Give it to someone who has the coldest joke! !

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?"

"Yes, of course you are a penguin."

The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, am I a penguin?"

"Yes, what's the matter?"

"But ... but ... why do I feel so cold?"

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" "

Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" " "

In hot summer, two bananas are walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. It said, "It's too hot. I want to take off my clothes. "

Then, it peeled off the skin.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. The three little pigs tried to escape, but they were caught by the wolf.

Three little pigs said to the wolf in despair, "It's up to you. We'll give up. It's up to you."

At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, "Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is!" " "

An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg.

An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg.

An egg went to Shandong and turned into a marinated egg.

An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile.

An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb.

An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb.

An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg.

An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb.

An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan.

An egg riding a horse with a knife turned into a Beijing opera blues.

Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang. I called the hundred-dollar bill and said, "Hello! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! "

The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "tear it up, you don't even have five dollars!" " "

One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside.

My mother shouted nervously outside the house, "Son … what are you doing?" ? ! It's all on fire. Still not coming out? ! "

The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..."

Mother added, "What socks were you wearing when the fire broke out?" ? ! "

Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out yet ... My mother nervously shouted, "Son, what are you doing?" ? Come out! There's a fire, but stay inside ... "

The son said, "Didn't you tell me not to wear socks?" ! I'm taking off my socks! "

A motorcyclist likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle his buttons at the back to keep out the wind.

One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and hit the side of the road. When the paramedics arrived, ...

"What a terrible car accident."

"Yes, I hit my head on the back."

"There is still breathing, let's help him turn back."

"Well ... one, two, push! Ok, turn back! "

"eh? No ... no breathing ... "

When the ship was about to sink, the first mate advised several times, but several businessmen from different countries refused to dive in life jackets. The captain had to go out in person. After a while, the captain came back and said, "They all jumped."

"How did you get them to jump?" The first mate asked.

"I told the British that this was a physical exercise; I told the French that it was very chic; For the Germans, this is an order; Say to Americans, you have been insured ... "

One day, on a long-distance plane, the captain ran to the back during the break to chat with a stewardess, but the stewardess just wanted to read her magazine.

The captain said, "Let's play a game."

The stewardess sneered.

The captain added, "This game is played like this. If I ask you a question and you can't answer it, you give me 5 dollars. Then if you ask me a question and I can't answer it, I'll give you $5. "

The stewardess scoffed again.

The captain felt very boring, and then increased his chips: "Well, if you don't answer, you give me 5 yuan, and if I don't answer, I will give you 100 yuan."

The stewardess put down the magazine, stared at several books for five seconds, and then said, "You ask."

The captain asked, "What is the cruising speed of the 747?"

The stewardess thought for a moment and took out $5 to the captain. Then the captain proudly said, "It's your turn to ask."

The stewardess asked, "What are three eyes, six noses, nine legs and a tail?"

The captain thought for a long time and gave the stewardess $ 100, which the stewardess accepted.

The captain felt unconvinced and asked, "What's the answer?"

The stewardess gave the captain another $5 and went on reading her magazine.

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces of badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You'll die if you cut so hard "

Earthworm father said weakly ... I want to play football ... "

Recently, the stock market fluctuated, and all the stocks in a friend's hand were green. He came home glumly after the market closed, and his son called him "dad" as soon as he entered the door. He flew into a rage and said, "Don't shout' Dad' (come down)! Call parents (increase)! " Scared the child to tears. The younger brother who was coming to the door came to comfort the little nephew and said to him, "Brother, what is this?" He shouted: "don't shout' cut', shout' brother' (suddenly)!"

A gecko got lost in front of a securities company, and a crocodile crawled over and tried to eat it. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " Crocodile is stupefied, immediately burst into tears: "Son, you've just been trading stocks for half a month and you're so thin?" ! "

The war in a certain country was in full swing, and the head of the regiment came to the front of the grassland to boost morale. ...

The colonel asked, "What's the situation?"

Archers report: "Report to the leader! There is an enemy archer next to the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is poor. He fired a lot of shots these days and didn't hit anyone. "

The colonel was furious after hearing this: "Since you have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?"

The archer said, "Colonel, the situation is not good. Do you want them to change it to a more accurate one? "

Freshman: I found a bug and the whole bowl of rice fell down;

Sophomore: I found a bug and picked it out to continue eating;

Junior year: I found a bug and ate it like there was no bug;

Senior: I found no bugs, protested, how can I eat without bugs!

When I was in graduate school, I found a bug, sighing, it was too simple.

When I was reading my PhD, I found that there were only bugs, and I felt that the school food had improved. ...

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

"Oh, sorry, not that much." The boss said.

"Well ..." The little white rabbit left in frustration.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"Well ..." The little white rabbit left in frustration again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out his money and said, "Great, I want two!" " "

One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" ……

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have humps?

Father Camel: Because there is no water in the desert, only the hump can store water!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have long hair?

Father Camel: Because there is a big sandstorm in the desert, we must rely on it to stop the sandstorm before we can see it!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?

Father Camel: Because the desert is full of sand, we can stand firm!

Luo Xiao: Dad, one last question, what are we doing in the zoo?

One morning, an officer known for his strictness asked the early soldiers, "Are you cold?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Not cold!"

The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you shaking?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Frozen!"

Four birds brag.

The sparrow said: I am an addict in the eagle.

The crow said: I am burning a boiler in peacock.

The parrot said, I am sitting on the swallow.

The roast duck in the dish shouted, you fart, I set myself on fire!

The tortoise was hurt and asked the snail to buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't fucking come back, I'll die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you fucking said I wouldn't go!

A reporter interviewed 100 penguins and asked them what they do all day.

The first one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas, and the second one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas. I have been asking 99 of them. When I asked100th, I said: Eat and sleep.

The reporter asked: Why not fight peas? Penguin said: I'm fucking peas, your grandmother.

There is a Grenade. One day, after eating, it cleaned its teeth. Suddenly, it found a thorn between its teeth. It pulled it out hard and exploded. ...

Q: Where do users like to turn off their phones?

Attendant: Ningbo

Q: Why?

Answer: "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is power off."

A person looks like a telephone, and he is beaten when he goes out. There is a person who likes making phone calls very much. One day, he hung up.