Joke Collection Website - Blessing messages - Requesting the article "Xi Travels Chapter 25"! ! !

Requesting the article "Xi Travels Chapter 25"! ! !

Category: Culture/Art gt; gt; Literature

Analysis:

Chapter 25: The Final Chapter

Tang Monk: Two One hundred and eighty-one kilometers of travel, I walked forward, oh, where is my reason...

Bajie: Master, you have sung it a hundred and eighty thousand times!

Tang Seng: Oh? What is it? Let me change it to another one!

Bajie: I’m all ears.

Tang Seng: (clears throat) Yes... A journey of one hundred and eight thousand two kilometers... Bajie, how could you do this? How many times have I told you, we are monks. See what you spit out? Big fish and big meat...

Sha Monk: Master, it is Bajie's fault for eating meat, but you don't have to put everything he vomits in your cassock! I am really tired from washing clothes...

Tang Seng: What do you know? What if the vomited thing hits a child? Even if it didn't hit the children, it would still be bad if it hit the flowers and plants! Besides, the Lord Buddha did not stipulate that the big fish and meat he spit out were meat dishes, and I haven’t eaten anything for a long time...

Sha Monk, you actually eat meat dishes without telling me? ! Why don't you come over quickly? !

Sha Seng: I’m afraid you’ll hit me, so I can’t come over.

Tang Seng: Who said we were going to fight? I asked you to come over and vomit on my cassock...

Wukong: You guys are so disgusting. By the way, Junior Brother Sha, how far have we come?

Sha Seng: About two hundred thousand miles.

Tang Seng: Hey, these days, even gods are trying to deceive people.

Wukong: Who lied to you?

Tang Monk: Sister Guanyin! Didn’t she say that it only takes one hundred and eight thousand miles to reach Lingshan? Why haven't we arrived yet?

Sha Seng: Actually, the one hundred and eight thousand miles she mentioned is the horizontal "displacement" from Chang'an to Lingshan. Last time we passed through the Himalayas, you had to be the "first person to climb Mount Everest in the Tang Dynasty" (Oh, it turns out that Mount Everest was conquered by us Chinese during the Tang Dynasty, and it was actually Mr. Tang! ), causing us to rise vertically by 8848 meters and then descend vertically by 8848 meters, while the horizontal distance we walked was only about 37 meters; and that time, when you saw the Yangtze River, you insisted on exploring the "source of the three rivers" ", which caused us to go to Tanggula again; and that time...

Tang Seng: Okay, okay, are you finished? Want to be more wordy with me? ! ? !

Wukong: Okay, okay, don’t say any more, let’s go!

…

N days later, the four masters and disciples came to a place filled with smoke.

Wukong: Master, here...

Tang Seng: There is smoke and evil here, right? I don’t know who wrote the lines, but they always start with these lines, nothing new at all!

Wukong: Wrong!

Tang Seng: What’s wrong?

Wukong: It’s not that there’s a lot of demon energy here, but there’s a lot of fairy energy here. In other words...

Tang Seng: In other words, we have arrived at Lingshan?

Goku: そうです! (That’s right!)

Tang Seng: Oh yeah! shouted everyone! Well done! Congratulations to you!

... (200 exclamations are omitted below)

Immortal: The Lord Buddha said that a pilgrim would come to seek Buddhist scriptures today. Why did he wait until now for a madman to come? !

Tang’s Monk: Hello, Immortal GG. The poor monk came from the Tang Dynasty in the east. He wants to go to the West to worship Buddha and seek scriptures. He is passing through the precious land, and he would like to ask Immortal GG to lead the way.

Fairy: You are already a grown-up, why are you still pretending to be cute? There is no Buddha here, you have to make your own way!

Tang Seng: How could that happen? Oh, I understand, Sister Guanyin said there is some secret code.

Immortal: What’s the secret code? Tell me!

Tang Seng: Why are you so anxious? I sing a song first! You know everything I want and want to do. Missed calls and no messages must be your lonely thoughts. No one can guess it. This is our secret code...

Immortal: You are fucking sick! What is the secret code! ! Say it quickly! ! !

Tang Seng: Oh, this is what I want to say: "What is your mother's surname?"

Immortal: Faint! Take a shower here first.

Tang Seng: Thank you, look at how beautiful the lakes and mountains are!

Fairy: Hey, hey, hey, come back, come back! Who told you to wash in the lake? This is Qiandao Lake, where Nongfu Spring is collected 70m below the lake level. The lake water has a constant temperature of 40°C all year round, which creates the clear and sweet Nongfu Spring. It is precisely because of this that Nongfu Spring became the only designated drinking water for the Chinese delegation in the 2004 Athens Olympics...

Director: Just Change You changed the advertising after you lost the sponsor? It’s really yours!

Tang Seng: Then where should I wash?

Fairy: Didn’t you see the special bathtub over there?

Tang Seng: You still understand me. I always take bathtubs...

...

Tang Seng: Wow!

Wukong: Wow what?

Tang Seng: Wow wow!

Wukong: Wow what?

Tang Seng: Wow wow wow!

Wukong: You frog! ?

Tang Seng: Director, you are too disrespectful! Look at the water in this bathtub. Your toilet is cleaner than that, right? Wow, look up here. The camera is still on. Are you filming Xiyou or Level 3? Although I am not an authoritative gentleman, I am still in the clear!

