Children with "low emotional intelligence" can actually be seen at a glance from an early age, but many parents still don't take it seriously.

Modern society pays more and more attention to emotional intelligence. A large number of studies have confirmed that low emotional intelligence will hinder the healthy development of children's physical and mental health, interpersonal relationships, and personality quality.

——Tiger Mother

During the Spring Festival, something happened that deeply touched me:

I went to a relative’s house to pay New Year greetings and give his children a package. Got a red envelope.

The child opened it with a smile, and said with a small face: "Why is it only 200 yuan? It is too little?"

In fact, 200 yuan is the normal local standard, and the money is too much. Xinyi, the child’s words made everyone quite embarrassed.

We sat for a while and then made excuses to leave.

Afterwards, the relative sent an apology via WeChat, saying that he was often annoyed by what his children did and had a lot of headaches.

In fact, this child’s grades are quite good. It turns out that his relatives like him very much.

But as he grew up, some of the things he did and said made people really dislike him. Slowly, everyone shook their heads when they mentioned this child.

In fact, this is a typical manifestation of low emotional intelligence, and this type of children is also very common in life.

Goleman, a Ph.D. in psychology from Harvard University, said:

"IQ only accounts for 20% of a person's success, while emotional intelligence accounts for as high as 80%."

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Many parents think that it is important to cultivate their children's IQ, and often unconsciously ignore the cultivation of EQ. However, in fact, children who lack EQ will have a difficult time succeeding no matter how outstanding their IQ is.

Their future may even lose many opportunities and suffer many blows.

6 signs of low emotional intelligence

Do your children have it?

Parents are often confused, what exactly is emotional intelligence?

Gorman, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, pointed out:

The level of a child’s emotional intelligence can be seen from his daily performance.

Parenting experts have summarized six manifestations of children's low emotional intelligence:

1. Losing temper when they disagree.

When you lose in a game, you don’t have the food you like, you lose your temper when the smallest thing doesn’t go your way, and you become extremely emotional.

2. Only care about your own feelings.

He grabs the delicious food first and does what he asks others to do immediately. He ignores other people’s requests.

3. Love to complain and blame others.

He likes to complain about trivial matters, likes to interrupt, often blames others, and always puts the blame on others when encountering problems.

4. Can’t stand criticism and have poor ability to withstand frustration.

Crying when criticized, unable to control emotions, and flinching when encountering the slightest difficulty.

5. Love to poke at other people’s sore spots.

If you give others nicknames and deliberately annoy others, parents will think that your children are young and ignorant. In fact, this means that your children are not sociable.

6. Disobedient and unable to listen to other people’s advice.

Such children often lack self-control and are prone to problems in observing social order and interpersonal communication.

If your child has these conditions, it is a sign of low emotional intelligence in some respects, and parents must not take it lightly.

Because a child’s behavior from childhood often reflects what he will look like when he grows up, affecting his life.

Children with low EQ

It is difficult for children with low EQ to be successful when they grow up

Children with low EQ are not only difficult to be liked by the people around them, but also have a difficult growth path. Very hard.

In the TV series "Tiger Mom and Cat Dad", there is a six-year-old child named Sissi who is treated as a princess by her grandmother. She has a very typical low emotional intelligence:

1 He loses his temper when he disagrees, only cares about his own feelings, and cannot withstand criticism...

Once, his family took Sissi to the farm to play, and met a little girl of the same age, who enthusiastically called Sissi, "Come now" Pick cucumbers and eat them.

However, Sissi thought it was germy and stuffed wet wipes into the other person's mouth, saying that she wanted to "disinfect" him.

When being criticized by her parents, Sissi cried so much that she refused to apologize and even lost her temper:

"The magic will change and turn you into witches and disappear."

As a result, Sissi not only failed to make friends, but also hurt each other, which caused the two adults to quarrel.

Later, due to poor interpersonal relationships at school, Sissi could not bear the pressure of school and even suffered from depression.

Although this is the plot of a TV series, it seems a bit exaggerated.

But low emotional intelligence will really cause a lot of trouble for children to grow up, and will become irreparable flaws as adults.

