The complete works of humorous short message jokes

1, I am ugly but I am gentle, I am thin but I am healthy, my heart is soft but my legs are not short, you are a little fat but full, especially your smile is beautiful.

2. Put a sack on the funny short message of beautiful MM and wrap a kelp around your waist. She thinks she is Dong Fangbubai, but in fact she is the second generation of declining gods!

3. That day you flew in front of the crow in the sky, and I was chased by the hairy dog on the ground; You are a crab in the sea, and I am a pea on the ground.

4, smile Mimi! Smile Mimi! Laugh off your big teeth! Have a sweet dream tonight, in which I smile at you!

5, the white rabbit, with two ears upright, heard the beep of the mobile phone, put down the radish and cabbage, and quickly returned a message!

6. Give you a ray of sunshine, you will become brilliant, give you a drop of seawater, you will be romantic, give you a ray of morning mist, you will be confused and give you a smile.

7. I really want to hold your hand and walk together on the road. How to say love? Don't think I'm ugly

8. Wearing a suit and tie, carrying a snakeskin bag on his body, wearing lux shoes at his feet, and wearing Goldlion around his waist.

9, I will take the blame, you go to hell; Do your best to accompany the girl to my side; Don't be afraid of death, don't tremble, sacrifice you and me!

10, more and more entertainment, less and less pleasure; More and more food, less and less appetite; More and more cohabiting, less and less love.

1 1, the steed hissed at dawn and quickly got up to eat jiaozi. Relatives and friends run more, getting taller every year! I wish you good food, good drink, good play, good play and good sleep!

12, Men and Dogs: Men are twenty like pugs, with sweet words in their mouths and thirty like watchdog, and they are the best at cooking and washing clothes.

13, Sansheng is fortunate to know you, and visitors from all directions will no longer care; Women admire your beauty, and women love you both; Spring holidays are refreshing, fast horses are slow to be bosom friends, and joy brings sorrow for a hundred years.

14, wearing a hat, shoes on his head, chewing socks in his mouth, holding a mobile phone in his hand, staring at a pair of beads, trying to have fun.

15, when you were a child, you lacked calcium, but when you grew up, you lacked love. When you are naked, you are wearing a sack, a lid, underwear, a belt and a tie.

16, no matter how big the official is, the same color coat; No matter how old you are, monochrome fitness pants; Men and women, open the door in front of the same color pants.

17. Being single is a shame. Getting married is too expensive. I divorced because I didn't want to waste it, and remarried because of no way back. There is nothing wrong with love, love should be simpler, don't give up the whole spring date because of a rose!

18, natural smile moves my heart. I really chased you all my life. I'm worried that being chased by others will distract me from my work. I will always be the most sincere to you and never change my mind.

19, a swimming coach, straightforward and loud. One day, he saw a girl student in the shopping mall. He shouted that you were wearing a coat and clothes, and you didn't recognize it!

20. Men are semi-finished products 20, finished products 30, fine products 40, best products 50, top products 60, waste products 70 and souvenirs 80.

2 1, I am ugly, but I am very popular on the road of love. You came, she came, and the girl across the street looked over.

22. My son came home and said to his father, the teacher said today that I am like father, like son, and the father scolded his son angrily. What an asshole you must have done today!

23. Who is the most pitiful person in the world? Answer the artillery company cookhouse squad soldier! Ask why? Answer: Take the blame with a green hat on your back and watch others have sex.

24, how to say love, pour all the wine in the cup. I take one bite after another, and I won't let go when I'm drunk!

25, four dishes and one soup, personal formula, first-class delicacies turtle soup, second-rate chicken, duck and fish soup, third-rate cabbage, radish and tofu soup.

26, bathing is a blessing, the head suffers; Watching movies is a blessing for the brain, but listening to you is a pain for the brain.

27. A plum in the mountains, who do you love? I want to get along with you, no one can stop me! I turn yellow as soon as I go to bed. I'm so crazy. I will do it when it is yellow. I am so cool!

