How about a good way to chase boys?

How to do it specifically? I have six principles here. If most people can master this principle, there will be a breakthrough.

These six principles are:

1. differentiated market

2. Tactical indirection

3. Tactical directness

4. Quadrant balance

5. Fair trade

Step 6 increase the mother number

The principle of the first step is: market differentiation

Before you start chasing anyone, or create an environment suitable for being chased. The first question you should ask yourself is, "What's different about you?" "Can it arouse the curiosity of others?" "If so, what would it be? 」

This question needs more attention: "curiosity or value is a relative comparison, not an absolute comparison."

The so-called relative comparison refers to the differences between you and the people around you, especially between you and your close friends. Just like when she was a student, the class flowers in her class were "absolutely standard". She may be much worse than Lin Chi-ling, but if everyone in the class is not tall, she can still get concrete rewards as long as she wins the local group.

So, please think about it, what kind of friends are you with? Are they complementary to you in appearance or personality? Will they let you go? Or is it actually the opposite? In other words, when you appear in social situations or workplaces with people around you, will men notice you?

The difference is not necessarily in appearance or figure. Although if the figure is outstanding in appearance, it can definitely attract men's attention immediately. But even if not, as long as you can grasp the principle of "arousing curiosity", you can still highlight "your own differences". For example, your friend is quiet, but you are generous or eloquent, and you can impress men when chatting with them. For example, your friends talk about makeup and clothes, but you can talk about different things in group chat and attract others' attention. Or the members attending a party have similar backgrounds (if they are all teachers), then the only person with different occupations will also arouse the curiosity of others.

So, you can try to change your style, go out with different kinds of friends, or take part in some activities that you don't usually take part in.

As long as the difference you create is positive, this concern and curiosity will also bring a positive impression → that is, what most people call goodwill. When more people have a good impression on you, any action you take later will bring you positive returns. Whether waiting for a man to chase you, chasing a man, or even just being friends, you are standing at a favorable commanding height. And according to the herding effect, it will definitely bring more positive feelings to everyone.

In addition, the more people have a good impression on you, it also means that you increase your potential chances of success. For example, according to past experience, your success rate in love is 10% every time. If ten people have a good impression on you, it means that one of them is likely to have established a smooth relationship with you; But if you can make 100 people like you, then your "expectation" for success will be raised to100 people. Therefore, no matter from which angle, trying to differentiate the market is the best start.

The most taboo is that you imitate your friends all the way → dress, dress, hairstyle, way of speaking, and even thinking and personality. This can be seen in many intimate female groups. The fewer male partners, the closer they appear. But I always think this is a vicious circle. The higher the similarity between you and your friends, the more general you are in the group, and naturally it is more difficult to highlight your advantages.

But I also want to remind you that differentiation is not funny. I'm not suggesting that you be unconventional, unconstrained or taboo. Although it can attract others' attention quickly, it may not leave a good impression. So you must make a differentiated setting within the range that ordinary people will appreciate, and this setting must conform to your own personality and ability. If your image is too different. Pretending to be bold, although obviously timid, may attract attention soon, but it does not mean that it can be operated for a long time. At this time, the disappointment of the other party because of the image puncture will only make this relationship stop quickly.

The second step is strategic indirectness.

The so-called tactical indirectness means that you don't say anything like each other, but just release goodwill. On the "consciousness" created by the whole relationship, you should create a "passive" illusion.

The high-level pursuit is that if there is something, it will stir a man's heart and make him curious and eager, including emotional and even physical. In other words, chasing a man doesn't mean that you go up to him and say, "I like you, please associate with me." 」; Instead, it is through your initiative to release "goodwill" that he feels that "this woman seems to have a good impression on me." "You see, you see, every time she looks at me, the aftertaste of talking and gestures are different from others. What should I do? " "I should know more about her? 」

Therefore, don't let the other person feel that you are "love at first sight", and don't do anything that may be offensive (such as calling in the middle of the night, constantly inviting, interfering in the other person's life, or directly confessing). On the contrary, as long as you release goodwill in the right way, the other party should respond. For example, after getting to know each other, tell each other your interests, where you want to go and what food you like. Simply put, it is a golden mean ball. "The recent XX exhibition seems very interesting." I like Toy Story series very much. "There was an exhibition in the North America Pavilion recently. Do you like art? " I really want to see taro flowers. "Questions like this.

In fact, the so-called catch-up strategy can reach this level with clever operation.

You will keep up, so you will keep up. If you don't keep up, you can add a little "encouragement" because you are timid. Just get to know each other and invite you to go with me, as long as there is no hurry.

