"囧Mom": Love is not control and demand, love is acceptance and respect. Do you agree?

In the movie, Yuan Quan plays Zhang Lu, the wife of Xu Yiwan (played by Xu Zheng). At the beginning of their business, Zhang Lu and Xu Yiwan were close lovers; when they successfully started their business, they drifted further and further apart, becoming an emotionally weak couple, and even reached the point of divorce.

At the beginning of the movie, Zhang Lu and Xu Yiwan had the following conversation because of a desk lamp:

"Take this desk lamp away and I will fix it for you." (Xu Yiwan)

"I tell you, I have never liked this desk lamp." (Zhang Lu)

"Don't you like this desk lamp?" (Xu Yiwan) )

“From the first day it entered the house, I felt it looked good.” (Zhang Lu)

“How can you scold it like this?” (Xu Yi 10,000)

"Look, this is the problem between us. You have a fantasy wife in your heart: you have set everything up about what she should like, what she hates, and how she should speak. Why have you persisted in reforming me? After all these years, haven’t you realized that I am not the person you thought I was?” (Zhang Lu)

Zhang Lu and Xu Yiwan are not only husband and wife. , and they are also partners in starting a business together. Logically speaking, a husband and wife team that is both close and allies should have a tacit understanding and be very loving. But from their conversation, I couldn't feel this.

Zhang Lu left a message on Xu Yiwan's mobile phone saying: "I have worked so hard to be your ideal wife, but I really can't do it! We have all failed in this marriage."

The two eventually divorced.

It is said that love is the foundation of marriage. A marriage with love should have a happy and happy ending. But many realities tell us that many once-deep loves cannot protect marriage.

Sometimes, love becomes the source of unhappy marriages.

Zhang Mei (pseudonym) and Lin Lin (pseudonym) are campus lovers who have been in college for three years. The two were very much in love, and after graduation, they got married as they wished and formed a small family.

The two have been in love for three years, married for eleven years, and have a son and a daughter together. In the eyes of outsiders, they are happy. But Zhang Mei was forced to divorce by Lin Lin when he was successful in his career.

In her marriage to Lin Lin, Zhang Mei tried hard to live up to Lin Lin's ideal wife - honoring her parents-in-law, supporting her brothers, and never leaving her husband. But she never thought that one day she would become the woman abandoned by Lin Lin.

At the beginning of marriage, due to Lin Lin's poor family background, his life after marriage can be said to be poor. However, Zhang Mei didn't dislike her at all and stayed with her without any regrets.

Later, Lin Lin worked for more than two years without any improvement, so he came up with the idea of ??starting a business. At that time, we needed capital but no money, we needed experience but no experience, we needed connections but no connections. Just because Lin Lin said something to Zhang Mei: "If you are willing to accompany me to start from scratch, when I become prosperous, I will not let you down."

Zhang Mei borrowed the money from her mother's family without saying a word. He came with 30,000 yuan to set up a start-up fund for Lin Lin.

The road to entrepreneurship is difficult, especially in the first few years, but Zhang Mei never gives up. When Lin Lin's company was unable to make ends meet, he worked several part-time jobs to help support his family's expenses.

Later, Lin Lin’s company improved, slowly got on the right track, and began to make profits. But Lin Lin's home was like a bottomless pit, and Lin Lin had to bear most of the family's expenses.

Lin Lin’s mother had not read much. She cultivated two-thirds of the family land, mostly growing crops that were just enough for the family. Lin Lin's father also had little ability, liked to drink, and owed a lot of foreign debt because of gambling.

Lin Lin’s sister has just been admitted to college, but she needs 500 yuan for food every month. Lin Lin was a mama's boy, and his mother told him that he, the older brother, would have to bear the food expenses for his sister from now on. Lin Lin made his own decision without consulting Zhang Mei.

Afterwards, Zhang Mei found out about this and had a quarrel with Lin Lin. But Lin Lin said to Zhang Mei: "Meimei, I didn't discuss it with you because I thought you would support me. Just like you supported my business before, right?"

