Super funny, hilarious jokes

The difference in love

An American and a Frenchman are talking about love.

"In our country." The French said, "When young people woo girls, they are courteous and affectionate.

After that, the two fell in love. At first, The young man began to kiss the girl's fingertips, then her hands, ears, and neck..."

"Oh my God," the American sighed. "If we were in the United States, during this period, they

would have returned from their honeymoon long ago."

Love direction

Tom: "Love is great , it makes the world spin."

Jack: "Oh my god, I hate it. It makes me dizzy."

John: "Then why don't you two grasp the direction of love's rotation?"

"Love is pure"

"Please believe me."

"How can you believe it? ?"

"My dear, my pure love is only dedicated to you."

'Who is it not pure for?" "

The love of life

"Dear, do you love me very much? ”

“Love it very much. "

"Can you give your life for me? "

"Who will love you then? ”

The role of flowers

A young man gave his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers. The girlfriend was happy when she saw him, hugged him and kissed him,

He quickly Break free and run outside.

“What’s the matter? "My girlfriend asked in confusion.

"Go get some more flowers. " He said.

Reaction

There was a man and woman in the park.

Ask: "Can I kiss you?" "

She did not answer.

He asked again: "Can you let me kiss you? "

She still didn't answer.

He became angry: "Hey, are you deaf? "

"Hey, are you dead? "

Verified on the spot

"According to medical journal reports, kissing is harmful to health. ”

“You are right. I kissed the pastor's daughter the night before yesterday, and he caught me and gave me a nasty beating.

I still can't straighten up until now. "

Serious question

A pair of young Scotsmen looked at each other thoughtfully from a bench in the park. It has been a long time.

After a while, the girl whispered to her male companion: "Angus, tell me what you are thinking

and I will give you a penny. "

The young man replied: "I was thinking that it would be best if you gave me a little kiss

"

The girl is red She kissed him with a smile on her face, and after a while, she said again: "Buy your current idea for a penny, Angus,"

"This time I want to It's a serious question," said the young man.

"What could it be, Angus? "Gulang asked shyly.

"I think now you should give me the penny. ”

Change of circumstances

After a date outing, young John sent Mary to the door of his house, and then said enthusiastically: “Won’t you kiss me goodbye

? "

Mary said reservedly: "I'm sorry, I won't kiss a boy on our first date.

"

"Ah. John said reluctantly: "So, what about the last time?" "

Kissing

"Why do you always close your eyes every time I kiss you? "

"It means I didn't see it. ”

Tips

One night, a young girl and a handsome male hired man walked side by side on a secluded country road.

The employee carried a large bucket on his shoulder, a broiler in one hand, and a cane in the other. He also led a goat. They walked into a long and quiet road. Dark alley.

"I dare not walk with you here." The girl said, "Maybe you want to kiss me."

"I carry so many things." The male worker asked , "How is that possible?"

"Yes." The girl said. "What if you stuck the crutch in the mud, tied the sheep to it and put the chicken in the bucket?"

Emotional Savings

When she When she was working as a part-time bank teller in a university, a beautiful young man came to her window almost every day. The young man either deposited money or withdrew money, until he put a piece of paper together with the banknote.

p>

When the bankbook was handed over to her, she realized that the young man did this for her:

“Dear Ji: I have been thinking about saving, hoping to get interest. If I'm free on Friday. Can you put yourself in the seat next to me in the cinema? I've put it down that you may have another appointment. If that's the case, I'll take my request and schedule it for Saturday. Regardless of the discount rate, I don't think you'll think so. >

Is that too much to ask? I’ll check with you later, sincerely.”

She couldn’t resist this tempting and novel approach.

A strange love letter

An American named Hiller once told such a story; a young man was deeply in love with a girl, but The girl's father opposed the marriage, and the young man wanted to write a letter to express his firm

love, but he knew that the letter would definitely fall into the hands of the girl's father first, so he wrote like this

Tao:

The love I expressed for you

has faded. My disgust for you

is growing day by day. When I see you

I don't even like the way you look.

