The most powerful message to save your girlfriend (save your ex-girlfriend-you are valuable to her)

For breaking up, boys say that breaking up is not necessarily true, saying that breaking up is basically an escape behavior, because girls give too much negative emotions and too much pressure, but girls mistakenly identify this behavior as a hand. In fact, at this time, boys just want to avoid it for a while, it's that simple, so it makes your communication difficult. Because of the accumulation of negative emotions, I don't want to contact you, I want to avoid it, and I want to get more space.

But most girls break up with boys because boys don't give them enough sense of security, and most girls are very persistent in the whole relationship. As a man, I must admit that in love, girls are the addition of love and boys are the subtraction of girls. So girls like a person, they will like it more and more, and boys will gradually become dull. This is part of the difference in thinking between boys and girls, so once a girl decides to break up with you, it is almost a real problem. It is decided that you can't give her a sense of security, and you have accumulated a lot of disappointment for her. For example, what you have been saying and doing has been delayed. For example, you keep saying I love you, but what you show is to make the other person feel that you don't care, or that she can't see the future at all.

So how do boys successfully get their girlfriends back?

Now let's take a look at what girls think about your redemption.

Soft words are just your last resort.

Giving up principles and concessions will only repeat the same mistakes.

You don't know why you broke up.

Ge Chen has a personal opinion that in a love relationship, men are rational and women are emotional. But once we break up, men may become emotional and girls may become rational. Then why do you say that? Because in a relationship, the more a girl loves, the stronger she is. Because she is emotional, and her sensibility comes from your kindness to her. And boys, because they have been in love for a long time, take everything for granted, so they no longer operate and get along with each other. Without a good communication, boys may sometimes doubt whether we are suitable or not. Rationality comes from all kinds of contradictions in getting along, because boys are willing to think from a realistic perspective.

But after breaking up, boys will suddenly find out if they have gone too far in this relationship, ignoring each other's feelings, as if all their needs have not been met by themselves. At this time, boys are emotional. That girl, because of her persistence and forbearance in this relationship, originally wanted to touch you emotionally, but left you after saving up enough disappointment. At this time, she saw all the problems between you and became rational. So she won't come back to you because of your sweet words, and she won't come and ask for a hug because you took a candy.

Let's take a look at this chat record. This is typical. In an intimate relationship, due to various contradictions and communication failures, the man scolded his girlfriend and told her to stop mumbling. Finally, he deleted his girlfriend on impulse.

This case just happened a few days ago, and we will ignore the specific details for the time being. In the end, the boy came home and found that his girlfriend had moved all his things, only to find that his girlfriend really broke up with him. During the period, boys are killing themselves by sending frequent text messages and adding WeChat, but it is not only useless. Later, my girlfriend simply didn't answer the phone and pushed her girlfriend further and further in the wrong way, so she found me. Of course, the ending must be good, and the experience of working for so many years must be sufficient, so with my promotion and help, the boy and his girlfriend successfully got back together.

Then in the process of recovery, it is not only a test of your sincerity, but also a test of your psychological endurance. In the process of recovery, the attitude towards each other is certain. If you lose your judgment at this time, it will only lead to your recovery plan giving up halfway.

Therefore, in the process of recovery, you must first clearly face your compound requirements, and women will have several attitudes, so that you can be fully prepared and not fall into a state of chaos.

Let's talk about saving the psychological changes of middle school girls first. (Let's just say that we really broke up.)

1. I am extremely resistant to you, so as not to disturb you, only to disconnect.

In the process of recovery, when you haven't said your request for getting back together, the other party has shut you out and won't even give you a chance to speak. Because what you have done has seriously touched her bottom line, making her unbearable for you and disappointed in this relationship.

Therefore, at the beginning of the breakup, it was the time when she was particularly resistant to you. Therefore, no matter how you apologize and promise, kneeling for peace will only make her feel disgusted. There is another phenomenon. After breaking up, you care about each other, ask about each other's recent situation, and make each other feel harassed instead of greeting. Therefore, not to mention the way of pestering and beating to save the pressure of the other party. It will only make the other person pull you black and be more desperate for you. This is the most common situation: you do a lot of touching things, but you can only move yourself and disgust each other.