28. There are many women around me, all of whom are aunts and grandmothers. Occasionally there are exceptions, but also rotten melons. Looking around the world, where is my grass?

29. The vast sky makes you soar, and beautiful stories are interpreted by you. Girls like you should chase after them. Humorous text messages are sent to my baby.

30. Parents' mentality of "expecting their children to succeed": a singer, two painters, three calligraphers, four dance stars, five movie stars, six writers, seven musical instruments, eight photographers and nine models. Everyone praised the program host.

3 1, you flashed by, making my blood boil and my heart surge Looking at your back, I really want to keep you. I told myself, I can't let you leave again, never …

32, you are a little aura, I am a little stupid; You are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; You have a little aroma, I have a little smoke; If you are angry, I won't lose my temper.

33. You are all to me, the bet of my life, suffering for you and being busy for you all my life, but my unswerving attitude is my sweet happiness.

34. You are happy and worried about you, and you have been sad and infatuated. You dare not change your mind. Don't doubt. I took great pains to write it. I am most afraid that you are unintentional.

35. A zero mark in the exam is called a duck egg, a bad person for doing bad things, an idiot for being empty-headed, a fuck-off for being fired, an asshole for swearing, and a fool for reading text messages.

36. I can't sleep when I miss you, and my heart is pounding when I miss you; Love your obsession, love the meat you love!

37. Don't move. Robbery! Hands up. Men stand on the left and women stand on the right! Stand among the perverts! I am talking about you! Look at the phone!

38. One day while driving on the road, I saw a novice, Lao Chun, posted on the car in front of me! Then, I wrote the killer in the back seat of the car, old and heartless!

39, I wish you: high position and light responsibility, less money and close to home, sleep naturally every day, others work overtime, you get a raise, you get cramps when you have money, and beautiful girls love you crazy. Lucky year of the horse!

40. Sister, sister, I love you. When I see your smile and sweetness, I really want to come and hug you and kiss you. I was afraid you would ignore me, so I had to use text messages.

4 1, you are beautiful, you are beautiful, wearing a pile of emeralds on your head and a green pendant around your neck, which is fragmentary and bulky. Do you think you are the most beautiful in the world? No … you are the most beautiful!

42. The first part is crazy for you, tired for you and miserable for you. Sin is associated with dying for you, being crazy for you and hitting the wall for you. Interrogate mental disorders.

43. The future is bright, the road is tortuous, it is easy to work, it is difficult to make money, it is easy to fall in love and it is difficult to get along.

44. You cut a pig with a knife that day, and the pig escaped into a dead end. I only heard the pig kneel down and beg for mercy from you. They are all born from the same root, so why bother!

45. A farmer kept a row of pigs, and one day he found that one was missing. Looking for it for a long time, he couldn't find it. Finally, he found the pig hiding in the corner and reading the SMS!

46. Speak well of your boss, speak ill of your subordinates, lie to your wife, lie to your lover, tell jokes to acquaintances and talk nonsense to strangers.

47. The woman changed her mobile phone because a colleague in the company changed her mobile phone. Men change their mobile phones because they think there is no hope of changing wives in this life.

48. If the score is not high, pass the exam. Knowledge is not deep, and copying is spiritual; Thinking is the classroom, only I meditate; If you can't learn, just listen to it in music class; Drink Sprite when you are thirsty, and disco when you are sleepy.

49. If you have smelled the flowers, don't ask whose flowers are red. You know the wine only when you love it. Flowers bloom and fall, but fate does not stay. Like the spring breeze, women are like flowers and dreams.

Please hit me, please scold me, don't torture me with feelings, just like a bug biting an apple and killing me with one bite!

5 1, if you shed tears, I would like to be the toilet paper in your hand; If you wake up, I will be the shit in your eyes; If you are hot to death, I am willing to be the only piece of cloth left on you.

52. Years on the Internet are like flying knives, which make people grow old mercilessly. * * Health is the most important thing. Don't stay up late surfing the Internet. To stay healthy, go to bed before two o'clock.

