart dog, you are already a fart dog!

22. Hello, you eat pig grass, have more hair and less meat, and like to take a bath with rice soup. It is also said that the skin care effect is better than Dabao. Everyone said that you are a rare clown.

23. Your appearance: You look peaceful, you look attentive, you look thoughtful, you look hardworking, and you look selfless.

24. Eat very fat, pretend very badly, insert a pen, can't settle accounts, and can only pee on the kang at night!

25. Once upon a time, there were four monkeys. The first one was blindfolded. The second covered her mouth and stopped talking. The third one stopped listening. The fourth one smiled with a mobile phone!

26. Do you know? I was fascinated by you from the first moment I saw you. This is the happiness that God has given me. I don't want to leave. I've always wanted to say this: your zipper is open.

27. Please look down ... look down again, .........., please look down again ... Let you see, you idiot!

28. The leader is partial to you, the police are partial to you, the court is partial to you, the official career is with you, the wife is with you, eating and drinking is with you, Xiaomi is with you, and only you win the prize-dreaming!

29. The macho man lost his job and strode to the nightclub without tears. I will also serve the rich woman, relying on society instead of the government. There are food, drinks and tips. Who says men have no status?

30. I've always wanted to say three words to you, but you know its weight. I'm afraid that once we say it, we won't even have friends. But I can't control my feelings and summon up courage to say to you: you are a pig.

3 1. Since ancient times, there has been a mathematical equation that is correct (A=B, B=C), so A=C, you = animal, animal = pig, and you are a pig!

32. Remember me? Really don't remember? Think again, think hard, forget it, forget it ... this is wrong.

33. What you say never counts. The person you love changes every three days. I just don't read my letters, which makes you angry, you bastard.

34. Weather forecast: It will rain in most parts of North China during the day tomorrow, and satellite detection will bring mobile phones, computers, US dollars and other money. Please be prepared to get rich! ! Central Meteorological Observatory (China)

35. Your eyes are like a pool of autumn water and stars shining at night! But what drives me crazy most is that it is always full of temptation and makes me feel guilty.

36. From a distance, the golden rooster is independent, and from a close look, it is a tired horse; Lotus leaves walk in the wind and lie on the uneven kang ... it turned out to be a waste!

I'll tell you a secret to getting rich, but don't tell anyone! Give you half the money! Is it doubled? !

38. A: I wrote a couplet. The first couplet is "the most handsome in the world", and the second couplet is "Marshal Tian Peng". What is the second couplet? B: I'm a pig!

39. You are a little aura, and I am a little stupid; You are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; You have a little aroma, I have a little smoke; If you are angry, I won't lose my temper.

40. Miss's play is called Kill Kai Zi, the boss's wife is called White Elephant, and the word written is Mianshou. The notice is called concubine, the TV is called handsome boy, the farmer is called breeding pig, and he calls himself handsome boy.

4 1. Congratulations on winning the grand prize. Please come to the People's Bank of China with sabre, shotgun and soil cannon at 10 this evening.

42. It's 10,000 from the back, 10,000 from the front, and you're killing 20,000. Admire you! ! !

43. "What forces young people to cross the road? Chicken shit pulls their pants, and when they pick up candy paper and stick it on their ass, the more they stick it, the more sticky it gets. "What are you laughing at! Say you! ! Alas!

44. You are bad, you are bad, and you are like a pervert. You laugh, you laugh, you show off your shameless ugliness. You're black, you're black, and you're red hemorrhoid.

45. You see a pile of poop in front of you. It smells like poop. When you dig it up, you think it's poop. It must taste like poop. You said happily: it's a good thing you didn't step on it!

46. There is something that is dry before going in and wet after coming out. Can you guess what it is? You think it's wrong! This is a tea bag.

47. When you made a little money, you gambled all the money. When you see a beautiful girl, your eyes are full of desire. Your wife hopes she can't slap you 1000.

