I collect cold jokes and quiz jokes. Please help me, the more the better!

It's very tiring to talk to men and women.

A very famous dialogue between men and women.

Woman: Gang! We have known each other for several years. Have I thought about you?

You have been divorced from your ex-wife for more than a year, and you are still single.

M: Being single means understanding, you know?

W: What about getting married?

M: It's wrong to get married.

W: So your divorce is ...?

M: Divorce is awakening.

W: So you never thought about getting married again?

M: Remarriage is stubborn.

Woman: Then why do you still love me?

Love is ignorance.

Woman: Let's break up!

M: Breaking up is awakening.

Woman: Oh ... so you don't treat me as your lover.

Man: No lover is a waste.

Woman: There are so many women in the sea who can be your lover!

Man: Too many lovers are animals. I know you're in a bad mood. When you figure it out, you will know that what I said is right.

Woman: ... (sobbing)

1, canteen cuisine is the ninth largest cuisine in China, which is widely distributed all over the country. The specialties include this, that, this, that, this and that.

Before the invention of sewers, Europeans raised pigs and ate excrement at home, and they could keep warm in winter. High heels were invented to avoid stepping on pig manure directly, and perfume was invented to eliminate the smell of smelly water.

3. A new beauty shop: digital electronic ceramic perm and mala Tang. Get a pepper here to attract more flies!

4. How wonderful the title of "white" used to be: white-collar, backbone and elite. I was shocked when I became a leftover woman: white eyes, ashes, goblins.

A male bird is very lonely in the cage. On one occasion, he sent a personals: I want to get married, and the most important thing is that I have a house.

6. Do you know those four famous names? Beijing duck eggs, Gaoyou salted eggs, Shandong goose eggs, Australian ostrich eggs!

7. Stock trading can play with money and earn a heartbeat!

8. Clear water means no fish, and people are invincible!

9. The following joke is the funniest. Hahahahaha ... Wait a minute, let me laugh first ... I can't breathe ... Hahahahaha ... It's so funny ... Hahahahaha ... Why don't you laugh ... Hahahahaha ... Come on!

10, Rat: I'm in love with bats now, and my children live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cat. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

1 1. Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a black shadow passed by. Pig Bajie hurried out with a rake and came back after a while and said, Damn it, Yang Liwei. ......

12, a banana gentleman is dating his girlfriend and walking down the street. It was very hot, so Mr banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down. ...

13. Cold drinks sell a new product: 20 yuan's "heartache". I bought one out of curiosity, and it really hurts: it's just a cup of boiled water!

Winter melon, cucumber, watermelon and pumpkin can all be eaten, but what melon can't be eaten?

Answer: fool

There are six steamed buns in two pots, and each of the six children is given 1, but there is still 1 in the pot. Why? Answer:

The last child was carrying a washbasin.

Can you turn ice into water as soon as possible? Answer:

Remove two points from the word "ice" and it becomes "water".

In winter, the baby is afraid of the cold and refuses to take off his hat when he enters the house. But he saw a man take off his hat obediently. Who is that man? Answer:

barber

Lao Wang has to shave forty or fifty times a day and still has a beard on his face. What is the reason? Answer:

Lao Wang is a barber.

There is a word that everyone will mispronounce when they see it. What's this word? Answer:

This is the word "wrong"

7 Xiaohua is at home, who is the most like him? Answer:

Little flower in the mirror

What's the use of egg shells? Answer:

Used to wrap egg whites and yolks.

Is there anything you don't have to work hard for? Answer:

yawn

10 You can do it, I can do it, everyone can do it; One person can do it, but two people can't. What is this for? Answer:

have a dream

1 1 What everyone must do seriously every day? Answer:

sleep

12 people who are always afraid of taking a bath answer:

clay figurine

13 Xiaoming got a model student without studying. Why is the answer:

Xiaoming is a deaf-mute student.

14 what car is stuck? Answer:

windmill

15 which month has 28 days? Answer:

There are 28 days in every month.

16 Do you know what's wrong with sleeping in class? Answer:

Not as comfortable as bed.

17 What can't I drink? Answer:

tincture of iodine

18 which eggs can't be broken, boiled or eaten? Answer:

Got a zero in the exam "0"

19 Knocking on things without effort? Answer:

doze off

It takes six hours from Beijing to Shanghai by train. After three hours of exercise, where should the train be? Answer:

On the track

2 1 When does the clock not run? Answer:

The clock won't go.

You can't buy any books in the bookstore. Answer:

posthumous papers

What is the narrowest road? Answer:

Enemies are bound to meet head-on on a narrow road-one can't avoid one's own enemies (though he wants to).