53, the new three from the four virtues: the wife must follow when she goes out, the wife obeys orders, and the wife must blindly follow when she is wrong; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings.

54. Your face is beautiful, your people are great, I miss you so much, I love you so much, and I don't know how to forget you.

55. The road of life is bumpy. Don't be sad when you fall. Stand up and play with the dirt. There is a promised land ahead.

56, the "four grasses" rule: rabbits don't eat grass near the nest, good horses don't eat back grass, old cows eat fashionable and tender grass, and the world is full of grass!

57. What I wish you before marriage is mine, and what I want is yours. What is sure of you after marriage is mine, and what is mine is yours. After the divorce, you are still yours, and I am still mine.

58. I would like to be a winged bird in the sky, because the air pollution is too bad; Make branches on the ground again, and deforestation is not reliable; People in the world should be happy, and environmental protection should come first!

59. Don't be surprised if you receive it. Anyone who is too timid to confess, choose a season to love you. You have to love me if you run too fast.

60, you are a halo, I am an idiot; You are exquisite, I am rustic; Your fragrance, my alcohol; You're angry, and I'm angry. Everything is only for your satisfaction.

6 1, raising a large family requires wages, raising a small one outside requires foreign capital, working hard all day, running around all day, laughing on both sides, and exhausted.

62. The sky is gray and wild, and the hope for this year is too slim. The water is curved, the road is long, and the days without money are too long. The building is tall and busy, and I can't wait to rob a bank.

63. Hold the boss's hand and bow. Holding the hand of discipline inspection, shaking all over; Take the financial hand, pull it up and walk to the restaurant.

64. I am infatuated, waiting for your heart. I won't die. Don't make me sad. You are my sweetheart, which represents my sincerity. I hope to win your heart. I wish you satisfaction and death without regret!

65. Math makes me tired, and physics is even more wrong. Learning really makes me haggard and my spirit will soon collapse. I won't fall behind just by surfing the internet!

66. The greatest is maternal love, the most sincere is love, the most missed is love, the most childish is loveliness, the most painful is not being loved, the happiest is finding love, and the most unforgettable is love.

67, rival in love, rival in love, I hate you, secretly transferred MyHoney not to hit you, not to scold you, as long as you love her to the end, or I will tear you to pieces!

68, gold necklace, buy three! Inlaid with jadeite and agate. Gold ring? Buy ten! All fingers love beauty. Gold earrings? Not much! Seven against eight is easier said than done. It is said that my little sister loves "gold" too much, and one of this generation will not get married.

69. Little sister loves her brother, and it is better to meet in a different place than in her hometown. My brother's heart is the same as my sister's, and I will never sympathize with you. We are tied to each other, and * * * is going to marry a mandarin duck.

70. Men's love is affection, women's love is duty, men's playboy is talent, and women's playboy is nameless.

7 1, love is music, first love is light music, passionate love is rock, marriage is popular, and divorce is popular.

72. Some people say that you are an ass. I criticized him seriously. That's ridiculous! You can't just say what people look like!

73. Sister, sister, I love you. I can't help coming to you. I accidentally scared you. I dreamed of you at night and vowed to catch up with you.

74. There are relatively few reasons; Have a bigger stomach; A little less temper; Act quickly; Be more efficient and smile; Use your head.

75. I didn't see your mood get worse when your heart beat faster. I dreamed that your time passed too fast. Is it a long wait to have you?

76. Please read aloud the following poem and seriously understand its artistic conception: dark stone green, dark stone powder, dark stone penetrating Chun Lv, dark stone penetrating Chun Zhu.

77. Love is caring, love is dedication, it is the pain of missing, it is the sweetness of memories, it is inseparable, it is the expectation of twilight ... How are you, lover?

78. Give you a holiday to make you happy, give you a little sunshine to make you brilliant, give you a greeting to keep you warm, and give you a hat to float? I wish you a happy new year and step by step promotion!