48. When you were a child, you were too ugly. When you grew up, you were too thin and thick-skinned, so you couldn't get a bargain. Too axial when working, too fleshy when driving. Playing mahjong is too smelly to tell jokes.

49. This sentence is only for those friends who have severe itching in their buttocks. Please don't scratch in the street, so as not to affect the city!

50. Dude, you have to pretend with me, I'll hurt you. If you want to be beautiful with me, I will make you regret it. If you want to blow with me, I'll turn your face gray. You want to play with me, I'll let you have a baby!

5 1. From a distance, it looks like returned overseas Chinese, and from a close look, it looks like compatriots from Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan. A closer look turned out to be marketing.

52. You are really strong, bold and handsome, just like a bear louse.

53. If the joys and sorrows of life are a drama, then fools have already arranged to watch mobile phones. Look at it if you don't believe me. fool

If you can repeat 2 and 5 17 times at 8: 10 every morning, you won't catch a cold. (You try)

55. Look at the landscape of Guilin from a distance and see the cracked female teeth; Look at the horseshoe from a distance, look at polio from a distance!

56. Follow the crowd, eat sweet potato skin, others prick the gun, you prick the skin, and nine rotten skins kiss you.

57. You are a wanted child trafficker. Do not move. Hands up. I am a plainclothes policeman. If you run again, I'll shoot! !

58. Old snake, laugh, laugh off your big teeth. "Doctor, doctor, come quickly." The doctor shook his head and sighed. You looked miserable afterwards, and your mouth was full of Kouga.

59. You are kind-fickle and heartless! You are a genius-a born fool! You're cute-poor nobody loves you!

60. Failing a foreign language proves that you are patriotic; Showing off all day, in fact, no wife; Grow a small belly and pretend to be Maitreya; Buzzing everywhere, like a big slug.

6 1. Brother, I'd like you to meet a girlfriend: she is noble in temperament, exquisite in appearance, charming in figure, with long flowing hair and gentle eyes ... She is 80 years old this year.

62. Boy, you took our white powder and didn't give money! If we don't hand over 500 thousand yuan in three days, we'll ... hey hey. ...

63. I went to bed. But congratulations. Now there are only Hui people in the world, so you can rest assured to live.

64. Early twenties, no fragrant tea. Dear friends, please leave your sister with you. Do you know you are my little brother (son)

65. Please touch your little red face first, and then touch your little belly, so this lecture on pig raising knowledge is over! See you tomorrow!

Congratulations! We finally found you with an annual salary of one million in the talent market. Please give your luggage and belongings to the doorman on duty after work.

67. Say four words to your boss to ensure your future success. A four-letter word: embryo compensation.

68. Eat milk, drink bread, get on the bag with the train, get off the bag and go east. In the east, a man bites a dog, picks up the dog to cut stones, and bites the dog with the first stone.

69. I want to be a minister and I am afraid of being robbed; Want to be a secretary, afraid of getting angry; Want to be a manager, afraid of giving gifts; Want to be a contractor, afraid of falling down; I really want to beat you up, but I'm afraid you're slow.

70. Congratulations, my friend. You won a mobile phone prize in this Internet cafe, V998. Please come to this Internet cafe to receive the prize on Sunday. There is an internet bar.

7 1. Brain teaser: Please answer quickly. A, b, c, d, I go up the mountain to cut wood. When I met a bubble of shit, I didn't eat a, b and d, so who did?

72. A scholar visited the Jingtan Messenger Temple and saw a couplet. There was only the first couplet: God was on it. He was very angry, so he wrote the second couplet: Pig is below!

73. I think you should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

74. I have an unknown poem. Only the rabbit and I know that the rabbit is reading this poem! ! !

75. Stop. Police search, hands up, we suspect you are an old woman, you don't have to say it now, but what you say will be used as evidence in bed!

76. Idealism says, "If I say you are a pig, you are a pig." Materialism says, "Because you are a pig, I say you are a pig." In a word-you are a pig!

