Selected short messages to tease girls

1, from the beginning of knowing you, you should be very clear about your position in my heart. Except you, everyone else is a pile of shit in my eyes, but you are different, because you are ... two piles. Happy April Fool's Day!

No matter how high the sky is, how deep the sea is, how hard the steel is, how strong the wind is, how long the feet are, how wide the river is, how strong the wine is, how cold the ice is and how hot the fire is ... I just want to tell you that these are none of your business! Happy April Fool's Day!

3, a person can always be with me, called a lover; There is a kind of person who can be more affectionate with me and call them relatives; There is another person, I sold him, and he is still counting money. For example, you who read text messages are called fools! Happy holidays!

You have an angel-like appearance, a devil-like figure, and even a perfect fart posture. Can you control the rhythm in public? Happy April Fool's Day!

You are standing in the crowd, and your long hair is blown by the gentle wind, like the most beautiful melody in the world, echoing in my heart for a long time. I want to say: your wig is going to fall off ... today is April fool's day!

6. I sent you this dime message to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you. Don't forget to invite me to dinner tonight. Happy April Fool's Day!

7. I almost forgot what day it is today. If I hadn't thought of you, I wouldn't have noticed. Day after day, today is your good day. You must not forget that today is your holiday. Happy April Fool's Day!

8. I pray to the Buddha for a long-lasting rose every day. When I get 999 roses, I will give them to you together and say emotionally: I don't believe that the attracted bees won't sting you! Happy April Fool's Day!

9. I am a lonely tree. For thousands of years, I have been standing on the side of the road, waiting for loneliness, just because one day you walk by me and I will fall for you. If I don't hit you, it's for nothing. Happy April Fool's Day!

10, I want to ask you a favor. Can you find a vacant room for me to stay for two days? Please don't tell anyone about it. I hate to bother you, but I really can't find anyone I can trust. I'm Saddam! Happy April Fool's Day!

1 1, the wolf came to the pigsty, and the mother pig arranged: the big pig went to block the door! Second pig, block the window! When she saw the pig, Mother Pig got angry and shouted: Third, don't read the news! ! You are fleshy, go out and draw the wolf away. Happy April Fool's Day!

12, a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived. Happy April Fool's Day!

13, I once had a sincere love, I didn't cherish it, and I regretted losing it. If I could do it all over again, I would say: I love you. If you want to choose a confession time, I hope it is April Fool's Day!

14. A person died suddenly this morning, and the cause of death is very rare. According to reliable sources, this person was reading the Encyclopedia of Fools, and it was confirmed by forensic examination that this person was stupid.

15, if you want to travel abroad, sincere friends will see you off. The cold wind cannot stop our friendship. I hold your hand and say: reform well and try to reduce the sentence! Happy April Fool's Day

16, you know? I dreamed of you last night. We walked by the river and snuggled up to each other. You looked down at my eyes and said three words affectionately: woof-woof. Happy April Fool's Day.

17,9 said to 3, except you, it's still you. What a romantic number. For you, I think there is a number tailored for you. This magic number is 4, except 2, it is still 2!

18, the white rabbit q b chased the big wolf to escape, and the big wolf was indignant and chased after him. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm kao, so soon?

19, the monitor asked: Who is the largest officer in our platoon? A: It's a platoon leader. The monitor asked again: Who's under the teacher? The recruit replied: The teacher rode the horse.

20. Xiao Li in the office said to Xiao Zhang, "I'll tell you good news and bad news, which should I listen to first?" Xiao Zhang: "Bad news." Xiao Li: "The good news I want to say is false."

2 1, but it's longer 1cm, so you have to change the iphone 4s to the iphone 5. You should be glad that your girlfriend doesn't have the same idea.

22, don't ask me how much I love you, run to the hot sun to bask in the sun, the sun represents my feelings; Don't ask me how long I have loved you. Looking up at the lonely starry sky. The moon represents my heart!

23. The moon on the first day bends and bends. People who miss you are so lonely. The moon garden in the fifteenth is so beautiful. I can't sleep at night without you. The moon is shy tonight. I miss you so much that the moon represents my heart!

24. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, classmates! I'm going to change! ……

25. Once upon a time, there were two people, one named Zhuang and the other named Xiao. One day, Xiao disappeared. Zhuang happened to see a group of people fighting, so he went over and said, I'll find Xiao! The gang paused and said, are you faking it? Yes, I am!