You can choose not to let go of your memory. That's your choice, but you have no power in the other person's eyes.

I don't want to make trouble for myself, and 70% of breakups end in tears. Two people had a big fight and both stabbed each other to death. The mutual understanding accumulated by getting along day and night has become the most lethal weapon in tit-for-tat now. Finally, "you poke me and I poke you", the scene of breaking up is comparable to the scene of a car accident. For example, sometimes I ask my classmates who come to consult, "Then why do you think you broke up?" . In the end, the students were also forced, and they couldn't tell clearly. But in the quarrel of breaking up, the most disgusting moment of the other party was clearly recorded. Seeing your contact information, I can't remember the beauty of the past, but what I can clearly remember is the moment when you tore it.

If you know it's impossible, then delete the circle of friends you don't want to be forced to open. They don't have love and hate, just like classmates who sell fakes in a circle of friends. For example, when we just broke up, you kept brushing the sense of existence in the circle of friends, and there were some dynamic words of love and love. She didn't dare to talk to you, so she couldn't remind you or scold you in the face of these feelings of existence, which made her look rude. So I want to hack you, out of sight, out of mind.

If you two break up peacefully, there is nothing wrong with each other, just because your feelings are gradually drying up, then hello, I am good, everyone is good, there is no need to contact again. After two days of peace, girls will feel that there is no intersection anyway. Why should I keep it until he hacks me first? No, I have to hack him first. I don't care about him anyway.

If you don't delete Lahei, I'm afraid I can't help looking for you. Sometimes, two people are separated, not necessarily because they don't love each other, but because of the betrayal of one party, or because of practical reasons, so they can't get to the end. After a couple like this is separated, one of them will be very sad.

Therefore, another reason why a woman deletes you after breaking up is that she is afraid that if she doesn't delete you, she will be unable to control herself to contact you. But if he really loves you, even if he deletes all your contact information, I think he will still remember you in his heart. This is the most tragic thing in feelings. If you fall in love, you can't love again.

Actually, Brother Chen thinks it's right to delete the other party's contact information after breaking up. Now that we have broken up, it may be the best choice for each other not to disturb each other. As the saying goes, you go your way and I'll cross my wooden bridge.

No matter what kind of psychological deficiency girls have caused, I hope boys will understand that since they are separated, they should not recall the good or mistakes of the past. If you really don't love, then start the next love. If you still feel that this relationship is something you can't give up, then bravely save it. After all, a relationship from acquaintance to love, not from the market to buy food, but from bargaining. Running a relationship, even for a few months, requires a lot of emotion and energy. How can you just let it go?

Then, being broken up is a very painful thing. You will be out of control, unwilling, and not recognized. These rushing negative emotions will quickly crush a person's psychological defense mechanism in a short time, leading to a complete emotional loss of control.

After a person is broken up, one of the most common behaviors is to find the other person desperately, apologize, promise, care, please and so on. And desperately looking for communication channels and meeting opportunities to try to save, but the resulting results are not satisfactory. The other party either responded coldly, or simply avoided or even swore.

Before I say "redemption", Chen Ge will briefly talk about the mistakes that boys are prone to make in their feelings.

Male chauvinism, possessiveness is too strong, ignoring girls' feelings is often male chauvinism in love, and being dominated by desire will be very strong. Once you decide what you want to do, it is difficult to listen to other people's opinions and ideas; And I like to impose my will on my lover, which is eloquent and always correct. I like to express my love in my own persistent way, and I don't want to respect and ask my lover's opinions and feelings. Plus 10% possessiveness, such as "you are my girlfriend, you should listen to my thoughts and opinions in everything", and you have to argue with girls about winning or losing, with little consideration or respect for each other's feelings.

Emotional instability, unstable in love, boys are objective animals, girls are emotional animals. If a girl stays with a boy for a long time, it means that the boy can give her a sense of belonging. And a fickle boy who can't control his emotions can't give girls a sense of belonging and security. On the contrary, it will make girls worry that you will suddenly change your mind or lose your temper when you are with you. In severe cases, you will be swayed by considerations of gain and loss. After a long time, girls will feel anxious. Even afraid of losing.

