Joke Collection Website - Blessing messages - The most shocking joke of late

The most shocking joke of late

1: There is an ugly girl who has never been married and wants to be abducted. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and said, let's go. . No car! ! !

Spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Spider roar: Why? What is all this about? The ant said timidly: My mother said that people who stay online all day are not good people!

3 your happiness, I will build; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer. (To be continued)

You want to invite me to dinner. If you don't meet my requirements, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate.

Last night, I had a dream, and the Lord said that one of my wishes could come true. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult! I took out your photo and said, make this person beautiful! God sweated and said, "Bring me the globe and let me have a look!"

Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? ——————————— Stop dreaming, wash your feet and sleep!

7 rainy days, wet, so wet ... every night, you just stare at the cold window and stare at it. I came over and said to you softly, "Wang Cai, go in. The person who sent the bone won't come today.

This may be the last time I send you a text message. I hesitate to tell you. I'm going to America in the near future, and all the formalities have been completed. I can't help it, really Bush said he couldn't deal with Saddam without me.

One day I went to the zoo to see orangutans, and I threw up. Another day, you went to the zoo to see the orangutan, and the orangutan vomited! The same person, why is the gap so big? (To be continued)

10, monkey hunting apocalypse: I lost a furry little monkey. Features: dirty, covered with runny nose, carrying a mobile phone, and reading text messages. I love monkeys and reading short messages. Write back to my master quickly! Master misses you so much!

1 1. When I heard that you were trafficked, I was really scared. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

12, I told my mother: I like you! After spending so much time with you, I feel I can't live without you. I want you to come to my house every day to accompany me! But my mother didn't agree. She said: no dogs at home!

13, I changed my job, and now I work in a bank, not far from you. Come to me when you have time, call my name at the bank, and I'll know! I changed my name. That's too vulgar. I'll call sister Qiang first.

14. I saw on the internet yesterday that the model of your mobile phone was extremely radioactive. I was shocked. I was just about to inform you that it's useless for people with IQ below 50. I felt a sort of surge of relief. Don't worry, keep using it.

15, Top Secret Document of the 16th National Congress: In order to improve the quality of our population, the state has decided to eliminate a group of retarded and ugly children who look like Guo Sun. Please pack your things and go quietly! Don't thank me! Be safe! (End)

Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

The latest news: The main transmission route of SARS is currency in circulation. For the health of you and your family, please clean up all your cash and seal it in plastic bags. I will collect it at home for a small fee.

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, much less. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fell down, I ran up and stepped on my foot!

Shall we go on a date on Saturday Please grant my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the seaside with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I'll take you to climb the highest stone near Shanghai and kick you down!

Yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, the sea is so boundless, and you are standing on the blue seaside. I stabbed you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

Love is empty, love is empty, I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

When I turned to leave, you cried helplessly behind me, and the heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.

I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from the face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig! ! ! !

Are you lonely? If so, why do you go downstairs to buy ropes and sticks, tie ropes to sticks, and wave sticks on the roof when it is windy, and people will ask you? Just say: I have a seizure. . .

People are really tired when they are alive! Standing thinking about sleeping, getting on the bus and waiting in line, unrequited love is really painful, eating tasteless, drinking easily, working very tired, robbery is not enough, and you have to pay taxes to earn money, alas! Even texting pigs costs money!

Just a gust of wind, so eternal, just a dream, so real, you bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help telling you, please tell me next time you fart!

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

Dear users, your phone bill is less than 0. 1 yuan. Please pay the phone bill in the near future: selling children, women, rice, iron and blood, land, houses and wives. Thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom

Valentine's Day promotional gifts: Dear male customers, during Valentine's Day, you will buy a set of home brand moisturizing underwear for your lover and give your wife a set of ordinary home brand colored cotton underwear, and only the colored cotton underwear and the full price will be reflected on the credit card. Jiahui underwear zhuangui

I wrote your name all over the sky and was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and was taken away by the police.

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. The classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?"? I won't scream either! " Classmate: "cheep"

Dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad impact on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn stylistic knowledge!

Yesterday, I dreamed of God, who said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. He thought about it and said that I would take another look at the globe.

You go! Find someone worthy of your love … I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you left with someone else for a bone.

I think what you think; Wear clothes without styling; I don't get along with anyone; No matter where you go, you are not welcome; I can't keep up with Lenin in thinking; Don't steal if your heart is fine; Pneumonia is atypical!

Monkey finding notice: I lost a hairy monkey. Features: dirty, covered with nose, holding a mobile phone, I can read text messages. I love monkeys. Write back to my master as soon as possible! Master misses you now.

6 When I met 9, I said: Take two steps and practice handstand. 0 meets 8 and says: If you are fat, you will be fat. Why should you wear a belt? 7 meet 2 and say: come on, don't kneel down again, I won't marry you; I haven't seen breast augmentation for several days!

One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, I'm Hong, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi!

Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!

You are the sun in my heart, but it is raining; You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first. ...

What's going on here? I called your mobile phone just now, and after the bell rang, the phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please redial later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.

In my eyes, you always look carefree, eating with relish and sleeping soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:38 reply to this speech.

2 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny short messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

I have not heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed.

I thought of death. I cut my pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, and parachuted upstairs.

Noodles can be inked to death.

Invited me to dinner and died.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

3 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

Reply: There are 48 funny short messages in my mobile phone that I can't bear to delete. You may have seen some of them, but there are definitely some.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

5 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

6 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

7 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

I hate deleting 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

9 reply: I hate deleting 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

Author: 2 10.83. 17. * 2005-6-1914: 41reply to this statement.

Two interesting pieces of information

10 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

1 1 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

12 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

13 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

13, the lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

Reply 14: I hate to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. You may have seen some of them, but there are definitely some.

14, think of a number in your head, add 52.8, multiply it by 5, subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your head. The answer is romantic!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

15 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

15, you always fart in the office, and your colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

Reply 16: I hate to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. You may have seen some of them, but there are definitely some.

16, Dear God, please bless those friends who don't call, text or miss me: May God drop their mobile phones into the toilet, amen!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

17 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

17, it is said that you are cruel. You have occupied four seats opposite the theater. When someone calls you up, you only hum twice. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Where are you? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:42 reply to this speech.

Reply 18: I hate to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. You may have seen some of them, but there are definitely some.

18, miss you, miss you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water all day and watch you-are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

Author: 2 10.83. 17. * 2005-6-1914: 41reply to this statement.

3 interesting short messages

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:42 reply to this speech.

19 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

19, dear users, at this time, we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the Palestinian national liberation cause. Therefore, the Palestinian self-government has decided to give you a lofty title in the name of the whole Arab world: Ben Shalebaki!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:42 reply to this speech.

Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

20. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.