26. Look at the girl across the street. The seed of lonely boy's love needs you to give me some love.

27. Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

28. Crime of fraud: The law department of a university will take the criminal law exam one day. The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?" The student replied, "If you don't let me pass the exam, it's fraud." The professor was surprised: "How to explain?" The student said: "According to the criminal law, anyone who makes use of others' ignorance to make them suffer losses is fraud ..."

29. The vast sky allows you to fly high, beautiful stories are interpreted by you, kind children have to chase them, and humorous messages are sent to the little turtle!

30. Children are thinking about "heredity and environment". Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.

3 1, sleeping with beautiful women, excited to death; Sleeping with an ugly girl is worse than dying; Sleeping with hot girls is exhausting; Sleeping with your lover, drunk and dreaming; Sleeping with supermodels is expensive to death; Sleep with your wife and play dead all night. Sleeping with a man hurts like hell.

32.death Dude, how are you gonna die tonight?

Khrushchev visited the farm, and the reporter took a photo of him in a pigsty with pigs. The next day, I saw a postscript in the newspaper: the third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.

34. Chimpanzees accidentally stepped on a bench pulled by gibbons. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People ask how they are together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

The nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "sweetheart!" " The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

36. A: "My wife and I had a big fight last night, and all our food was thrown out from the balcony on the seventh floor. The result ... "B:" What was the result? " "The building where I live this morning is surrounded by a group of scientists who specialize in flying saucers."

Marry me, I will flush your toilet with oil, bathe you with Pepsi, and pick you up from work with Boeing 777. Promise me?

In the mid-1990s, my family bought a new TV set, 2 1 inch, which was several times larger than the previous 14 inch. Watching big TV, the whole family is of course very happy, especially grandma. I remember she asked my dad, "Those two announcers should be able to watch the whole body in this news broadcast, right?"

39. When you see the old man fall, give him a hand. Master Kangxi said: You are one of us. If you see someone fall, help them! Don't be afraid if he misinterprets you. Laojiu will buy you off, Old Eight will protect you, and Thirteen will give you courage. It doesn't matter if you lose the lawsuit. Old ten and old fourteen will help you beat him. If not, Lao Si will copy their home.

40. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles's store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull.

4 1, the blue sky is special to you, but I miss you helplessly; Baiyun lovely you, helpless I miss you; You stay away from the green wind, and I wait for you affectionately; Gentle rain romantic you, lonely I miss you!

42. Wolf cubs are born vegetarian. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots! Interesting text message

43. The husband took an orchid bowl and solemnly said to his wife, "Don't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. Now there are only two left, and you have dropped the others. " The wife gave her husband a white look and said, "Then don't be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too, leaving me alone. "

The teacher asked the physical education committee to make sure that all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I want you to go!" " "(deal with the relationship is about the same)

45. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! (a little ambiguous)

46. The miser was on a business trip, afraid that others would steal the wine he had just ordered, so he wrote on a piece of paper: I spat in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too! (just so-so)

47. The mother called her daughter to get up again: "Good baby, it's time to get up. You have heard the cock crow several times. " "What does cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen. "

48, the long road of life, who is not bad! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

49. Celebrities say that mortals live tasteless; Mortals think celebrities live too tired. Celebrities are addicted to entertainment and love life; Ordinary people who indulge in entertainment are called wasting time.

50. When you wake up tomorrow, there is a mosquito lying next to your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

5 1, I miss you silently. Silent blessing is the truest. Silent thoughts are inseparable. Silent worry has been in my heart. Waiting silently to meet you. Silently, I miss you deeply, deeply. ..

52. A strong leader of a dialect made a speech: rabbit and shrimp, pickles are too expensive, not ginger melons, but pig feet (comrades and villagers, don't talk now, pay attention).

53. Someone rode his bike into the street, crossed an intersection and dropped his hand. The traffic police exclaimed after seeing it: "Good palm!" Someone waved happily and replied, "Comrades have worked hard!" "

54. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

The mother was very angry with her daughter. "This is the modern young people!" She said to her friend. "I made a boyfriend when I was 0/6 years old, but I forgot my mother's 32nd birthday!"