What can't I eat? Answer:

"east-west" direction

A man fell from a plane, why didn't he die? Answer:

The plane stopped on the ground.

What are the flowers that bloom all year round? Answer:

plastic flower

What English letters do people like to listen to best? Answer:

laser record

Who is sick and never sees a doctor? Answer:

blind person

Xiao Ming knows the answer to the test paper, why does he often look at his classmates? Answer:

Xiaoming is a teacher.

Why not smash the eggs with a hammer? Answer:

Of course the hammer won't break.

Who can easily knock down the boxing champion? Answer:

Simple bulldozer

What is unknown, you don't know and I know? Answer:

The sole is broken.

A man was walking on the beach, but there were no footprints behind him. Why? Answer:

He is walking backwards.

A truck driver knocked down a motorcyclist. The truck driver was seriously injured, but the motorcyclist was fine. Why? Answer:

The truck driver didn't drive.

What is the first thing everyone should do when they wake up in the morning? Answer:

open one's eyes

Can you write the scarlet letter with a blue pen? Answer:

Why is it difficult to write the word "red"

When the car turns right, which tire does not turn? Answer:

spare tire

What is the difference between Confucius and Mencius? Answer:

Confucius' son is on the left, and Mencius' son is on the top.

Why does Xiao Wang have to learn a text from Grade One to Grade Three? Answer:

It's not bad to learn a lesson every two days from grade one to grade three!

How many eggs can a person eat on an empty stomach at most? Answer:

One. Because I ate one, I was not on an empty stomach.

4 1 What did Columbus do immediately after he set foot on the New World? Answer:

Step on the other foot

When the caterpillar came home, he said a word to his father, who fainted on the spot. What did the caterpillar say? Answer:

The caterpillar said, "I want to buy shoes."

The plane fell from the sky. Why is no one hurt? Answer:

They are all dead.

What is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Answer:

This is a flat character.

What is the smallest island in the world? Answer:

A safety island on the road

Put a chicken and a goose in the refrigerator at the same time. Why is the chicken dead and the goose not dead? Answer:

penguin

Four people are playing mahjong in a small room (no one else is watching). At this time, the police came and all four people ran away, but the police arrived at the room and arrested another person. Why? Answer:

Four people were playing mahjong in the room, and the police caught him.

Who is the 480,000 BM? Answer:

zoo director

What can solve all the mysteries? Answer:

answer

What kind of person will appear after death? Answer:

The characters in the movie

5 1 Who is the person who likes to pry into other people's affairs? Answer:

journalist

Who said the farthest? Answer:

caller

What has the same production date and expiration date? Answer:

daily paper

Mimi spent the whole night on history textbooks last night, but the next day her mother scolded her for not studying hard. Why? Answer:

She used a history textbook as a pillow when she slept.

Can you cover the sky with leaves? Answer:

Cover your eyes with leaves.

A cow, go north 10 m, go west 10 m, go south 10 m, turn right and ask where the cow's tail faces. Answer:

Chaodi

Why do blacks like to eat white chocolate? Wenwen answered:

Afraid of biting your hand

58 Divide 8 in half. What is this? Answer:

What is the worst thing for people who stutter? Answer:

Make an international long distance call

What makes people laugh and cry? Answer:

What should I do if I lose my ID card? Answer:

pick up

A man is walking on a wooden bridge. A tiger came in front of him and a bear came behind him. How did this man get there? Answer:

Faint

There are two prisoners in the prison. One night, all the prisoners escaped, but the next day, the guards opened the prison door and found another prisoner inside? Answer:

The name of the fugitive is "all"

Xiaoming's mother has three sons. The oldest son is Daming, the second is Er Ming, and what's the name of the third son? Answer:

Xiaoming, of course.

Why did the cat run away when it saw the mouse? Answer:

Run to catch mice

What does an elephant's left ear look like? Answer:

auris dextra

What if 67 stitches fall into the sea? Answer:

Buy another one.

There is a man walking on the beach, but he can't see his footprints when he looks back. Why? Answer:

Because he walked backwards.

It takes an hour for a migratory bird to fly from south to north, but it takes two and a half hours to fly from north to south. Why? Answer:

Isn't two and a half hours an hour?

The manager can't cook, but there is one dish that he is particularly good at. What is this? Answer:

Fire sb.

7 1 Mr. Li went to the 16 floor for business, but he only took the elevator to the 14 floor and then took the stairs. Why? Answer:

Mr. Li is too short to press the elevator button on floor 16.