As for those who have not kept up, it is actually a powerful indicator. This means that you are not outstanding enough to arouse his curiosity in his cognition. Then you may have to go back to the first step and think about how to make greater differences among the ethnic groups you frequent and make you special in the eyes of your next goal.

So if you carry out these six steps correctly, you will hardly lose face; And if you have enough self-reflection mechanism, you will continue to take the first step in failure and improve yourself.

One more thing to emphasize. Pursuit, whether men or women, should be an interactive behavior. More specifically, the pursuit of high-level is "continuous flirting" rather than direct confession → through teasing, the other party is curious and dragged forward to explore.

If you start with a card: "I like you, so please associate with me on the premise of getting married." In this way, the mystery and interest in exploration are lost. No matter whether the object is male or female, saying such a thing is likely to lead to failure. Instead, I just have to say something like, "You're funny. I seldom meet a boy who thinks like you. " Few boys are as considerate as you are. "You are really different from the men I met in the past" is actually enough to make the other person feel very high and unforgettable, doubt and guess what you are thinking, and then have more curiosity and interest in you.

Therefore, if you not only make him feel that you have special value in the group, but also create the feeling that "this valuable woman seems to like herself, but also seems uncertain", this will give him a kind of self-confidence that "a special woman likes herself, so she should be special", which will further promote his illusion that this is "a kind of like" and encourage him to move forward.

In other words, it is easy for men to have the illusion of liking because of women's manipulation in this respect. If you just want to have an affair or a one-night stand, you can stop at the third step at most. But if you want to get married, you can never get a long and happy marriage by this fantasy, so you need steps 4 and 5.

The third step is to be direct and powerful in tactics.

This is a part that you need to be careful to build when chasing backwards, which often has a great psychological impact on the other side. If possible, it's best to start practicing from the earliest possible age.

Although you have to be passive in the big structure and try to let him move forward actively, you have to take the initiative in many small moves in the "hand-to-hand" interaction. For example, eyes are a tool that you should actively use. You should make him feel "you have special respect for him". Occasionally bow your head and smile, occasionally turn your head, and make long eye contact, especially staring at him and smiling from a distance in a crowded environment, or staring at him as soon as you find him turn his head, are all powerful and effective ways to tease.

Then there is the interaction between the bodies. If possible, try to maintain "natural" physical contact. When he was talking, his elbow was accidentally dialed on him. Like sweeping or touching his little finger. The transfer cup contacts the fingertip. When sitting side by side, your knees will inadvertently touch your knees. Clap his hand when affirming his point of view. Pat him on the shoulder when pretending to be angry. Pat him on the upper arm or elbow when saying goodbye. Give him a dish at the dinner table and naturally share what you think is "delicious". Especially give him a bite of pudding or ice cream with a dessert spoon These are extremely lethal means.

The more "natural and slight" physical contact, the more he can have a good impression on you. And let him be positive, and then let him start running faster than you and start pursuing you. This part is the most advantageous skill for women. It is difficult for men to approach women quickly through physical contact, but if women are skilled in this field, they can give the men they just met the illusion that they really get along with you in a week or two.

Third, we should strive to create a "close relationship" without physical contact. What does this mean? There are two ways to do this. One way is to pull in through the distance of space, such as holding an umbrella together, deliberately letting the hair end close to him when taking the escalator, and "don't get close" in the crowded elevator or tram. If all the previous steps are done, then this temporary approach will break his heart. But be careful in this step, don't let the time last too long, and don't show special emotions. In other words, you didn't resist a little contact, but you didn't fall in love with him completely. This will make him curious and confused. He must find out what you are thinking.

Another way to create intimacy is to let him get involved in your life a little. Talk about your daily life, share a page of your diary, personal blog, and send him an email occasionally (remember, don't send an article by email, it will appear heartless. But really write something about you. ), MSN let him look at your photos and tell him what activities you have participated in recently. Sharing photos is a powerful weapon, especially if there are some private photos in the middle, you can even spit out your tongue and say, "Oh, I can't show you this one." (But in the end, of course, let him see it) Will there be a kind of "ㄟ ~ Does this woman trust me so much? Hallucinations. It will make him complacent and difficult to extricate himself.

At this time, you only need to "refuse" the follow-up invitation, so that the relationship can continue to develop. Even better, most men don't realize that this is actually an activity that you are leading.