56. The mother told her son to get up again: "Jacques, good boy, it's time to get up. You have heard the cock crow several times. " "What does cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen. "

57. The girl asked her boyfriend, "Why did you buy me artificial flowers? I like flowers. " "Honey, flowers always wither when I wait for you!"

58. "When I got married, you said I was as beautiful as a movie!" "Yes, a silent pantomime!"

59. Mathematicians and their girlfriends are walking in the park. My girlfriend asked, "Do you really mind my freckles?" The mathematician replied, "Absolutely not! I was born to like dealing with decimal points. "

W: I have a request. Can you allow me? Man: Honey, even if you want my heart, you will dig it for you. Woman: Well, I hope you leave me. I really hate your face.

6 1, m: "I promise you anything, but please promise me one request." Woman: "Go ahead, what are your requirements?" Man: "Never ask me anything."

62. Why do you use one eye every time you look at me? In this way, M: I can see more clearly. W: Why? Man: Everyone aims with one eye when shooting.

63. "I stood under my girlfriend's window and sang love songs to her. She threw me a flower. " "What about the wound on your head?" "Oh, she forgot to take the flowers out of the flowerpot."

64. Father: You are so old, it's time to find a wife. Son: Yes, but there are too many people. Whose wife am I looking for?

Wife: You used to send me roses. Why don't you send me some now? Husband: Have you ever seen a fisherman feed him bait after catching a fish?

Wife: Honey, if the weather is fine tomorrow, accompany me to the street to buy some clothes! What did the weather forecast say just now? Husband: "Rain, wind, thunder, earthquake."

67. "I really can't think of any good gift for my wife on her birthday. It's not expensive, and it can make her very happy. " "Write her an anonymous love letter."

68. When I was down and out, a girl was willing to accompany me to the grave ... Her eyes were red, and she said, if you don't pay me back, I will die with you.

69. When my hero was young, a girl was willing to give her life for me. She said firmly, "If you pester me again, I will die!"

70. After dinner, the plump hostess said that she weighed only 98 Jin when she got married. Her husband smiled and said, "By the way, this is my only investment."

7 1. When quarreling, my wife cried and said, "Even if I marry the devil, it is better than marrying you. The husband immediately retorted: "Impossible, it is forbidden to marry close relatives. "

72. The aggrieved husband said to his wife, "My family has two cars, two televisions and two bathrooms. Why can't there be two opinions? "

73. "When my wife is angry, she will get angry about things." "My wife loves things and throws them in my face when she is angry."

74. I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" " From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "

75. One day, a pair of mother and son flies had lunch together. The son asked the mother fly: Why do we eat shit every day? Mother fly said angrily, don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it's hot! !

76. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" ? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

77. Two spoiled brats got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!

78. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

79. Do you have a TV? Now hurry up and watch the central Zhao Benshan killed, Bohr and ice blocked the northeast, 19 people died, 1 1 people disappeared, 1 people fell for it!

80. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by, and a pol and ice came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just got here, too.

8 1, a shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

82. Wolf cubs are born vegetarian. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

83. A man and a woman had an affair, and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away, naked, walking in the street to watch. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

84. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

85. I saw a coin by the roadside. I was just about to bend down and pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?

86. The miser was on a business trip, afraid that others would steal the wine he had just ordered, so he wrote on a piece of paper: I spat in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too!

87. The teacher asked the physical education committee to make sure that all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I want you to go!" " "

88. The dolphin wants to give the angel a kiss, but the sky is too high! The angel wanted to give the dolphin a kiss, but the sea was too deep! I want to give you a hug, but it's too far! I can only send you a message and tell you gently: I miss you!

89, red beans pass acacia, text messages send affection; A little bit of acacia, affectionate greetings; Life gains and losses, I accompany you; The future is bittersweet and determined not to give up; My heart is like a rock, I will never forget it!

Give me a second, I will miss you, give me a minute, I will care about you, give me a whole day, I will miss you, give me a lifetime, I will protect you, give me a short message, I will say: I miss you!

9 1, baby: don't feel tired, just rest; Don't feel hungry before eating; Don't feel cold before adding clothes; Don't be sleepy before you miss me. Take care of yourself and your health!

92, baby, don't forget to cover the quilt at night, so as not to catch a cold and cry; Pay attention to the change of temperature during the day, and it is uncomfortable to catch cold and get sick; Don't spend too much time online at night, lest you get up late and miss the time. Be relaxed, happy and healthy.

