It is very painful for me to want to commit suicide when I am about to get married.

Introduction: A man who has always been passive and doesn't know how to solve problems quickly is not focusing on the matter itself, but he doesn't care about it. Today, my teeth are so swollen that it is difficult to swallow. It seems that all my rhythms are out of order this year, with all kinds of discomfort and torture, and I don’t know where to exit. I have a ticket to go back to my hometown the day after tomorrow, and I will get married in a week. How to choose? Can I disappear regardless of the consequences?

Blogger's self-report:

One

I After packing a few pieces of clothing, he dragged his suitcase and ran away from home. Now I am alone in the hotel, and all my thoughts are gone! The wedding is only two weeks away. Should we leave or not? But the wedding invitations have been sent out. How should relatives and friends explain it? The relationship has been abandoned after 12 years? But how should we continue? There is no end. I was so tired from quarreling all over the place that I didn’t know whether it was my fault or his. If it weren't for the fear that my parents would be sad, I would really wish to disappear right now.

I just had a miscarriage this year and was found to have a serious endocrine imbalance, as well as the possibility of hypothyroidism and polycystic cysts. Now I have been taking medicine, and the doctor has always told me to be in a good mood, but we still keep arguing about whether he is okay or not. Be humble.

I was preparing an idea for a wedding yesterday. Because there was a problem with the material, I asked him to find a more suitable material on Taobao. He looked for it for less than 5 minutes and then said forget it, we will just use another one (simpler and less troublesome), and I lost my temper. Because I have been planning and innovating the whole wedding up to now. It’s not because I am incompetent or worried. I really want my man to prepare a beautiful wedding for me, but even if I make a list and divide the tasks between the two of them, he is always late. Inaction or forgetfulness. If I thought of an idea or solution, he would either directly say No or it was impossible. In the end, I had to coordinate it myself, and it was settled very simply. And when this kind of thing happens too frequently, when he directly overturned my plan that only missed one ingredient in less than 5 minutes yesterday, I really couldn't stand it anymore and said loudly that he would always only know to say no.

He said you can do it yourself and keep playing. Even if a person cried, I still have to take the overall situation into consideration when I calm down. I sent him a message and told him how I felt. I said that you were so touched by the meticulous preparations for your birthday a few days ago, and I need your help in dealing with my plan. , is your attitude too chilling? He was enlightened by my information and came over immediately to look for materials. I didn’t want to hold on to it and gave him another idea. I gave him full power for a project. Maybe he would be more interested. Good job, he was very happy, and I was very happy after spending the whole afternoon on the Internet.

In the evening, I wanted to drink soy milk. I said to him, "Husband, I want to drink soy milk." It was really loud, and he immediately said, "Make it yourself!", which was very blunt. . I feel bad. Apart from being pregnant and having him cook for me, now I have food to eat at home every day. But I made such a small request with a feminine coquettishness, and he refused ruthlessly and selfishly. I said the beans were soaked, but he said you didn’t tell me earlier! Anyway, my tone was always bad. Then he asked me if my hypothyroidism was cured. He threw me what he had found online and said that I couldn’t eat soy milk. I said that I drank it every morning and it didn’t work anymore. The doctor who read his search did say so, but Some said it was okay.

He said, OK, then you are sure you want me to do it for you, right? OK, I will do it for you, why do you think others care about your own body if it doesn’t matter to you? I heard this very harshly. Is this the kind of language a husband and wife should have? If he feels uncomfortable, I will never let him eat it because I am afraid it will be bad for him. This is a responsibility. And he has always been like this, as he said, "I told you and you didn't listen, who's to blame?" That is, many times he feels that I may have done something wrong, and he usually won't stop you, but will talk to you after it's over. I said that if our child does something that will endanger his life in the future, will you let him? I think it is a matter of responsibility. If you love someone and cannot be so indifferent, this is a negative response.

We didn’t talk for a long time. He asked me if I had eaten. I said no, but it turned out that I didn’t eat at all. I once said that whoever has time to prepare meals should either make efforts to cook it himself or pay for takeout. In short, it is a kind of warmth to let those who come back late have hot meals when they enter the house. Obviously, he is doing nothing now.

He remained silent and resented his selfishness and laziness more and more, so much so that when he touched me I pushed him away with disgust.

After sleeping until 9 o'clock in the morning, I used to be brave enough to have breakfast on time. He would prepare breakfast for me in the morning. Even if he went out to buy it, he would at least let me have breakfast before 9 o'clock. Now I don’t buy it if I don’t want to eat it, so I go get breakfast by myself at 10 o’clock, but even though we are in the cold war, I still save it for him. When he woke up, I told him to eat these, but he ignored me, and I asked him if he wanted to eat them. He said no, if you can’t finish them, give them to me. I said they were prepared for you, and he continued “ Ignore me if you want!"

