My parents asked me to pay for my brother’s wedding gift. Should I sever the relationship?

As the saying goes, there are two great blessings in life, one is when you are named on the gold medal list, and the other is the wedding night.

Nowadays, getting admitted to a good university and having a good job are equivalent to "getting a spot on the gold list." "The wedding night" refers to having a good marriage. Marriage is the most important event in life. Top priority.

It is even more important than having a good job. After all, finding a like-minded partner is very positive for the second half of life and is directly related to future family relationships and fortune.

In modern society, marriage has become a bit luxurious for Chinese people. As the saying goes, "The economic base determines the superstructure." Similarly, the economic base also determines the quality of marriage and family harmony.

Nowadays, the ratio of men to women is imbalanced. There are 30 million more men than women. If your own conditions are not good, it will be very difficult to find a girlfriend.

With the development of society, the price of betrothal gifts in marriage is also rising. Even so, parents are trying their best to collect as much as possible.

The betrothal gift given by the man before the marriage is a good start to the marriage. Correspondingly, the dowry brought by the woman also represents the most sincere blessings from both parents for the future small family.

However, in some places, the bride price is indeed ridiculously high, especially in some remote areas. It is really inappropriate to turn the marriage of a daughter into a business, and it will have some potential consequences for the future small family. trouble.

So today we will discuss why some places charge such high dowry money? Are all these sky-high betrothal gifts really returned to the daughter as dowry?

As a bride, or someone who is about to get married, what do you think about your parents charging high-priced betrothal gifts? Today there happens to be a young lady who just got married and is willing to share her emotional story with us.

Teller: Xiaoduo/26 years old, physician

01

I just got married last month. Our family’s conditions have not been very good since we were young. However, my parents have told me these things since I was a child. In fact, our family’s conditions are quite good. Of course, this is only compared to the rural areas around us.

My parents were afraid that I would use money, so they saved all the money for my younger brother. They said that it would take a lot of money for him to go to college and get married, so if you have nothing to do, you should help the family with more housework and share some family responsibilities. .

The family repairs battery cars in a rural town, and sells some on the way. The business is good or bad, but the conditions are still better than those of the second aunt's family who is farming nearby.

Ever since I can remember, my main task every day has been to take care of my brother, who is one year younger than me, and be responsible for his safety and feeding, and also help with some housework at home.

Because my parents were busy and to make it easier to take care of my younger brother, they asked me to enter school later and go to preschool with my younger brother, so that I could be taken care of.

Since our family has only one generation, it is very important to take care of my younger brother. My parents often told me that you would rather get hurt yourself than let your brother get hurt, and you would rather be wronged yourself than let your brother be wronged.

If someone bullies him, you must protect him with all his strength, otherwise you will be hungry when you come back. At that time, I could only nod aggrievedly. We were both born to the same parents. Why was the gap so big?

Only when I grew up did I realize that it was due to the preference for boys over girls. There was no way society was like this. I just hoped that I would grow up quickly, marry myself out early, and leave this unwarm family environment.

So protecting my younger brother has become a daily task for me. Sometimes I really can’t do anything about my younger brother. I often fight with others, steal my parents’ money to buy cigarettes, and they won’t let me Tell your parents.

He also told me that if his parents knew that he had lost the money, they would say that I stole it myself and let me, my sister, take the blame.

I was scolded by my parents several times because of this, but my brother also apologized to me afterwards and said that he would never let you take the blame next time. I was also very touched at the time.

But not long after, my younger brother continued to steal money from his parents. Until one day, the incident came to light. My parents just criticized my younger brother for a few words and let it go. They did not apologize to me for their long-term misunderstanding. Not a single word of regret was heard.

When I was about to graduate from elementary school, in order to get rid of being in the same school as my younger brother, I studied hard, hoping to get into a better school far away from home. Entered the experimental middle school in the county.

I am so happy that I finally don’t have to take care of my younger brother, and I can still study with peace of mind. After all, I am also an ideal student. My wish is to go to at least 211 University, and it is not impossible to rush to 985 University. .

My parents rewarded me with an unprecedented 200 yuan, saying that I had won glory for them. With this 200 yuan, I could go out and take my brother to buy something good to eat.

I also convinced my parents, and they didn’t forget to bring my younger brother with them as a reward of 200 yuan, but I didn’t think too much about it. My younger brother is indeed a good younger brother, although he is a little naughty. I also feel very sorry for my sister.

When school was about to start, my parents told me that if you go to the county to study, you won’t be able to take care of your younger brother. There is also a middle school in the town, so you can just study in the town, and the tuition fee is It's cheap, it's close to home, and it saves a lot of transportation expenses. The conditions at home are not that good, you know.

I have no choice. My parents always cry about poverty in front of me. Whether I have money or not, I feel like a mirror. Although I am not from a wealthy family, I finally got into the county No. 1 Middle School, but they didn’t let me. Go read it.

In fact, I sometimes complain about my parents, and I still do until now. I know that from now on, my ideals are getting further and further away from me.

I can only say that the ideal is very full, but the reality is very skinny. Sun Monkey can never escape the palm of Tathagata Buddha. In fact, my fate has been doomed for a long time. I must be a man in my next life.