One thing I want to do is

Look elsewhere, I will never

Marry you, our last conversation

p>

It's boring and boring, so it doesn't make me want to see you again

You only have yourself in your heart

If we get married, I am convinced that I will

live very hard and I can't.

To live happily with you, I will dedicate my heart

but not

to you, no one can compare with you More

more demanding and selfish, and no one cares less

for me and helps me less than you.

I sincerely want you to understand.

I am telling the truth, please be sure

to end our relationship. Don't try

to reply to this letter. Your letter is full of

things that don't interest me, and you can't possibly have

sincere concern for me. Goodbye, please believe me.

I don’t like you, please don’t think so.

I still love you.

Sure enough, the girl's father saw the letter first and was very satisfied, because he saw that it was a "letter of breaking up with each other

"; however, after the girl read it next, she was also very happy. , because she saw that it was a "wooing letter."

It turns out that the young man and the girl have been dating for a long time. When reading the letter, the girl only needs to read the single line (i.e. lines one, three, five, seven, nine

...). If you don’t believe it, then you can Read it again.

Love Season

"Dear Mary," young William wrote in the letter: "Please forgive me for disturbing you again. Because

my passionate love , my memory is so bad, I can't remember at all now, when I proposed to you yesterday, you said 'yes' or 'no'."

Mary quickly wrote back, saying: "Dear William, I am so happy to see your letter.

I remember

Yesterday I said "no", but I really can't remember who I said it to. Kiss you again. "

A rare love letter

Anne received a letter from her fiancé, and the letter read: "Dear, I miss you, I miss you

Then Blonde mane, light blue eyes, high cheekbones, the scar on your left hand and a height of 1.65 meters. "

Anne's girlfriend saw the letter and said, "This love letter is really rare. What does your fiancé do?

What does it do? "

"He specializes in writing missing persons notices in the police station. ”

Love letters valid within one year

Germany’s postage rates continue to rise, and the newspaper published a short article “Love Letters”:

“Dearest Lina:

As you know, I love you, and I love you passionately, forever, and sincerely. This guarantee is from August 1983 to August 1984. It is valid within the period and can be extended as the situation changes

In order to save money, I will no longer write to you and kiss you 365 times.

Your Bernini"

Interesting love letter

A young man wrote a letter: "Dear Mila, I love you, and I hope you will marry me.

If you agree, you will answer me. If you don't agree, don't even open this letter. ”

An indescribably beautiful love

In the middle of the night, Pavel and Bavlina hugged each other closely and walked on the street. Bavlina exhaled.

He said in a long voice: "Ah, Pavel, wouldn't it be so beautiful if we got married? What is between us

is love. As long as we have food to eat and water to drink, we can survive. "

Bavel hugged his beloved closer, and he comforted her and said: "Of course, it will be beautiful

Indescribable, as long as you are willing to make money To buy food, I am willing to make money to buy water. "

Injured

A pair of lovers strolled on the avenue.

Female: "We were hit by Cupid's arrow. ”

Male: “It doesn’t matter if you shoot me, but you can’t be shot. As long as I’m here, I can’t let you get hurt.” ”

Female: “I’m really hurt.” "

Marriage notice

There is a marriage notice in a newspaper in the Netherlands, which reads:

"I have a history of failed marriages, and now I want to marry him. Looking for a girlfriend who can knit men's wool sweaters as a companion..."

Looking for a partner

A girl came to a marriage agency that used computers and asked for her marriage.

Please input into the computer.

The person I am looking for should not be too tall, loves to wear trousers, and likes ice sports.

The computer beeps. After a while, he immediately gave her an answer: "Penguin. "

The bait has lost its flavor after being left out for a long time

Father: "Lhasa, why aren't you married yet? ”

Lasha: “Dad, I have found several boyfriends, but none of them are satisfactory. Wait for me to choose again.” ”

Father: “You are not young, so you must hurry up.” "

Lhasa: 'Don't worry, Dad, there are many fish in the sea of ??life."