Dear, every day when the sun rises, I miss you in my heart, and every day when the moon rises, I miss you in my dream. The moon and the sun make me love you all my life.

94. It's almost Valentine's Day. I just went downstairs to finish shopping. Boss: "Does Mr. Wang buy flowers?" Me: "Why buy flowers?" Boss: "Buy flowers for your girlfriend?" Me: "Oh, how many flowers can I buy for my girlfriend?" Then the boss silently took the flowers back. ...

95. I don't want to miss you, but I think of you with a frown; I don't want to talk about you, but when your mouth moves, I am talking about you. I don't want to talk to you, but I'll text you when I move my finger ... God, what do you think is wrong with me?

96. Do you want to give your wife a birthday present that is economical and can make her happy? Send her an anonymous love letter!

97. A jet fighter roared past in the sky, and the bird was surprised to see it. Bird: Mom, why does that bird fly so fast? Mother Bird: Try setting a fire on your ass!

98. The person I love is a famous grass owner, and the person who loves me is ugly, either degenerating in debauchery or perverting in silence.

99. Wolf cubs are born vegetarian. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

100 The teacher wanted the Sports Commission to confirm whether all the girls were here after work, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The sports commission is a kid, so he asked, which one? The teacher said: I know I still want you to go!

10 1, an opportunity to know you, two meetings to pay attention to you, three transgressions and four dates to miss you, 90% should like you, and I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you and me, and everything is ready. Marry me.

102, your happiness, I will build it; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

103, ducks and crabs ran to the finish line together, and it was a close call. The referee said, why don't you have scissors, stones and cloth? Duck is furious: Shit, are you calculating me? When I make cloth, he always uses scissors.

104, (imitating the gas forecast) Tomorrow's minimum temperature 1 degree, and the maximum temperature1degree. Let me tell you: caring about the weather means caring about you. Don't forget to add another dress (xx, yourself).

105, pigs can't talk, but only hum songs with their noses. Just like some girls, they always say: Hum!

106, bees chase butterflies, butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

107, one night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

108, when you laugh, the wolf hangs himself; As soon as you sigh, the cat runs away; When you scream, chickens fly and dogs jump; Your station stinks; When sweating, lice suffer; You are uglier than a ghost if you don't dress up; If you don't dress up, you will frighten the ghost into paralysis.

109 A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

1 10, I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to comfort you, but I haven't learned it yet; I want to kneel to you, but the ring is still in the safe; I can only send messages to chase you, I hope we will never blow it.

1 1 1, I have received your message for a long time, and I am very distressed and want to die. I have used potato chips to cut the pulse, hit my head with tofu, jumped from a building, and dried noodles, but they all died, so you can invite me to dinner to support me to death.

1 12, girlfriends! When I am rich, I will use remy martin to flush the toilet for you, light your cigarette with US dollar bills, take a bubble bath with 999 roses, take you to work with Boeing, and use Princess Zhu Huan as your maid! Okay？

1 13, junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

1 14, someone rode into the street, crossed an intersection and spread his arms. The traffic police saw it and exclaimed: Good palm! Someone waved happily and replied: comrades have worked hard!

1 15 You little leprechaun, you poisoned me with your love poison but refused to give me the antidote! Little villain! Oh! I'm dying! Help me! The solution is simple: give me your love!

1 16, dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad impact on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn stylistic knowledge!

1 17, after the big white rabbit q b escaped, the wolf was indignant and pursued. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm kao, so soon?

1 18, seeing your beautiful dress today, my eyes are about to fall.

1 19, the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him: sweetheart! The patient smiled and said, little baby.

120, have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau!

12 1 7 Xiao Lv asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day while cows eat concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed, we can't compete with men. We eat by running errands, and others eat by breasts!

122, Erjiaozi got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!

123, a man and a woman were having an affair, and her husband suddenly went home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away, naked, walking in the street to watch. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

124, four mice brag: a: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. Skills of chasing girls

125, section chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

126, I said: You are a pig. You said: I am a pig! From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

127, a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by, and a pol and ice came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

128, two frogs fell in love and got married and gave birth to a clam. When the male frog saw this, he was furious and said, bitch, what's the matter? The mother frog cried and said, Dad, I had plastic surgery before I met you.

Finishing: zhl20 16 12