A child and an adult are walking in the dark. The child is the son of an adult, but the adult is not the father of the child. Why? Answer:

Because they are mother and son.

Which word is common all over the world? Answer:

Arabic numerals

There is a big and thick book in front of a person, but he can't cross it if he wants to. Do you know why? Answer:

Because the book is in the corner.

What is the secret of 75 people's longevity? Answer:

Keep breathing, don't die.

When did you see the biggest moon? Answer:

When landing on the moon

Who only works one day a year? Answer:

the Santa Claus

What is better to turn a blind eye? Answer:

shoot

Why does a newborn child only have one left eye? Answer:

People only have one left eye.

Which tooth was last lost? Answer:

false tooth

8 1 There is a fire in the room, and Xiao Ming can't open the door. How did he get out later? Answer:

Push the door open.

Light light blue is not sick, but her mouth keeps opening and closing all night? Answer:

She eats melon seeds.

What is the best way to cheat? Answer:

magician

Do you have a two-sided box? Answer:

Yes! Internal and external training.

If iron is left outdoors, it will rust. What about gold? Answer:

Will be stolen

Throw stones at eggs, why didn't the eggs break? Answer:

How to break eggs when throwing stones with your left hand?

How many words are there in Xinhua Dictionary? Answer:

four

What's the difference between Superman and Batman? Answer:

One pair of underwear wears inside and the other wears outside.

Who has the worst heart? Answer:

Gastroenteritis patients.

The guest sent a basket of strawberries, and Beibei clamored for strawberries. But mom said there were no strawberries at home. Why?

What the guest gave me was only a painting.

Grandpa I've never met. What kind of grandfather is he? Answer:

god

A father and son went hunting and each got a wild duck, but only three. Why? Answer:

Three grandparents and grandchildren

A patient went to the hospital for a health check-up. Why did the doctor say "leave me alone"? What happened to the patient? Answer:

squint

What is green if you don't eat it, red if you eat it and black if you spit it out? Answer:

watermelon

Why does the sun get up earlier than people every day? Answer:

Because: people sleep later than the sun!

A wolf went into the sheepfold and wanted to eat sheep, but why didn't he eat sheep? Answer:

Because: there are no sheep in the sheepfold!

Some sell, some don't buy, and there are many sales every day. Answer:

doorsill

What ship is the safest? Answer:

A boat is parked on the beach.

There is a flock of sheep on the hillside, and a flock of sheep is coming. How many sheep are there in a * *? Answer:

Still a group!

100 What should I do first to turn my dream into reality?

Answer: Get up.

1. When one of my classmates was in primary school, physical education class took a bag of yogurt, and he didn't drink it until he went to class. He didn't know what to think, so he put it in his hat. -He is dishonest in class. When the PE teacher got angry, he slapped him on the head, and yogurt immediately ran down his head. At the scene, the teacher was very scared, and his hands were shaking.

Some time ago, I suddenly wanted to tell my boyfriend to write me a love letter, saying that I had never received a love letter. He did it for two days. It was the beautiful girl in our dormitory who asked me to bring it here. She also said that people would surprise you. Let me open it, damn it! What a surprise! I want a love letter! You wrote how to be a breakup letter! I am so miserable!

3. I am in class. Just now, my buddy was sleeping, his head was on the table, and he suddenly snored. I tried to wake him up, but he woke up by himself. I asked, "Why are you awake?" He replied, "I was awakened by snoring." Now he's asleep again, sleeping with a scarf on his back. ...

I usually wake up around 6 o'clock every day, and then lie in bed for a while before getting up. I woke up yesterday, lying in bed waiting for dawn as usual, but I waited for n minutes and looked at my mobile phone. It was only 23 o'clock.

5. surfing the internet in the house, I suddenly heard my aunt downstairs shouting with a megaphone: "gay man, please don't throw your garbage out of the window and destroy the sanitation of the community." . "After more than ten seconds, I heard my aunt shout again," Don't stare at me, gay man in Room 302 on the third floor, aunt, I haven't been afraid of anyone in the community. . . 1!

6. Always quarreling with girlfriends in different places and often saying goodbye. I didn't contact her when we broke up. When I am well, I will send a message to say hello in the morning. Because I can't remember clearly, I woke up this morning and wanted to send a short message to say hello. I suddenly forgot if we had a fight last night, so I sent a text message asking, what is our situation now? My girlfriend came back and just left.

7. Just now, a man in the dormitory tore his heart out and shouted: You lied to me. You don't love me at all. You have been using me. Being nice to me is to let me run the man 100 meter for you.

Men 100 meters. . .

Some people are speechless and don't know if they like it or not! ! ! ! !