Excessive nervousness will not get girls' attention. For girls, likes are accumulated bit by bit, and so are dislikes. Sometimes a little thing that you think is unimportant, girls will think it is a big thing, and record it bit by bit until it breaks out. For example, girls sometimes say, "Don't you love me?" Boys will subconsciously say, are you mentally ill? Don't make trouble. That's why don't go looking for that girl. Maybe the girl didn't really ask you if you love her, but something happened between you, which made this girl feel anxious. Then this matter is the key.

Lack of communication and listening, poor communication skills in love, spiritual communication is usually more critical than physical communication. As boys, most of them lack this kind of communication and exchange, which are basically concerns and trivial matters in life. Boys don't know anything about girls' values and life values, and they don't want to know. As a result, when there is an emotional crisis, the first thing to do is not to find out where the crisis is, but to doubt whether the girlfriend does not love herself, and often ask, "Am I wrong? What did I do wrong? " I believe many girls will be disappointed when they hear such words, because the boyfriend who treats them attentively doesn't even understand his attitude towards emotions.

So get down to business, how to save it? How to recover is the most correct and effective method?

1. If hacked, re-establish contact, and if there is contact, start with "friends". We said that if you were hacked, you would re-establish contact. If you have work contacts, things you share, and friends get together, she can hack all your contact information, but you can always find an excuse to break through her and get back in touch with her. As long as you don't expose your purpose and let her off guard, she will resist, but most of them.

If you don't know how to grasp it, it means that your emotional intelligence is not enough. Since she left you a window, it shows that she doesn't have that deep dislike for you.

You are not afraid to start as a "friend". As long as you input your changes into her step by step and show up in time when she needs them, your existence will become dependent, and moderate guidance will re-establish your intimate relationship.

2. Enhancing attraction is the bait for women to come back. People are curious about the unknown, especially women. They know that curiosity kills cats, but they still can't help exploring new things. However, you have known each other for so long, just like transparent glass. At first glance, there is no sense of accomplishment.

Maybe she will feel that life is dull, which is what you lack, that is, freshness and excitement. Just as every man will look twice when he sees a beautiful lady, girls are no exception. Girls also like attractive men in their bones. Then breaking up is a good time for you to enhance your charm. You can tap your hobbies, make friends and study wholeheartedly. Extensive knowledge is your talk. Mature and humorous talk will make women sit up and take notice of you and be full of interest.

By this time, you have successfully attracted a woman's attention. The next step is to slowly close the line with sincerity and routine, and successfully save the woman.

Reduce control and possessiveness. As I said before, most boys are male chauvinist in love, including Chen Ge himself, and a little male chauvinist. For example, I like to control each other, I don't allow my girlfriend to wear sexy clothes, I don't allow my girlfriend to have too much contact with other opposite sex, and so on. In fact, control and possessiveness are a defense mechanism, and treating love is full of insecurity.

True love is based on mutual respect. Everyone is full of desire for freedom, and you can't really observe a person. People who really love you can't leave your side. People who don't love you will leave you sooner or later. It is your value to really tie a person's heart, not to control it through various means.

The essence of reducing one's sense of need is to ask for the value of the other party, and people will instinctively develop defensive psychology. In the process of recovery, I fully understand that you are anxious to let the other person know that you still love her, but anyone who tries to recover by exposing the sense of need has learned a profound lesson, that is, the stronger your sense of need is exposed, the farther away the other person is from you. Just like someone selling something to you in the street, the other person's attitude is particularly enthusiastic and urgent. Will you also strengthen your defense because of the other party's strong attempt? Just like putting a piece of chicken in a cat's food bowl, it will eat. If you put it directly on its mouth, it knows that it should avoid it first, reject this initiative, and make a decision after seeing the situation clearly.

Many people here have two misunderstandings:

First of all, reducing the sense of demand does not mean that you can't express your feelings, but you can't be too purposeful. If you express appreciation, praise and love, many people will be happy, because you are providing emotional value to each other; But if you want to express possessiveness and emotion, I have to be with you, then you are putting pressure on the other side, and the other side's feelings are very poor.

