Ones digit. I want a hundred classic humorous jokes. Does anyone have one? Thank you!

. The turtle was bathing in the river and was seen by the toad. The turtle said: Have you never seen a beauty like me? Your eyes are about to pop out. Toad: Sister, please stop teasing me. Didn’t you see that I have goosebumps on my body?

2. The oriole saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You are a thief who has been sneaking around all day. You have brought shame on the old Huang family." As soon as he finished speaking, the oriole was shot down, and the weasel cursed Said: "Silly X, you don't know that there is a crackdown on pornography now!"

3. Dragonfly made friends with his girlfriend "Cicada". Mother Dragonfly asked worriedly: What kind of job does she have? Dragonfly: That’s a singer! Dragonfly Mom: Singer? I used to be a tunnel digger!

4. An ant quarreled with a crow on the tree! Ant: Come down if you have the seed! Crow: Come up if you have the seed! Ant: Okay! Just wait for me. You look great! Crow: What do you want? Ant: I will immediately ask all my brothers to shake you down and throw you to death!

5. Two dung shell beetles discussed the welfare lottery, a dung shell Mantis: If I win the jackpot, I will buy all the toilets within a 50-mile radius and eat enough every day!

Dung Beetle B: You are so vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day!

6. The male butterfly sang to the female butterfly: "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" After singing, he flew to pick roses.

There was a scream, and the female butterfly sang: "My dear, fly slowly, be careful of the roses with thorns in front of you!"

7. A pair of ducks came to the river While playing, I saw a couple of frogs hibernating in caves on the river bank. Duck: Look, how happy. Female duck to male duck: Don't look at it, he is the big boss, he lives in a villa and spends his honeymoon, we should never think about it in this life!

8. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river. He caught nothing and went home. The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but still didn't catch anything and went home. On the third day, as soon as the little white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit: If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!

(2) The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Do you want metering, backlighting, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can I leave it for your aunt?" A pair of underpants?”

(3) One day, a barber beat up a candied haws seller. When he went to the police station, the police asked the barber: Why did you beat the candied haws seller? The barber said: ***, I was perming my hair in the house, and he yelled "I'm perming it" outside.

(4) A man went to the toilet with constipation, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy and rainy all of a sudden. They said, "Brother, I'm so envious of you, so fast." "Why are you envious? I haven't even had time to take off my pants yet!"

(5) When a foreigner was traveling in Laiwu, he met an old lady playing with a cat. First question: What are you doing? The old lady replied: Gudang Maoni! The foreigner was shocked, even the old man knew a foreign language! He was given chocolate as a gift, but the old lady thought it was dried sweet potato and said: I have it in Laiwu! The foreigner fainted!

(6) The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words but are reluctant to give them to me. The bee said: Hum! What about me? Why don’t you send me a text message with two antennas so long on your head?

(7) The Dung Beetle and the Mosquito fell in love. The Dung Beetle asked, "What's your profession?" The Mosquito said, "Nurse, an injector. How about you?" The Dung Beetle smiled and said, "It's fate. We're the same ones. It’s made from traditional Chinese medicine.”

(8) Husband: What time is it now? Wife: Ten o’clock, Husband: Is it ready? Wife: It’s too early, no one else is sleeping! Did I ask ten o'clock sharp? Wife: It’s eleven o’clock.

(9) A young couple was fighting and threw a pillow downstairs. A beggar happened to be passing by. He was very happy, and then flew off a quilt. The beggar was ecstatic, wiping tears and shouted upstairs: Brother, please do well and throw that woman down too.

(10) Wife: Do you want to do some activities in the evening? Husband: I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. Wife: Then don’t say you are tired after get off work or say you have no energy at night. You can’t fool me. Husband: It’s necessary. Wife: Then wash all the clothes I changed at night.

(11) A young woman was taking out the garbage and accidentally slipped and fell into the garbage. Just as she was about to get up, she was hugged by an old man who was picking up rags. The old man said with emotion: City people are like If you don’t know how to live, you won’t want it if such a good wife says you don’t want it.