Some women's magazines may warn you not to agree to the man's invitation too early. I think this part depends. Personally, I don't think that being too coy is necessarily a plus item for the relationship (especially when both parties have reached a certain age). Too impatient is of course a loss of points, but as long as you are natural and generous, if there is nothing, the man is not interested at most, and will continue to maintain friendly relations with you without causing rejection or disgust. I believe that men and women are the same, and everyone will enjoy the feeling that the opposite sex is sure and likes themselves. As long as the opposite sex does not have a strong sense of aggression, no one will be angry or alienated because another person likes himself.

However, in this part of physical contact, there is one thing to remind readers. The key is never to be too impatient. For example, when you don't know each other very well, if your hand stays on each other for too long, or your eyes are very explicit, or your tongue moves too much, it may lead the relationship to a way that you don't necessarily like. It is possible that you will scare each other and make them afraid to approach you; Another possibility is that the other person will think that you have strong sexual hints, which will make him make wrong assumptions about this relationship. I'm afraid this is not good for your desired goal.

There is another important point to remind everyone here, that is, don't be too buddy when touching your body. Shoulders, exaggerated slaps, elbows hitting elbows will alienate each other.

Why?

This should start with men's psychological analysis of same-sex consciousness.

Men and men are usually not used to physical contact. Therefore, if physical contact between men and women is necessary, it will be presented in an extremely exaggerated and obviously abnormal way (it can also be said to be an announcement). For example, an exaggerated pat on the back, a vigorous pat on the shoulder, and a gesture of elbow touching all tell another man, "Well, I didn't mean to touch you. My contact is completely a social etiquette. 」

In other words, a man's touch will not produce intimacy, but will produce a hint that "this is just social behavior." Therefore, if you make a man feel that this is not a kind of affirmation, gentleness and goodwill from women, but a kind of "good buddy" behavior, he will think that what you want to convey is a kind of "social alienation". This will distance him from you, because the greatest respect between men is to "alienate" each other's personal space.

And this is definitely not the feeling you want the other person to have.

The fourth step is to ensure the balance of power in the process.

If your hints are not expressed by the other party, you can continue to strengthen the proportion of hints. As long as it's not too much, it won't cause any emotional harm. At most, I finally find that the other party thinks you are not special enough. But this is not a bad thing, because such feedback let me know that I want to strengthen myself, which is also a reward for a failure.

For example, you saw the prey you were interested in at a party, but the other party didn't seem to notice you. You can come forward and introduce yourself generously. Boys may be surprised, but most boys will leave a deep impression on you, and this impression is usually not bad. Therefore, this is unfair between men and women. Women who are close to men generally get extra points as long as the intensity is not uncomfortable. That's why the ancients said, "women chase men, but they block the yarn."

But what I want to mention in particular is that if the other party really likes you in this process and starts to cooperate with you to make some feedback, you should start to pay attention to carefully controlling the other party's strength.

What can I say?

This means that you have to make sure that the strength of the two sides is not too different. Because I have always known that in a love relationship, no matter whether either party works too hard or saves too much, the final relationship will not have a good end. In other words, the purpose of the first one to three steps is to make a good impression and make him interested in you. But after the other person is really interested, you can't let this relationship rush.

Too much affection is hard to maintain in the future. You think, if the other party is always above you, how can you always compromise? On the other hand, if you put on a condescending posture, the other party will always be humble and the ending will not be much better. Everyone is selfish. The effort of love is also the hope that "I can finally get happiness and satisfy my desires" (unfortunately, even in a love relationship, altruism is still a passing process in most cases). When the other party accumulates a lot of negative emotional energy in this process, it is inevitable that the other party will want to get it back.

If it's just a short-term relationship, I don't have much opinion, regardless of the moral level. Anyway, everyone wants what they want, and there is no question of right or wrong.

But since this series is written with the goal of marriage, I would suggest that you must pay great attention to the "balance of power". Because in the process of relationship building, the less negative energy accumulated by both parties, the greater the possibility of long-term maintenance. If either side accumulates too much negative energy, it is bound to please the other side constantly, and it will always be in a state of fear and insecurity, which will eventually damage the long-term harmony between the two sides. Even if you can get married in the end, it will only end in failure.

Another thing you should pay attention to is not to show all your cards at once.

You have some advantages, you have some skills, you have some special values, and you can "realize" it slowly under the right circumstances. Of course, you can simply let the other person "know" that you have these advantages, such as a delicious breakfast or a smart tongue (laughs). But you don't need to just know each other. Take it out like a treasure. Take out too much, the other party must be surprised, but it also destroys the balance of power between the two sides. Unless the other party tries to catch up, if he can't keep up, the sense of balance in this relationship will be destroyed. Even if the other person asks, you just have to blink and smile: "I'll show you next time." Let the other party have expectations and increase their strength, which will slowly warm up the relationship.