At this moment, facing such a man who was so unyielding, my 12 years of patience completely collapsed! I overturned my breakfast and it was a mess. He said he didn't want to divorce, and I said yes, we would get divorced and notify my parents that the wedding would be cancelled. He said yes!

After sitting quietly for a while, I decided to leave, not wanting to see him again.

Two

I spent the entire day rushing around the hospital, with lonely souls wandering around.

I am not used to getting up early and running around alone without him, and I have no support, but everything is just a habit. On the way, my stomach suddenly turned upside down. I could only get out of the car, but I couldn't vomit it out. I felt uncomfortable, embarrassed, and sad.

On the way to the hospital, I forgot who I was and where I was. By the time the blood was drawn, I was so hungry that I was stuck on my back, and my work habits were also unconsciously affected. I actually knew how to effectively plan time for medical treatment and meals. The hospital's schedule kept many people waiting. A large number of people passed by the hospital at noon, but I didn't feel lonely. Leaning on the seat, you can actually fall asleep without any form, your mind and body are tired.

I have always felt that I am an angel. I am innocent, kind, good-looking, good at learning and working, can cook good food, love life, love traveling, can write, sing, draw, speak, and dress well. He has good taste and temperament, and can hold onto the upper class life. With only 100 yuan, I can make it colorful. When there is a queen between a man and a woman, when there is a little bird to love him, he should be filial to his parents (he can’t even remember his birthday, I often remind him ), and does not hesitate to help him take care of his interpersonal relationships. But why is it still difficult? Why is he still not satisfied? Women are not machines, they have some tempers, but when you are enjoying my beauty, you can't tolerate my shortcomings? My wings were broken by him, and my eyes It's not bright but gray inside. I huddle in a corner where you can't see. I don't dare to look at you. I just want a place to release my fatigue and vulnerability.

Three

This is already the third day after running away from home. I don’t know whether I feel calm or numb.

It is undeniable that I was waiting for his call, but there was nothing. I didn’t want to reply to anyone’s messages, so I just disappeared completely! I also searched a lot of discussions on similar things on the Internet, and I am sure. Yes, he didn't care or worry, that's why he was so heartless and indifferent to my departure. Even though it was my first time to run away from home, I was a failure and sad.

What should I do during the wedding? Based on my personal wishes, regardless of the overall situation, I really want to end it here. I imagined countless times how he would end his life and he would be nervous and regretful. But it’s not worth it to test a man’s heart by the end of my own life. I can’t let go of my parents.

I can live a more beautiful life instead of ending my life. He is a heartless person and will not be sad or regretful, but will only end up hurting the people who care about me most.

But how to skip the most painful entanglement and torture in the middle and reach the other side directly?

As soon as you arrive at the company, use the company phone to call your mobile phone. The voice prompt in airplane mode is to shut down. So I don’t know if he called me, but if he was really worried about me in the past two days, he would have found various ways to let me know his worries. Obviously he was not worried and was still proud of his self-esteem. It's been such a hot day for more than two days. If I die, my body will definitely start to rot.

The airplane mode was turned off in the bathroom, and a text message came in. It was from him, "It's not convenient to have food and clothing outside, so go home early. My parents also called me to say hello. I said your mobile phone is out of battery at home." Three days in the morning, was he finally unable to stand it anymore or was he afraid of being scolded by my parents? He turned off the phone and suddenly felt very cold. I seemed to be comforted by this little greeting from him. He was nervous about me, haha.

I just don’t know what kind of situation my parents knew. It was my unfilial piety, but I had no other choice. This way of getting along made me lose all the beautiful imaginations about marriage and the future, and it sapped all my passion and confidence. There was no security. I don't know what day I will fall into this kind of endless noise again.

Nana looked for me on QQ and WeChat. Please forgive my selfishness. I know he looked for her, so I can only remain silent. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Since I chose such an embarrassing way, although I can’t commit suicide to express my ambition at the moment, I must at least have some backbone. I read a lot of people suggesting that you go home by yourself, it depends on the person! When a man is absolutely trusting of you, either you are more ruthless than him, or you give up completely, otherwise even if you get back together, he will completely understand your weakness, I I also know that this strategy can only be used once, and if you don't do it right, everything will be lost. There are only two ways out, either never look back, or he takes you back.

At noon, he asked me via QQ to see if I was there. After waking up from the lunch break, his QQ was offline. He didn’t realize that it was her who logged in. Nana replied to him, “How about you check in with her after get off work?” Wait for her at the door of the company." My colleague greeted me inexplicably. He should be looking for my colleague, but he didn't think twice and didn't say anything. Immediately after that, he called my company phone three times, and then an unknown number. It was still the same unknown number when I got off work. I was a little nervous when I left the company. I was afraid but also looking forward to his appearance.

