How to tell a child the news of his mother's death?

Children have experienced the death of their loved ones. As parents, they are afraid that their children can't bear it psychologically, and may deliberately avoid or beautify the incident. But we must abide by one principle: don't be divorced from the facts, otherwise it will be difficult for children to believe you and it will be difficult for you to solve their doubts. On the contrary, it will be easy for children to have more other ideas. It is better to face up to reality and give children a scientific and reasonable explanation.

Many parents like to cover up the facts with fairy tales, such as "I went far away" or "I went to heaven" instead of death. Parents think that this coping style can protect their children in a painless world, but Xu Hui, an associate professor in the Department of Psychology, School of Education, Zhengzhou University, thinks that this is not an appropriate way, because it is likely that children will find it more difficult to face the real side of life in the future. Moreover, after a long time, children will complain to the deceased: What took you so long? Of course, death can't be compared with "sleeping", "sleeping quietly, sleeping for a long time and never getting up again". Such a description can easily confuse death and sleep, which may make children afraid of sleeping, and even fear that once they fall asleep, they can't get up.

Xu Hui believes that it is more appropriate to tell children the truth naturally and kindly, answer their questions honestly, express your feelings, encourage children to vent their emotions in the right direction, and keep memories and souvenirs of their loved ones.

Different age groups adopt different explanations.

Of course, explaining death to children and soothing grief cannot be done in an adult way. The cognitive level of children of different ages varies greatly. When using the concept of death and grief soothing skills, it should be adjusted according to children's cognitive, personality and emotional development. Xu Huijian suggested:

(1) For children under 3 years old, the best way is to tell him that "this person or animal is missing", because it is difficult for children of this age to understand what death is. You can tell children by analogy that many things will happen, and some people will "disappear" in these things, just like the little dog rabbit at home. One day it disappeared and never came home. You will never see it again.

(2) Children aged 3-6 are generally aware of the consequences of death. Parents can use plants as a metaphor. Flowers and plants generally grow in spring and summer and wither in autumn and winter. All life is the same, and there will be growth period, prosperity period and death period. We should try our best to avoid using horrible sentences and expressions, and it is best to subtly guide children to form a rational and peaceful attitude towards "death" with gentle tone and simple words. Because sometimes children are not scared by "death", but by adults' reaction to "death". Adults should properly handle their emotions, behave calmly and naturally, and must not be heartbroken or even hysterical, so as not to make children feel that death is terrible.

In addition, it should be noted that the focus of discussion should also be on the beautiful side of life, rather than death and disease. In this way, children will gradually understand the meaning of death, which can reduce the occurrence of fear.

(3) For primary school students, you can talk about some specific concepts of death. Parents can tell them, "This man is dead, his life is gone, his heart has stopped beating, and he has stopped breathing." Encourage children to describe their feelings, anxieties and problems. Children will describe their emotional reactions in simple words, such as sadness and fear. Parents should not use the extreme words of "panic", which may increase their children's grief. In order to ensure that you can understand your children, you need to listen carefully and establish friendship with your children.

(4) For middle school students: children of this age have already understood what death is. Talk to them in an adult way, convey your message and show that you care about their feelings.

If children have some psychological or physical adverse reactions after the death of their loved ones, parents should properly handle them.

1。 Don't say "Don't cry!" If you feel sad or cry. What's the use of crying "Wait, don't blame him for crying for the time being, but let the children vent appropriately, allow some childish behavior and accept any reaction from him.

2。 Some children tend to blame themselves, especially those who are often criticized and accused. They will think that their relatives left him because they were naughty or did something wrong. At this time, they must clarify and explain to their children.

3。 Don't let children always be exposed to information about disasters and injuries. At home, parents had better let their children have their own lives. If a family is in the extreme sadness of disaster and death all day, it will inevitably have an impact on the children, especially making them feel insecure. The loss of security has a greater impact on children.

4。 Some concrete actions can be taken to relieve children's inner pain, for example, planting a tree with children to express their nostalgia, or asking children to draw a picture or write a letter to express their love and sadness for relatives or small animals. In addition, we should also pay attention to the behaviors and language that children may have when they are young, such as sucking their thumbs, making a mountain out of a molehill, hugging adults and so on. Give your child more love, make up for what he has lost in his heart with love, and eliminate what he fears with love. For older children, we can adopt the way of "group decompression", that is, let children participate in group activities more, and it is best to discuss what happened with people who have had the same experience, and adjust their thoughts and emotions by listening to each other's experiences.

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In kindergarten, children play games under the guidance of the teacher, who tells them that "the earth goes around the sun and everyone will grow up by one year". But Tong Tong hid in the corner and cried. The teacher asked him why. He said, "I don't want to grow up. Grandma will die when she grows up and I will die when I grow up. " The teacher told him: "People will not die so easily when they grow up. You see, small animals will grow up, small saplings will grow into trees, and children will always grow into adults. " But birth, old age, illness and death are normal phenomena. Grass will die in winter; The leaves on the trees will fall out in winter. "Tong Tong or nodded.