How to send a message to save my husband, but do you know how to send him a message?

In the process of redemption, many girls often fall into an impulse to send messages to each other. Even if I don't know what to send, I can't help but want to send it, but I often send it, and the result is either silence, boredom, deletion or even blacking out.

Then there is the emotional out of control, reckless crazy information bombing.

So many girls think I'd better not say anything, just wait for him to calm down, maybe he will come back, and the result will wait and wait until the flowers bloom and fall. Suddenly one day, I learned from my friend that he had a new love, and I felt that the whole world collapsed in an instant.

So there was confusion: should I take the initiative to send him a message, and will it affect my recovery effect?

In fact, the answer to this puzzle lies in the type of breakup between you. If it is the emotional breakup mentioned in the last article, you will often regard the breakup as a bargaining chip for your emotional rights, and you can't help but say goodbye at the emotional moment. Then this type of breakup, taking the initiative to send messages to coax each other, may be able to make up.

However, if it is a cognitive breakup, it is decided after calm thinking. The more active it is, the lower the price.

Fear of taking the initiative will make the other party more defensive, while fear of not taking the initiative will make the other party feel that they really don't care about this relationship. Even some girls directly show that after breaking up, people who are so familiar become calm and strange, wanting to be close and afraid of being disturbed.

In fact, this psychological tug-of-war can be solved in one sentence-chat is a tool for recovery, success is news, and failure is news.

Information that leads to recovery failure can be roughly divided into three categories:

Repulse offensive information

In the process of recovery, it is often girls who can communicate calmly in order to ease the relationship at first. As a result, the other party's reaction is so "ignorant", the response is simple and perfunctory, and the response speed is getting slower and slower, even after half a day or even a day.

Receiving information at the moment is tantamount to inspiring the girl's violent state, so in a state of emotional out of control, I sent a series of questions to the other party:

Didn't you say you would love me forever? Quit so soon? What a love rat!

I miss you, you know? If you don't reply to my message, I will go to your company to make trouble.

The reason why this kind of information appears is that the girl has not recognized the fact of breaking up, and the current relationship between the two sides will subconsciously question his behavior from the perspective of his girlfriend.

However, such information will not only make the other party change their views on you, but also make them more determined that breaking up is the right choice.

This information will plant a deep negative anchor in their hearts, and repeating this behavior several times will seriously affect the success rate of recovery.

Open demand-oriented information

I won't fall in love with anyone else after breaking up with you, because I'll never meet someone as nice as you again.

Can you hug me again? I'm really sad and can't accept it.

Remember what I said? I don't think I can live without you. Please don't break up, okay?

If the other person is a cognitive breakup, the more you need him, the more he feels bound and depressed, and the farther he will hide. Because he chose to leave, the two sides accumulated too many contradictions. At this time, he is more willing to end the troubles caused by contradictions than how much you need him.

Your needs can no longer make him feel love, but heavy pressure. If you want to express your demand for him without scruple, you must establish a second attraction, rationalize the past problems, eliminate his negative impression of you, and then show it as icing on the cake after you get back together.

Awkward and topic-free information

Some girls like to use time to prove their good feelings when saving, for example, send some long-term confession information, such as:

You haven't replied to me for so long. I didn't have it before. I knew that I had made a mistake. Would you please reply to me?

How are you today? Look at the weather forecast of your city. It's raining, but I dare not ask you if you have an umbrella.

I miss you so much that even if you can give me a punctuation mark now, I will be very happy.

……

This embarrassing information of talking to yourself doesn't consider whether the other person is in the mood to chat, whether he wants to reply or not, and there is no topic interaction. This high-frequency invalid information is a great obstacle to recovery.

These three types of information generally occur shortly after breaking up, and many people enjoy mixing together-until they are blacklisted by the other party.

Many girls will say, if I send the wrong message, is it impossible to return to heaven? How can I save some frames and people through chatting?

Accept the fact of breaking up and rationalize the problem.

If the other party has been bombarded by your information and the conflict is very strong, you must disconnect for a while first.

After breaking off diplomatic relations, it is to convey to the other party your attitude of accepting the breakup, prevent the contradiction from escalating, and let him separate you from the danger signal.

Then rationalize his dissatisfaction with what you have done in the past.

The so-called rationalization is actually a reasonable explanation for your breakup. You can give him a reasonable explanation for the moment you upset him, make him accept it and change his impression of you.

For example, you can say this passage:

"I accepted your breakup. I didn't do well before. I didn't take care of your emotions, but I hurt you when I fell in love with you. Since I can't be lovers, I hope I can still be friends with you. Anyway, I still hope you can be well. "

Many people know that this passage is very useful, but they dare not use it. They are worried that once they accept the breakup, there is no chance of redemption. In fact, don't worry about this, just remember: feelings are fluid, not static.

It is "premeditated" for you to accept the breakup against your will-let them relax their vigilance and resolve conflicts, and this step can't be avoided anyway.

When you make a farewell statement, remember to plant an anchor like "at most, I will talk to you occasionally". No matter whether the other party answers or not, as long as you make a statement, you will succeed. In this way, you can have reason to contact him often. As long as you don't expose too much sense of need, the other party will generally not refuse you thousands of miles away.

Wit freely, talk about emotional guidance.

Many people are afraid to talk about feelings with each other when saving, but you should know that your ultimate goal is to save this relationship, so talking about feelings is actually the only way to save it.

Once the topic leads to emotion, two people's emotions will inevitably fluctuate. If it is a positive fluctuation, it is naturally a good thing, but it may also encounter negative, such as misunderstanding and negative impression.

If there is any ambiguity, don't say it. Once misunderstanding occurs, the best way is to quickly change the subject after explaining a few words.

Arousing the other person's negative impression of you is the last thing the rescuer wants to encounter. The best way is to accept each other's opinions, end the topic quickly and talk about it in a few days.

Multi-pronged approach, so that interaction is no longer monotonous

When you can easily discuss your feelings with your ex, you can start preparing to rebuild your comfort. The most commonly used and practical methods are these two: transfer transformation and indirect help.

Friends circle is an important tool to transfer transformation and establish cold interaction in redemption. Let the other person see your change through different materials and contents, and guide good memories.

At the same time, in order to minimize the sense of demand, every chat needs an opening topic-it can be asking for help, work, etc. In short, just add a title to this chat to make it look natural.

The usual practice is to ask for help: "Is the dessert shop we used to go to at the terminal of Line 2?"

From asking for help, don't be abrupt, let nature take its course, and the other party will naturally not reply for a long time. Of course, you can also slow down the reply time appropriately and deliberately reply every half hour, so that the other party feels that you don't seem to take the chat seriously.

Managing every relationship is not easy. How can people we have loved for so long forget? Breaking up is actually because of "enough", and redemption is to change the other party from "enough" to "she is not bad". As long as you can accurately grasp the redemption skills and timing, he will come back to you.

May we be better ourselves every day!