(12) A person’s big toe suddenly turned blue. The miracle doctor diagnosed it as cancer, so he removed it. Within a few days, the second toe also turned blue. After the removal, three days later, the entire sole of the foot turned blue, so he had to be transferred to a large hospital. , the final expert consultation diagnosis was: socks faded.

A farmer drove a donkey into the city. The donkey ran a red light and was fined 10 yuan. The old farmer yelled at the donkey: "You think you are a military vehicle! You dare to run through a red light." After a few steps, the donkey knocked over another fruit stall and paid 200 yuan for it. The old farmer was even more angry: "Do you think you are the industrial and commercial city manager? You can knock down anyone's stall if you want." The old farmer led the donkey home and passed by a green grassland. The donkey gnawed on the grass and was fined 30 yuan. The old farmer was very angry and cursed: "Do you think you are an inspection team going to the countryside? You can eat wherever you go!" After cursing, the old farmer took the donkey to the river to drink water, but the donkey became stubborn and raised its neck and refused to drink. The old farmer got angry and said, "You think you are a rich man. You won't drink without a lady." The donkey turned around and ran away. A fishing net was drying on the shore. The donkey broke it when it got on it. The fisherman claimed 500 yuan in compensation. The old farmer said with tears in his eyes, "Do you think this is China Telecom? It costs so much money to access the Internet." The donkey turned around and kicked the old farmer. The old farmer reluctantly cursed: "Do you think you are the leader of the group? You can kick whoever you want. ." The donkey was so angry that he stopped paying attention to the old farmer and became very silent. The old farmer said: "You think this is in the QQ group, you can stay silent all day!

2. The boss called the secretary: I will accompany you to Beijing for fun in the next few days, please prepare

The secretary called her husband: I am going to Beijing with my boss for a meeting these days

The husband called his lover: My wife is not at home these days, please stay with me

The lover called the tutoring student: The teacher is busy these days and classes are suspended

The student called Grandpa: There will be no classes these days. Grandpa, please play with me

Grandpa called the secretary Phone call: I can’t go to Beijing, and my grandson wants me to accompany him

The secretary called the husband: The boss suddenly had something to do and would not go to Beijing for a meeting

The husband called his lover: The wife is not leaving. , I’ll talk about it next time

The lover called the tutoring student: Classes will continue as usual these days!!!

The student called grandpa: Teacher 555 said classes will continue as usual these days

Grandpa called his secretary: Let’s go to Beijing, get ready

4. Mr. Zhang, who graduated from the police academy, has been married for two years and always feels something strange about his wife and suspects that she is having an affair. On that day, Mr. Zhang always found a text message from a stranger on his wife’s mobile phone, and the content of each text message was the same: “Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me. "!

At eleven o'clock in the evening, Mr. Zhang captured his cheating wife and the man who was having an affair in one fell swoop.

Mr. Zhang cursed: You underestimate me, do you think that? I don’t understand the text message? Reading it backwards, it means “I will help you take off your bra at half past ten

5. During the Dragon Boat Festival, the turtle wants to eat rice dumplings, so let the snail go buy rice dumplings. After 2 hours, the snail still hadn't come back. The turtle cursed angrily: If you don't come back, I'll starve to death! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: Don't tell me I won't go anymore!

One day, the cow posed a problem to the donkey, asking which of the two bugs under the word "Stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: What a stupid donkey, men are on the left and women are on the right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project, building a 30-meter chimney. The construction period was two months and the cost was 300,000 yuan, but it required advance payment. It was finally completed at the end of last year. Today I went to inspect it, but I was scolded to death and didn't get any money. Damn it! The drawings are wrong, they want to dig a well!

3. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk Man: I don’t know. I just arrived.

4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, "I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole."

Damn, there was a bastard passing by, thinking I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!

5. One day, the turtle father, turtle mother and turtle son family decided to go for an outing. After buying a Shandong pancake and two cans of seafood chicken, we set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener!

Turtle son: "...Then I will go back and get it."

Turtle dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go and come back quickly!" ”

Turtle son: “You must wait for me to come back! Don’t break your promise!”

So Turtle son set out on his way home...

Time flies like an arrow. Shuttle, 20 years have passed in the blink of an eye, but the turtle son has not yet appeared.

Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..."

