What are the funniest teacher's classic quotations?

1. One day, students lined up in the playground, and the teacher stood in the middle and said, men stand on the left, women stand on the right, and the rest stand in the middle!

2. "Teacher, you really want to accept this egg. Still fresh. Born in our family ... "The teacher is sweating! !

3. In high school, the whole school should wear school uniforms, and some students who repeat their studies never wear them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. The classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead, why should she wear mourning clothes?

4. The entrance examination is coming soon. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it. Let's answer the local minerals. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"

In junior high school, a biology teacher once talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what African wildcats look like? "

6. In an advanced mathematics class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? " The man deserted at that time. Without thinking, he shouted, "No cavities!" " "The whole class burst into laughter.

7. In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher was an old lady who loved to brag and was particularly annoying. One day in class, he said, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together, and I pick up the car every time. " I accidentally asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week.

8. In the past, the first sentence when I went back to the dormitory always asked, "Did someone call me ...? "

The high school Chinese teacher said in class: You are a dead cat meeting a blind mouse! "

9. I want to tell the truth when I am in a hurry, but the result is "the elephant is really white."

10. After waiting for a long time for dinner, I was impatient and cried, "Dinner, why hasn't my lady come yet?" Hurry up! "

1 1. One day, I was wandering in the street with some friends. One friend shouted "Look, beautiful woman", and another friend said disdainfully, "What's there to see? She is already the mother of two children.

12. My deskmate dropped something. I bent down to pick it up. I stepped on his hand with my foot. He was furious: "Dare to step on my foot with your hand? ! "

13. My roommate wanted to sell used books for a long time, and one day he suddenly sighed, "Why hasn't the old man's junk come yet?"

14. Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

15. In front of the stall selling soybean milk fried dough sticks with mm, I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste." Mm laughs.

16. One of my colleagues surnamed Sun answered the phone one day and the other party asked, what's your name? Answer: I am your grandson.

17. We want to thank bacteria and microorganisms. Without them, the earth would be covered with the dead bodies of the past, and your ancestors of 100 generations are still fresh in our minds.

18. When we China people were barbarians, we were active in the Yellow River valley. So some people say that it is no wonder that we are yellow people, that is, people who ran out of the Yellow River basin.

19. Fossils unearthed from the middle to both sides of the syncline will become newer and newer, and even the fossils of your ancestors will be unearthed in the outermost area.

20. These two bad pictures on the test paper ... prove the retrogression of printing in China.

2 1. The windy climate in Asia, you remember three chickens: hot chicken (hot season), pheasant (pronounced "sub-season" in local dialect) and plague chicken (warm season).

22. I found a female classmate in our class. No matter what I say, she looks at all this with a Martian attitude. Note that what I am talking about now is the knowledge of the solar system, and you Martians also have something to do with it.

23. A salesgirl tried to say "Mantening" when trying to sell a bag of coffee beans to customers, but because of a slip of the tongue, she said "a bag of Altman".

24. Once in the street, I met a woman who was training her: What do you know? Know that food is delicious and shit is delicious!

25. Speech by the leader of a certain unit: The general arrangement of the May Day holiday in our unit this year is as follows: "On the first morning, gay men took a bath and lesbians visited. In the afternoon, lesbians take a bath and gays visit. You can move freely for the remaining two days. "

26. I remember once going to KFC with my friends. When I was waiting in line, I muttered, a chicken leg burger, a pair of chicken wings ... it's my turn. I wanted to say "miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but the result was "calf, a hamburger" ... the whole audience laughed.

27. My friend told me that KFC has a new "flesh and blood connection" and asked me to invite her to dinner. It was those hot days that I went to the restaurant in a daze. I smiled at Miss KFC and said, "Please give me two bloody ones/thank you!" Be ashamed of yourself.

28. When I boarded the plane for the first time, the stewardess met me at the door of the cabin. When she saw me coming in with a ticket, she asked, "Which seat are you sitting in?" I replied, "I'm a Libra, and you?" The stewardess replied, "I'm Scorpio. I asked which seat you were in. "

29. I wanted to drink soda that day, and I wanted to say a bottle of soda to the boss of the cold drink stand. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I was anxious to say, "The boss has a bottle of fart water every time he comes."

30. A child hates the guts of his older child who often bullies him. He was so angry that he wanted to say "revenge" to him, but he also wanted to say "settle accounts", so he said in a hurry: "I must go and settle accounts with him!"

3 1. The class teacher is holding a pen: "Whose master is this?" . -Is it possible that someone's owner is a pen?

32. The Chinese teacher said, "Everyone must make use of time while wasting it."

The math teacher underlined the negative sign with red chalk and said, "Don't forget to throw this negative sign away." -Do you want to reduce the number or not?

34. Physics teacher: "For example, the sun shuttles on the moon, and the reference object is ..."

35. Class teacher: "How long are your eyes? Can't you see them? " Who has eyes on his face?

36. Chemistry teacher: "This question was in 2000." -200000?

37. Chinese teacher: "Students who have made mistakes in this question go home and look in the mirror to see if the people in the mirror have eyes."

38. English teacher: "Find out the key requirements of this problem and draw it for me." -Teacher, your face is really difficult to draw.

39. At the parent-teacher conference. Class teacher: "I have a sister. My sister is younger than me. " Of course my sister is younger than you. This is a fact.

40. Mr. Huang took his son to the station and saw a No.8 bus driving into the bus stop in the distance. He immediately shouted to his son, "Huang Jun, run! No.8 is coming!"

4 1. Reporter: Are you happy? The farmer looked at the reporter several times and said innocently, "My name is Wang."

42. When I was a child, I visited the bookstore, and the light was quite dark that day. Then I heard a child screaming in front of the counter: Aunt, I want to kill the pig myth. I looked at my aunt in horror, and she followed the child's fingers and looked blankly on the shelf. Finally, we all saw Greek mythology.

43. General Li Zongren said: I am a man of benevolence! General fu said to him: I am just! General Zuo Quan said: I have this right! General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

44. A math teacher was talking about equation transformation. On the platform, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……

45. A classmate was making trouble below, and the teacher said, "Stand on the blackboard for me! ! "This is very difficult.

46. The teacher likes to devote himself to this topic ... "My base radius is 20cm, and my height is 50cm, so I ..." Someone below said, "I'm a fool ..." The whole class burst into laughter ... 47. We stipulated that we should wear school uniforms when raising the national flag, and as a result, some people always don't wear school uniforms or only wear pants or clothes. Then every time before the flag was raised, the headmaster took a megaphone and said, "Some students don't wear clothes, some students don't wear pants, and some simply don't wear clothes or pants."

48. Once, I asked my father where the broom was. Dad (thinking for a moment): "inside and outside the kitchen and toilet."

49. Under the mental hospital, there is always an old woman squatting there with an umbrella. Finally one day, a nurse asked her what she was doing. As a result, the old woman said with a dignified face: "Shh, I'm a mushroom. . . "

50. Lang Ke said, "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!" The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!" The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

5 1. People like you are hard to tolerate.

For absent-minded students, try to control the error within 8 seconds.

53. Me: Welcome to KFC. what can I do for you? Customer: Can you tell me how to get to the nearby McDonald's?

54. One person scolds another person: "I really want to spit a bubble in your face!" "

Some of our middle school classmates used to go out by bike. A classmate went to kick another fatter classmate's foot and wanted to scold him, saying, I put out a pig's trotter and flew. ...

56. A classmate in my class often writes wrong words. He once wrote an article with such a sentence: I saw a pile of cow dung on the road today. Ah, I was shocked. Later, the teacher commented: It doesn't matter if no one stops you from eating it all.