Redemption must be based on a win-win situation, that is, what you can give is what you want (satisfaction); What you can give is what the other person wants, and even make the other person earn.

For example, when we meet insurance sales, their insurance cost performance may be really high, but too much exposure to demand and too enthusiastic sales promotion will still make you feel that they are just staring at the money in your pocket, but it will make you ignore the insurance itself.

You may be really excellent and have made a lot of progress in all aspects, but your eyes are full of "needs" and your value in the other person's heart will also decline.

Secondly, reducing the sense of demand does not mean that there can be no demand. Desire itself is the driving force of our behavior. But to know how to delay satisfaction and not be a slave to demand. You are the subject. You should remember that 99.999…% of the choices you make out of emotions are wrong.

Of course, we should persist in saving, but that doesn't mean we don't need to assess the situation. Although there is a sense of demand, after all, saving requires initiative, but in theory, the lower the sense of demand, the higher the status in a relationship (does not mean inaction).

After breaking up, it doesn't mean that the other party doesn't have any demand for you, but has no confidence in you. But once you find that you have the ability to meet her needs, even beyond her expectations of you, you can also enhance your ex's sense of need for you.

Keep your mind, step by step. In the process of saving your predecessor, you must manage your emotions step by step, instead of rushing for success.

The way tells you three kinds of mentality that should be maintained during the recovery process:

The first thing is to love yourself, so as to love others better.

To love yourself is not only to be good to yourself, but also to find yourself and know yourself correctly. Only by learning to accept your own needs can you give your partner better needs, and in this process, you can continue to do things that are conducive to your emotional development.

Secondly, every cause has its consequences.

It must not be one party's fault that caused today's breakup. The end of a relationship is caused by the two of you. I hope everyone will reflect on themselves. A relationship needs two people to manage and cultivate together. In this relationship, you need to remember the little things you get along with and find out the reasons that led to your breakup. Only in this way can you change the status quo.

Finally, I love her, but I'm never mean.

The process of recovery is full of variables. Before starting to recover, I hope everyone must understand your ex, that is, she also has feelings for you.

On the basis of * * * knowledge, you must not be too humble. Too low-key will only make the other party not know how to cherish it. Avoid making yourself a slave to love, but I don't want you to be her king, but I hope you can gain each other's trust with an equal attitude. You know, if a relationship is out of balance, even if it is saved, it doesn't make any sense. One day, the humble party will break out and it is inevitable to repeat the same mistakes.

Don't expose your dissatisfaction in recovery. There will be grievances in the recovery, and you will find many points on the other side.

To reverse the position, you must make sure that you can't understand what the other person is thinking, but you can know what the other person is thinking more and more. The latter is very complicated, but you just need to "don't say" in the former, so when the other person wants to ask you what you think, you can't ask.

This point is not realized by most people in the process of recovery, especially in the "waste test stage" of reconnection. You should know that you are no longer a partner at this time, and "expressing dissatisfaction" is actually a means to maintain the relationship through equal communication. Outside the relationship, your "expressing dissatisfaction" and "making suggestions" can easily destroy the "friendly" wall between you and the other party.

You are not qualified to express your dissatisfaction, because the other party "quits the relationship" to "end the dissatisfaction". After being forcibly pulled back by you, if you encounter your "dissatisfaction" again, it will only lead the other party to further judge the meaningless result of this relationship.

In feelings, right and wrong really have no meaning. The "right" party will need the "wrong" party more, and then it will be-"You are fine, but I don't deserve you, so don't be together".

So whether it's your fault or the other party's fault, if you have to investigate the responsibility, believe me, there are only three words "inappropriate" in the other party's mind at this time. He will think to himself, why should he keep in touch with you if he can save the trouble of these disputes?

When a relationship is deadlocked or dead, you can choose to walk away beautifully and simply do it.

You can also choose to rebuild the relationship and try again. There is nothing wrong with either choice.

Success depends on your firm attitude. Is it difficult to recover? Not difficult. It's just that you're not distracted.

I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.