Today’s world is a big place, but if you lose your contact information, there will no longer be intersections.

What will happen to him and I if we don’t see each other again? The more we are separated in the past 12 years, the stronger our love becomes. We have no third party and we are obviously inseparable. Why can’t we live a good life? We love until we are tired. Love to the point of fear, is this the sadness of low emotional intelligence?

Four

Because of love or forgetfulness, too many tears, I cannot remember nor want to recall, only think about the good and happy things , since my grandma passed away, I feel that life is too short. I don’t know how long I can live or how long I can stay with him. It doesn’t matter whether he understands or not. Some people and feelings are only suitable for remembrance rather than possession.

It’s good to be quiet like this and sort out a lot of things completely. Every time you suffer, you are one step closer to being strong.

It’s just that since the baby is gone, I want to be reborn and start over with him. It’s just a pity that the happiness that should have been there has been lost. This relationship has been my one-man show from beginning to end. It's all what I want, not what he wants, so I'm passive and not dedicated. It's just that I have been hypocritical for so many years in vain, and I have suffered so much, myself and others.

There is no need to worry about who is right and who is wrong, who makes more mistakes and who makes less mistakes. Who does not stumble in his life? He has many shortcomings, and I have my faults too. Two people are independent individuals. It does not have to be 1=1, but the important thing is that the two people entering into marriage must be willing to subtract 0.5 or add 0.5 to each other. This is 0.5 0.5=1/1.5 1.5=3. These are two In some personal relationships, if they only insist on themselves and do not make appropriate adjustments for each other, 1 1 is not equal to 2. Each of them has 1 in their hands, which is just their own and has nothing to do with the other party. Then why should we go together? What about marriage?

Not forcing or occupying, paying attention to yourself, being tolerant and calm are what I need to learn at this age, and learn to adapt to changes.

followheartandletitgo!

五

My parents called me just now. My father was very angry at first and said why I kept turning off my phone. Dad unexpectedly said on the second phone call that if we were really difficult to get along with, he would agree to our separation. He said that the most important criterion for choosing a man is to be broad-minded. Dad asked me not to carry it alone. If I have any grievances, tell Dad. He only wants me to be happy. If you are unhappy, you will get divorced even if you have children. Don't be afraid of anything if your parents are here. I rarely cry these days, but at this moment, even in the company, I couldn't control myself and burst into tears because I wanted to save face the most. Are you really going to get divorced? Have you really decided?

Saturday

In the afternoon, he made two phone calls and a text message, "Go home today."

I have been following this kind of man for twelve years! I didn’t come home for two days and didn’t even make a phone call. He must have been trying to show me off! On the third day, I was a little anxious when he didn’t go back as expected. He came to me in various ways to make sure I was still there. Does a few phone calls and one text message a day mean that he is completely benevolent?

In fact, many tragedies happen in this way. The less nervous I am, the more I want him to be nervous and regretful. His pride is more important than my safety! Now alone, feeling desolate and entangled, dead? Disappeared?

He called me at around ten o'clock in the evening and never hung up. I thought he was worried, but it turned out I have set up an automatic dialing method. My phone has always been his incoming call screen, and it keeps hanging up. It’s really funny, it rang for an hour. If he is nervous about me, he should know how to warm my heart. Apologizing or explaining is better than countless phone calls and automatic replays of phone calls. This is shameless and immoral perfunctory! He once asked me what the love in my heart is, and I only know If he doesn't come back on time and my phone turns off, I'll be so anxious and look for messages to let him know I'm worried about him. Now at this point, he is still having a psychological battle with me. After he had a miscarriage a few months ago this year, he couldn't get through the phone because the hospital signal was not good, so he came to me in various ways, leaving messages on QQ and WeChat. This time, I fully understand how he can be a narrow-minded person. Since he doesn't care about my life and death, why should I go to the appointment to get married? See you in the next life!

七

He is my first love, and his first love dumped him, so he doesn't want me It's painful, so he said before that he wouldn't let me go his way, because of the pain! This may be the most fundamental reason for his passivity towards this relationship. I thought he didn’t know how to take care of others due to family reasons, but last time he was pregnant, he cooked every day and didn’t feel tired. This is a natural expression of love. It is his love for his children. In twelve years, he has never been so meticulous and meticulous for me. Persisted. So, without deep love, how can we be proactive and attentive? He once questioned my love for him, and I was speechless.