Turtle father: "No! We promised our son! Well...wait for him Five years later, if he doesn’t come, I’ll leave him alone!”

Five years have passed and there is still no sign of the turtle son. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start.

Took out the big cake and was about to eat it...

Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree...

Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would steal it! You lied to me to go back and get the can opener? I waited for twenty-five years and finally got it! I hate it the most!

6. Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water in their lives. He was named Miao, and some people were named Sen if they lacked wood in their lives.

Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?

7. A pair. A boyfriend and a girlfriend were sitting on a bench in the park, talking about love. The girl suddenly wanted to fart and said to the guy: My schoolmate is singing, but you don’t hear it.

Mr. Sure enough, she was willing to listen.

So, the woman let out a loud fart under the cover of the cuckoo cuckoo sound.

Female: The elephant is not like the cuckoo bird. ?

Male: The fart was too loud, I couldn’t hear it clearly!

8. The turtle was injured. Two hours passed and the turtle didn’t come back. He cursed: If you don’t come back, I’ll die! At this time, a snail’s voice came from outside the door: Don’t you dare say I’m not going anymore!

9. Someone raises a pig, annoying, He abandoned the pig, but the pig knew the way back, and abandoned it several times to no avail. One day, he drove around many corners and abandoned the pig. He called his family late at night and asked, "Has the pig returned?" The answer was: "I've returned!" "He roared: "Let him answer the phone, I'm lost!"

10. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out in large numbers and climbed onto the elephant one after another. The elephant trembled. The ants all fell down. At this time, there was another ant on the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted "Strangle it to death"

11. One day in the computer class, there was an elephant. The computer of the classmates in the platoon crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon is dead." "At this time, many classmates said: "We are also dead. At this time the teacher asked: "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?" ”

12. Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to stuff them into his butt and then take them out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed him a peach, but the peach core couldn’t be pulled out, and the monkey was frightened. , now be sure to measure it before eating.

13. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy..."

14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch..." Someone asked impatiently: "Where's down there?" Continue telling the story: "Down below? It's gone..."

15. There was a man who had just learned a foreign language. He was walking on the street and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man hurriedly said: "I'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely: " I'm sorry too." When the man heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." The foreigner was dumbfounded and asked: "What are you sorry for?" The man said helplessly: "I' m sorry five."

17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have diarrhea when I eat, cucumbers and watermelons, how can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

18. Someone went to Shanghai on a business trip and lost a dollar on the street. The police said, "We will help you find it." The man went back a month later, and the street where he lost the money was blocked due to road construction. After digging, he couldn't help but sigh, "Shanghai is the real thing."

19. One day, an ant was basking in the sun. Suddenly he saw an elephant walking slowly. He stood up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to him I'm asking you what are you doing? The ant said: "Shh~~~~~~~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him"

20. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Earthworm's mother thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Earthworm's father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football

21. The tortoise and the hare... the hare The turtle quickly ran to the front... The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly... and said to him: Come up, I will carry you... Then... the snail came up... After a while. The turtle saw an ant again and said to him: Come up too. So the ant came up too. After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him. You know. What did the snail say? The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

22. One day, a fire broke out in a house, and both parents escaped. Only one son was left inside.

The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son...you are doing it...it's on fire and you can't come out..." The son replied: "I'm putting on socks... .." The mother said again, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire..." Five minutes later, the son hasn't come out yet... The mother nervously shouted again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, and you’re still in there..." My son said, "I’m taking off my socks...

23. A man went to the river to fish first. After wearing a leaf, no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Still no fish took the bait for a long time. He was so angry that he took out 100rmb and threw it into the water. Cursed: "*—# What do you want to eat! Go buy it yourself! ! !

26. "Narcissism" means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in the next life, and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means that when I order two dishes at a restaurant, I eat the first one: "There are still two dishes in the world." Is there anything tastier than this?!" Eat the second one. Damn! There really is!" "Speechless" means the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money

27. The Weaver Girl went down to the earth to take a bath and met the Cowherd, and performed a love story that shocked the world and made us cry. This incident tells us: there is no chance to take a bath at home, so you must take a bath outside...

28. Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiao Ming: "How do you say ants?" Xiao Ming looked confused... and said : "Ant... didn't say anything..."