Listen Upon hearing Lin Lin's words, Zhang Mei bit her lip tightly and stared. What she wanted to retort stopped at her lips and never came out.

Yes, as Lin Lin’s wife and sister-in-law, Zhang Mei should help him take care of his brothers and sisters at home. Although there was a lot of reluctance in my heart, I still endured it.

In the following days, Zhang Mei has been working hard to be a good wife who can support Lin Lin: helping her father-in-law pay off foreign debts, organizing weddings for Lin Lin's two younger brothers, opening restaurants, and spending every time When money came, Zhang Mei chose to turn a blind eye.

Although Zhang Mei has tried hard to be a good wife, in the eyes of her mother-in-law, Zhang Mei is not a good daughter-in-law.

It has been 5 years since Zhang Mei’s marriage, but she has never been pregnant with a child. Her mother-in-law has always treated her coldly and made things difficult for her. Zhang Mei complained about her mother-in-law, but Lin Lin dismissed her every time, saying that Zhang Mei should not care about an old man.

Later, Zhang Mei gave birth to a daughter for the first time. Her mother-in-law said directly to her face that her granddaughter was not as good as her grandson, and her attitude towards her was very bad.

During Zhang Mei’s confinement period, Lin Lin was not around, but her mother-in-law took care of her at home. Because of her mother-in-law's neglect, Zhang Mei did not receive good care during her confinement period.

Zhang Mei is a kind-hearted woman. She didn't want Lin Lin, who was struggling outside, to be distracted, so she didn't mention her mother-in-law's neglect of her confinement.

However, her mother-in-law complained to Lin Lin afterwards, saying that Zhang Mei was hypocritical during her confinement period, and that she did not understand how hard it was for an old man to take care of a confinement mother.

Lin Lin scolded Zhang Mei indiscriminately. Zhang Mei finally couldn't bear the grievance in her heart and had a fierce quarrel with Lin Lin.

After that time, Zhang Mei's attitude towards her mother-in-law became very cold. Because of this, Lin Lin's attitude towards Zhang Mei also changed a lot, and he began to dislike this daughter-in-law who did not know how to be "grateful".

Zhang Mei had a stubborn temper. When she gave birth to her second son, she was so angry that she refused to let her mother-in-law take care of her, but she never wanted to offend Lin Lin. Lin Lin was a filial son and could not tolerate his wife treating his mother like this.

So, when the child was more than one year old, Lin Lin and Zhang Mei filed for divorce.

What Lin Lin did completely chilled Zhang Mei. She didn't want a divorce, but Lin Lin's attitude was very firm. In the end, Zhang Mei divorced Lin Lin.

In the marriage between Zhang Mei and Lin Lin, Lin Lin had "good expectations" for Zhang Mei: He thought Zhang Mei was a good wife who always understood her husband's difficulties and knew how to selflessly contribute to her husband's family of origin. In fact, this is a kind of control and request for his wife's love.

In marriage, Zhang Mei blindly devoted herself to love, but could not get the final good results: she followed Lin Lin, started from scratch, supported her sister-in-law and parents-in-law, and supported her brother-in-law. After going through hardships, she gained The ending of divorce is really sad.

Whether it is Zhang Lu and Xu Yiwan, or Zhang Mei and Lin Lin, the real reason for their unhappy marriages is the same, which is what Xu Zheng mentioned in the movie:

"We have always been quarreling. But our starting point is our love for each other. However, this love is to hope that the other person can live the way they want. Everyone is independent Individuals, every individual should be complete. Love is not control and demand; love is acceptance and respect."

If love becomes control and demand, you will not listen to the other person. The true inner voice: Is this what he likes? Is this what he wants? Is this what he needs?

When love becomes something that makes you feel depressed, love is not real love. Because it restricts your freedom and suppresses your breathing. Let me ask, who would like this kind of love? Can such a marriage be happy?

We can find happiness in marriage, not because the person we love will become what we like, but because he is worthy of our love for who he is.