Although I am now studying in the middle school in the town, I cannot give up on myself. I believe that hard work will always pay off. During the high school entrance examination, I performed very well and was admitted to the No. 1 Middle School in our county. It is also a key middle school in our county.

It’s the same as last time. My parents didn’t want me to go to high school in the county. They said I wouldn’t be able to take care of my younger brother. I said he was already so old and he would be useless if he still had to be taken care of. He had to Let him learn to be independent. My parents don't listen to me. They are used to spoiling me.

There was no other way. I really wanted to go to high school in the county, so I went to the village to find my second aunt and asked her to help me with my parents’ ideological work. As a result, after my second aunt’s persuasion, my parents reluctantly I agreed to the idea of ??letting me study in the county.

After school started, I got my wish and went to high school in the county. However, my parents would call from time to time at home, saying that my younger brother was always fighting with others at home and was not learning well. They asked me to call him to persuade him. .

I left this family. Unexpectedly, my parents still disturbed my studies with some annoying trivial matters. As a result, my grades plummeted.

In addition, I was too nervous during the college entrance examination, which caused physical discomfort. According to my usual performance, I originally wanted to get into a good medical school, but in the end I only got into a very ordinary second-level medical school. hospital.

Because my younger brother had been naughty and troublesome since he was a child, he was not interested in studying, so he left school before graduating from junior high school and learned to repair battery cars from his parents.

My parents were very happy because I was admitted to medical school and would become a doctor in the future. They often told people that if I got sick, doctors would treat me for free.

But then I thought about it, the tuition for studying medicine is very expensive, and I heard that the learning cycle is relatively long, and I suddenly became sad again.

Since I went to college, I have not asked for a penny from my parents. I often work part-time outside, sometimes do a little tutoring, and write online novels and articles when I have nothing to do. Several scholarships and living expenses are enough.

As a major in medicine, it would be better if you could get a doctorate, so that you can work in a better hospital.

However, because her parents have been urging girls not to study for so long and to get a job as soon as possible to help their parents reduce the family burden. There was no other way. I would look for a job after finishing my undergraduate degree.

It is really difficult for someone like me with two medical degrees to find a job in a big hospital in the city. Fortunately, my family has some connections, and after giving some gifts, I actually became an internal medicine intern in the county.

The salary of an intern doctor is not very high. After working for half a year, I successfully became a full-time doctor and my salary doubled. My parents took away most of my salary because I was not married and said they were keeping it for me.

Fortunately, my employer has a dormitory, which saves me some accommodation fees. After get off work, I still maintain the writing habit I had in college and continue to write online novels, and also contribute to some platforms.

After deducting the more than 2,000 yuan paid to my parents every month, I can still save some private money. After all, girls sometimes like to buy new clothes and cosmetics, and this money is enough.

After working for a year, I met my boyfriend who was a doctor in a city hospital through the Internet. He happened to be a doctor himself and spoke a lot of the same language.

The more the two chatted, the more speculative they became, and finally they officially confirmed their relationship. After another year of dating, and the relationship gradually stabilized, we started talking about marriage.

02

My boyfriend’s family is from a provincial town. Their family conditions are not bad. They have opened a building materials company, and their business covers both inside and outside the province.

My parents-in-law had already prepared a wedding room before we got married. I had never thought about a large house of more than 200 square meters.

Even so, when my parents were discussing our marriage, my father still offered a "sky-high" betrothal gift of 800,000 yuan, not even a penny less!

My parents told my parents-in-law that it is not easy to raise a daughter. The money I receive from you as gifts is not meant to be used for my own retirement. The main thing is to collect 800,000 from you, which will be taken as a dowry later. , it looks better this way.

My fiancé was shocked by the 800,000 yuan gift from my parents. Although their family was in business, it was indeed a bit difficult to come up with so much cash at once.

After all, doing business requires a lot of working capital, and buying us a wedding house in advance also cost a lot of money. It is not easy to do business now, and everyone was embarrassed for a while.

Originally, I tried to persuade my parents to just go through the motions with the auspicious numbers of 160,000 or 180,000. After all, more than 100,000 is a lot, and for rural families, this amount of money is not enough. Not a small amount.

But my parents were very resolute and said they would not take the 800,000 yuan as gift money, and they would not even give me a marriage certificate in my household registration book!

It was then that I remembered that our household registration book had been hidden by our parents for a long time. It had been in that drawer before.

Although my mother-in-law's family runs a company, as I said just now, the 800,000 yuan is really too difficult. Later, after the parents bargained, they got a half discount of 400,000 yuan, just like a business. I feel as if I have been betrayed by my parents, but they are relatively happy!

A few days later, we chose a good day and held an engagement party.

My father drank a lot that day, and then he swore in front of relatives and friends of both parties: "After Xiaoduo gets married, all the 400,000 yuan in gift money will be returned to the couple as a dowry. As parents, we don’t need a penny. The reason why we want so many colorful gifts is to earn face for our daughter.”

I was very touched when I heard this and felt that my parents still cared about me, but it was just normal. The requirements have always been rather strict.