29. A man kept farting loudly at work, and his colleagues couldn't help but said to him: "Can you just keep silent?" I saw him sitting there shaking non-stop. A colleague asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I am silent, and now I have set it to vibrate!!!"

30. Female mosquito: "Child, what's wrong with you?" The little mosquito cried and said, "Today the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire." The female mosquito said, "Don't pay attention to it, they are not good things either. A They all grew up eating shit

31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou clay pot. Yesterday, I went to the treasure appraisal column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "How can this be?" From the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week!

32. Son: "Mom, I failed the math test today." Mother: "Why, what question." Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6." Mother: "That's right, and then what." Son: "Then the teacher asked me again 3*2=?" Mother: "Aren't these the same thing!" Son: "That's what I said too...

33. A prisoner was executed by firing squad. The bullets were produced by "XX County" and were of poor quality. The first shot was not fired, and then he fired the second shot...the third shot...at this time the prisoner Crying: "Strangle me to death, it's too scary!" "

34. The father told his son a story: "The uncle asked Xiao Yang to chop wood. Unexpectedly, Xiao Yang chopped down the uncle's favorite peach tree. The uncle was very angry when he saw it but did not scold him. , do you know why?" The son replied: "Maybe it's because Xiaoyang still has an ax in his hand. So he didn't dare to scold him.

35. The dung beetle and the mosquito fell in love when they first met, the dung beetle said: "You What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, give injections." The dung beetle grabbed Mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: "It's fate, I am also a doctor, a traditional Chinese medicine, and a pill maker

36. A man couldn't find a girlfriend, so he had no choice but to go to fortune telling. The fortune teller said: You are destined to have no women in the first half of your life. But the man's eyes lit up: Then I should have one in the second half of my life? The fortune teller said: Hey, in the second half of my life You get used to living alone

37. When someone was eating, there was no beef in the beef ramen, so he pointed at the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef ramen? The boss said lightly: Don't be too Seriously, do you still expect to get a wife out of the wife cake?

38. The three mice tasted American, Japanese and Chinese wine respectively, and the mouse who drank American wine,

The mouse who drank Japanese sake fell down after walking two steps; the mouse who drank Chinese Erguotou, holding a kitchen knife in his hand, shouted: "Where is the TMD cat?"

39. While eating in a restaurant, a customer who had been waiting for a long time called the waiter and asked, "Why is the braised fish I ordered not ready yet?" "Please wait a moment, sir." "What? You still have to wait?" The customer got angry and asked, "Are your fish freshly caught?"

40. Once upon a time, there was a man named Ah Shuang. He died. The day of the funeral. His family members cried: ‘It’s so cool… it’s so cool. ’ Passers-by were puzzled. Asked: "What do you enjoy so much?" The family cried bitterly: "It feels so good... so good!!" 41. A man was about to jump off a building, and his wife who had just come back shouted: "My dear, don't be impulsive, our road is still there." He's grown up!" After hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing next to him said, "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this.

42. Director and Section Chief When *** was riding in the elevator, the director farted and said to the section chief: "You farted." The section chief said: "I didn't fart." Soon the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "You can't do anything big." I can't afford it, so what use are you?"

43. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat protected the mouse in every possible way. The mouse quickly became fat, and the mouse was very moved: "My darling, why are you so nice to me?" The cat chuckled and said, "You'll know when you get a little fatter.

44. Every time I look in the mirror, I always talk to myself to encourage myself. Self: "I am very creative. Being ugly is not my original intention. God, don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to bring out the beauty of this world! In fact, I am really, really talented." Creativity...

45. Friends went hiking together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland! My mother! A boy who had a crush on her quickly followed and shouted: Motherland. !My mother-in-law!

46. I bought two puppies before, the one called "Lian" for you, and the one called "Butt" for myself! But within two days, "Lian" unfortunately died in a car accident. From now on, whenever I see your "butt", I will think of your "face"! If your "face" was still there, it would be as big as your "butt" now!

47. After Tang Zeng drove away Wukong, he Encountering a monster, he had no choice but to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: "I'm sorry. The user you called is not in the service area, please try again later.