77. My Peacock Princess, why don't you have underwear behind your beautiful feathers? !

78. Hey, hey, you eat grass every day, wear a cotton-padded jacket in summer, and wait for you to clean the toilet. You think you are a gentle and lovely lady, but you are super stupid!

79. You paid for all the messages I sent you, and I will send them to you every day. Hey-hey-hey

News! News! Big news! ! The world's first slug who can only read short messages was born! ! !

8 1. Although you are wearing a pair of white gloves and a condom. You look like virus one. You snitch at work. There is nothing unreasonable. Nobody wants to have a daughter

82. I am your father, how great I am. I worked hard to raise you. If you don't listen, I'll give you a mouth.

83. I'd like to introduce you to a boyfriend: the skin is white and red. Fat but handsome, his favorite clothes are double-breasted I don't know who it is. The wild boar knows this.

84. Don't think that you are not as handsome as Dong Fangbubai! Don't think you are cool, you can't go out without pants!

85. You like to wear a suit and tie, you like to live a romantic life, you like to be gentle and considerate, you like to be in sheep's clothing, you big pervert with a human face and an animal heart! !

86. You are a kind person who comes from a distant village and wants to live a luxurious life. You don't have the foundation to set up a factory, you don't have the courage to deal drugs, and you have to be a duck because you are afraid of dirty pants when farming.

87. If I give you some sunshine, you will be brilliant; If I give you some floods, you will be submerged. I'll let the old lady draw a red mouth and give you some color to see see!

88. Look at you, American head, French waist, Indian nose and Hong Kong feet. People are not people, ghosts are not ghosts, only one head and two legs.

To tell the truth, you went out yesterday, drank wine, ate vegetables and stepped on wild flowers. How can I love you?

90. I smoked a lot until I vomited. Drive into a tree and walk slowly on the dance floor. Everyone thinks you are cool, but you can't walk when you see a beautiful woman.

9 1. People are afraid of famous pigs and fat, but one pig is not afraid. Do you know why?

92. Congratulations, I finally got rid of your mistress. See you at the usual place tonight. Honey, the third glass of milk. . .

93. Give your unborn child a name. Boys are fickle and girls have no children.

94.let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him questions, he only answers "No". Have you heard this story?

95. Idiot, big idiot, little idiot, everyone says you are an idiot. If you weren't an idiot, you would immediately lose your mobile phone. Big idiot.

96. If you must compare with a pig, I think you are different from it in at least two aspects: 1. You can eat better than it. 2. It is smarter than you.

97. I will do anything for you! Even this message was sent to you by my left hand. I have never wiped my ass!

98. I'd like to introduce you to a girlfriend: her skin is white and red. He is fat but plump. His favorite clothes are double-breasted and I don't know who they are. Sows know that.

99. To tell the truth, you still had 329.50 yuan in your bag last night. Why is there only 20 points left in 78 yuan now?

100. Good news: Now call 1 10 to win 9-day free accommodation in the detention center, free value-added tour, extra gifts such as hand-made posters for young and dangerous people, and the top ten will be given photos of the river in the detention center and fist massage for ten thousand people.

10 1. You have high blood pressure, high blood lipid and low position. No speech at the conference, no speech at the meeting, prostatitis. The political achievements are not outstanding, the performance is not outstanding, and the lumbar disc is outstanding.

102. Work goal: I can sit in the cubicle and watch the screensaver for eight hours every day, and shake my mouse when the boss is on patrol to make my eyes look good.

103. There is an unrestrained state: laugh like you have never heard a joke, and play like you are the only one in the elevator.

104. No matter where you go, your colleagues will follow, but this is purely out of strong curiosity.

105. It is better to shut up and let others suspect that you are a fool than to open your mouth to dispel the doubts in everyone's heart.

106. I think you have a man with a moustache, eyes of the sun and the moon, nose of a mysterious field and ears of a cow. Such a face represents ... a clear beast!

