Who has a particularly funny joke? All kinds of jokes are ok. The more, the better. As long as it's hilarious ~ I'll give high marks to whoever laughs with a stomachache ~

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him: Come on, I'll carry you ... Then ... the snail climbed up ... Soon ... the tortoise saw an ant again ... and said to him: Come up, too ... So the ant came up. When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, Hello, do you know what the snail said? Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......

"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist, "Please follow me." The doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. What do you think that is? ""the sun. " The patient replied, then how far do you want to see! "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow. The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly. The pig said: People who fart will blush. Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.

One day, a man met God ... God suddenly kindly gave him a wish ... God asked ... Do you have any wishes? The man thought about it ... I heard that cats have nine lives ... Please give me nine lives ... God said ... your wish will come true one day ... That man is idle and bored ... He wants to say death ... In short, he has nine lives and is lying on the track ... As a result, a train passes by ... that man is still dead ... Why? Because that train has 10 cars. ......

One day, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death are all ... The funeral home manager asked pol.ice: Why do their faces change after death? The policeman said: It's a long story ... Look at the man on the left ... He and his wife are in the spring night ... at the most passionate moment ... He can't stand it ... The administrator replied: Alas ... I'd rather die in the flowers ... Being a ghost is also very romantic. Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the first prize ... the prize was over 700 million yuan ... When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and then he died ... Policeman: ... It's a pity that this one died ... He was killed while climbing a tree. The administrator replied: ... this is a bit wrong. Why does he laugh when he is struck by lightning? ... the policeman said: because he thought ... after climbing the tree, suddenly a flash of lightning ... he thought. .........

I heard that a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake today and was run over by a car. I've been worried. I'll text you right away. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. If you do this, you will no longer be a person, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as simple and honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you an animal!

Whether it is a gust of wind or not, it is so eternal; This is a dream, but it is so real; You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. Finally, I can't help but say to you, "let me know before farting!" "

Without the wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you, stupid people wouldn't exist.

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

Beggars beg along the street with monkeys. He told them to laugh, cry, bow and read short messages.

You took part in a ball game the other day and only scored a volley ball. Before the goalkeeper could react, the goal was scored! We all applaud and cheer for you. You get up and pat your ass and say, damn, the ground is too slippery!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig!

The aquarium celebrated the birthday of the old dragon king. During the dinner, Prime Minister Turtle took something out of his arms, looked at it and put it back. The dragon king quickly asked, what happened to Prime Minister Gui? Shrimp, soldier and crab will quickly answer: the old bastard has received the text message again.

My friend thought a lot last night, so did I. Only you are the coolest. In my dream, I searched for you for thousands of Baidu. Looking back, you are still tied to the depths of someone else's donkey shed, cruel! Cruel! Calm down after reading the information!

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I want to find you. Can you pick me up at the station? However, I'm afraid it's hard for people to recognize it. You let your head explode, with a stick in your right hand and a porcelain bowl in your left. The joint signal is: Come on!

I dreamed about you. You made a dress out of white clouds, borrowed the wings of a bird, put the broom behind your ass, and flew to me like a sword. Tell me affectionately: Do you know? That's what birdman looks like.

I thought there was something better, but I found again and again that the best was around, just like you. I didn't think so at first, but as time went on, I realized that you were the best … bully!

When I arrived in xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, I was besieged by a group of wild boar. Tourists took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried: Boss, we found you!

You are a 10 playboy, who often plays with 9 and 8 and has billions of money. You've been abandoned for seven years, and you've been looking for prey. You need to ask more questions, but you are still half-hearted. You are definitely not a good person.

After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! Suddenly seeing you again, I was overjoyed: yo-ho, there is a honey trap!

The toad chased the swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I were like this, I would have died long ago! Toad refused: Is the pig still alive? Hearing this, the pig felt wronged: I provoked whoever I recruited, I was just reading the text message!

There is a yearning, a love, a beauty, an agreement, and a greeting, hello pig!

I don't want to be alone I want it, too. I walk in the street and have a look. Handsome men and beautiful women hold hands, but I hold hands with my left hand. Now I just want to go out with you, but I'm afraid my friend will say, don't always walk the dog.

I miss the days we walked together. Spring is beautiful, birds are singing and flowers are fragrant. Everyone in the village praises you for your beauty and cuteness. The villagers also praised me for being smart and capable, and I came out to release pigs at such a young age.