I also discussed with my husband that if our parents take this dowry, we will prepare a house for our future baby, and this 400,000 will be used as the down payment! After all, money will depreciate in your hands.

Buying a house can reduce some of the burden in the future. After all, you are already pregnant with a baby boy. As doctors, we all know that, maybe if we are lucky, the value of this house will increase.

As a result, when we got married, my parents only gave me a few quilts, two sets of clothes, and some daily necessities. I was so disappointed! What about the 400,000 promised? My tears couldn't stop flowing down!

03

When I came home later and asked, my father actually used the 400,000 gift money to help his younger brother buy a house in the provincial capital, and he also spent his own pension money. After paying 250,000 yuan, I could barely make up the down payment for a house in a better school district.

I was very sad at the time. I had promised to earn face for me, but it turned out that it was all just a conversation at the wine table. In front of relatives, I could say such things to my daughter. My heart went cold at the time. I don’t know how to tell my husband.

Fortunately, my husband is also an open-minded person, and the family is not short of money. Mainly, he loves me very much and doesn’t take it to heart.

He also told me that he had no intention of asking for the 400,000 yuan again. It would be good to leave it to his brother-in-law to buy a house. He would also have someone to take care of him when he moves to the provincial capital. You are pregnant. You might as well ask your mother to help take care of you. Sometimes my parents are a little busy with business and can't get away.

Time flies very quickly. My brother’s house has been renovated. My parents have also decided to move here to live with my brother in the provincial capital. They will stop doing the business of repairing electric scooters in the countryside and prepare to start here. Rent a storefront and start all over again.

Who knew, when my husband and I visited my brother’s new house, I asked my mother if there was a room prepared for the two of us.

My mother said directly, you are already married, why do you want us to leave a room for you? Isn't it a waste? The key point is that you also have a wedding room in the provincial capital, so wouldn't it be superfluous? This is your brother's home, where is your room?

After hearing what my mother said, I felt very uncomfortable. I felt that they really regarded me as an outsider. Even if they didn’t give me the promised 400,000 yuan as a gift, they didn’t even have a house to live in. It's so uncomfortable. As expected, my mother's family has no place of its own. It doesn't matter if I don't come to this family in the future!

I don’t know how much money I have given to my parents through frugality over the years, but apart from giving birth to me, they have given me nothing.

I also earned my own tuition for college. If my second aunt hadn’t interceded for me, I might not have been able to go to college. I would have had to live as a country girl in the countryside, and I wouldn’t have met my current husband.

Then how can you withhold the 400,000 gift money to buy a new house for your brother? The more I think about it, the more angry I am. You have been like vampires these years. From now on, I will no longer be in debt to you. From now on, the kindness of parents has been repaid and we no longer owe each other.

Unexpectedly, not long after, my parents called me again and told me that someone was collecting debts for your brother's decoration expenses. Please help to pay back some. What my parents actually wanted was for me to help pay for the money.

I cried while talking. I really don’t want to help them with money anymore. Now that I have a family, if I help them with money again, I’m afraid it will affect the relationship between us.

Although my husband is an open-minded person, after all, we have now formed a new family and we have to think about our little family at all times. I am afraid that if I do this again, it will affect our relationship over time. The relationship between husband and wife, at this moment I shed tears silently again.

Conclusion:

In our society, although the economy has developed, the thinking is still stuck in the last century. After all, it has only been a few decades since our country went from an agricultural society to an industrial society. It is normal that the child has not turned around.

People often jokingly call their daughters the China Merchants Bank and their sons the China Construction Bank. Parents have never paid much attention to their daughters’ education, and they favor sons over daughters. This kind of thinking is deeply ingrained at present.

Especially in some remote areas, they think that sons are the successors and daughters will always get married. Spending more money on daughters is a loss. In fact, this view is completely wrong. This is feudal thinking. It's causing trouble.

Whether they are daughters or sons, they are all pieces of flesh that have fallen off their parents and should be treated equally.

Even if your daughter gets married and you treat her well, they will not forget our kindness. It is often said, "Parents are kind, the bottom of the sea is deep." Why are some parents so cruel?

After a daughter gets married, she must also organize a small family. This small family is like a vibrant sapling. It also needs the care of its parents to thrive. If the parents only know how to Ask, how does this little sapling grow?

If it doesn’t work well, it may lead to premature death, that is, divorce. If this happens, is this the result that parents want to see?

Whether it is a son or a daughter, the editor is here to say that they must be treated equally, otherwise it will not only affect the relationship between father and daughter, but also the relationship between siblings.

The editor has discovered a phenomenon. As long as there is a family with siblings, if there is a serious patriarchal mentality, the younger brother is generally not very good, and the older sister is generally better.

The reason is that parents doted on their younger brothers too much since childhood. Children who dote on their younger brothers often grow up to be useless. If you don’t believe me, take a look at the family around you to see if this is the case.

The relationship between children who grow up in such an abnormal family will not be much better. After the death of their parents, the siblings may never interact with each other. This is by no means alarmist!

As a qualified parent, you must not only think about your son, but also think about your daughter’s future. After all, they are all your own children. What do you think?