I also have a job, but I cook non-stop after work every day, with different combinations for each meal. I also have to use my time to clean up the house and myself, so as to satisfy him mentally and physically to the greatest extent. What is this! Am I cheap? Your man is working, and coming back is playing. There is no language communication. When I go to bed, I sleep alone, and when I wake up, I am alone. Please tell me that this is a man’s love!? If making money is love, then all men love me, more than you. The ground is still deep. We made an oath to each other, saying that without me, the meaning of struggle would be lost. You said that you would be happy for me in this life. When we have disagreements and quarrels, the only thing you do is to insist that you will never back down. No matter how good you are to me, you are at the top of your game, but at the same time you pierce my heart with a knife. I've been thrust in and out countless times, but the previous good results have no meaning, and the wound cannot heal.

Now I realize that I have been in blind love for twelve years. I have been in love with a person who talks sweetly but does not act. It’s just that I have always chosen to believe his words and have been looking forward to actions that are hopeless.

Eight

It’s the fifth day. I’m confused when I go out. How to make a decision?

A woman’s heart slowly becomes colder. Over time, a little fuse will Possible full blown explosion. I don’t let go because I love too much. 12 years of youth and memories. If I give up, it will break all my persistence and expectations. I let go because I love too much. I have witnessed this relationship gradually being diluted by time and becoming the most familiar thing. I couldn't accept being a stranger, and I couldn't do anything to save it, but twelve years of trying told me that it was meaningless. Can I truly let go? But how should I face the wedding and face my relatives and friends when faced with this person who still refuses to resolve it? The wedding that I have been looking forward to for twelve years is like this, and my heart aches!

For a man who has always been passive and doesn't know how to solve problems quickly, it's not about the matter itself, but he doesn't care about it. Today, my teeth are so swollen that it is difficult to swallow. It seems that all my rhythms are out of order this year, with all kinds of discomfort and torture, and I don’t know where to exit. I have a ticket to go back to my hometown the day after tomorrow, and I will get married in a week. How to choose? Can I disappear regardless of the consequences?

Blogger analysis:

Her fiancé is going to be in bad luck. But he didn't notice the danger at all! He thought she loved him very much. Her pain, her infatuation, and her service made him feel that he was very good. He would be more confident to pursue other women, and it would be quick if he failed to pursue them. Can regain confidence.

Because there is an "angel" who has been pursuing me for 12 years.

"I have always felt that I am an angel. I am innocent, kind, good-looking, good at learning and working, good at cooking, love life, and love traveling." He has always encouraged her to beautify herself and given her The stage positioning has always been that of a perfect angel. He would often praise her and satisfy her vanity, making her feel like she had a pair of angel wings whether she was going to work or hanging out with friends. This outstanding and unique sense of superiority is the source of her life, so she desperately needs him and thinks she loves him very much.

In fact, what she loves is her own angel phantom, and she calls herself an angel. Many negative emotions disappear immediately, because she can flap her wings, fly to the clouds, despise the crowd, look down on the world, and those who can't stand it. Things you do badly are just the turbid air floating around you. But there are always times when the illusion disappears, when she faces various real problems but is unable to solve them, when she can't hear him praising her, and when he hates her. In an effort to maintain her angelic state, she had to please him like an actress pleases her stage boss.

In the past twelve years, he has done two things to her. 1. When she paid for him and when he was in a good mood, he praised her as an angel. He made her feel that she was an angel and could enjoy services like a Filipino maid. They both mistakenly thought that the other loved them very much. In fact, she devoted herself to him because she loved him as an angel and needed him desperately. He made her unable to feel that she was an angel, so she hated him very much. Of course he knows that he doesn't love her, but he never points it out, otherwise he won't be able to enjoy the VIP service. He interprets this enjoyment as that she loves him.

2. If he doesn’t love her, he naturally doesn’t want to have sex with her. He had a knack for dealing with her and had a way of making her not want to have sex on her own. "There are more and more resentments against his selfishness and laziness, so that when he meets me, I push him away with disgust." He always makes her unhappy first, and then makes intimate moves, waiting for her to push him away. When she opened her mouth, he immediately acted angry and ignored her, as if he had been hurt by her. In fact, the purpose of his making out gestures was to get her to refuse. He was very relaxed without forcing himself to have sex with her.

He relied on these two tricks to make his life comfortable for the past twelve years. In the past twelve years, there must have been a long period of time away from home. Now that they are living together, he has no patience to praise her as an angel every day, but she wants to enjoy the treatment of an angel, be served, cared for, and pampered by him until she reaches heaven. He now hates her very much. "In the evening, I wanted to drink soy milk. I said to him, "Honey, I want to drink soy milk." It was really loud. He immediately said, "Make it yourself!", which was very blunt. "In order not to get close to her, he needed to fight with her constantly.

He doesn't love her and hates her, but he still wants to marry her, which proves that he is incompetent and has evil intentions. It's a good thing that they separate now. If they get married, her fantasy will be completely shattered, and she will change from an angel to a devil. She will want to die, but she is not willing to commit suicide. If she wants to die, she will drag him with her.