Father: "Son, if you leave the bait for a long time, it will lose its flavor." ."

She's looking for the perfect man

A friend of mine from college couldn't stop complaining about the girls around him. They are all "too stupid, too frivolous, too silent, too argumentative" - ??too much of this, too much of that, there is always one bad thing.

One day, he announced that he had found the one and only woman who was the most perfect

in the world. When he announced this great news, he did not show the high excitement that he had when he finally got it.

"What's wrong?" I asked, "Didn't you find the most perfect woman in the world?"

"Yes." He admitted.

“But she’s looking for the perfect man. "

No one is perfect

" Joe Grove is the man I like. "A woman with bright eyes said to her mother,

"He is very elegant, he is very handsome, he is very chic, he is very hard-working, he is very interesting, he is very strong, he is very

Kindness——"

"He is already married," his mother interrupted.

"So no one is perfect. "

Using the fox fur coat as a nickname

Alissa read a man's marriage notice in the newspaper, and she immediately wrote to the man: "I'm very happy

I would like to meet you in order to form a lifelong partner based on mutual love and respect. After reading the letter, please wait for me in front of the cinema at 3pm on Sunday

In order for me to recognize you, please carry a size 46 fox fur coat on your left hand. "

Half success

"Hey, York, was this date a success? "It can be said that half of the success is achieved." "

"What does it mean? "

"I went this time, but she didn't. "

"Ah. ”

Boys and Girls

On a May night, an experienced boy sat next to a charming girl on a bench in the park

At last, he mustered up the courage to break the long silence and said, "Dear Miss, would you like to be a man sometimes?" ”

“No, never willing, but what about you? ”

In love

A couple were together. Only the girl’s voice was heard:

Ah! Please don’t kiss me...

Ah! Please don't kiss...

Ah! Please don't...

Ah, please don't...

Ah!

Ah! Please...

Ah! ...

Understand from the other side

A lovelorn person told a friend with a sad face: “The man I loved rejected my proposal. "

"What's the point," said my friend, "I tell you, women's words sometimes have to be understood from the opposite side. She said

‘No’ means ‘yes’. ”

“But she didn’t say ‘no’. "

"What did she say? ”

“All she said was ‘bah’. "

Short Love Song

A magazine is soliciting: "Please describe your love story in the shortest possible text. Someone's article is as follows:

First Love: She is the only one in my heart;

In love: My mother calls me Xiangdong, and my lover calls me Xiangxi—Xiangxi;

Heartbroken: My lover got married, and the groom is not me.

Prescription

A satirist was asked what was the remedy for trauma. The satirist said: "Hunger is a wonderful remedy. Time changes." Better."

She forgot

A: "I was singing a love song to my girlfriend downstairs, and she threw me a flower."

B: "Then what happened to the injury on your head?"

A: "She forgot to take the flowers out of the pot."

No insurance

A young man received a breakup letter from his girlfriend, which wrote: "Although our relationship has ended

but you must compensate me for the loss of my youth for four years..."

The young man replied a text message: "Dear, I can't pay my money because you are not insured

."

Experience

"Mom, I found that he loves me very much."

"How did you know?"

"Every time he hugs me, I I heard his heart pounding."

"Silly daughter, be careful, your father was the one who deceived me by hiding a pocket watch?"

"My dear, as long as you want it, I will get it at all costs."

"Then I want a polygraph machine first.

"

An annoying slight

"Did you see that pretty blonde in the distance? She made me feel all night long

Annoyed. "

"She annoys you? But she didn't even look at you. ”

“That’s what annoys me. "

For fear of offending

"Please tell me frankly, Miss Yana, what do you think of me as a person? "

"If I tell you honestly, you won't be offended. "

Ask each other

The man whispered to a lady: "Miss, can I love you? ”

“Of course. "The lady nodded generously.