79. I am not afraid of anything, I am afraid that the teacher will come to my house. Sitting on my pier and drinking my tea, my mother beat me as soon as the teacher left.

80. I exchanged my infatuation for your sincerity; I gave my love to my chest; Don't be careless with me, but stay with me forever.

8 1, you scold me because I'm afraid your wife has a nest of monkeys. There may be skipping and giggling after reading the information.

82. It's not too expensive to send you a rose every day, and it's not too tiring to send you a text message every day. I will meet you in the afterlife and say that I love you will not break your heart.

83, fart quickly, the heart is not good; Do not fart, exercise; I want to fart, everyone pay attention; Fart rang, everyone applauded.

84. You eat like a thief, pretend to be fat, have big ears and strong limbs, carry a pen, can't do accounts, buy a computer, can't surf the Internet, sleep at night, and are allowed to pee in the pit.

85. Girls are so cute, just like Chinese cabbage in winter. Eat you every day, no exception, no exception, everyone loves you.

86. Do you remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

87. You are water, I am sand, and I am mixed with you! You are a hook, I am a fork, and together we are friends!

88. I like to sing "I have an appointment with the players" to you: I can always be as beautiful as I am now if you like-if you are willing to spend money.

89. My love is like the stars in the sky, countless. My feelings are like cabbage gangs, which can't be cooked badly; You treated me like a beggar, left some affection behind and ran away. Please love more.

90. You are a tree, I am a vine, and I am by your side; You are the lamp, I am the oil, and I consume you; You are a cake, I am a pot, and I brand you; You are tea, I am water, and I soak you.

9 1, monkeys love peaches, I am a monkey and you are a peach; Sweet peaches make monkeys happy; Eating too many peaches hurts your stomach!

92. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him questions, he just shakes his head or doesn't answer. Have you heard this story?

93. There are many signs of aging, such as reading notes of Ming and Qing Dynasties, the Book of Rites of the Spring and Autumn Period, listening to Kunqu Opera and going to the theatre. One morning, Anne Baby said with emotion.

94. I smoke a lot, drink until I throw up, drive into a tree and walk around the dance floor. Everyone thinks you are cool, but you can't walk when you see a beautiful woman.

95. Handsome boy, I'm eighteen or nineteen this year, and I haven't found a girlfriend yet. People are holding hands when they go to the streets, and my left hand is holding hands!

96. I want to find you on the mountainside, so I don't care if the mountain is too high; I want to find you by the river, so I don't care if the water is too deep; It's a long way to find you on the plateau.

97. The underwear you are wearing today is ominous in color, which is not conducive to action. Please take it off immediately and throw it into the toilet to ensure safety. Good, good.

98. Pay attention, look at the left first, and then look at the right. Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is to look around with his mobile phone.

99. I am very tired on the road of love, and I am also very tired in love. Even if you don't care about me, I love you without regrets.

100, failing in a foreign language proves that I am patriotic; Showing off all day, in fact, no wife; Grow a small belly and pretend to be Maitreya; Everywhere is chirping, like a big slug.

10 1. I was glad to meet you just now. I didn't realize you were a playboy. I am so cruel after cheating. I have a crush on you. I'm afraid I can't see you. I'm too sad to keep you.

102, nice to meet you just now. Guess your heart left and right. A star that will never change its mind and will watch the stars with you 18 years old.

103. Dreaming during the day and dreaming at night. You should take care of yourself, don't catch a cold and have a runny nose; If I sneeze occasionally, it means I miss you!

104. Emotion is really a burden. When you are in your heart, you can't get rid of them. If so, wouldn't it be silly for lovers? Won't the journey of life become more bitter and tiring?

105, I can forget that you love me for a long time, but I will never forget that I love you. I hope I can kiss you when all your teeth fall out, but I can't promise not to bite off your dentures.

106, you are old, there are some things you should know! The sky is used to blow; The land is used to grow grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind.