When you are lonely, watermelon may be your best vent. You can cut, chop, chop, and shout loudly: I kill melons, I kill melons, I kill melons!

1 The new diva sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change ..." The bookworm who was reading a book suddenly looked up and was surprised.

Q: "Isn't the toilet empty?"

I think about you every day. Seeing you is my dream. Loving you is my lifelong expectation. Waiting for you is what I have been doing. I lied to you. It just happened.

Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life has brought me the passing of this life. I used 10000 times to look back on my past life and meet you in this life just to ask you: why do you want to fight with my dog for bones?

To understand a person, you should look at it from many angles, just like you. From below, you look like a psychopath, from the side, you look like an idiot, from 30 degrees, from 60 degrees, you look like a pig. Look, I know you better.

If a drop of water represents a blessing, I will send you a South China Sea, if a star represents a happiness, I will send you a galaxy, and if a spoonful of honey represents a miss, I will send you a hornet's nest, so I don't believe I can't stab you.

I wish you a pleasant journey and disappear halfway; I wish you laugh often, you have to laugh anyway; I wish you a happy day, leg cramps; I wish you all the best and hit a wall everywhere.

1, SMS about mobile phone

Emergency reminder: There may be lightning recently. When you go out, please put your mobile phone on your head, plug in the charger and drag it behind you for lightning protection. Remember!

Tips for free mobile phone calls: When there is an incoming call, press 54sg before the second ring and then press power off, and the call is free at this time.

This is a well-designed short message. If you look at the phone upside down, you will appreciate the wonderful patterns ... is it fun to turn it over?

According to the research of Massachusetts Institute of Technology, soaking the mobile phone in water 1 minute before making a phone call can completely avoid the radiation of electromagnetic waves to the human brain, remember!

Dear users: Hello! Due to the ugly appearance and outdated style of your mobile phone, it has seriously affected the appearance of the city and hindered the development of mobile communication services. This station decided to send a signal to destroy the mobile phone after 10 minutes!

If you receive this message, which proves that your mobile phone is infected with virus, please take out your mobile phone card immediately and brush it with gasoline.

2. Text messages about idiots

It's wood who makes furniture, scholars who know poetry, people who think about money, talents who practice, women who want to be in shape, geniuses who send messages and idiots who read text messages!

Standing on the balcony that day, you enjoyed the drizzle and thought about the rough life. Your face is wet and tastes sour, bitter and salty. Is it rain or tears? You look up at the sky. Wow, whose mop?

The people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!

With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

Note: stand in front of the mirror, gently hold your chin, blink three times with your left eye and three times with your right eye, then blink all the time with a smile, and you will vaguely see a fool blinking at the mirror!

After years of silent cultivation in the film circle, only you know the bitterness best. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have won the Golden Bird Award: the nomination of the best animal star.

On this full moon night, Chang 'e said to me: She will go down to find you, give you beauty and restore your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop texting and ask you a question!

Flowers bloom in spring, which is your smile; The summer sun is burning, that's your passion; Autumn fruits are ripe, which is your harvest; Hey hey! Bear, so you can hibernate safely!

Wukong, you clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show it-after reading this message, go and clean the toilet at once.

It is real gold, never afraid of fierce flames; Is a pine tree, never afraid of the long cold; Haiyan, never afraid of lightning that cuts the sky; What an idiot, staring at the text message!

It is reported that a few days ago, Iraqi armed forces hung your jade photo on the wall of Baghdad, causing a large number of American soldiers to vomit and die. After investigation and evidence collection by the United Nations, it is confirmed that this is a weapon of mass destruction, so run quickly.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, the snow in the north of Saibei. Sorry, it's stuck.

Someone saw you today, and you are still so charming, walking slowly in a plaid vest, looking detached and comfortable. It is really cute. I wonder how you beat rabbits in those years.

Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm telling you, it's okay. You didn't press a fart!

A cricket and a pig bet that if I jump into the grass, you can't see me. The pig said, what do I think? So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching? !

Your voice comes from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It is you! It is really you! You were with an old man, and I excitedly ran over and said, Grandpa, lend me the donkey.

When I first met you, I felt that I had known you for a long time. I have never said anything so certain. You may not believe it, but it's true. You really look like my ... lost pig!

If a star falls on your head tonight, please don't worry. This is a gift from my God, and you will live a carefree and happy life from now on, because you are stupid.

Some people say you are a pig! I seriously criticized him! How is that possible? How can people tell what they look like?