107. It's incredible that you eliminated other sperm! !

108. You asked me why I didn't send you a message because I didn't dare to miss you. Why didn't I think of you? Because I'm afraid to see your face. Why are you afraid to see your face? Because I just threw up yesterday.

109. Hello! Whose puppy are you? Why pretend to be an anthropologist and read text messages?

1 10. With all due respect, I want to ask a personal question, and that is ... eggs laid by hens are called eggs, and eggs laid by turtles are called turtle eggs. Where are you from, fool?

1 1 1. When you read this message, you are cursed. The only way to detoxify is to shit ten times a day, otherwise ... you will ... be constipated!

1 12. This is a horrible and proven legend. It is said that as long as you put on a black coat at midnight and comb your hair in front of the mirror twelve times, you will see ... dandruff.

1 13. Looking at you from behind, like Cai Guoqing; Look at you from the side, like Yu Chengqing; Look at you head-on, like Ximen Qing.

1 14. urgent notice: mad cow disease is prevalent, and the symptoms are as follows: dizziness after squatting, general weakness and not eating. Please go to the mad cow disease prevention center for treatment!

1 15. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention. God lost his temper. If you live, who will set off the beauty of the world without you!

1 16. You are beautiful, and the frog's belly is bowlegged; Giraffe's neck and toad's mouth; Seeing you is like seeing a ghost.

1 17. You can show my shortcomings better than the mirror, you are more knowledgeable than Zhuangzi, and you are more resourceful than Sun Tzu. So we all affectionately call you "the grandson of Jingzhuang".

1 18. The clear river is full of feelings, and the glory of friendship can be known at a glance. Who should I talk to about a bright future? I'll send the message to an idiot!

1 19. Toll-free phone prompt: When there is an incoming call, press 54sg before ringing for the second time and then press power off. At this time, the call is free.

120. It's not your fault to be ugly, it's your fault to always scare people!

12 1. Please don't bend your head and suck hard every time you fart, thinking that you can absorb the fart!

122. You scold me, but I endure it, because I'm afraid your wife will have a litter of monkeys. There may be skipping, giggling after reading the information!

123. Compare you to a pig, and the pig will cry to me. Ask why? You are not as good as a pig.

124. There are four famous viruses in your computer: CMOS, BIOS, CACHE and CPU. Why don't you give them to me for two cents?

125. Laugh at the sight of bones and jump over the wall when you are in a hurry. When the stranger came, he screamed like hell. It's good for humans to have you!

126. Comrade, the enemy will soon break through our defense. For the sake of * * * and the country's tomorrow, please pack up your explosives and die! !

127. There is also "a flower inserted in cow dung". You are different from your girlfriend. You are a piece of cow dung, which fell on the flowers.

128. In order to test your Mandarin, please read aloud the following poems: dark stone green, dark pink, dark stone passing through Chun Lv, dark stone passing through Chun Zhu.

129. Is your Mandarin standard? Please repeat after me: look at it, look at it, forget it, look at it. All right, dog, stop barking and eat the bones.

130. Urgent notice from the Ministry of Health: Due to the recent epidemic of foot-and-mouth disease, please clean your limbs to avoid infection!

13 1. Rookie: It is expected that you will have an affair in the next few days. Watch your kidneys!

132. Recently, the wind is very tight, and my boss told me not to act rashly to avoid arousing the suspicion of the police. Specific boot time and other notifications. Remember!

133. The new turtle is free to run, and the pig is the referee. Do you think the tortoise runs fast or the son runs fast?

134. The sea! It's all water A good horse! It has four legs. It's silly to look at the mobile phone! He cracked his mouth.

135. It's wood who makes furniture, scholars who know poetry, people who think about money, talents who practice, geniuses who send messages, and fools who read them!

136. Four fools: those who failed to commit suicide by hanging themselves in love, those who were cheated, those who didn't want to spend their wedding night, and those who giggled when they saw the text message!

137. Have you heard the story that the big pig shook his head and the little pig didn't want his head? Don't shake your head