Humorous joke text messages for couples

1. Xiao Ming asked grandma to sing to coax him to sleep. Grandma sang about two tigers and two tigers running fast. . . Shi Xiaoming said: I want to listen to two butterflies! Grandma sang with dissatisfaction: Two butterflies, two butterflies run fast. . .

2. A girl chased a boy. One day, she blocked the boy and asked, "Do you like me?" The boy said, "Guess?" The girl boldly replied, "I guess you do." "Like me!" The boy said: "Guess again!"

3. Funny Quotes: There is a kind of woman who says goodbye and never sees her again; her girlfriend says I am too young and not suitable for her. MD never understood that I was obviously older than her; it was this useless man who gave me the energy to be a shrew.

4. Gender quotations: If a woman marries the wrong husband, her life will be ruined. If a man marries the wrong wife, three generations will be ruined. People's looks are divided into two categories: one is naturally beautiful, and the other is naturally inspirational. Loss of integrity is a small matter, but unemployment is a big deal.

5. The three little white rabbits made an agreement when eating: the one who eats the fastest will wash the dishes. So they all ate very slowly. After a long time, both rabbits had almost eaten. When they found that the remaining one was still full, they asked. I saw it replied leisurely: I vomited while eating.

6. There was a person holding a photo and asking others if they knew the person in the photo. Everyone said they didn’t know the person in the photo. Only I could recognize that the person in the photo was you. Do you know why? Because of me. . . A wise eye recognizes "pearls"

7. You and I have known each other for a long time. I have a few words from my heart that I want to say to you. I hope you can consider them carefully. First, you are a kind person and kind-hearted; , You are talented and motivated; third, what I just said is an antonym.

8. Once upon a time, there was a mountain, it was called Ni Zhen Mountain; there was a temple in the mountain, it was called Ni Zhen Temple; there was a monk in the temple, his name was Ni Zhen Monk; the monk had a sword called Ni Zhen. . . Ni Zhen Sword, if you recite it three times in a row, you will be invincible in the world!

9. I am a great person, so the text messages I send are all great text messages. I want to send great text messages to you, the great one, and hope that you can have a great happiness. Do you feel that you are really great?

10. A certain person’s speech went off topic and lasted for two hours. Finally he realized: Sorry, I forgot to wear my watch. A voice came from the back seat and said, "There is a calendar behind you."

11. When you don’t have a girlfriend, you’re like a hunting dog—you have a keen sense of smell; when you’re in love, you’re like a pug—the skin needs to be thick enough; when you’re married, you’re like a wolfdog—you finally shed that hypocritical skin. When he has no girlfriend... he is a good citizen; when he has a girlfriend... he is released on bail pending trial; when he is engaged... he lives temporarily; after marriage... he is imprisoned for life.

12. There is a promotion for paid toilets: if you use the toilet 5 times in a day, you will receive a pack of napkins for free.

13. A zoo employee died, and the tombstone was engraved with: "The bear came out without paying attention."

14. The flatter the chest, the closer to the soul.

15. The so-called "marriage with fingertips" is... pointing to your girlfriend's belly and saying to your parents: "Dad, Mom, we are getting married..."

16. It turns out that the main character in the anime sits in the last row by the window because the main character in the last row by the window has the least amount of drawing work when doing close-ups... The production company saves money... This is the so-called The protagonist of "God's Seat".

17. Yesterday I saw on the Internet that your model of mobile phone radiates a lot of radiation, and I was shocked! Just when I was about to inform you, I saw that it didn't work for people with IQs below 20, so I felt relieved. Don't worry, keep using it!

18. Dear customer: Since you send and receive pornographic text messages at will, your mobile phone will start a self-destruction process ten seconds after receiving this text message. To avoid hurting innocent people, please throw the phone ten meters away. outside!

19. A drunk man walked into a store to buy a vase. He saw an upside-down cup on the counter. He picked it up and looked at it and said: Why does this vase have no mouth? He turned the cup over and looked at it, and said: Why doesn't it even have a bottom?

20. The criminal was led to the gallows and asked to put the noose around his waist instead of around his neck. He said: My neck is very ticklish. If I put a noose around my neck, I will definitely die laughing.

21. The last weather forecast that was completely correct may have been God telling Noah that the probability of heavy rain was 100%. The four main reasons why I am in a bad mood recently: the stock price is falling every day, I have not won the lottery in several draws, my job has not been promoted in a few years, and my beautiful girlfriend is running away!

22. The grandfather was chatting with his five-year-old grandson and said: When I was your age, there was no TV at all. The grandson asked: So when you misbehave, what does your mother not allow you to see? Football player's wife says: I hate it when my husband calls eating leftovers an overtime game.

23. Football fans: "For football, you should treat it like a lover, and you need to have the skills to bind it. If a pair of feet can stick to the football like brown candy, then it will be perfect."

24. The presidential candidate said to his opponent during the debate: There are thousands of ways to make money, but only one is honest. "Which one?" "It happens to be the one you don't know."

25. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered...Teacher: Doesn’t anyone know? At this time, someone behind the classroom said: That’s because the mind is naturally cool...

26. Zi: What is integrity? Father: Integrity means delivering the goods to customers today even though you know you will go bankrupt tomorrow. Zi: Then what is wisdom? Father: Don’t do such a stupid thing!

27. Son: Mom! There are often scenes of a man and a woman lip-syncing in movies. What is this? Mother: Maybe the man was about to die, so he asked the woman to hold her breath; or maybe the woman was about to die, and the man held her breath for her.

28. Catching the thief means you have recovered your losses; catching your girlfriend means your losses have just begun! Zhuangzi wanted to co-author a book one day, and Sun Wu happily cooperated. As a result, there is an additional knowledge in the world: Zhuang (pretend) grandson!

29. Brick and Tile Factory Director: Are you a pastry factory? Pastry Factory Director: Yes, what’s the matter? Brick and Tile Factory Director: We would like to learn from this experience. How do you make your pastries so hard?

30. I wish you a high position but little responsibility, more money and less work, close to home, sleep until you wake up naturally every day, get your salary until your hands cramp, and get a raise for others working overtime! I wish: There will be no bean sprouts on your face and pork belly on your body. 20 this year, 18 next year, always a "red flower".

31. The attending doctor said to the intern: No fruits are allowed to be brought in in the future. The intern doctor asked puzzledly: Why? The attending doctor said: I just accidentally implanted a lychee into the patient's eye.

32. Examiner: If Shakespeare were still alive, would he have become a great person? Student: Yes, he definitely will. In any case, there is no one in the world who lives more than 400 years.

33. Examiner: What should I do when the light is green? Candidate: Drive over. Examiner: What should you do if you encounter a red light? Candidate: Stop. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Candidate: Let’s fight with him!

34. The housewife asked the maid to cook duck. The maid didn't put the water in, so the pot exploded and the duck was burnt. The housewife asked her why she didn't release the water. She replied: If a duck gets water, it will swim away.

35. A group of roosters chased a hen and started crowing. When the hen saw one of the roosters bowing his head and saying nothing, he became excited. On the wedding night, the hen: You are so cool, why didn’t you crow then? Rooster: I drank too much that day...I was afraid of vomiting.

Organized by: zhl201610