48. The mouse is gone. Conveniently, seeing the bear there, he was too frightened to say anything. The bear glanced at the mouse and said, "Are you going to shed your hair?" The mouse shivered and said nothing. The bear asked again: "Are you losing your fur, you?" The mouse said tremblingly: "No..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left! [Treat mice as toilet paper...

49. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

50. On Panda’s birthday, I would like to tell everyone: I made two wishes, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo

51. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail. The bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? The butterfly replied: I have my own house after all, but it’s not like you living in a dormitory

52. One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came over and said to the elephant. You stand up. Stand up when it starts. Ant! Just sit down. The elephant asked the ant what he wanted to do. Sometimes he stands up and sometimes he sits down.

Ant replied! I lost my underwear, let me see if you were wearing it

53. The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey happened to be in heat, so the production team employees beat her. Call the captain of the production team who is on a business trip out of town. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat, but the male donkey is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first or wait for you to come back?"

54. Little Shit Beetle: Mom , why do we eat shit? Mother Dung Beetle: How could this child say such disgusting things while eating?

55. A shooting star flashed across the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. Who knew that I had just made a wish? Wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me, "Brother, are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?!"

56. Give me a steamed bun from the cafeteria as a fulcrum, and I can lift it up Earth! lt; Please understand, the steamed buns in this cafeteria are too hard...gt;

57. See "The food in the cafeteria can only be fed to pigs, but they are still given to us?" "I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the cafeteria to prepare a meal. After the meal, he asked the cook, "Master, why is there rice in your sand!!!"

58. A must-see for girls. Story: A bat was reincarnated by God. God said that he can promise you three conditions. The bat said, "I was black in my previous life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body and wings. I am used to sucking blood. Please let me suck blood." "God said, OK, I agree. Do you know what he will be in the next life? "Sanitary napkin". Haha.

59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase fishy smells all day long, and I chase smelly smells all day long. Come here if you want to eat well! Toilet fly: If you don’t agree with each other, what’s the use of eating well? How many bare-butt beauties have you seen?

60. In your sophomore year, you were in the dormitory. Girls all like Zhou Huajian's songs, and a tape was borrowed from everyone. One day, the girl on the upper bunk asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: There was silence for two seconds, and then They all fell on the bed.

61. A boy nicknamed a classmate a fat pig. The girl cried to the teacher and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The teacher gave a lecture to the class the next day. : "A certain boy is so rude and gives others nicknames at will. You can't just call others whatever they look like, right? ”

1. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! Female The driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

5. An old lady was illiterate, but liked to listen to the radio. She would listen to the weather forecast every day and asked her family: "I." I have a question, do you know where the local area is? It rains almost every day there. ”

6. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The female bat next to it looked at it and said with worry that its head was broken and bleeding. : Its dad, if you don’t tell it, it’s not our biological child!

7. I went to Mount Taishan with my friends to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed at the sky and said, “I saw it! "I saw it too!" "At this time, someone in the distance came out with his pants and cursed: "If you see it, you will see it! What are you shouting about? ”

2. There was a friend who was selling popsicles in the park for the first time during his work-study program. He was too embarrassed to shout. Suddenly someone shouted: “Selling popsicles~~~~Selling popsicles~~ ". When the friend heard this, he was very happy and shouted: "Me too~~~~Me too~~~~".

3. Not long after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant Dead. While burying the elephant, the ant cried bitterly: "Dear, why did you go so early? I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life!" ”

4. A boy had a crush on a girl. He mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she liked. Is it okay?"

5. One day, I was out of breath and chasing the last bus. As I chased, I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~

Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the car window and said to me slowly: Wukong. Just stop chasing me

6. One day I was taking a biology test, and one of the questions was to guess the name of the bird by looking at its legs. A certain student really didn't understand and angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you in and what's your name?" A certain student lifted up his trouser legs and said: "Guess, you guess."

7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came to the stage to receive her. He took her hand and asked her for warmth. He refused to let go for a long time and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Malegbi. Songshou"

9. A man saw a pile of stuff on the road, squatted down and smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched some of it with his hand, put it in his mouth and licked it, and said, it was really poop, but luckily he didn't step on it! ~

10. The doctor asked the patient how he had broken the bone. He replied: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook... Someone thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave it to me. Two sticks.