A blogger on Zhihu shared his own growth experience:

He graduated from a key university and is very capable, and was trained by the company as a reserve cadre.

However, he did not know how to deal with people and his emotional intelligence was too low, which offended many colleagues. It was always difficult to coordinate and advance the work of a team in which he was the leader. In the end, the company could only use people with outstanding abilities but unable to He was assigned to the fringe department as a team player.

He blames himself: "I used to think that being alone was a personality trait, but now I realize that I have low emotional intelligence. I am frustrated in my career, failed in love, have few friends, and am not liked by others. I really hate this. myself."

I read this sentence:

Children with low emotional intelligence find it difficult to live in harmony with others and the world, and it is also difficult for them to accept themselves.

It is really difficult for such children to have a promising future.

How to raise children with high emotional intelligence?

When a child shows low emotional intelligence, parents must promptly review and reflect on their own education methods.

Every parent wants to raise emotionally intelligent children.

Fortunately, children are still young and their behaviors and behaviors have not yet been completely finalized. As long as they master the methods and practice deliberately, high emotional intelligence can be cultivated.

1. Teach children to deal with emotions

When I met a crying child in the supermarket, the father looked serious: "I will count to 3 and stop crying immediately."

< p> As soon as the father finished speaking, the hoarse cry immediately stopped, and the child was seen sobbing and trying hard to swallow the cry.

The father left with the child satisfied.

I really feel sorry for that child. No matter what the reason for his crying is, the emotions that are suppressed and cannot be discharged will become irreversible internal injuries in the heart.

At the same time, the child will think that crying is wrong and does not deserve to be treated well. Gradually, he will become accustomed to suppressing all emotions, and will treat other people's emotions in the same rough way.

American scholar Dr. John Gottman believes that there are three types of practices that are not conducive to cultivating children with high emotional intelligence:

Therefore, when children have negative emotions, it is recommended that parents gently accept their children’s emotions. Emotions, and guide the child to deal with them:

For example, when a child cries, sympathize with his sad emotions:

"I know you are sad, what can I do for you?"

When your child is angry, understand his anger, have a heart-to-heart talk with your child, and tell him that you understand his feelings.

Use "um", "wow" and "sorry" more often when communicating to soothe the child's heart and release the child's negative emotions.

2. Cultivate children's optimistic attitude

There is a child in the community who is particularly lovable. He fell down and climbed up awkwardly. He also shook his fist and shouted "Aoli!" ";

When a child is unwilling to share toys with him, he will comfort himself: "It doesn't matter, I will ask him later."

He is a very optimistic child.

In fact, optimism is the key to children's high emotional intelligence, because optimistic children can face problems more actively, have stronger resistance to frustration, are not easily affected by the environment, and have a spirit of self-encouragement.

How to cultivate optimism in children, emotional intelligence expert Zhang Yijun gives suggestions:

Add humor and imagination to the discipline process.

For example, to help your child pack away their toys, you can say: "The car misses its home", "The baby bricks are sleepy, it's time to go home and sleep", "Pencils and pen caps are good friends, let's Let them hug each other"...

You can develop the mantra "It doesn't matter" with your children on weekdays, so that your children can face a better tomorrow with a cheerful attitude.

3. Create opportunities for children to interact with each other

Many parents are worried that their children are small and easily injured, so they always keep their children at home and hold them in their arms, over-protecting their children.

However, the authoritative American "Parenting Encyclopedia" clearly states:

Children may be noisy, but they can also learn to deal with conflicts, unite and cooperate, communicate and coordinate in "actual combat" ability.

Of course, parents should also pay attention to observe their children's performance and provide guidance afterwards, for example:

Teach children good manners:

Teach children to share:

Teach your children to queue up:

Parents are their children’s best emotional intelligence coaches. As long as they educate them patiently and guide them carefully, their children’s emotional intelligence will become higher and higher.

Writer Ke Yunlu once said:

While parents pay attention to their children's IQ, they must also remember to cultivate emotional intelligence.

Children with high emotional intelligence are more accepting of themselves internally;

Externally, they know how to respect others and live in harmony with society.

On the road to growth, let high emotional intelligence help children open the door to the world.