Director: What do you mean? Do you know how the audience reflects on you? They all said that Tang Seng was too conservative and wore long pants even on hot days. Even in the Flame Mountain, you are still wrapped in a coat. Are you a lady from everyone or a jade from a small family? ...(At this time, the director's cell phone rang) Hey, oh...yes, I am...um...ok...then...woo! That's it, okay.

Tang Seng: What, you think you are the only one who has Arnold, and I don’t have Arnold? I'll make the call!

bb: Huh? Do you think Tang Seng is so proud that he invited the governor of California to be his secretary? No, this Arnold is not Piano, this Arnold is NOKIA (one of our sponsors).

Tang Seng: Hello, Mummy? Yes, you saw me in the newspaper? ...Yes, it is "Xixing Daily". ah? You want two Western gossip magazines? ...Okay, I'll bring you two copies. OK, Bye-Bye!

Director: (glaring) Have you said enough? I'm telling you, today is the last episode, don't play tricks on me! Go on!

Tang Seng: Okay, let’s continue the show. Hey, where's the bathtub?

Immortal: Returned.

Tang Seng: Return it? How can I pay it back if I haven't performed yet?

Fairy: The bathtub is rented, and of course you have to return it when the time is up.

Tang Seng: How to act?

Fairy: I’m not the only one spending a little money to use it as a bathtub for you.

……

Tang Seng: Wow, even if you put on a yukata, it doesn’t mean you are in a bathtub!

Fairy (bathtub): Stop talking nonsense and wash up quickly!

Tang Seng: How to wash without water?

Fairy (Bathtub): Please, are you still not an actor? You can’t even act?

Tang Monk: ...try it...

...

(Lingxiao Hall)

Tathagata: I will give you the true scripture ... our true scriptures... true scriptures... scriptures. Immortal A and Immortal B, take them to the Sutra Pavilion... Sutra Pavilion... Pavilion.

Wukong: Monkey A, Monkey B, are you two again?

Immortal A: Hey, those of us who are walk-ons will come if we have a role.

Immortal B: It’s not easy for us. This is also the last role.

Fairy Sun: I see you two are also kind-hearted, don’t give me any lies!

Immortal A: How could it be? This scripture was secretly transported by the director.

Immortal B: It is said that this is still the biggest suspense in this drama.

Shenxian Sun: No wonder the director has been so mysterious recently.

Immortal A: The Buddhist Scripture Pavilion has arrived. Great Sage, please read - this is the "Book of Changes", a series of Buddhist classics. It takes nine hundred years to write a page, and it takes nine hundred years to write a page. After reading it, you can have bowel movements...

Wukong: These are good words. Sounds familiar.

Fairy A: Of course it sounds familiar. When you were in Pantaoyuan, the land also said similar words to you.

Immortal B: The director said that because bb is more expensive to write scripts than KIZI, 60 yuan per word (bb: What a shame! They gave us Peruvian coins!), so the director asked us to write this line ourselves. , you know, in our line of work, we are all just doing side jobs, just making a living, and we have no culture, so we borrowed some lines from the past.

Immortal A: Great Sage, please read——

Wukong: No need to read! Since eating flat peach, my bowel movements have been smooth. Looking at these again, why don’t you just go soft on your own?

Fairy A: That’s great!

Wukong: Okay? !

Fairy B: Yes, your diarrhea is so weak that it means you are calcium deficient. The calcium-medium-calcium-high-calcium tablets produced by Harbin Pharmaceutical Factory No. 6 have high calcium content and are quickly absorbed. One tablet is equivalent to five tablets, one tablet a day. It is very effective and affordable...

Director: CUT! We have changed our sponsor! Why don’t you know this about a walk-on person? NG!

Immortal A: Great Sage, please take a look - this is the scripture you want to take: MOS!

Wukong: MOS? I, Sun E, am not good at writing. Who can explain it?

Immortal B: MOS means Music Of Scripture. Music classics.

Wukong: What? Musical classic?

Tang Seng: Of course it is a music classic! Didn't you hear that I sang as soon as I appeared on the stage? MOS, On-Only youuuu. Can you take me to karaoke, On-Only youuuu,

Can you help me get rid of demons, ah On-

Wukong: Ooh, you are so big! It was obviously the monster I defeated!

Tang Seng: But my singing is confusing the spirit of the monsters. Without me, how could you defeat those monsters?

Wukong: It’s okay if you don’t say it, but I’ll be angry if you mention it.

Tang Seng: What are you angry about? Tell me?

Wukong: If you tell me to say something, I will say it. How shameless!

Tang Seng: You damn monkey, be careful of me singing the tightening curse.

Wukong: You!

Immortal A: Okay, stop arguing, take MOS back to save all sentient beings!

Wukong: No rush, I’ll poop first.

Immortal: But there is no W·C here. Immortals don’t poop.

Wukong: No Problem, it’s up to me.

Tang Seng: Dead monkey! Excuse me for my hat, I just bought ADIDAS yesterday...

The sound came from far to near, and with a "biu" sound, the four masters and apprentices disappeared into the vast sky...

*End*

Sponsor: Finished?

Director: It’s over!

Sponsor: Is it really over?

Director: It’s really over!

Sponsor: Damn, I clearly said I would use 100 words to advertise, but there aren’t that many!

Director: Then there is nothing I can do?

Sponsor: Don’t forget, I haven’t given you your 10% rebate yet!

Director: Yes! what to do?