11. A professor was teaching in the field: "Scientific research must not be afraid of getting dirty..." Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty..." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor said: "In addition, you must be good at observation. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked it." It’s the index finger.”

13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle when a pedestrian came in front of him. He panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian stopped in a hurry. Unfortunately, a certain gentleman's riding skills were too poor and he still knocked down a pedestrian. The pedestrian got up and got angry: "You still told me to stop! You are aiming, right?"

15. There was a car accident on the road - a turtle trampled on a cow. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and said Wo Niu: How did the turtle hit you? Wo Niu, who was hanging a cast, recalled in panic: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time!

16. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was bored, he started to pluck out his own hair. One... two... three... Finally, no hair was left. He suddenly shouted... It's so cold. ah! ! ………………

28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig heard this and said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water too!" After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig off the plane together. The crow smiled. Said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly~~~~

31. A king wants to marry a princess, and puts an apple on the princess's head. Whoever wants to shoot it will have a chance. Marrying the Princess

The first man shot the apple and said, "I'm Robin. "

The second man also shot the apple and said, "I'm Hou Yi." "

The third man accidentally shot the princess to death. He said: "I'm sorry..."

34. A new sculpture in a school --- girl Holding a book in his left hand and a white dove in his right hand, the school leaders publicly called for names from the students, and there was an endless stream of responses. One of them had the loudest voice: Reading is a waste.

37. : "Are you losing hair?" The little white rabbit said: "No." The little bear asked again: "Are you really losing hair?" The little white rabbit said: "Really not", so the little bear wiped it with the little white rabbit. Butt.

38. The little white rabbit came to the bakery: Boss, are there a hundred buns? Boss: No. The next day, the little white rabbit came again: Boss, there are a hundred buns. Bread? Boss: Sorry, no.

On the third day, Little White Rabbit walked in: Boss, are there a hundred buns?

On the fourth day, the little white rabbit came hopping: Boss, are there a hundred buns? Boss: Great! There are a hundred buns today~! White Rabbit: Great! Give me two!

39. The father and son take the bus.

Son: Dad, when will you arrive?

Father: It will be there when it stops.

Son: When will it stop?

Father: Stop when we arrive.

40. A man and a tiger were tied to two big trees respectively. There was a candle under the rope that tied the tiger, which was about to burn the rope. If the rope was burned, the tiger would die. It would eat people, but the person said a word and was not eaten by the tiger.

He said "happy birthday!!" and the tiger blew out the candle. ． ．

41． The wolf had just fallen out of love and passed by a hut while foraging. He heard a man teach his child: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf. The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When he got up in the morning, The wolf choked up and said: Men, men are all liars!

42. The girl asked her boyfriend, "What do you like about me?"

The boyfriend couldn't help it. I I I like you to stay away from me"

43. On the first day, the little white rabbit went to the river to fish, but he caught nothing and went home.

The second day One day, the little white rabbit went to the river to fish again, but still didn't catch anything, so he went home.

On the third day, when the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and rushed towards it. The little white rabbit yelled:

If you fucking dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!

44. A certain gentleman took a plane for the first time. I was afraid and didn't dare to open my eyes. After 15 minutes, I opened my eyes, looked out the window, and shouted: "Oh, it's flying so high, people are like ants!"

The neighbor said: "That's it. Ant, the plane hasn't taken off yet."

45. My girlfriend sent me a text message: "Let's break up! "

After a while, I received again: "Sorry, wrong message! ! ”

46. Sanmao went to the hair salon to get a haircut and said to the hairstylist: Braid me a braid. The hairstylist accidentally lost one of Sanmao’s hairs. Sanmao sighed and said: Then I got a middle part, but the hairstylist accidentally lost it. After walking on the street for a long time, I suddenly said: My feet are so soft

48. Male: Do you like me?

Female: Guess.

Male: I like it!

Female: Guess again.

49. A mentally ill patient was writing something, and the doctor asked: "What are you writing about?"

" Write a letter."

"To whom?"

"Me."

"What are you writing?"

"Idiot, how do I know if I haven't received it yet!?"