The man couldn't help but feel elated, and was about to make further remarks when he suddenly heard the lady ask softly and coquettishly

"Sir, I don't have to love you. ? ”

Hate myself

Spinster A: Thinking about when I was young, I really hate myself.

Spinster B: What happened? ?

Spinster A: Because nothing has ever happened

The requirements are different

Three women talked about a man who was eager to get married.

p>

17-year-old girl: Is that man very handsome?

25-year-old girl: How much does a 35-year-old man earn per month? Spinster: Where is that man now?

Don’t worry

Female neighbor: “I have been looking for my husband for 2 hours. "Old Maid: "It's a trivial matter; I have been looking for a husband for 20 years, and until now there is no result. ”

Introduce a partner

“I’ll find a good partner for you. This girl just has one problem; she has a little squint. ”

“It doesn’t matter. "

"Besides, she's a little lame"

"What's the point? "

"I heard that she is no longer a virgin. ”

“It doesn’t matter. ”

“It doesn’t matter what you did. "

"Of course I don't care, I won't marry her. "

Gift

Charles said to his fiancée: "Dear, look at this necklace, there are exactly 22 pearls on it. ”

“Why 22? ”

“The same age as you. "

"So that's what happened," the fiancée secretly blamed herself, "if only I had told him my true age of 30." ”

The two fell in love

The man and woman met on the street, and within a few days, they were engaged.

The young man excitedly held the girl’s hand. Said: "You are really a good girl, even though I am not as beautiful as

my friend Samira, who is not as noble as him, nor does he have as much savings,

But you love me so much, how is this not touching? I will love you forever. "

The girl was very happy when she heard this. She held his hand tightly and said, "Your sincere confession and frank telling are really admirable. However, I have only one request for you now. Tell me Samira's address. "

Foresight

My girlfriend shyly said to her boyfriend: "Benny, after marriage, I can share your troubles and worries, and I can also

ease your Work load. "

"Dear, don't worry. I don't have any worries, worries or burdens. "

"Then you are saying that you don't want to marry me? "

"What does this mean? ”

“Because after marriage, you will have all this.

”

The way to break up the decline

A pair of lovers were talking about getting married, and the woman insisted that she would own a new Lupa car after marriage

The man said that his financial ability did not allow for a car, but he proposed a compromise and said: "Dear, do you like to ride in a car with much more horsepower than the Lupa car? A chauffeur-driven car? "

The woman quickly said: "That's good. ”

The man was extremely happy: “It’s a deal, we will take the bus after we get married.” "

Aunt

"I heard that your marriage to Mary was ruined? "

"Yes, she thinks I am poor. "

"Have you ever told her that you have a rich uncle in the United States? "

"Said. Now she is my aunt. "

Wealth but no appearance

"I can introduce you to a partner. She has a dowry of 100,000 rubles. ”

“Do you have a photo of her? ”

“Since when does 100,000 rubles need to be accompanied by a photo? "

Profitable business

A young man said to a rich man: "Can I introduce you to a business that can earn 500,000 francs

? "

"Very good," said the millionaire, "tell me. "

"I heard that if anyone marries your daughter, you will give him 1 million francs. ”

“That’s true. "

"As for me, I only need 500,000 francs to marry her. "

Fiery love

"Hey, Alyosha, you can't imagine how hot my love for you is. "

"Natasha, I know this. You see, all my money has been melted by your fiery love and flowed

into your pocket. "

Emotional Medium

Male: "We have been together for such a long time, and not only have we not developed emotionally, but we seem to be becoming more and more

indifferent. "

Female: "Do you know? Feelings are mediated. ”

Men are all ruts

Fiancé: “I don’t have the courage to say to your father: ‘I am penniless’.” ”

Fiancée: “You men are all cowards, and my father doesn’t dare to tell you.” He is bankrupt. "

I don't believe in love at first sight

"I don't know what you think, Matilda, but I don't believe in love at first sight. "

"Why? ”

“Can you tell at a glance how much money the other person earns? ”