Simply put, keeping the balance of power is like playing tennis.

Feedback, feedback. If the other person does something, you will respond accordingly. When you hit the ball, you hit it back with similar force. If the other party can keep up, go back and forth several times and then slowly increase strength. So that the other side can seize the counterattack. The only difference between love and tennis is that the purpose of establishing a love relationship is to let both sides catch the ball back and forth, not to hit each other. Giving all your value too quickly is like killing the ball on the court. The other party may feel very admired, but if the other party can't keep up (whether it is lack of ability or unwilling to contribute more temporarily), then the game will immediately become a constant unilateral killing → you feel too much sacrifice, the other party feels too much pressure, and finally the other party will feel boring.

So, this part is crucial. You should skillfully balance the balance between "value presentation" and "price payment". On the one hand, you show value and let the other party know that you are worthy. On the other hand, these values will be gradually realized in stages. You don't suffer, and don't let the other party think that you suffer; Don't let the other person feel that he has paid a lot but got nothing.

In addition, balancing each other's strengths is also a means of risk control. In other words, you let the other person see these things. But whether he can finally get these things depends on the gradual establishment through bilateral commitments in the interaction → what he has to pay. If you can't put forward his value, you will eventually quit the game with the least loss of points.

On the contrary, as long as the other person can respond to all your flirting correctly and positively, there will be results in the end. It's like a dance negotiation, a moderate showdown. But wait until the price is right to play this trump card.

Remember, whether two people can remain equal in a relationship will actually be restricted by the mode of operation of two people at the beginning of communication. If you don't establish some basic rules from Day 1, it's almost impossible to adjust their interaction afterwards. If the other person is strong from the beginning, then this behavior pattern will dominate your daily life later. It is unlikely that one day we will suddenly say, "Well, let's get along in a different way." This mode of operation is bound to last until the end of the relationship. So if you don't like some operation modes, or the past experience makes you feel bad, you should plan this part from the first day of starting a new relationship. If you don't make bad interaction patterns a habit, you won't always feel uncomfortable in your relationship.

The fifth step is to trade fairly and avoid wasting time.

If you want to have sex with the goal of getting married, I advise you not to "bluff" as much as possible in the whole process. If you are obviously not a certain type of person, don't pretend to be.

You can do market differentiation, but you must only "strengthen your own advantages", not rely on counterfeiting to disguise. After all, marriage may make a "wedding" happen by cheating, but "marriage" is a long-term thing after all, and no one can pretend that he is not his own person all his life. So although pretending is a tempting short-term means, it will only be a relationship killer in the long run, so I don't recommend it.

I would suggest adopting the so-called bivalent principle as far as possible.

What is the two-price principle of fair trade? Simply put, it is the following two points.

Reduce packaging and get what you want.

Expose your personality, values and preferences as soon as possible.

Everyone has eaten instant noodles. Some instant noodles are covered with chunks of beef and many vegetables. But when I opened the foam, I found less than a centimeter of dried meat and a few chopped green onion. This cognitive difference may cause disappointment and unhappiness.

In other words, get rid of unnecessary packaging, don't mislead others that they don't have a big piece of beef, but strengthen their real strengths and avoid such cognitive differences. We can also avoid wasting each other's time.

In addition, it is not entirely the passion or love between two people that matters in marriage. The same values and preferences are actually the key to long-term success. So if your goal is to get married, the most noteworthy thing is not how much money the other person has, whether he is handsome or not, or how much he loves you, but how the other person views your preferences and shortcomings.

If you don't care too much about your own shortcomings, your strengths complement each other and you have similar views on the little things in life, then this marriage is not so bad. Even I personally think that this kind of marriage is the most rare, even more difficult than the passionate love between two people. I would suggest that I would rather choose a man with the same living habits and similar values, but with dull feelings; Don't choose a man who is passionate every time he meets, eager to melt and eat each other, but will quarrel over big and small issues. So, once the relationship starts to stabilize, these are all things you should be sure of.

Avoiding false packaging is actually to let the other party know your advantages and disadvantages as soon as possible. Let him know that "what you see now is the last thing you can buy." For example, if you are not a naive girl, don't pretend that you are. Maybe he likes the feeling of an innocent girl, but it doesn't mean that after he really knows you, he won't think about whether a woman who is not an innocent girl but has the intimacy, advantages and values mentioned above deserves a good relationship. After all, sometimes, when we really face the choice, what we think is important will be found insignificant (PS. This is also a project experience. If we compare the demand repeatedly emphasized by the main stakeholders with the final input cost, sometimes he will give up quickly. So PM's responsibility is to expose the whole picture. Of course, this is beside the point. XD).

