Psychology: Why don't you take the initiative to send a message, and the other party won't take the initiative to find you?

Psychology: Why don't you take the initiative to send a message, and the other party won't take the initiative to find you? 0 1 sorting logic thinking: I want to win or lose. "You are cold and violent to me, then I need to be colder than you." "If you ignore me, don't expect me to take the initiative to find you." "If you don't send me a message, why should I take the initiative to find you?" This mode of thinking is psychological "ordered logical thinking". Simply put, people usually bring personal behaviors of manipulating and competing for power into their feelings and try to gain an advantage. Why does the other party never want to contact you when you don't take the initiative?

The idea of others is: "I can't contact him actively, I can't send him a message, even if he ignores me;" I was too active, so I lost. This passive acceptance of the status quo is unacceptable to me. "This kind of behavior is most often produced in avoidant personality. Theoretically, they have no sense of security, and you must be forced to take the initiative in this way. This is also playing hard to get, not playing hard to get. On the other hand, avoidant personality is generally insecure. They refuse to be controlled and expect to control others. Only by grasping the dominant position can you have a sense of belonging.

The personality trait of "inferiority complex" is at work. People with low self-esteem usually behave like this in social or intimate relationships: they are unwilling to cause trouble to others, fearing that they will cause trouble to others; Unwilling to take the initiative to send messages to others, afraid of not getting a reply; He won't be positive if others don't reply to their news, because she thinks others don't like him enough. People with low self-esteem always feel that things are worse and not good for themselves.

In other words, people with low self-esteem are afraid of failure and stumbling, and gradually dare not take risks. Just like Gu Cheng's poem: "In order to prevent the completion, you gradually rejected everything." You know, people with low self-esteem suffer the most in online social interaction. He sent you a sentence: "Hello, where are you?" Waiting for your reply is like waiting for a trial, which makes them very painful.

Ma Liang wrote such a passage in Confessions: "I pretend to be rude, but in fact I hate my deep feelings." Once a person with low self-esteem has established a marriage relationship with a friend, it is easy to become a "dog", just like catching a glimmer of hope. It is not easy for them to start a relationship casually, and it is often a gesture of confrontation and hesitation. "You take the initiative to talk to me, I will chat with you carefully; You didn't take the initiative to talk to me. I was afraid that you would dislike me and dare not send you a message. " An inferiority complex is a complicated and heartbreaking polyhedron.