How to send a message to save my boyfriend, but do you know how to send him a message?

In the process of recovery, many girls often fall into the impulse to send messages to each other. Even if I don't know what to send, I can't help but want to send it, but I often send it, and the result is either silence, boredom, deletion or even blackening.

Then there is the emotional out of control, reckless and crazy information bombing.

Therefore, many girls think I shouldn't say anything. When he calms down, maybe he will come back and wait until the flowers fade. Suddenly one day, I learned from my friend that he had a new lover, and I felt the whole world collapsed in an instant.

So there was confusion: should I take the initiative to send him a message, and will it affect my recovery effect?

In fact, the answer to this puzzle lies in the type of breakup between you. If it is the emotional breakup mentioned in the last article, it will often be used as a bargaining chip for emotional rights. When the emotional situation is bad, you can't help saying goodbye. Then this type of breakup can be reconciled by sending messages to coax each other.

But if it is a cognitive breakup, it is decided after calm thinking. The more active, the lower the price.

Fear of taking the initiative will make the other party more defensive, while fear of not taking the initiative will make the other party feel that they really don't care about this relationship. Some girls even directly show that after breaking up, people who are so familiar become calm and unfamiliar, and they want to be close and afraid of being disturbed.

This psychological tug-of-war can actually be solved in one sentence-chatting is a tool for recovery, success is news, and failure is news.

Information that leads to recovery failure can be roughly divided into three categories:

Repulse offensive information

This often happens in the process of recovery. At first, in order to ease the relationship, girls can communicate calmly. As a result, the other party's reaction is so "ungrateful". The reaction is simple and perfunctory, and the reaction speed is getting slower and slower, even after half a day or even a day.

Receiving information at the moment is tantamount to inspiring the girl's out-of-control state, so in a state of emotional out-of-control, she sent a series of questions to the other party:

Didn't you say you would love me forever? Quit your job so soon? What a wonderful love rat!

I miss you, you know? If you don't reply to my message, I will go to your company to make trouble.

The reason why this kind of information will appear is because the girl has not realized the fact of breaking up, and she will subconsciously ask him about his behavior from the perspective of her girlfriend.

However, such information will not only make the other person change his view of you, but also make him more determined that breaking up is the right choice.

This information will lay a deep negative anchor in their hearts, and repeating this behavior many times will seriously affect the success rate of recovery.

Open demand-oriented information

After breaking up with you, I won't fall in love with anyone else now, because I'll never meet someone as good as you again.

Can you hug me again? I'm really sad, I can't accept it]

Remember what I said? I don't think I can live without you. Please don't break up?

If the other person is a cognitive breakup, the more you need him, the more he feels bound and depressed, and the farther he will hide. Because he chose to leave, the two sides accumulated too many contradictions. At this time, he is more willing to end the troubles caused by contradictions than how much you need him.

Your needs can no longer make him feel love, but heavy pressure. If you want to express your demand for him without scruple, you must establish a second attraction, rationalize past problems, eliminate his negative impression of you, and then show it as icing on the cake after you get back together.

Awkward and topic-free information

Some girls like to use time to prove their affection when they are recovering. For example, they send some advertising information for a long time, such as:

You haven't replied to me for so long. I didn't know that before. I knew that I had made a mistake. Can you give me an answer?

How are you today? Look at the weather forecast of your city. It's raining, but I'm afraid to ask if you have an umbrella.

I miss you so much, even if you can give me a punctuation mark now, I will be very happy.

……

This kind of embarrassing information to himself, regardless of whether the other party is in a chat mood, wants to reply, and has no topic interaction. This high-frequency invalid message is a big obstacle to recovery.

These three kinds of information usually happen shortly after breaking up, and many people mix and enjoy it-until they are blacklisted by the other party.

Ight: automatic; "> Many girls will say, if I send the wrong message, is it impossible to return to heaven? How can I save some frames and people through chatting?

Accept the fact of breaking up and rationalize the problem.

If the other party has been bombarded by your information and the conflict is very strong, you must disconnect for a while first.

After breaking off diplomatic relations, it is to convey to the other party your attitude of accepting the breakup, prevent the contradiction from escalating, and let him separate you from the danger signal.

Then rationalize his dissatisfaction with what you have done in the past.

The so-called rationalization is actually a reasonable explanation for your breakup. You can give him a reasonable explanation for the moment you upset him, make him accept it and change his impression of you.

For example, you can say this passage:

"I accepted your breakup. I didn't do well before. I didn't take care of your emotions, but I hurt you when I fell in love with you. Since I can't be lovers, I hope I can still be friends with you. Anyway, I still hope you can be well. "

Many people know that this passage is very useful, but they dare not use it. They are worried that once they accept the breakup, there is no chance of redemption. In fact, don't worry about this, just remember: feelings are fluid, not static.

It is "premeditated" for you to accept the breakup against your will-let them relax their vigilance and resolve conflicts, and this step can't be avoided anyway.

When you make a farewell statement, remember to plant an anchor like "at most, I will talk to you occasionally". No matter whether the other party answers or not, as long as you make a statement, you will succeed. In this way, you can have reason to contact him often. As long as you don't expose too much sense of need, the other party will generally not refuse you thousands of miles away.

Wit freely, talk about emotional guidance.

Many people are afraid to talk about feelings with each other when saving, but you should know that your ultimate goal is to save this relationship, so talking about feelings is actually the only way to save it.

Once the topic leads to emotion, two people's emotions will inevitably fluctuate. If it is a positive fluctuation, it is naturally a good thing, but it may also encounter negative, such as misunderstanding and negative impression.

If there is any ambiguity, don't say it. Once misunderstanding occurs, the best way is to quickly change the subject after explaining a few words.

Arousing the other person's negative impression of you is the last thing the rescuer wants to encounter. The best way is to accept each other's opinions, end the topic quickly and talk about it in a few days.

Multi-pronged approach, so that interaction is no longer monotonous

When you can easily discuss your feelings with your ex, you can start preparing to rebuild your comfort. The most commonly used and practical methods are these two: transfer transformation and indirect help.

Friends circle is an important tool to transfer transformation and establish cold interaction in redemption. Let the other person see your change through different materials and contents, and guide good memories.

At the same time, in order to minimize the sense of demand, every chat needs an opening topic-it can be asking for help, work, etc. In short, just add a title to this chat to make it look natural.

The usual practice is to ask for help: "Is the dessert shop we used to go to at the terminal of Line 2?"

From asking for help, don't be abrupt, let nature take its course, and the other party will naturally not reply for a long time. Of course, you can also slow down the reply time appropriately and deliberately reply every half hour, so that the other party feels that you don't seem to take the chat seriously.

Managing every relationship is not easy. How can people we have loved for so long forget? Breaking up is actually because of "enough", and redemption is to change the other party from "enough" to "she is not bad". As long as you can accurately grasp the redemption skills and timing, he will come back to you.

May we be better ourselves every day!