107, there is a crescent moon hanging in the dark night sky, which is spent with nothing. Your acquaintance with me is a myth. Since we care about each other, let's get married!

108, love plus love equals great love, love minus love equals the starting point of love, love equals infinite love, and love minus love equals only love.

109, Shandong people dare to give anything, Northeast people dare to accept anything, Beijing people dare to say anything, and Guangdong people dare to earn anything.

1 10, everything goes well, life is better, playing cards is better, taste is better, the younger you live, the more handsome you are, the more money you have at home and the more money you have on the wall.

1 1 1, baby, my love, my heart is with you; Your heartbeat is connected with my blood, and your pace is the rhythm of my life; Even if all the lovesickness turns to dust, I will never give up.

1 12, the toad chased the swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I were you, I would have died! Toad refused to accept that the pig was still alive.

1 13. Severe warning. Your number is the same as President Clinton's. Please apply to the local public security organ for replacement as soon as possible to avoid international disputes and love affairs.

1 14, wearing a hat without a brim and pretending to be a chef; Standing on the room to pee, pretending to keep watch; Riding a car and farting, pretending to vent your anger slowly!

1 15, if you don't eat for free, you will become an idiot. Idiot doesn't eat for nothing. Don't be silly, don't be silly, look again!

1 16, dancing is too tiring and singing is expensive. Let's have a reunion, miss the taste of campus, avoid being single and heartbroken, give back to each other and make a few pairs!

1 17, slow down and suddenly realize that the most beautiful performance is your input. I care about your every move. No matter what happens in my love, I will not hesitate to exchange time for your meager happiness until I forget it.

1 18, I am hibiscus and you are yellow mud. Without the fertility of your yellow mud, where can I get my stunning hibiscus flowers?

1 19, I met you purely by providence and fell in love with you wholeheartedly. You have never regretted the person you loved. I am disappointed to miss you, and I am satisfied to get you.

120, you are in the sky when I miss you, you are in front of me when I scold you, and you go to the subway when I call you. Are you an idiot now?

12 1, men's four ideals fell out of the sky, all the beautiful men in the world died, and the beautiful women broke their brains and cried and let me soak.

122, eating very fat, pretending to be very fat, with big ears and strong limbs, carrying a pen, unable to settle accounts, buying a computer, unable to surf the Internet, and peeing on the kang when sleeping at night!

123, Sister Sister, you are so beautiful, gentle and beautiful, you are the first. I really want to say I love you, but there has never been a good time. Can I ask you out on Valentine's Day? The rose of love is waiting for you.

124, year of the snake stock market is strictly controlled. Oh, no. Illegal bookmakers want hooligans and escape. Thanks to good funds, I rushed forward to build it.

125. Inform the leaders above to come down for inspection tomorrow. Colleagues please dress as required, men's suits, ties, shorts and slippers; Women's swimsuits, pants, shoes!

126, I love you, love you, love you to death! I miss you so much that I forget you! Pain, pain, pain and crying! Angry at you, angry at you … but I just can't live without you!

127, the emperor was very sad to see the princess and called the physician. Medical prescription: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went out to visit the palace. I was overjoyed to see the princess radiant. Suddenly I saw eight thin people standing in front of the temple. I was surprised and asked, Who? The doctor replied: scum!

128, you fly in the sky, I chase on the ground! You swim and swim in the water, and I watch and watch on the shore. Although I am black, my charm shines brightly!

129, women are really wonderful, they will have children and sleep; She jumps when she sees silver, and laughs when she has food; No money, no face, no tone change, talking like a ghost!

130, I give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will eat a catty and be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself.

13 1, are you in a meeting? Yeah, it's not convenient to talk, is it? Ah, then I said, listen, okay, I miss you. Oh, do you miss me? You were really bad yesterday. Hello.

132, the secret of finding a job: age is a treasure; Diploma is essential; Relationship is the most important; Reference ability.

133, it's a bit silly to love only one. At least fall in love with two, three and five are just right, and ten and eight are handsome.