I just want to find a fucking little picture to put on the desktop as wallpaper, but it doesn't have to be deformed. Why bother!

Your desktop resolution can be found in the display properties.

In ps, image->; Image size, change the width to what you need, and the height will be automatically adjusted in proportion.

Picture->; Canvas size, if the height or width is not suitable, change it to a suitable size, and after confirmation, part of the picture will be cut off.

I can't do it myself, and I'm not ashamed to call names.

Just a stick. Are you that obsessed? Make a desktop.