Maybe this method will make the other party feel uncomfortable and terminate the relationship within a month or two. But this is definitely not a bad thing. When you reach a certain age and associate with the opposite sex with the goal of getting married, what you are most afraid of is unforgettable for a year or two, only to find out in the end, "Ah! It turns out that I don't know you at all, and the cover and content are different. Therefore, when you are in love, please always think about the harm of the wrapping paper outside the instant noodles to our dreams.

Don't forget that time is a more valuable asset to you than men. You can't play packaging games for three or five years at a time and then leave disappointed (maybe you need another year to recuperate). So instead of failing because you quickly exposed your shortcomings, don't talk sweet for a long time before you fail. After all, the former is a mutual cognitive stop loss, which is positive; The latter is a kind of helplessness. Wasting time is not good for anyone, and you may separate each other with hatred.

In addition, as long as your principles are clear enough, what you like will naturally stay; And what you don't like will naturally stay away. If you can accept what you see is what you get, and you like it, then let the strength gradually strengthen and let the relationship move forward. Others, stop loss as soon as possible.

Step six, until the last moment, accumulate the mother number.

Fifth, some people may question: "If you get it as soon as you see it, aren't you likely to miss that 1,001 chance?" ? This also explains why I emphasized the word "market difference" in the first step.

There are thousands of different kinds of people in Qian Qian. Not everything you like suits you. The other party may not like you, the other party may not feel it, and the other party may just want to take advantage. This will happen under any circumstances.

As mentioned in the fifth point, the best way to maintain a long-term marriage relationship is to identify with each other and like to be close to each other, contributing as much as dancing in pairs.

But to be honest, everyone knows how great it would be if we could find this dream combination like a duet. But the real problem is that this is the hardest part. Most of the people we know or fall in love with are hardly perfect, and it is hard not to find shortcomings or problems.

So as far as strategy is concerned, the best strategy is to increase the number of mothers through the WYSIWYG screening mechanism to prevent the loss of unsuitable people. In other words, you must achieve enough market differentiation to accumulate expectations as much as possible. Instead of falling into the dilemma of "this person is not very good, but it seems that there is no other choice." I hesitated for another year and a half. The more time you invest, the more sunk costs will be, making it more impossible for you to stop loss. In the end, you have to hold on, and as a result, fate has pulled you away. In fact, it is a pity.

Of course, it is not easy to improve the mother number, and some people will mistakenly think that this is riding a donkey to find a horse.

But I don't think this is riding a donkey to find a horse. This is just Jiang Taigong's fishing mode in disguise. When you take the strategy of what you see is what you get, and wait until the other person's strength keeps up before giving feedback, all the fish will be left behind in the end. First of all, this number will not be higher than you think. Secondly, if we regard this as a screening threshold for pursuit (in other words, you are still doing a certain degree of screening while expressing goodwill), it will be the safest and most secure key to establishing a long-term relationship.

I want to remind and emphasize here that the threshold mentioned here is completely different from the "static friction" mentioned in the previous article 4.

The threshold of static friction is a screening mechanism of "starting love mode after passing" But what I mentioned here is an interactive mode similar to tennis, with the emphasis on "interaction" and "balance of power". You can be the first person to start a relationship or the other person to start a relationship. But the point is, you should not expect too much from the final outcome. You simply let the other person know what kind of person you are and "control the output correctly" under the interaction with the other person. The other party is enthusiastic, and you also slightly increase the proportion of enthusiasm; The other person is alienated, and you slowly cool down. If the other party is willing to commit, then you can also increase the value he can get until the relationship enters a stable period.

In other words, the so-called threshold is an interactive adjustment; Instead of a high platform nailed to the ground, such as pole vault.

If you can look at the opposite sex around you with this attitude, it won't be long before you have one or two people who can devote themselves wholeheartedly. Through the balance of power, someone must be able to break through the critical point first and communicate formally. At this time, other objects that fail to grasp the opportunity can gradually stop.

In this way, there is a greater probability of getting married.

However, I admit that I will lose my dog, and it may be really impossible to achieve obvious market differentiation through a little change. Although most ethnic groups with an average standard deviation of one or two can improve their situation through the above six steps, if the standard deviation is more than two, it is very likely that they will not find a way to distinguish and improve their mother number.

Of course, you can say no to this, "These men really have no vision." But this externalization of the problem will not help the improvement of life at all. No matter how you think men have no eyes, they will not feel the pain of your loneliness. The problem is still your own problem after all. Therefore, no one should blame others for any problems in life, but should think pragmatically about "how can I improve?" How can I become more attractive? 」。